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Posted: 1/13/2006 6:45:29 PM EDT

Had dinner with my ER doc friend, and he always has a good story to tell. (I was also surprised to learn that he used to do abortions, and he had some interesting observations that I'll save for the next, inevitable abortion thread.)

Anyway, last night they had some drunk sleeping it off on a gurney. He woke up and stripped without anyone noticing, and then ran through the corridors naked, sideways like a crab, pissing on the walls and on a nurse.

Makes me feel a little better about the career choice I made

Posted: 1/13/2006 6:47:21 PM EDT

[#1]

Tazer: For when you dont want to touch the dirty, smelly dude running sideways through your hallway with his talliwacker exposed and peeing on everyone.

Kharn

Posted: 1/13/2006 6:47:52 PM EDT

[#2]

He deserves that and more.

Posted: 1/13/2006 6:51:33 PM EDT

[#3]

Quoted:
Tazer: For when you dont want to touch the dirty, smelly dude running sideways through your hallway with his talliwacker exposed and peeing on everyone.

Kharn

LOL Kharn that's what I call a sigline!

Posted: 1/13/2006 6:53:02 PM EDT

[#4]

I know a suitable punishment for that:

Restrain him forcibly and catheterize him without anaesthetic gel and with an absolute MINIMUM of catheter lubricant.

He will NOT forget that.

I had a procedure that was essentially that (stent removal) done to me a few months ago, and even
with anaesthetic gel used first (and it was working for five minutes before the borescope was
inserted) and the anaesthetic was INJECTED into me (no needle, just by means of my existing orifice and a large
syringe's tip), it was still QUITE unpleasant.

Take it from me, catheterization can have considerable value as an instrument of torture!

CJ

Posted: 1/13/2006 7:04:17 PM EDT

[#5]

Quoted:
I know a suitable punishment for that:
Restrain him forcibly and catheterize him without anaesthetic gel and with an absolute MINIMUM of catheter lubricant.
He will NOT forget that.
I had a procedure that was essentially that (stent removal) done to me a few months ago, and even
with anaesthetic gel used first (and it was working for five minutes before the borescope was
inserted) and the anaesthetic was INJECTED into me (no needle, just by means of my existing orifice and a large
syringe's tip), it was still QUITE unpleasant.
Take it from me, catheterization can have considerable value as an instrument of torture!
CJ

Yep, having a fiber-optic lens jammed up your johnson is not to be missed. Excuse me, I have to go barf due to recalling that.

Posted: 1/13/2006 7:04:23 PM EDT

[#6]

Quoted:
Tazer: For when you dont want to touch the dirty, smelly dude running sideways through your hallway with his talliwacker exposed and peeing on everyone.

I'm not sure the staff would appreciate your adding involuntary defecation to the mix...

Posted: 1/13/2006 7:07:13 PM EDT

[#7]

Sounds like somebody needed a full power shot from Squatdog.

Posted: 1/13/2006 7:12:38 PM EDT

[#8]

That is not even worth retelling. The last nite I worked at the county hospital ER a guy comes in via ambulance 3 am, with rectal bleeding. Guy looks kinda funny - effeminate and starts telling us a wild story:

I was scrubbing my kitchen floor naked and was feeling really sleepy. As I laid my head down on the floor to take a nap a large rat ran out from behing the refrigerator and crawled into my butt

So we ask him "was it one of those rare de-clawed and hairless rats?"

Posted: 1/13/2006 7:16:22 PM EDT

[#9]

Jack of all trades, master of none.

Posted: 1/13/2006 7:17:42 PM EDT

[#10]

One of the previous "stories from the ER" was of a guy who had a plastic scabbard from a toy sword stuck up his butt. There were projections that acted as barbs, so they had to send him up to surgery to get it out. There was also another who had a little bottle of shampoo stuck up there. He claimed that he slipped and fell in the shower.

Posted: 1/13/2006 7:18:53 PM EDT

[#11]

Quoted:
I know a suitable punishment for that:

Restrain him forcibly and catheterize him without anaesthetic gel and with an absolute MINIMUM of catheter lubricant.

He will NOT forget that.

I had a procedure that was essentially that (stent removal) done to me a few months ago, and even
with anaesthetic gel used first (and it was working for five minutes before the borescope was
inserted) and the anaesthetic was INJECTED into me (no needle, just by means of my existing orifice and a large
syringe's tip), it was still QUITE unpleasant.

Take it from me, catheterization can have considerable value as an instrument of torture!

CJ

Had a roommate who was an EMT, she made jokes about keeping some catheters in the freezer for....uncooperative patients.

Posted: 1/13/2006 9:21:03 PM EDT

[#12]

Quoted:
That is not even worth retelling. The last nite I worked at the county hospital ER a guy comes in via ambulance 3 am, with rectal bleeding. Guy looks kinda funny - effeminate and starts telling us a wild story:

I was scrubbing my kitchen floor naked and was feeling really sleepy. As I laid my head down on the floor to take a nap a large rat ran out from behing the refrigerator and crawled into my butt

So we ask him "was it one of those rare de-clawed and hairless rats?"

With only one eye?

Posted: 1/14/2006 7:37:31 AM EDT

[#13]

Quoted:
That is not even worth retelling. The last nite I worked at the county hospital ER a guy comes in via ambulance 3 am, with rectal bleeding. Guy looks kinda funny - effeminate and starts telling us a wild story:

I was scrubbing my kitchen floor naked and was feeling really sleepy. As I laid my head down on the floor to take a nap a large rat ran out from behing the refrigerator and crawled into my butt

So we ask him "was it one of those rare de-clawed and hairless rats?"

Ooohhhhh, Lemmiwinks, Lemmiwinks...

A great adventure is waiting for you ahead.
Hurry onward, Lemmiwinks, or you will soon be dead.
The journey before you may be long and filled with woe
But you must escape the gay man's ass so your tale can be told.
Lemmiwinks! Lemmiwinks, Lemmiwinks, Lemmiwinks.

FROG KING: Lemmiwinks, you must find your way out of this place, or you will surely die. This way has been closed off by the great sphinctor. To escape, you must journey up to the dark riches of the intestine and pass the stomach! Who am I? Just a friend. Heed my words, Lemmiwinks. Your time is running out. Make for the large intestine. Start straight ahead.

SONG: A great adventure is waiting for you ahead. Hurry on Lemmiwinks, for you will soon be dead. A Journey before you may be long and filled with woe. But you must escape the gay man's ass, or your tale can't be told.

Lemmiwinks, Lemmiwinks, Lemmiwinks, Lemmiwinks!

Lemmiwink's journey is distant, far and fast! To find his way out off a gay man's ass! The road ahead is filled with danger and fright! But push on Lemmiwinks with all of your might!

FROG KING: Lemmiwinks, you are coming to the enterance off the small intestine! There you must seek out The Sparrow Prince!

SONG: The Sparrow Prince lies somewhere way ahead! Don't look back lemmiwinks, or you will soon be dead! The time is growing late. Slow down now, and seal your fate.

*Sparrow Prince Appears*
SPARROW PRINCE: I am The Sparrow Prince! Long has my spirit been trapped within this place! Before you lies the maze of the small intestine. One path leads to the stomach, the other to certain doom. Take with you this helmet and torch. Let them be your guide! *Gives Lemmiwinks a helmet with a torch*

SONG: Take the magic helmet-torch to help you light the way, there's still alot of ground to cross in the man so gay! Ahead of you lies adventure, and your stregnth still lies within! Freedom from the ass of doom is the treasure you will win!

Meanwhile...

MR. GARRISON: What's the matter?

MR. SLAVE: Just an upset stomach, I gueth.

MR. GARRISON: Well, here, take a pepto pill, I can't have a teacher that's under the weather.

MR. SLAVE: Jesuth Chrith! *takes the pill*

DEEP SONG: Lemmiwinks came to the stomach now. Made it past the lungs and heart.

*Catata Fish appears*

CATATA FISH: You have chosen your path wisely Lemmiwinks! I am the Catata Fish!

DEEP SONG: Catata fish of the stomach's hole!

CATATA FISH: If you answer this riddle, the esophogus will let you pass.

DEEP SONG: Catata fish's riddle will soon be told!

Later...

FROG KING: Hang on Lemmiwinks! You solved the Catata Fish's riddle, your trials are nearly through!

MR. SLAVE: *coughs out lemmiwinks*

SONG: Lemmiwinks has made it out, his tail is nearly through!

CATATA FISH: Great job, lemmiwinks!

SPARROW PRINCE: Thanks to you we are all free!

FROG KING: But your adventures are just beginning! *Takes off Lemmiwinks' helmet* You are no ordinary gerbil Lemmiwinks, you are the Gerbil King! *Puts crown on Lemmiwinks' head*

ALL ANIMAL GHOSTS: All hail the gerbil king!

SONG: Now the Gerb- the Gerbil king has more adventures to go on! Fly away to faraway lands and to the setting sun! So many enemies and battles yet to fight! For Lemmiwinks the Gerbil King's tale is told throughout the night!

Le-Le-Lemmiwinks Lemmiwinks Lemmi-Lemmiwinks Lemmiwinks, Lemm-Le-Lemmiwinks Gerbil King!

Posted: 1/14/2006 7:44:27 AM EDT

[#14]

If I were that nurse, that man would have a cath bag stapled to his forehead...

PERMENANTLY

Posted: 1/14/2006 7:45:31 AM EDT

[#15]

Quoted:
Had dinner with my ER doc friend, and he always has a good story to tell. (I was also surprised to learn that he used to do abortions, and he had some interesting observations that I'll save for the next, inevitable abortion thread.)

Anyway, last night they had some drunk sleeping it off on a gurney. He woke up and stripped without anyone noticing, and then ran through the corridors naked, sideways like a crab, pissing on the walls and on a nurse.

Makes me feel a little better about the career choice I made

As an EMT who visits the ER constantly- that story is pretty tame.