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Posted: 1/10/2006 8:43:30 AM EDT
[Last Edit: 1/10/2006 10:47:11 AM EDT by Bama-Shooter]
I ask the wife to bring to me a beer. She brings me one, I open it, and then she let's me know it's the last one. I put it down. I must now make a run to my local beer dealer. I slip on my 5.11's, Oakley's, Sig 220, two extra mags and my Surefire Z2. Never know when you will run into one of those badguys. I take a swig of mouthwash so I will have minty fresh breath for the rather large mammory chested beer dealer I hope will be there when I arrive.

As I'm heading to the door my dog Zeus follows me out to the truck. He wants to go for a ride. He's fierce looking creature, who has a habit of ankle humping. But he's a tea cup poodle and can only reach so high. He does his customary run around the vehicle sniffing for bombs and tracking devices.

We pull out of the driveway. Everything is looking good. No tails or black helicopters. I doubled back to make sure. This time I decided to use alternate route B so if I am being followed they will not know all my avenues of approach.

Up ahead I see flashing blue lights, several police cars, JBT's and their four legged JBT dogs. The only avenue of escape is covered by two of those damned JBT's in their ninja finest. It's one of those damned revenue raising, violating my rights, Nazi, drivers liscense checkpoints.

Knowing potential trouble awaits me, I begin to think back to all the info I have gained by reading threads posted on ARF about these illegal search and seziure tactics by the .gov thugs.

I approach cautiously papers at the ready. As I pull up to the first officer, he snaps his boots together, and in his Germanic voice I hear those dreaded words, "Papers please". I'm prepared, papers in my hand, he then has the audacity to ask me "How are you doing today?", from my training here I knew I needed to keep my comments short, I said "Fine". Keeping my eyes firmly fixed ahead of me.

He looked at me and snurled his nose. He asked me if I had been drinking, I told him no, he said he smelled alcohol, oh it must be the mouthwash, he did not believe me and asked me to step out of the truck. He wants to do some of those FST's on me even though I told him I have not been drinking. About this time the other JBT's with their JBT dogs were headed over my way.

I opened the door to step out. Zeus see's what is going on and goes into his tactical dog mode. He jumps out the other window, hits the ground running, heads straight for the rear of the JBT dog. Zeus makes a flying leap and nails the first JBT dog right in it's ass with his larger than average tea cup poodle penis.

The JBT dog let's out such a howl the other JBT dogs take off running dragging the Nazi JBT's behind them. Now the other JBT's have drawn down on Zeus, but they are having trouble getting a good sight picture, as the JBT dog turns round and round with Zeus attached to his ass.

Now here is where it really get's crazy. The JBT's start firing away at Zeus with their LEO Only marked weapons, their LEO Only ammo, and LEO Only magazines. But everybody knows LEO's can't hit shit and they shoot their own JBT dog. Luckily the JBT dog was wearing body armor and it just knocked him out. Well this takes all the ass humping fun out of it for Zeus so he starts ankle humping one of the JBT's. Well then antoher JBT takes his ass whiping stick and swings at Zeus, he misses and catches the other JBT right sqaure in the nuts.

Zeus then charges the other JBT, Zeus can smell the Krispy Kreme donut residue on his uniform, the JBT is so scared he takes off running. Now it's about this time I feel a sting in my back, next thing I know, I'm on the ground shaking like I just recieved a deepthroat blowjob. I've just been Tazered.

Things start getting a little fuzzy now, but I seem to remember Zeus running off into the woods. He must have thought I was dead. Next thing I know I'm being put into the back of patrol car and they haul my ass to jail.

I never did anything wrong. It was all Zeus's fault.

Please send funds to the Free Bama-Shooter Foundation.
Link Posted: 1/10/2006 8:47:45 AM EDT
Link Posted: 1/10/2006 8:48:54 AM EDT
Please go on, don't leave out the part about being nuzzled by an unshaved pastor in the cell bunk
Link Posted: 1/10/2006 8:48:58 AM EDT



FEAR ZEUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Link Posted: 1/10/2006 8:49:49 AM EDT
Link Posted: 1/10/2006 8:50:24 AM EDT
Well, that about covers all of 'em.
Link Posted: 1/10/2006 8:51:26 AM EDT
That was fucking hilarious.
Link Posted: 1/10/2006 8:53:33 AM EDT
LOL three or four times!

Me likes!
Link Posted: 1/10/2006 8:53:53 AM EDT

Originally Posted By Bama-Shooter:
...next thing I know, I'm on the ground shaking like I just recieved a deepthroat blowjob.



That's about when coffee flew out of my nose...
Link Posted: 1/10/2006 8:54:25 AM EDT
I will not send you any funds.....but I will send you a bill for a new keyboard. I laughed so hard I spewed coke all over the place.
Link Posted: 1/10/2006 8:56:38 AM EDT
ARFCom is in rare form today.
Link Posted: 1/10/2006 8:59:38 AM EDT
Well, it was pretty funny...but then again, its not so funny to make light of what some if not many would consider a serious matter.

I can see both sides...the "big deal, deal with it, get on with life since you're not doing anything wrong" side, as well as the "hey, they are infringing on my rights, liberty, and sending us down a slippery slope side"

Link Posted: 1/10/2006 8:59:46 AM EDT
Don't leave us in suspense, ya gotta tell us how it ends.
Link Posted: 1/10/2006 9:18:46 AM EDT
I bet if they hadn't been chuggin' the Maple Syrup before you got there, they woud've plugged that Zeus character.........

What we have here, is a failure to communicate....................................
Link Posted: 1/10/2006 9:24:14 AM EDT
Link Posted: 1/10/2006 9:29:52 AM EDT

Originally Posted By OLY-M4gery:
I bet if they hadn't been chuggin' the Maple Syrup before you got there, they woud've plugged that Zeus character.........

What we have here, is a failure to communicate....................................



Ya, they were doing it all wrong. They need to open their mouths wider. "And don't forget to cup the balls".
Link Posted: 1/10/2006 9:44:58 AM EDT

Originally Posted By pzjgr:
Well, it was pretty funny...but then again, its not so funny to make light of what some if not many would consider a serious matter.

I can see both sides...the "big deal, deal with it, get on with life since you're not doing anything wrong" side, as well as the "hey, they are infringing on my rights, liberty, and sending us down a slippery slope side"




I think it's hilarious.
Link Posted: 1/10/2006 9:57:21 AM EDT
You have a very creative mind and a good sense of humor.
Link Posted: 1/10/2006 10:28:40 AM EDT
[Last Edit: 1/10/2006 10:29:35 AM EDT by Bama-Shooter]
As I sit here in my cell I can't help but wonder what has happened to my beloved Zeus. It's not his fault what happened here today. It's those damned JBT's and their revenue collecting.

The other prisoners are so friendly. They must be some type of health nuts because all they can talk about is tossing salad and invited me to join them.

Is still don't know what I'm charged with. Something about me having an unregistered assualt tea cup poodle. I heard the one JBT dog who Zeus ass pounded is now in thearpy and is having extreme reactions to white fluffy stuffed animals. I think they are going to try prozac on him.

One JBT is in the hospital with a busted nut sack and the other donut muncher was last seen running through an onion field on his way out of town.

The JBT's keep wanting to know why I was heavily armed for a beer run. I told them it's dangerous out there in real world. I would have brought my M4 but it's so damn heavy with all my ninja gear on it. Well that was a mistake. Based on my statement the executed a no-knock warrant on my house.

But they hit the wrong house. They hit my neighbors house. Hell he's a JBT, even had a fully marked Po-Po SUV in the driveway. My neighbor who is one of those JBT's shot three of them in the process. Good thing they were all wearing vests. Now they have his house surronded and he's refusing to come out. Now they are so confused about what to do.

I told them to sit a cold six pack, a dozen donuts outside and he would come right out. Always works for me when I need some help from him.

Please send money. I want to go home.
Link Posted: 1/10/2006 10:37:01 AM EDT
Great thread Bama-Shooter
Link Posted: 1/10/2006 10:43:08 AM EDT
Link Posted: 1/10/2006 10:46:34 AM EDT
Take a that was good.
Link Posted: 1/10/2006 10:49:08 AM EDT
awesome.
Link Posted: 1/10/2006 10:50:14 AM EDT
That is a damn funny story. I'm sorry it happened to you!

Link Posted: 1/10/2006 10:50:54 AM EDT


Link Posted: 1/10/2006 10:50:55 AM EDT
Get to the part about the zombies and black helo's showing up.

<­BR>
Frog_Legs standing by...
Link Posted: 1/10/2006 10:54:03 AM EDT

Originally Posted By brouhaha:

Originally Posted By Bama-Shooter:
He must of thought I was dead.



It's "must've" or "must have"



Dogs don't think with good grammer, especially ones with 'tea cup poodle penis'. You ain't very sharp.
Link Posted: 1/10/2006 11:18:57 AM EDT
fucking JBTs.
Link Posted: 1/10/2006 11:27:42 AM EDT
Link Posted: 1/10/2006 11:42:45 AM EDT
Well, I was left in the visitor area waiting on Mrs. Bama to come see me. Apparently she ran out of the house and forgot to put a bra on. When she arrived here the JBT's kept on talking to her. Said something about showing her the cooler.

There's an APB out now for an unregisted assualt tea cup poodle, 12 inches tall, white, fluffy and a very large penis. I hope Zeus get's away.

The No-knock on the neighbors house has been resolved. No charges filed. Damn JBT's protecting their own, when they shoot their own. Lucky for them they can hit shit.

Please send money.

Link Posted: 1/10/2006 11:43:21 AM EDT
I haven't read the whole thing yet, but did you forget the "license to speed"

Link Posted: 1/10/2006 11:44:23 AM EDT

Originally Posted By Bama-Shooter:

Now here is where it really get's crazy. The JBT's start firing away at Zeus with their LEO Only marked weapons, their LEO Only ammo, and LEO Only magazines. But everybody knows LEO's can't hit shit and they shoot their own JBT dog. Luckily the JBT dog was wearing body armor and it just knocked him out.




Hand guns or Long guns??? What caliber??


Originally Posted By: cousinsbestfriendsister
I am sofa king we Todd did

Link Posted: 1/10/2006 12:49:01 PM EDT
Hmmmm.....too much time at the keyboard today. Ya need a break.
Link Posted: 1/10/2006 12:53:09 PM EDT

Originally Posted By Bama-Shooter:
.................................
Knowing potential trouble awaits me, I begin to think back to all the info I have gained by reading threads posted on ARF about these illegal search and seziure tactics by the .gov thugs.
..........................................



Anyone notice that it was at this point where things went decidedly downhill?
Link Posted: 1/10/2006 12:56:38 PM EDT

Originally Posted By anjan9:

Originally Posted By Bama-Shooter:

Now here is where it really get's crazy. The JBT's start firing away at Zeus with their LEO Only marked weapons, their LEO Only ammo, and LEO Only magazines. But everybody knows LEO's can't hit shit and they shoot their own JBT dog. Luckily the JBT dog was wearing body armor and it just knocked him out.




Hand guns or Long guns??? What caliber??


Originally Posted By: cousinsbestfriendsister
I am sofa king we Todd did




Same kind of guns as in HEAT, driving the same cars as the chaps in Ronin, dressed like the guy from The Transporter.
Link Posted: 1/10/2006 1:04:18 PM EDT


Damn, bama-shooter, this is great stuff!
Link Posted: 1/10/2006 1:04:37 PM EDT





I was going to quit posting, but this is HILLARIOUS!


Going to be a classic thread with an IBTL.
Link Posted: 1/10/2006 1:19:01 PM EDT


Bama-Shooter,

You're in rare form.
Link Posted: 1/10/2006 1:23:19 PM EDT
I would have believed this story except...

JBT's miss perps when they shoot, not innocent dogs. duh!


GM
Link Posted: 1/10/2006 1:24:23 PM EDT
Tag for pics of the large mammory chested beer dealer when if you get out
Link Posted: 1/10/2006 2:23:15 PM EDT
I need a new monitor I think my Coca-Cola shorted it out
Link Posted: 1/10/2006 2:29:06 PM EDT
Come on, we need the next installment.
Link Posted: 1/10/2006 2:46:54 PM EDT
Is this story some sort of perverted attempt to upstage the Bareback Mtn threads?
Link Posted: 1/10/2006 6:00:51 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 1/10/2006 6:02:12 PM EDT by A_Free_Man]
What really happened, Bama flashed his LEO ID and they waved him through the roadblock, I mean, license checkpoint. The rest of the LEO's called him by name, "Hey, Bama! How's it hangin'?"




He cruised to the liquor store 10 mph above the limit as he usually drives, passing through red lights by flipping on the red & blue flashy lights.

As he came back through the same checkpoint, he passed a few brews to his thirsty Brothers-in-Arms (notice how I respectfully capitalized that), who again waved him through.

Bama and Zeus arrived home safe and sound.

(edited to correct spelling of Bama's dog's name)
Link Posted: 1/10/2006 6:14:51 PM EDT
Great Story line...
All we needed was dolls to make this perfect!!!

BTW I too would want to tazer someone (or at least slap the crap out of someone) after hearing the same lies over and over again...
Link Posted: 1/10/2006 6:32:16 PM EDT
This scenerio could not have happened to a nicer guy.


Bama-Shooter please keep us advised of any updates, I want to take off from work so I can watch your case get called in court. Oh and that was very nice of your cellmates to be so concerned about your health.
Link Posted: 1/10/2006 6:54:15 PM EDT

THIS THREAD IS WORTHLESS WITHOUT PICS !!
Link Posted: 1/10/2006 7:50:33 PM EDT
Hey... I've got yer pic RI'CHERE!!!


oh, um... sorry...... just a joke. sorry.
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