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Posted: 1/9/2006 10:14:53 PM EDT
1st my problem isn't attracting the ladies as a matter of fact I'm constantly being complemented on my looks and woman are always approaching me and making the 1st move so I think I'm above average in the looks department. My problem seems to be keeping they're interest.

The last chick I took out last week was the 3rd chick in a row that I have not been able to score a 2nd date with. All three of them were woman that approached me 1st, they kept telling me how hot I was and pretty much hounded me for a date. But in every case it seems that after the 1st date they do a complete 180 and want nothing to do with me. I have no idea what I'm doing to make them loose interest so fast. I don't know if I smell like shit or maybe I pick my nose and dont realize it.

The only thing I could come up with is that I've always been a quite, reserved person and tend not to really be myself until I really know someone. It's not to the point were it's dead silence the whole night because I try to make it a point to ask questions and keep a conversation going. And I'm not the type of guy to be hanging off a girl and grinding on them on the 1st date. And to be honest with you I've never really knew how to jive with woman. But maybe this is boring them or making them feel cold.

Anybody got any chick tips on keeping up they're interest level and scoreing a 2nd date?
Link Posted: 1/9/2006 10:20:16 PM EDT
tag.
Link Posted: 1/9/2006 10:28:20 PM EDT
You have to be in Command, they dont want a mouse, and still treat them like a Queen


I'm married so what do I know
Link Posted: 1/9/2006 10:31:58 PM EDT
Don't just fall asleep. It's like a chinese dinner. It's not over 'till you both get your cookies.... if you know what I mean.
Link Posted: 1/9/2006 10:37:47 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 1/9/2006 10:39:36 PM EDT by Daytona955i]
They're going after you because you're good looking = shallow girls that probably don't understand when you talk about things.

Either that or you're boring as hell.

Tips: Talk! Ask her what she likes, find a common theme, and talk. You don't have to be great at conversation, you just have to have it.
Link Posted: 1/9/2006 10:37:59 PM EDT
I'm ugly as sin and as a result don't have your problem.
Link Posted: 1/9/2006 10:39:13 PM EDT
You must be doing something wrong if your looks are as good as they say.

What kind of conversation do you have with them?
What are their expressions and demeanors throughout the conversation?
What do they say throughout the conversation?
What kind of vibe do they give throughout the conversation?
Does it slowly get worse as it goes on?

Not enough data given for a meaningful answer.
Link Posted: 1/9/2006 10:39:44 PM EDT

Originally Posted By tac45:

The only thing I could come up with is that I've always been a quite, reserved person and tend not to really be myself until I really know someone. It's not to the point were it's dead silence the whole night because I try to make it a point to ask questions and keep a conversation going.



Get a personality. Make them laugh, make them cry. It doesn't matter. Just evoke some kind of emotion.



And I'm not the type of guy to be hanging off a girl and grinding on them on the 1st date. And to be honest with you I've never really knew how to jive with woman.


Mistake. Women want to be wanted. Make a move. If they reject you on the first date, it's no big deal. That's to be expected. But at least you are telling them that you find them attractive.



But maybe this is boring them or making them feel cold.


Bingo.

Link Posted: 1/9/2006 10:44:46 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 1/9/2006 10:46:19 PM EDT by ctprelude]
How old are you? I'm 22 and can tell you that if you are around my age and don't do something at least relatively fun and exciting you aren't going to keep their interest.

Examples: Dancing with them at a bar/club, miniature golf, ice skating, going to the beach/lake/ whatever, etc.
Link Posted: 1/9/2006 10:47:52 PM EDT
Link Posted: 1/9/2006 11:03:19 PM EDT

Originally Posted By ARDunstan:
You must be doing something wrong if your looks are as good as they say.

What kind of conversation do you have with them?
What are their expressions and demeanors throughout the conversation?
What do they say throughout the conversation?
What kind of vibe do they give throughout the conversation?
Does it slowly get worse as it goes on?

Not enough data given for a meaningful answer.



Basic topics for two people getting to know each other basicly. hobbies, likes, etc. The last chick probably not a good example but the one before that I thought I jived well with her. I enjoyed talking to her and it didn't seem like I was working for convo. For obvious reasons i guess she felt differently. The last chick it felt like I was workin for convo but it wasnt terrible.
Link Posted: 1/9/2006 11:07:08 PM EDT
i guess there mistaking me being reserved as boring.
Link Posted: 1/9/2006 11:11:28 PM EDT
yeah 23. I tried to take one to miniature golf she played b4 and didnt like it so we went 2 a movie since it was a week day and there wasnt anything else. the last one we went to a comedy club.
Link Posted: 1/9/2006 11:11:38 PM EDT

Originally Posted By tac45:
i guess there mistaking me being reserved as boring.



If you were my son asking me for advice I would tell you to count yourself lucky that these girls didn't ask you out on a 2nd date.

There is someone for everyone and just because these girls didn't pan out doesn't mean you should be changing yourself to attract another just like them. Be yourself so that when you do find the right one, you'll be the right one for her as well.

Patty
Link Posted: 1/9/2006 11:16:01 PM EDT
Patty, what in sam hill is your avatar? best I can make of it is a polar bear pushing hisself along with his backlegs... but I had to really study it to see that.
Link Posted: 1/9/2006 11:18:39 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 1/9/2006 11:24:47 PM EDT by ARDunstan]
Ah. I see.
Joke with them. Tease them about something they're wearing, but not offensively.
Joke about yourself. Quote writers, poets or comedians.
Say something like "How many guys' hearts have you stolen
with those eyes?" or something complimentary like that.
Tell them a story about when you were a little kid and you took
care of a stray puppy, etc.
Don't bullshit, though. Keep it real.
Emotion, my good man.
Its emotion that you need to add to the conversation.
Don't make the ladies think. Make them FEEL.
Keep the ladies' emotional interest high, and you should be good to go.

ETA: The above may imply that women do not think on a date.
This is not the case.
The point I was trying to get across is, on a first date, a lady and a gentleman
should not have to think deep brooding thoughts to have fun getting to
know each other.
Keeping the date lively and fun is what I meant.


Link Posted: 1/9/2006 11:22:22 PM EDT
What always worked for me was taking them to someplace where we could be alone, like in the back of my van.....or a wood shed out away from society.

Then, I'd tie them to a chair and begin the "process".

After 3 weeks or so, they'd usually warm up to me.

I didn't even have to ask for a 2nd date.

I think you're trying too hard. It's not brain surgery.
Link Posted: 1/9/2006 11:25:30 PM EDT

Originally Posted By swingset:
What always worked for me was taking them to someplace where we could be alone, like in the back of my van.....or a wood shed out away from society.

Then, I'd tie them to a chair and begin the "process".

After 3 weeks or so, they'd usually warm up to me.

I didn't even have to ask for a 2nd date.

I think you're trying too hard. It's not brain surgery.



Damn, swing, you are a smoooove operator.
Link Posted: 1/9/2006 11:26:49 PM EDT
I am one charming and sexy son of a bitch and chicks melt, like buttah, in my presence.
Link Posted: 1/9/2006 11:29:11 PM EDT

Originally Posted By Zippy_The_Wonderdog:
I am one charming and sexy son of a bitch and chicks melt, like buttah, in my presence.



Sounds like you know the secret.

"There's nothin' a fistful of 20's couldn't fix."
Link Posted: 1/9/2006 11:46:30 PM EDT
You need to become an Alpha male. An attractive Beta male may get chicks interested, but once they assess the lack of testosterone, they lose interest. Take charge, assert yourself, be a man.
Link Posted: 1/9/2006 11:47:05 PM EDT
I will tell you this much. Alway be a gentleman.

For instance...when it becomes necessary to administer a Correction...if you will...to one's ladyfriend...a gentleman will always use an open hand in public. The closed fist should be reserved for when within the confines of one's domicile.
Link Posted: 1/10/2006 12:12:25 AM EDT
What do you mean by assert myself? I pretty much just act normal as i can. I mean if something needs asserting I do it but I dont walk around thumping my chest.
Link Posted: 1/10/2006 12:16:46 AM EDT

Originally Posted By tac45:
What do you mean by assert myself? I pretty much just act normal as i can. I mean if something needs asserting I do it but I dont walk around thumping my chest.



TOO MUCH METRO_FUCKING_SEXUAL and not enough HETEROSEXUAL. Do some thumping. You are, after all, an animal first.....
Link Posted: 1/10/2006 12:20:25 AM EDT

Originally Posted By tac45:
What do you mean by assert myself? I pretty much just act normal as i can. I mean if something needs asserting I do it but I dont walk around thumping my chest.



Asserting yourself doesn't mean thumping your chest, it can be something subtle like grabbing your balls or spitting.
Link Posted: 1/10/2006 12:25:25 AM EDT
Just be sure to use an open hand in public when "asserting yourself"


Originally Posted By tac45:
What do you mean by assert myself? I pretty much just act normal as i can. I mean if something needs asserting I do it but I dont walk around thumping my chest.

Link Posted: 1/10/2006 12:35:03 AM EDT
They want to admire you. Help them do that.

GL
Link Posted: 1/10/2006 1:10:18 AM EDT
Im not gonna say that im a Player or anything....but i do get a lot of guys and also a fair share of girls comming to me for advice about this exact same thing. I think so far most people have given good advice. Im also in my early 20s and have seen alot of different situations as well as different girls with different personalities.

Generally, when a girl approaches a guy...She's an aggressive girl. These types of girls also dont usually like the shy/quite guy. Alot of the girls that haven't wanted a second date with you may have just wanted a one-night stand to begin with. For me its pretty easy to figure out if a girl is interested in you or just wants to get laid. Now since you sound like a pretty nice guy and dont get too physical on the first date your probably seeking more of a relationship than a one-night stand, and should waste your time with a girl that appears to be looking to get laid....Unless deep down you really dont care and just want to get ass, then go for it, but your gonna need to be a little more touchy feely on the first date. Your quite/shy kinda personality may make things ackward since alot of girls are looking for a guy that can keep a conversation going.....quite moments usually = ackward moments. A good first date is NOT a club, picnic, expensive dinner, or anywhere that its just the two of you....Unless your pretty experienced......The safest bet is a movie....You dont do a lot of talking, you spend about 2-3 hours with each other, so its hard to fuck up...and plus the more dates you go on the more comfortable she will become with you.......IF ITS A GIRL LOOKING FOR MORE THAN A ONE-NIGHT STAND 90% of the time a movie isn't really going to fill up the time for a date, so the classic "Dinner and a Movie" comes into play. Go out to a resturant that is fun and up beat and have a fun conversation, make her laugh.....open doors, its not a old fashioned thing......a lot of girls still like romantic guys...then go to a movie.......This date will give you enough time to talk and also enough time to be around each other so the next time its a little more comfortable....after the movie dont try and find something to do........be busy....leave her with something to look forward to. and DONT CALL HER THE NEXT DAY!

When your having a conversation with her.....Try to make it about her...and dont ask any questions that could offend her.

80% of women you meet in a bar/club are looking for something sexual as are most girls who approach you and comment on your looks

Try approaching women that you are attracted to, so you can build up confidence.....Approaching women, even women you have no interest in, are great for practice...Eventually you will become super comfortable!
Link Posted: 1/10/2006 1:11:51 AM EDT

Originally Posted By tac45:
1st my problem isn't attracting the ladies as a matter of fact I'm constantly being complemented on my looks and woman are always approaching me and making the 1st move so I think I'm above average in the looks department. My problem seems to be keeping they're interest.

The last chick I took out last week was the 3rd chick in a row that I have not been able to score a 2nd date with. All three of them were woman that approached me 1st, they kept telling me how hot I was and pretty much hounded me for a date. But in every case it seems that after the 1st date they do a complete 180 and want nothing to do with me. I have no idea what I'm doing to make them loose interest so fast. I don't know if I smell like shit or maybe I pick my nose and dont realize it.

The only thing I could come up with is that I've always been a quite, reserved person and tend not to really be myself until I really know someone. It's not to the point were it's dead silence the whole night because I try to make it a point to ask questions and keep a conversation going. And I'm not the type of guy to be hanging off a girl and grinding on them on the 1st date. And to be honest with you I've never really knew how to jive with woman. But maybe this is boring them or making them feel cold.

Anybody got any chick tips on keeping up they're interest level and scoreing a 2nd date?



Bring her flowers to the date. Dinner and a movie seems to work well. Take her to a nice place, but not too nice or she'll expect that, and that can lead to serious monetary issues. When the dates over walk her to the door and then say that you had a really great time. Most of all act normal, crack a few jokes, and have a personality. This might be what your lacking...
Link Posted: 1/10/2006 1:19:07 AM EDT
TRUST ME.....DO NOT BRING FLOWERS TO A FIRST DATE With some girls it may work....and really sweet romantic kind of girls would love it and think it was sweet, but especially being in your 20s it will weird a lot of girls out!

Wait till you have gone a few dates and then you can do that.....Also with girls especially, dont make it a routine giving them flowers, do it randomly..It not only keeps them from expecting them but they also tend to mean more.

Maybe in your next reply you should kinda explain what kinda dates your going on........Where you've met the girls.........What are you talking about...........where your taking them...........Dont be embarassed to give details.....
Link Posted: 1/10/2006 2:35:04 AM EDT
Link Posted: 1/10/2006 3:09:32 AM EDT
Well........ do they like being called chicks?
Link Posted: 1/10/2006 3:14:20 AM EDT


Tips: Talk! Ask her what she likes, find a common theme, and talk. You don't have to be great at conversation, you just have to have it.



People love to talk about themselves. Ask her polite questions to get her talking.

And for pete's sake, don't mention ARFCOM! "Hobbies? Well, I spend a lot of time on an internet gun chat board, discussing the difference between 5.56 and .223. Hey, have you ever heard of a Wylde chamber....." Trust me, they don't come back for a second date
Link Posted: 1/10/2006 3:34:19 AM EDT

Originally Posted By spartacus2002:
And for pete's sake, don't mention ARFCOM! "Hobbies? Well, I spend a lot of time on an internet gun chat board, discussing the difference between 5.56 and .223. Hey, have you ever heard of a Wylde chamber....." Trust me, they don't come back for a second date

I tried to debate chrome lined vs chrome moly on my last date, she didnt like that, so I tried 9mm vs .45, she didnt like that. I brought up a range report and she slapped me and poured her drink over my head.

Hivemind, what am I doing wrong?

Kharn
Link Posted: 1/10/2006 4:15:32 AM EDT

Originally Posted By Kharn:

Originally Posted By spartacus2002:
And for pete's sake, don't mention ARFCOM! "Hobbies? Well, I spend a lot of time on an internet gun chat board, discussing the difference between 5.56 and .223. Hey, have you ever heard of a Wylde chamber....." Trust me, they don't come back for a second date

I tried to debate chrome lined vs chrome moly on my last date, she didnt like that, so I tried 9mm vs .45, she didnt like that. I brought up a range report and she slapped me and poured her drink over my head.

Hivemind, what am I doing wrong?

Kharn



You should have nailed her on an ammo can fort, then posted pics (pooper style).
Link Posted: 1/10/2006 4:17:15 AM EDT
If I'd gotten her home, I would've tried for that, but I didnt have enough almost-expired vending machine food to do the job.

Kharn
Link Posted: 1/10/2006 4:22:11 AM EDT
Treat her like crap, seems to work for a lot guys and the chicks love it.

Seriously though, I have known several single females over the last couple of years and they have all said the same thing. "I want a good looking guy...and I like the bad boy type"
WTF?!?!

sorry, don't know any of those to fill your bill. Mostly just good cleancut nice guys.

Link Posted: 1/10/2006 4:24:44 AM EDT
Dont have that problem here at all, luckly if they talk to me
Link Posted: 1/10/2006 4:27:42 AM EDT

Post your picture in the womenz forum, and you will not lack for dates with which you can discuss 9mm vs .45. Also, the ARFCOM females are a lot more likely to read it there and respond with sound advice.

Link Posted: 1/10/2006 4:28:22 AM EDT
Become an asshole.


Seriously.


It's not like you're going to marry them anyway.
Link Posted: 1/10/2006 4:34:02 AM EDT
Something to think about:When I used to take the SEC out for a walk(not necessarily in the SEC mode, but just walking him on a leash) you'd be surprised at the number of womenz that came on to me.

If I was single I'd probably be getting more ass than a toilet seat.(When I was single I DID get more ass than a toilet seat.)

I'm pretty outgoing, though and can be pretty outrageous. I think the trick is to evoke SOME kind of emotion, either make them laugh or cry.
Link Posted: 1/10/2006 4:34:36 AM EDT
[Last Edit: 1/10/2006 4:35:18 AM EDT by Gunner1X]

Originally Posted By ctprelude:
How old are you? I'm 22 and can tell you that if you are around my age and don't do something at least relatively fun and exciting you aren't going to keep their interest.

Examples: Dancing with them at a bar/club, miniature golf, ice skating, going to the beach/lake/ whatever smacking them around, etc.



tac45 - Seriously, I had your same problem when I was young and single. I had more than one
woman tell me my problem was that I'm "too nice". I've never understood why so many women
like it when guys treat them like dirt.
Link Posted: 1/10/2006 4:47:07 AM EDT
[Last Edit: 1/10/2006 4:48:04 AM EDT by chrome1]

Originally Posted By CbtEngr1:

Treat her like crap, seems to work for a lot guys and the chicks love it.




There is some truth in this , but it doesn't work if you
just treat them like crap without showing that there is
a romantic side of you lurking just below the surface .
The ploy is to be a " Bad Boy " that they may have a chance
of eventually controlling .

Of course this works best if your only goal is to get the pie
and move on , because it's difficult to maintain . The shallower
and more vapid the woman , the easier it is to pull off . So there
are plenty of targets
Link Posted: 1/10/2006 5:00:36 AM EDT
Sounds like you need a sense of humor and the ability to compartmentalize your 'reservedness.'

The only way to circumvent the above is to go on a date that pulls both of your out of your comfort zones and forces you to act in the moment. In doing so you generate common memories and thus....whimsical conversation - the foundation and cornerstone to a healthy dialogue.

Unfortunately for you shy boy, all 2nd dates worth hosting only happen if the 'chick' makes a connection with you.
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