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Posted: 1/3/2006 5:13:53 AM EDT
[#1]
Yes. One of my best friends in High School. I was awestruck that Scott's Mom asked me to be one of the pallbearers as I knew when Scott and I were hanging out she didnt care for me at all.
The Funeral Home had a little cart/trolly that they wanted us to use, but I felt we owed Scott the honor of actually being carried instead of having us just walk along side the cart. RIP Scotty  But I'll take my time anywhere Free to speak my mind And I'll take my find anywhere Anywhere I roam Where I lay my head is home Carved upon my stone My body lie, but still I roam echo6 |
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Posted: 1/3/2006 5:15:31 AM EDT
[#2]
+1 Go slow be careful. |
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Posted: 1/3/2006 5:15:32 AM EDT
[#3]
Sorry for your loss.
Yes, more times than I care to remember. It sure has changed over the years. Most funeral homes now use guerneys and established paths so not as hard as it once was. The director will know his business and those participating will be distraught. He'll let you know what to do and when. Basically you just have to show up and do what you are told. Its hard but it isn't the job that is hard. Its kind of strange how families remember who was a bearer for whom.  Tj |
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Posted: 1/3/2006 5:38:34 AM EDT
[#4]
 You need to get that memo out to Black funerals. I still remember my first White funeral a few years ago. The son was laughing and joking a few feet from the casket. I looked around and the whole mood was somewhat jovile. 
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Posted: 1/3/2006 5:44:12 AM EDT
[#5]
Kinda strange to see that sometimes, but sometimes people react differently or are looking for a way to relieve stress. Been there, done that. |
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Posted: 1/3/2006 5:57:47 AM EDT
[#6]
I helped carry one of my best friends in September 2004. My recommendation is to do your best to get the emotional stuff out of the way (for the time being, anyway) before you place your hand on the casket. Do what you have to do before and after, but while you're carrying that casket, you've got a job to do.
I'm sorry to hear about your lost, and wish you the best. -James |
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Posted: 1/3/2006 6:09:36 AM EDT
[#7]
More times than I'd like, but in all honesty, it's an honor to do that for the deceased as well as the surviving family.
I keep the white gloves from each that had them, that I could, as a memory to remember them by. It's something you do with a heavy heart, especially when the person was close, young, or both. Like anything worth doing, do it with pride- it means the family thinks enough of you to trust them with their loved ones' body's final journey. |
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Posted: 1/3/2006 6:27:18 AM EDT
[#8]
Sorry for your loss, you'll do fine.
 As others have said, you will be given direction. Personally have done it several times; Great Grandmother ( 2005 ) she was 96 Sister in Laws Mother ( Cancer, Middle Aged ) Girlfriend ( suicide, 16 ) Was also part of a rifle squad (21 Gun Salute) for a Highly Decorated Marine w/ Full Military Honors.......and Honorary Pall Bearer at several more... |
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Posted: 1/3/2006 6:28:44 AM EDT
[#9]
14th birthday for my grandfather. He was a larger man. So the don't drop it is good advice. I struggled. Try to get a spot in the middle. I was scrawny and 14 and had a front corner. Going down stairs was bad.
Other than that, The advice given thus far is good. Crying is ok. Hysteria is not. But nothing will bring them back. Be happy for the time you did spend with them. Remember the good times. |
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Posted: 1/3/2006 6:30:07 AM EDT
[#10]
Dozens of times
. Both as Police/Military Honor Guards and civilian funerals. It's not that hard, just be prepared for the weight of the casket. (esp if it's bronze or similar) Take your cues from the bearer in front of you and don't get your feet tangled with his. Be careful approaching the burial site. That funky outdoor carpet they place around it can hide some pretty big holes and such. You'll do just fine. It's just a simple act in of itself, but the responsibility is what it's all about. it's an incredible honor to be chosen. I was present at one funeral where the man's friends. (WWII vets) were too frail to carry their buddy. So we took their place and they walked beside us. 3 pallbearers and 3 friends to each side of the casket. We had never rehearsed that and trying to manage the M16's and the casket took a bit of effort, but it all went well. |
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Posted: 1/3/2006 6:31:20 AM EDT
[#11]
There is nothing - NOTHING - that will wreck you more than hearing Taps and a 21 gun salute at a real military funeral. I thought I knew what to expect and was ready for it. I was wrong. |
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Posted: 1/3/2006 6:51:07 AM EDT
[#12]
Caskets (as mentioned) are pretty heavy. It's an honor and a responsibility. Some day you may have to choose people for this honor.
Keep a smile in your heart for old grandpa. |
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Posted: 1/3/2006 7:11:19 AM EDT
[#13]
sorry about your grandfather.
i was once a pallbearer. my only fear was dropping the casket. but once i thought of my Dad laughing at me for doing so it was ok a cake walk! oh yeah, my Dad was in the casket you'll be fine 
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Posted: 1/3/2006 7:18:49 AM EDT
[#14]
Yup...been there, done that.
Don't worry. The funeral director should help you out. If not...ASK. Take your time and stay frosty. It is an honor to carry the remains of a loved one or friend. |
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Posted: 1/3/2006 7:59:57 AM EDT
[#15]
For my Mother a couple of years ago.
Needed a haircut so I went to a local barber. Told them I had a date with my Mom. Weather was nasty in KY in January. They put astroturf over wood pallets as the wet weather was soaking the turf. NOT good. In KY, they put the casket in a steel or concrete vault. Keeps the caskets from popping up when the floods come. Anyway, as we were taking her to the vault, I tripped on a hidden pallet and the casket rammed into the steel vault. Dented & scratched the casket of course. I said, "Oops, sorry Mom". Got off my knee and back up on my feet and finished putting her on the lowering device. She is buried next to my two younger brothers and a her father. Grandma is still kick'in at 95. Mom died of cancer/emphasema... smoking. You DO NOT want to go this way. Trust me. This is part of life. Nothing to be freaked out about. Not the most pleasant part for sure. Closure for many. An honor for most. Only his body is in the casket. The rest of him, the part that is really important is in a better place. He is also in your memories. Watch your step. |
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Posted: 1/3/2006 8:24:31 AM EDT
[#16]
sorry for your loss
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Posted: 1/3/2006 8:32:34 AM EDT
[#17]
Sorry for your loss. My grandfather passed away just a year ago and I was a pallbearer.
There is no shame in using two hands if you have to. |
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Posted: 1/3/2006 10:05:02 AM EDT
[#18]
My Grandpa and my Grandma. As has been said numerous times, it is an honor. I looked at it as the last thing I could do for them on this world. I know they are in heaven but it was an honor to be able to one last kind thing for them before their bodies were buried. I plan to do the same for my parents one day, hopefully far in the future.
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Posted: 1/3/2006 10:07:46 AM EDT
[#19]
Sorry for your loss ....Our prayers will be for you and your family.
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Posted: 1/3/2006 10:11:38 AM EDT
[#20]
I've been the pall bearer at a lot of funerals.
Twice in just this past year alone. Being a big guy stinks sometimes. I have the recurring nightmare of slipping into the hole. |
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Posted: 1/3/2006 10:14:40 AM EDT
[#21]
I helped carry my mom.
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Posted: 1/3/2006 10:26:17 AM EDT
[#22]
Sorry for your loss.
If he is in Heaven with the Father he is in good hands. I've done it before. You will be fine. They should tell you what to do. |
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Posted: 1/3/2006 10:34:02 AM EDT
[#23]
I've only done it once. All my cousins are only 5'4........i'm 6'4, it killed me trying to hunch down to their level trying to keep the casket level.
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Posted: 1/3/2006 10:42:35 AM EDT
[#24]
Just this weekend. I always remember when I was a teenager, my cousin was killed in a car wreck. He was a big guy who "professional wrestled" on a local high school gym circuit. Anyway, he was heavy as you can imagine and in this old cemetary didin't have a paved path so we carried him uphill on grass in the rain in dress shoes. The funeral director was behind the casket leaning into it while we struggled to keep our footing and keep it up.
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Posted: 1/3/2006 10:42:39 AM EDT
[#25]
It may be harder still for others, do your part and carry your share - you will not be alone.
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Posted: 1/3/2006 10:42:46 AM EDT
[#26]
I was a pallbearer for my grandfather last week. I was nervous like you. It was my first time to do so. Just to back up what others said:
-it is an honor -you will be emotional, but when you grab the casket you will have to think about carrying it and not have enough time to get overly emotional. -The directors will guide you and tell you exactly what to do and also be there to act as a "spotter" if need be. I am very sorry for you loss. |
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Posted: 1/3/2006 10:44:34 AM EDT
[#27]
Sorry to hear of your loss, just remember that he is in a better place.
I had to do the same for my father-in-law this past November. He served in the Army, so we did the military funeral. It was very moving to hear Taps and the rest of the military ceremony. It was quite a tough thing to see the funeral flag presented to my mother-in-law and hear the words, "On behalf of the President of the United States and a grateful nation..." I kind of lost it after that.  I was one of the pallbearers. The funeral home had a wheeled gurney, so all we had to do was pull his coffin off the hearse (which had rollers) and wheel his coffin to the site. I wasn't expecting to have to wheel him back into the hearse (since the graveside ceremony did not take place at the actual graveside), so I had to help wheel the gurney with my 16 month old son in one arm. It was an honor to be one of his pallbearers, as I am sure you will be honored as well. |
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Posted: 1/3/2006 10:44:45 AM EDT
[#28]
While not new to death, I was in the same boat when my grandfather passed away. I was asked to be a pallbearer and honestly I didn't want to do it. I'm not good with funerals and death and all that shit. It was my grandfathers wish that the grandsons do it and thats the only reason why I did it. Emotionaly it was the hardest thing I've ever had to do in my life. |
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Posted: 1/3/2006 10:49:37 AM EDT
[#29]
I was a pallbearer for an uncle, he wanted all of his nephews to do it. Its' not a real big deal, casket was heavier than I though it would be.
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Posted: 1/3/2006 11:06:29 AM EDT
[#30]
Twice. Brother in Law and Father in Law. I Folded my Father in Law's Flag as well. I am tearing up as I type over that flag. Hardest flag I ever folded. Bring the Salute up as smartly as possisble, Hold for a three count and lower your arm slowly. Tears don't matter. The funeral director will have a flag to practice with, USE IT. The deceased is the only one who should ever unfold that flag(after the ressurection).
My wifes nephew insisted on carrying his uncle with me. That is a job for the in-laws. we put him in the middle so as not to drop the casket. Her was very upset and I was worried about the possibility of a dropped casket if he lost it. He lost it and my 17 year old son was following close to my wifes nephew and he stepped in and finished the trip. My heartfelt sympathies go out to you. I will NOT carry my father or my brothers. It is dissrespectful to drop or misshandle the casket in your understandable grief. |
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Posted: 1/3/2006 11:13:00 AM EDT
[#31]
Sorry for your loss. It's an honor to carry a friend or family member to their grave.
Basic routine - you will be assigned a position at the side of the casket, lift and carry to the hearse, ride behind the hearse in the funeral procession, lift and carry to the grave side. |
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Posted: 1/3/2006 11:22:47 AM EDT
[#32]
Indeed I have - at my grandfather's funeral a couple of years back. He was a Korea vet, and it was an honor. Myself and seven of my cousins carried the casket; I got a corner since all of my cousins are quite a bit younger than myself, and it was surprisingly heavy.
I'm sorry to hear about your loss, and don't be nervous, be proud. It's a sad day, but you're one of the loved ones selected for the duty, and it's an honorable one. |
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Posted: 1/3/2006 11:24:28 AM EDT
[#33]
You're not the only one, man. |
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Posted: 1/3/2006 11:42:23 AM EDT
[#34]
Last year almost to this day, Both of my Grampas passed away within a month of each other. I was a pallbearer for both, It certainly was an honor to do it. One suggestion that I would make if the funeral is going to be in cold weather, wear a good coat. One of my grampas was from Great Falls MT, the other from Minnesota, so It was pretty chilly for someone used to Arizona winters.
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Posted: 1/3/2006 11:43:06 AM EDT
[#35]
your grandpa a vet? i hope not cause taps is the most heart renching song ever but you dont realize what it really means till times like a fuenral. sorry for your loss
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Posted: 1/3/2006 12:52:37 PM EDT
[#36]
+too many..... You'll be fine. Sorry to hear about your loss. |
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Posted: 1/3/2006 2:02:25 PM EDT
[#37]
Part of becoming a man is seeing the need and paying for with you own money a :
Black Suit. I fu'ed my neck a few years back and can't lift any weight so I am not on the pallbearer lists. I think I did 2 or 3 before the crunch. Grandfather, grandmother and possibly one other, prolly Aunt Mary . One of them it was quite a trek to the grave and we were huffing and puffing by the time we got there { A.M. now that I think of it, total tragedy. Murdered by her deranged son with a butcher knife. Her other son sang beautifully at the funeral. That was a tear jerker }I think typically you normally don't carry your own parents but I could be out in left field. |
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Posted: 1/3/2006 2:14:39 PM EDT
[#38]
As an employee of my local funeral home my advice would be to follow the directions of the funeral director and take small steps so as not to loose your balance.
PS sorry to hear about your loss. Arnutt |
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Posted: 1/9/2006 7:16:17 PM EDT
[#39]
update page 1
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