Posted: 2/1/2006 7:16:31 AM EDT
an oldie updated... A Marine was attending some college courses between assignments. He had completed missions in Iraq and Afghanistan. One of the courses had a professor who was an avowed atheist and a member of the ACLU. One day he shocked the class when he came in, looked to the ceiling, and flatly stated, "God, if you are real, then I want you to knock me off this platform. I'll give you exactly 15 minutes." The lecture room fell silent. You could hear a pin drop. Ten minutes went by and the professor proclaimed, "Here I am God. I'm still waiting." It got down to the last couple of minutes when the Marine got out of his chair, went up to the professor, and cold-cocked him; knocking him off the platform. The professor was out cold. The Marine went back to his seat and sat there, silently. The other students were shocked and stunned and sat there looking on in silence. The professor eventually came to, noticeably shaken, looked at the Marine and shrieked, "What the hell is the matter with you? Why did you do that?" The Marine calmly replied, "God was too busy today taking care of America's soldiers who are protecting your right to say stupid shit and act like an asshole. So He sent me." |
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yes, that is a good one. Here's another one: Kiwi walks into his bedroom with a sheep under his arm and says: "Darling, this is the pig I have sex with when you have a headache." His girlfriend is lying in bed and replies: "I think you'll find that's a sheep, you idiot." Kiwi says: "I think you'll find I wasn't talking to you." |
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Hilarious!
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 Took me a minute. DUH! 
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A walks into the barracks at Ft. Benning and sees his buddy sitting on his cot, head in hands. He asks his buddy what's wrong, to which his friend replies, "We had our first jump today, and when it was my turn, I froze. I couldn't do it. Then the Jumpmaster screamed at me to get off the fucking plane. He said 'Get the hell out of my plane now, or I'm gonna shove my fist up your ass!'" "No Shit, did you Jump?" "Well, a little....at first." |
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An Irishman named O'Malley went to his doctor after a long illness. The doctor sighed and looked O'Malley in the eye and said, "I've some bad news for you. You have cancer, and it can't be cured. You'd best put your affairs in order." O'Malley was shocked.... but being a solid character, he managed to compose himself and walk from the doctor's office into the waiting room where his son was waiting. "Well, Son," O'Malley said, "We Irish celebrate when things are good, and we celebrate when things don't go well. In this case, things aren't so well.... I have cancer. Let's head to the pub and have a few pints." After 3 or 4 pints the two were feeling a little less somber. There were some laughs and some more beers. They were eventually approached by some of O'Malley's friends who were curious as to what the two were celebrating. O'Malley told them they were drinking to his impending end. He told hisnfriends, "I have been diagnosed with AIDS." The friends gave O'Malley their condolences, and they had a couple of more beers. After the friends left, O'Malley's son leaned over and whispered his confusion. "Dad, I thought you told me that you were dying of cancer....but you just told your friends that you were dying of AIDS!" O'Malley said, "I don! 't want any of them sleeping with your Mother after I am gone." |