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[ARCHIVED THREAD] - how clean should my wife keep the house? (Page 2 of 5)

Posted: 12/31/2005 10:29:10 AM EDT

[#1]

Wow I dide'nt expect this big a response. Maybe I struck a cord.

Posted: 12/31/2005 10:32:06 AM EDT

[#2]

Quoted:
Quoted:

I dont think she tries nearly as hard as she THINKS she does. We argue about it constantly. It might get better for a week but she goes back to her normal way. Yes we do have a 14 month old little girl, and yes she is 3 months pregnant. I mean the house is not disgusting but, I like my house clean what can I say. She's thinks I should help more. I help alot on weekends, but I work 11.5 hour shifts on weekdays, so i cant help that much. No she does not work.

Feedback from other married men please

soooo......... your wife is currently preggers with your mutant spawn, and you already have a 14 mo old kid, but your house just isn't clean enough by your standards?

Hahaha, and I thought I was an ass. Hire a maid! Seriously, have a maid come in every friday so the house will be nice and clean for your weekends. This way instead of cleaning on your weekends you can rub the wife's feet.

Couldn't have said it any better myself. Anyone w/small children, babies on the way, and wants perfection has issues......

Posted: 12/31/2005 10:33:47 AM EDT

[#3]

Quoted:
Quoted:
My advice is to tell her straight up. If you can't keep it clean, and your home all day, what do you expect me to do, besides work 11.5 hours a day during the week, and (never said how many) on the weekend so that you can stay home and complain about how messy the house is. Sorry, but being married does not make you her personal slave, nor do I think you should hire a maid. A maid will not help the situation. She just wants to complain about something, and that is the most noticable thing to her. If she can't understand that a marrage is "give and take" then she has no business being married. I tell my wife this: I'm fine with how the house is. If you don't like it, you fix it. I'll help with the general chores the best I can, but if something is so bad that your going to bitch at me, you were home before I was, by probably 3 hours or more, why didn't you do it?

PS> Why is it when there is a problem with this type of stuff, the wife always gets the breaks such as:

1. Hire a maid
2. Hubby do more, send wife to spa
3. Live with it

If I told my boss that I was too tired or otherwise too incapacitated to do my work well, and suggested any of those above things, I'd GET FIRED! And he'd be laughing as I walked out.

reread the original post, SHE is not complaining, he is.

I realize that. However, being that I have never complained about how messy the house was, I can't offer any advice on that particular problem, however I can offer a bit of insight that may or may not help.........as with any online discussion, one must take what they need, and ignore the rest.

Posted: 12/31/2005 10:34:55 AM EDT

[#4]

Either get over it now, or prepare to fight about this for the next 50 years. Nothing will ever change in regards to this. You attack her saying she does not do enough, she retaliates trying to put the same you never help enough guilt trip on her. This will be your life pattern, unless you just get over your obsessive cumpulsive neat freak behavior.

Posted: 12/31/2005 11:20:44 AM EDT

[#5]

Somewhere between both extremes of though there is some level of truth.

With a child and another one on the way, its insane to expect any level of perfection in the house. But a child, or pregnancy, isnt a get-out-of-jail free ticket to get out of cleaning the house,etc. For example - if something is really bothering you - you can't just NOT go into work. And she can't stop being a homemaker just because of pregnancy. But you both need to come to some common ground here by talking.

If she is a homemaker/stay at home mom - its understood that that alone is a full-time job. She needs your help and support now - but part of love is her showing you she is trying by consciencious actions on her part to keep the home relatively nice. If its really not up to your "standard" - and she's do everything she can - grab a mop.

The root of everything is communication. If its bothering you - you can get advice here - but you REALLY need to talk to her.

Posted: 12/31/2005 11:43:01 AM EDT

[#6]

Me and the wife have the same standards, keep a path to the couch, TV, bathroom, bedroom and kitchen and it's all good.

Posted: 12/31/2005 11:44:29 AM EDT

[#7]

Your wife has a young child and is preggers and you are bitching about a clean house?

Clean it your own damn self.

Posted: 12/31/2005 11:52:39 AM EDT

[#8]

Paul,

If there is one thing marrage has taught me it's this: If you want something done right you have to do it yourself.

And I've found that applies to keeping the house clean, cooking and sex.

Good luck.

Posted: 12/31/2005 11:53:14 AM EDT

[#9]

Quoted:
Well I am not a married guy, single, BUT I keep my house clean, and work a full time job, as well as do everything else related to the upkeep of my house.

If 1 person can do it, I dont see why 2 cant.

+1

Posted: 12/31/2005 11:58:12 AM EDT

[#10]

I fail to see how people need to clean much to begin with.

House work is:
Vacumn
Sweeping/Mopping
Dusting
Possibly Windexing the windows

You fools need to clean up after yourselves. Clean the kitchen AS you cook, or right after. Get the milk, eggs, meat or whatever out to cook, once you've poured it put it back, throw away the meat wrapper and wipe the counter. It is NOT hard. Put dishes in the dishwasher right after you eat, or rinse them off.

Teach your kids to do this as they grow up. It is NOT freaking hard. Yes its hard when, it seems, most Americans now do not pick up after themselves and then end up with a messy house.

She's a homemaker, she should be keeping the house relatively clean even with a young child. Some of the CLEANING might get slack since she is pregnet, but being messy and disorderly should NOT be suffering unless she or you gets shit out and doesn't put it up.

Posted: 12/31/2005 12:00:52 PM EDT

[#11]

<hands on hips>

You know what? If you're not happy with the way the house is cleaned, or you want something to be done differently, do it yourself.

Posted: 12/31/2005 12:05:49 PM EDT

[#12]

Quoted:
Either get over it now, or prepare to fight about this for the next 50 years. Nothing will ever change in regards to this. You attack her saying she does not do enough, she retaliates trying to put the same you never help enough guilt trip on her. This will be your life pattern, unless you just get over your obsessive cumpulsive neat freak behavior.

Although sound, this is coming from the guy with a sigline that says...

My wife does not like me, my daughter does not like me, why in hell should I care what someone on the internet who I have never met thinks of me. Your hatred-foo is weak.

Posted: 12/31/2005 12:14:08 PM EDT

[#13]

I'd suggest helping her more or not worring about it, if your feet are not sticking to the floor it can't be that bad.
My solution was to hire a house cleaner. Theres alot more important things in a marriagee to worry about. Been there done that.........................

Roy

Posted: 12/31/2005 12:21:09 PM EDT

[#14]

Quoted:
Paul,

If there is one thing marrage has taught me it's this: If you want something done right you have to do it yourself.

And I've found that applies to keeping the house clean, cooking and sex.

Good luck.

Posted: 12/31/2005 12:24:03 PM EDT

[#15]

Quoted:
I dare you to post this in the womens forum.

I triple dog dare you.

Posted: 12/31/2005 12:26:09 PM EDT

[#16]

Quoted:
<hands on hips>

You know what? If you're not happy with the way the house is cleaned, or you want something to be done differently, do it yourself.

See what I mean?

Posted: 12/31/2005 12:26:43 PM EDT

[#17]

Help out!

Posted: 12/31/2005 12:28:36 PM EDT

[#18]

Quoted:
Quoted:
<hands on hips>

You know what? If you're not happy with the way the house is cleaned, or you want something to be done differently, do it yourself.

See what I mean?

Hey, whatever gets you off your butt to lend a hand, we'll take it. Even if it means letting you believe you've done it the right way.

Posted: 12/31/2005 12:28:42 PM EDT

[#19]

have her clean 11.5 hours one day and see how she likes it. She is lazy.

Like my wife! And I almost left her a few times because of it. Makes me sick.

Posted: 12/31/2005 12:29:49 PM EDT

[#20]

Quoted:

I dont think she tries nearly as hard as she THINKS she does. We argue about it constantly. It might get better for a week but she goes back to her normal way. Yes we do have a 14 month old little girl, and yes she is 3 months pregnant. I mean the house is not disgusting but, I like my house clean what can I say. She's thinks I should help more. I help alot on weekends, but I work 11.5 hour shifts on weekdays, so i cant help that much. No she does not work.

Feedback from other married men please

It sounds like we're in a similar boat (almost). My wife wouldn't clean the house without a job, so I made her get one. So the house is still dirty, but at least we have more cash now.

Posted: 12/31/2005 12:31:41 PM EDT

[#21]

Quoted:
have her clean 11.5 hours one day and see how she likes it. She is lazy.

Like my wife! And I almost left her a few times because of it. Makes me sick.

Noooo, she's pregnant, with a 14 month old. I'm sure she wishes all she had to do was go to work.

Posted: 12/31/2005 12:36:51 PM EDT

[#22]

Quoted:
Quoted:
Quoted:
<hands on hips>

You know what? If you're not happy with the way the house is cleaned, or you want something to be done differently, do it yourself.

See what I mean?

Hey, whatever gets you off your butt to lend a hand, we'll take it. Even if it means letting you believe you've done it the right way.

I vaccum 2-3 times a week, I cook most (70%) of the dinners, I do dishes, laundry, yard work and clean the bathrooms. It might not be the right way but it gets done!

Posted: 12/31/2005 12:36:56 PM EDT

[#23]

Quoted:
Quoted:

I'm suprised by the sane and intelligent feedback. I was expecting to be called an assh@le. which I can be sometimes I relize. I think the maid service is a good idea. Not as easy to find out here away from the city, but i'm going to look. besides this I have no problems with my wife, she is a wonderful person and A great mother. Thanks everyone!

If that's what you want I'm still prepared to call you one!!

My answer to your question is the wife should keep it as clean as she feels she can and is willing. If you want it cleaner than that, do it yourself. My ex and I used to argue over this quite a bit and he'd sometimes gripe about how I did things so I quit doing the things he either complained about or made fun of me for. I don't think I had to vacuum the apartment for over a year. He didn't want the dishwasher used but would get frustrated if I didn't do the dishes. I'm sorry, a dishwasher has a purpose, and if one is available I'm gonna use it rather than do them by hand, so I'd let 'em stack up til he did them. You don't like the way I do things, do it yourself was my motto. The complaint of I work all day didn't apply either 'cause we had a child and both worked full time.

By the way, children can destroy in 5 minutes what it took you two hours to accomplish.

You vaccum once a year AND use the dishwahser?

Wanna get married?

Posted: 12/31/2005 12:38:12 PM EDT

[#24]

Quoted:
I'm suprised by the sane and intelligent feedback.

so am i

define "CLEAN"

there is a HUGE difference between dirty and messy

my house is messy 99% of the time--what needs to be clean is clean

Posted: 12/31/2005 12:41:19 PM EDT

[#25]

Hire a maid to come in once a month or more.

Posted: 12/31/2005 12:47:30 PM EDT

[#26]

Quoted:
have her clean 11.5 hours one day and see how she likes it. She is lazy.

Like my wife! And I almost left her a few times because of it. Makes me sick.

Posted: 12/31/2005 12:49:01 PM EDT

[#27]

Quoted:
Quoted:
Quoted:
Quoted:
<hands on hips>

You know what? If you're not happy with the way the house is cleaned, or you want something to be done differently, do it yourself.

See what I mean?

Hey, whatever gets you off your butt to lend a hand, we'll take it. Even if it means letting you believe you've done it the right way.

I vaccum 2-3 times a week, I cook most (70%) of the dinners, I do dishes, laundry, yard work and clean the bathrooms. It might not be the right way but it gets done!

Perfect. IM inbound with home address.

Posted: 12/31/2005 12:52:00 PM EDT

[#28]

I don't say a word about the house and never have. If I see something that I don't like I clean it up. While I work 60-70 hours a week, my wife works about 115 hours a week as a stay at home assylum keeper. Anyone who says stay at home moms don't work is a disfunctional turd.

Posted: 12/31/2005 12:53:11 PM EDT

[#29]

Quoted:
I don't say a word about the house and never have. If I see something that I don't like I clean it up. While I work 60-70 hours a week, my wife works about 115 hours a week as a stay at home assylum keeper. Anyone who says stay at home moms don't work is a disfunctional turd.

jasons.net/images/santascream.jpg

Whoa, he is reaaaally not happy.

Posted: 12/31/2005 12:54:21 PM EDT

[#30]

I really don't understand alot of you guys. I always thought that cleaning was something that women did because THEY wanted the house to be clean. My apartment is pretty much always a mess. As long as there's no smell and no bugs then who the hell cares? Push that pile of clothes on the floor, sit down and shut up.

Posted: 12/31/2005 12:56:43 PM EDT

[#31]

As clean as YOU WANT IT.

<--------Divorced

I will never again marry a woman who bitches about doing the housework, especially if she works outside the home very little if at all.......

Posted: 12/31/2005 12:58:32 PM EDT

[#32]

Quoted:
Quoted:
I don't say a word about the house and never have. If I see something that I don't like I clean it up. While I work 60-70 hours a week, my wife works about 115 hours a week as a stay at home assylum keeper. Anyone who says stay at home moms don't work is a disfunctional turd.

jasons.net/images/santascream.jpg

Whoa, he is reaaaally not happy.

Yeah, the ol guy probably makes maximum $10 an hour, and he has to put up with screaming people.

Oh, you mean the kid...

Posted: 12/31/2005 12:58:49 PM EDT

[#33]

Quoted:
Whoa, he is reaaaally not happy.

Pissed is more like it. Our son is on year two of being freaked out by Santa. We did a flank manuever this year and got him right up to the Santa Village and dropped him on Santa's lap. He immediately started doing the hibbity jibbity and as you can see Santa was working on a child retention grip.

It's all a part of the Christmas miricle!

Jason

Posted: 12/31/2005 1:00:02 PM EDT

[#34]

Ha, you need to realize chasing little ones is work.
So you complain that she is not. Also try being around
people that their minds are still developing and not being
able to get the empathy or validation that women need.
Yes, we men got our friends at work and buddies to talk to.
Then we come home and to crawl into our own space, say
how hard we had it, and sorta shut them out.
Women need interaction that's different than we are used to.
Take her out, talk, set aside time for you and her. Now to
cleaning, every time you walk by something you don't like
pick it up or clean it. After awhile the place won't be messy.
Lead by example.

Posted: 12/31/2005 1:00:58 PM EDT

[#35]

Quoted:
If your shoes stick to the kitchen floor she is not even trying.

If dust puffs up out of the carpet when you walk across it she is not doing enough.

You could spend a half hour a day helping out.

BS. Not when he is working 11 1/2 hours a day to keep the roof over her head and put food on the table.
My most recent GF drove two hours to work, worked 8-10 hours a day, and when she came here the only thing she was worried about was cleaning and making me some supper.

With her not working, if it was me, I would tell her to STFU and keep them damn house clean. I would probably couch the phrase in much more acceptable language, but I sure wouldn't kiss her ass either.

ETA.......my experience was WITHOUT kids, so it's a little different. That said, offer to swap jobs for a week and see what happens. That was one of my proposals to me ex when she bitched about the housework. She wouldn't take me up on it for some reason.

Every two weeks, watch the kids for her so she can get out of the house and spend a day with friends or her family, and take a break. Take her out on a date every so often. If that doesn't help, let the fighting commence.

Posted: 12/31/2005 1:04:13 PM EDT

[#36]

Quoted:
Quoted:
Quoted:
I don't say a word about the house and never have. If I see something that I don't like I clean it up. While I work 60-70 hours a week, my wife works about 115 hours a week as a stay at home assylum keeper. Anyone who says stay at home moms don't work is a disfunctional turd.

jasons.net/images/santascream.jpg

Whoa, he is reaaaally not happy.

Yeah, the ol guy probably makes maximum $10 an hour, and he has to put up with screaming people.

Oh, you mean the kid...

No, I was talking about Santa. Yeah, the kid looks a little upset.

Posted: 12/31/2005 1:04:17 PM EDT

[#37]

Quoted:
Lead by example.

It boils down to empathy. I take a day off here and there and send my wife out from dawn to dusk to do whatever she wants. It is absolute hell for me as I can't really dig on the screaming sometimes. But it also keeps me grounded. We are blessed with local trustworthy people to help us with babysitting. They are worth every penny and as we become financially stable once again (we invested in a new business this year) we will hire regular day help to come in with the kids.

I never had any idea how hard it was to care for children until we had our first two.

Posted: 12/31/2005 1:05:07 PM EDT

[#38]

Quoted:
Ha, you need to realize chasing little ones is work.
So you complain that she is not. Also try being around
people that their minds are still developing and not being
able to get the empathy or validation that women need.
Yes, we men got our friends at work and buddies to talk to.
Then we come home and to crawl into our own space, say
how hard we had it, and sorta shut them out.
Women need interaction that's different than we are used to.
Take her out, talk, set aside time for you and her. Now to
cleaning, every time you walk by something you don't like
pick it up or clean it. After awhile the place won't be messy.
Lead by example.

If I ever get divorced, I'm looking you up.

Posted: 12/31/2005 1:09:04 PM EDT

[#39]

Quoted:
Either get over it now, or prepare to fight about this for the next 50 years. Nothing will ever change in regards to this. You attack her saying she does not do enough, she retaliates trying to put the same you never help enough guilt trip on her. This will be your life pattern, unless you just get over your obsessive cumpulsive neat freak behavior.

Yeah!!! Dave got over it years ago.

Posted: 12/31/2005 1:18:35 PM EDT

[#40]

Quoted:
Quoted:
Quoted:
Quoted:
Quoted:
<hands on hips>

You know what? If you're not happy with the way the house is cleaned, or you want something to be done differently, do it yourself.

See what I mean?

Hey, whatever gets you off your butt to lend a hand, we'll take it. Even if it means letting you believe you've done it the right way.

I vaccum 2-3 times a week, I cook most (70%) of the dinners, I do dishes, laundry, yard work and clean the bathrooms. It might not be the right way but it gets done!

Perfect. IM inbound with home address.

Stop! You know I already have a weak spot for blondes and Audi TTs

Posted: 12/31/2005 1:19:29 PM EDT

[#41]

This morning I cleaned the little one's room, swept and mopped the kitchen, picked up the living room, picked all the clothes up off the bathroom floor and I made mexican food for lunch. So for all you people, this isnt a rare thing I do these things all time. But But But, Dishes sitting there on the counter with food on them for more than 2 days in WRONG. I dont want to get my laundry out of the dryer, thats what a DRAWER is for. I dont want a spotless house, just picked up.

Posted: 12/31/2005 1:20:59 PM EDT

[#42]

Quoted:

Stop! You know I already have a weak spot for blondes and Audi TTs

Where've YOU been? I got rid of the Audi, got an Infinity, then got a Durango. Keep up, will ya?

Posted: 12/31/2005 1:24:05 PM EDT

[#43]

Quoted:
This morning I cleaned the little one's room, swept and mopped the kitchen, picked up the living room, picked all the clothes up off the bathroom floor and I made mexican food for lunch. So for all you people, this isnt a rare thing I do these things all time. But But But, Dishes sitting there on the counter with food on them for more than 2 days in WRONG. I dont want to get my laundry out of the dryer, thats what a DRAWER is for. I dont want a spotless house, just picked up.

She is lazy, no two ways around it. Kids or not, she be finding time to make sure that the dishes aren't piling up and that the laundry is put away. That is basic stuff.

Posted: 12/31/2005 1:29:43 PM EDT

[#44]

Posted: 12/31/2005 1:34:41 PM EDT

[#45]

Quoted:
Quoted:
Think about hiring a maid to come in once a month to do deep cleaning.

+1

My wife does a great job taking care of our home and our infant daughter, but I have a cleaning service come in once a month to do a thorough cleaning.

Hire one of those topless maid services.

The house will be cleaned, trust me.

Posted: 12/31/2005 1:36:13 PM EDT

[#46]

Quoted:
This morning I cleaned the little one's room, swept and mopped the kitchen, picked up the living room, picked all the clothes up off the bathroom floor and I made mexican food for lunch. So for all you people, this isnt a rare thing I do these things all time. But But But, Dishes sitting there on the counter with food on them for more than 2 days in WRONG. I dont want to get my laundry out of the dryer, thats what a DRAWER is for. I dont want a spotless house, just picked up.

I was going to slam you pretty good until i read that, sounds to me like she thinks just because shes preg. she dont have to do anything else, i would be extremly pissed, there is a big diffrence between clutterd and nasty, sounds like she needs a damn good talking too

Posted: 12/31/2005 1:37:49 PM EDT

[#47]

Quoted:
img.photobucket.com/albums/v462/Stinke/punch.jpg

isn't....funny....must....not....laugh

Posted: 12/31/2005 1:38:10 PM EDT

[#48]

Quoted:
Clean enough that you dont have to use a closed hand for disipline

Nah, don't forget the "rule of thumb".....

Posted: 12/31/2005 1:46:47 PM EDT

[#49]

Quoted:
Quoted:
This morning I cleaned the little one's room, swept and mopped the kitchen, picked up the living room, picked all the clothes up off the bathroom floor and I made mexican food for lunch. So for all you people, this isnt a rare thing I do these things all time. But But But, Dishes sitting there on the counter with food on them for more than 2 days in WRONG. I dont want to get my laundry out of the dryer, thats what a DRAWER is for. I dont want a spotless house, just picked up.

She is lazy, no two ways around it. Kids or not, she be finding time to make sure that the dishes aren't piling up and that the laundry is put away. That is basic stuff.

+1 How long does it take to keep the house clean? Even with kids it should be 1-2 hours a day at most.

Posted: 12/31/2005 2:22:40 PM EDT

[#50]

He didn't want the dishwasher used but would get frustrated if I didn't do the dishes. I'm sorry, a dishwasher has a purpose, and if one is available I'm gonna use it rather than do them by hand, so I'd let 'em stack up til he did them.

Was he trying to "save" the dishwasher? WTF do dishes by hand instead of using the dishwasher.

-Dan.

[ARCHIVED THREAD] - how clean should my wife keep the house? (Page 2 of 5)

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