Warning

 

Close

Confirm Action

Are you sure you wish to do this?

Confirm Cancel
Member Login
Site Notices
Posted: 1/17/2006 6:26:33 PM EDT
Forget Chuck Norris...I just watched 6 Steven Seagal movies and all I have to say is "Damn"!

He makes Chuck Norris look like a little girl on steroids!
Link Posted: 1/17/2006 6:27:32 PM EDT
I'll just forget you ever said that...
Link Posted: 1/17/2006 6:27:58 PM EDT

Originally Posted By Epsilon:
Forget Chuck Norris...I just watched 6 Steven Seagal movies and all I have to say is "Damn"!

He makes Chuck Norris look like a little girl on steroids!



So you can't edit it out...
Link Posted: 1/17/2006 6:28:16 PM EDT
He is a punk arse wannabe.
Link Posted: 1/17/2006 6:28:48 PM EDT
Wouldn't surprise me none if Angelina would leave Brad for Steven.

Link Posted: 1/17/2006 6:28:56 PM EDT

Originally Posted By Epsilon:
Forget Chuck Norris...I just watched 6 Steven Seagal movies and all I have to say is "Damn"!

He makes Chuck Norris look like a little girl on steroids!



Richard Simmons makes Chuck look like a little girl, so thats not saying much.


Mr. Rogers owns all though.
Link Posted: 1/17/2006 6:29:54 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 1/17/2006 6:33:51 PM EDT by WildBoar]

Originally Posted By adair_usmc:

Originally Posted By Epsilon:
Forget Chuck Norris...I just watched 6 Steven Seagal movies and all I have to say is "Damn"!

He makes Chuck Norris look like a little girl on steroids!



Mr. Rogers owns all though.



True I saw the vid. But yo are wrong about Chuck.

ETA look how many people and years it took to take out teh (yes teh)Chuck.

angels sang out in immaculate chorus
down from the heavens descended Chuck Norris
who deliver a kick which could shatter bones
into the crotch of Indiana Jones
who fell over on the ground, writhing in pain
as Batman changed back into Bruce Wayne
but Chuck saw through his clever disguise
and he crushed Batman's head in between his thighs

then Gandalf the Grey and Gandalf the White and
"Monty Python and the Holy Grail"'s Black Knight and
Benito Mussolini and The Blue Meanie and
Cowboy Curtis and Jambi the Genie
Robocop, the Terminator, Captain Kirk, and Darth Vader
Lo Pan, Superman, every single Power Ranger
Bill S. Preston and Theodore Logan,
Spock, The Rock, Doc Ock, and Hulk Hogan
all came out of no where lightning fast
and they kicked Chuck Norris in his cowboy ass
it was the bloodiest battle the world ever saw
with civilians looking on total awe


and the fight raged on for a century
many lives were claimed, but eventually
the champion stood, the rest saw their better:
Mr. Rogers in a bloodstained sweater
Link Posted: 1/17/2006 6:30:46 PM EDT
Yeah, this is the asswipe who got sued because he wouldn't do "violent" movies anymore...

I suppose he figured to get parts purely on his acting ability!

I'm sure he'd get lotsa dates in Hollyweird...
Link Posted: 1/17/2006 6:31:08 PM EDT
I think this calls for a chuck or steven poll.
Link Posted: 1/17/2006 6:31:50 PM EDT

Originally Posted By Epsilon:
Forget Chuck Norris...I just watched 6 Steven Seagal movies and all I have to say is "Damn"!

He makes Chuck Norris look like a little girl on steroids!



I remember years ago blackbelt (or some other martial arts) magazine making fun of his pathetic kicks.

Plus, he runs like a girl.
Link Posted: 1/17/2006 6:32:28 PM EDT

Originally Posted By blue_bomber:
I think this calls for a chuck or steven poll.



or an Angelina or Jen pole...

Link Posted: 1/17/2006 6:35:01 PM EDT

Originally Posted By WildBoar:

Originally Posted By adair_usmc:

Originally Posted By Epsilon:
Forget Chuck Norris...I just watched 6 Steven Seagal movies and all I have to say is "Damn"!

He makes Chuck Norris look like a little girl on steroids!



Richard Simmons makes Chuck look like a little girl, so thats not saying much.


Mr. Rogers owns all though.



True I saw the vid.





are you talking about "The Ultimate Showdown"? I hate to break it to you but that was not real, how many times do I have to tell you fucking people that it was fake? Chuck is going to kick some serious ass around here one day if you guys don't quit saying that other people are tougher than him.
Link Posted: 1/17/2006 6:37:35 PM EDT
Fat fake Steven Seagal would last about .2 seconds in the ring with Norris.

Assuming you could get him anywhere near the ring in the first place.
Link Posted: 1/17/2006 6:38:36 PM EDT
Segal was cool way back IMO but now hes just a tool
CN is still cool even with the age and the crappy TV shows
Link Posted: 1/17/2006 6:38:49 PM EDT
Dude I would rather have Jean Claude then Steven Segal. But neither could hold Chuck's ween while he is taking a wiz.
Link Posted: 1/17/2006 6:40:38 PM EDT

Originally Posted By rwinn625:

Originally Posted By WildBoar:

Originally Posted By adair_usmc:

Originally Posted By Epsilon:
Forget Chuck Norris...I just watched 6 Steven Seagal movies and all I have to say is "Damn"!

He makes Chuck Norris look like a little girl on steroids!



Richard Simmons makes Chuck look like a little girl, so thats not saying much.


Mr. Rogers owns all though.



True I saw the vid.





are you talking about "The Ultimate Showdown"? I hate to break it to you but that was not real, how many times do I have to tell you fucking people that it was fake? Chuck is going to kick some serious ass around here one day if you guys don't quit saying that other people are tougher than him.



oh frig. Is it too late for penance? I know not what I say.
Link Posted: 1/17/2006 6:42:57 PM EDT
Seagal is a fag, wanabe CIA, fat ass.
Link Posted: 1/17/2006 6:47:03 PM EDT

Originally Posted By AcidGambit:
Seagal is a fag, wanabe CIA, fat ass.



wife beater and delusional pagan too
Link Posted: 1/17/2006 6:52:27 PM EDT
Chuck Norris was born feet first........he round-housed the doc, instantly shattering the doc's skull and said "Nobody delivers Chuck Norris except Chuck Norris".

(There was a whole list of these things floating around the office and they were funny as $hi*)

Segal was bad in his first few movies, I dont know what the fuc* happened to him later on down the road. I always liked the one where he threw the pool balls into the bar towel and proceeded to whip everyones ass in the joint.

I think both are somewhat supportive of the second amendment, so you got to give 'em credit.....
Link Posted: 1/17/2006 6:53:38 PM EDT
Seagull? You were impressed by HIS movies? Well, then perhaps you should watch the credits and see who his stuntman is and jock him. Seagull is a fake dude, I thought everybody knew that
Link Posted: 1/17/2006 6:55:33 PM EDT
Steven Seagal could urinate through 1/2'' 5150 cold rolled steel.

Link Posted: 1/17/2006 6:56:31 PM EDT
OK I remembered one more......


Chuck Norris' mom called him Charles, but only once.....

Link Posted: 1/17/2006 7:05:27 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 1/17/2006 7:07:59 PM EDT by ilikelegs]
Link Posted: 1/17/2006 7:07:23 PM EDT
When John Wayne was in a good mood, he'd let all those punks shovel horse shit in the stable...and they were grateful.
Link Posted: 1/17/2006 7:30:38 PM EDT

Originally Posted By ALPHAGHOST:

Originally Posted By AcidGambit:
Seagal is a fag, wanabe CIA, fat ass.



wife beater and delusional pagan too



Don't forget to include womanizer and sexual harrasser.
Link Posted: 1/17/2006 9:13:27 PM EDT

Originally Posted By Epsilon:
Forget Chuck Norris...I just watched 6 Steven Seagal movies and all I have to say is "Damn"!

He makes Chuck Norris look like a little girl on steroids!



I see a roundhouse kick to the face in someone's immediate future...
Link Posted: 1/17/2006 9:17:55 PM EDT

Link Posted: 1/17/2006 10:18:27 PM EDT
Seagal was never in the military OR the CIA. He's another Hollywood liar about that.

He married a Japanese woman who's family is BIG and VERY respected in Japanese martial arts circles.

She and her family introduced him in Japan and allowed him to use them to build his skills and reputation.
He lived and taught in Japan for some years, so he's definitely no fake.

He's also not a very nice man.
After using her family to build a genuine rep in Japan, he abandoned her and his son and came home to the US to make movies.
As far as I know, he never gave her or his son the time of day, much less some of the money he made in Hollywood.

He's also no fake with real guns. He can shoot real well and fast with a gun case full of custom 1911's.

But he does run like a girl.
Link Posted: 1/17/2006 10:26:17 PM EDT

Originally Posted By blue_bomber:
I think this calls for a chuck or steven poll.



Ditto! Bring on the poll!
Link Posted: 1/17/2006 10:35:20 PM EDT
Segal used to be the real deal, one of the few Gaijin to run a successful dojo in Japan.

And he demonstrates some good technique in his early films like Above the Law.

Then he went Hollywood, started to believe his own BS, got fat and is now a parody of himself.

Sad really.

Chuck is still pretty much Chuck after all these years.
Link Posted: 1/17/2006 10:49:36 PM EDT
Unlike Seagal, he's by all accounts a decent person too.

Then there's that Antony Pellicano/Seagal/Mafia deal with the LA reporter.

My best buddy had the best take on Norris movies:
"Lots of action, but no excitement".
Link Posted: 1/18/2006 1:44:39 AM EDT
Fat fuck goober what ever . Cal lhim what you will . That dude has some axes I would almost kill to own .
Link Posted: 1/18/2006 1:53:18 AM EDT
Chuck would choke Segal unconcious like Gene LeBell did.

Hope Chuck doesn't come across this thread. He'll delete the internet.
Link Posted: 1/18/2006 1:59:30 AM EDT
To all you nay sayers out there about Chuck.... Be scared, you are about to be Chuck fucked....
"Forgive them Lord for they know not. ", May God have mercy on your soul, for Chuck Norris will NOT !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
WarDawg
Link Posted: 1/18/2006 2:08:30 AM EDT
My money is on the Muscles from Brussells: Jean-Claude Van Damme. For Pete's sake, his scowl alone is mmore threatening than the sound of a pump shotgun being worked. That, and he is respected by the Rift Berbers.
Link Posted: 1/18/2006 2:21:21 AM EDT
Imagine how much money you would make if you could make this happen.

"Four will enter, only one will leave a winner."




Link Posted: 1/18/2006 2:23:55 AM EDT
Forget about Chuck and Segal, the best man of all was Bruce Lee. When he arrived in CONUS he stomped Chuck like a wet noodle.

Segal was not around back then but I bet Lee would have taken care of him too. Bruce Lee was the man !!
Link Posted: 1/18/2006 2:35:57 AM EDT

Originally Posted By dfariswheel:
Unlike Seagal, he's by all accounts a decent person too.

Then there's that Antony Pellicano/Seagal/Mafia deal with the LA reporter.

My best buddy had the best take on Norris movies:
"Lots of action, but no excitement".



Definately agree with that! I love Segal's movies, but I'm sure he's quite the jerk/A$$ hole, Norris is boring in stupid movies but he's a great guy (so I've heard from two people who have met him...)
Link Posted: 1/18/2006 2:37:50 AM EDT
Segal is a LOSER. What great fight scenes he has in his movies, could we edit them and speed them up a bit more too please? he has ballooned up and is a blimp! The last film I saw with him in it looked like it was made in China with the funky screen display; it looked like they tried to increase the height of the picture to make Segal look less fat. What a joke! We won't even mention his outstanding acting abilities....

We won't even mention his personal attributes

BTW Kirstie Alley has a new look going on and I must say she has done wonders and looks great! She lost a person or two! LOL
Link Posted: 1/18/2006 3:15:25 AM EDT
Van Damme is a gymnist, not a fighter. so is Jackie Chan/Jet Li. They went to the same school of performing arts in China.
Link Posted: 1/18/2006 3:35:03 AM EDT

Originally Posted By Will-Rogers:
My money is on the Muscles from Brussells: Jean-Claude Van Damme. For Pete's sake, his scowl alone is mmore threatening than the sound of a pump shotgun being worked. That, and he is respected by the Rift Berbers.



Jean-Claude, The Frog?? He's from Holland...good heavens, that's in EUROPE! All Seagal has to do is simply give the Frog the evil eye, and it's frog legs for dinner tonight!! Already cooked and everything. Segal is real, The Frog is simply another pretty-boy eunuch ballet dancer that tried to convince the world he has what it takes.

You got a pretty mouth, boy.
Link Posted: 1/18/2006 3:39:40 AM EDT

Originally Posted By AcidGambit:
Seagal is a fag, wanabe CIA, fat ass.



he also owns a shitload of full-auto SMGs and other SBR rifles in Montana. I'd guess he is VERY pro-gun.
Link Posted: 1/18/2006 3:41:53 AM EDT
[Last Edit: 1/18/2006 3:44:54 AM EDT by metroplex]

Originally Posted By anachronism:

Originally Posted By Will-Rogers:
My money is on the Muscles from Brussells: Jean-Claude Van Damme. For Pete's sake, his scowl alone is mmore threatening than the sound of a pump shotgun being worked. That, and he is respected by the Rift Berbers.



Jean-Claude, The Frog?? He's from Holland...good heavens, that's in EUROPE! All Seagal has to do is simply give the Frog the evil eye, and it's frog legs for dinner tonight!! Already cooked and everything. Segal is real, The Frog is simply another pretty-boy eunuch ballet dancer that tried to convince the world he has what it takes.

You got a pretty mouth, boy.



jean claude is from Belgium (born in Brussels). There are predominantely two types of people in Belgium. One that speaks French and the other that speaks German / Dutch. I had a prof that was from Belgium and he would chat with us about employment after college, going to the bar for a beer, etc...

Looking at some of the weapon designs from Belgium, Austria, Switzerland, and Germany - they all appear to have similar traits within each time period close to the 21st century (it could be that weapon designers were hired/fired by these countries so the influence was taken to the new company). I.e. excessive use of polymers in Austrian Steyr TMP / AUG (HK first used polymers). The Belgium P90 internals appear to resemble the Austrian AUG. etc... DK Prof would know more about this.
Link Posted: 1/18/2006 3:42:21 AM EDT
Chuck Norris has never fought with Steven Segal.

If such a fight were to happen, Teh Chuck! would obviously win.

Teh Chuck! would still win in a 4 way deathmatch between himself, Segal, Chan, and Van Damme, but such a battle could never take place.

Why?

The angry stares exchanged between those four alone would be enough to cause the universe to implode.

A few years ago Teh Chuck and Segal were in the same hotel at the same time, and Chuck briefly caught a glimpse of one another. The result? The San Fransisco earthquake.

Link Posted: 1/18/2006 3:45:17 AM EDT
There are 2 types of people in the world. Those that suck, and Chuck Norris.

Fact.
Link Posted: 1/18/2006 3:45:34 AM EDT
Segal was a bona fide badass in back in the day. While his "CIA" background is extremely doubtful his martial arts background is real and lengthy. I would hesitate to take him on. Some of my older instructors were fat too but that just made you underestimate them. They still had tremendous hand speed and refined technique. My guess is Segal could still kick the asses of about 95% of the internet tough guys. Joint locks hurt.
Link Posted: 1/18/2006 5:04:28 AM EDT
[Last Edit: 1/18/2006 5:07:46 AM EDT by SJSAMPLE]
Let me sum it up about Segal:
1. He's gotten as fat as Col. Kurtz.
2. He does run like a girl.
3. In his latest "action" movies, his moves consist of basic techniques taught in a woman's self-defense class, ie. kick to the balls.
4. He currently appears on film to walk, talk and perform mechanical motions that faintly resemble what he used to do 15 years ago. Anything that requires any form of fluid, high-speed motion is currently done by a stunt double. If you doubt this, check out any of his "movies" that seem to head directly to TNT. He didn't move like a meth'd-up ninja 15 years ago, so why should I believe it now?

Chuck has proven himself in actual competition (and has won championships), while Segal hides behind his status and veils of secrecy. Do you think he was really a CIA operative and that's why he can't talk about his past?

Look at them now. Chuck is as fit as ever (and I'll bet he's tagging Christie Brinkley) while Segal is regretting he ever let Kelly LeBrock make his career decisions. She deserved to be slapped around, especially since Segal's latest "moves" posed no danger.
Link Posted: 1/18/2006 5:08:09 AM EDT
Link Posted: 1/18/2006 5:54:45 AM EDT
Is Chuck anti?
Link Posted: 1/18/2006 8:08:35 AM EDT

Originally Posted By newbie:
Van Damme is a gymnist, not a fighter. so is Jackie Chan/Jet Li. They went to the same school of performing arts in China.



I thing you have a serious, fundamental misuderstanding of the backgrounds of Jackie Chan and Jet Li.

While the school they went to were perfomance art schools, the focus of those performing arts were martial (Peking Opera for example). And to say they don't know how to fight is about like saying Mike Tyson was just a sports athlete and knows nothing about fighting.
Top Top