Posted: 12/15/2005 10:36:02 AM EDT
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Where's God Now??? Two things to know before you read below: Marines are taught: 1) Keep your priorities in order and 2) Know when to act without hesitation. A Marine was attending a college course between missions in Iraq and Afghanistan. The professor, an avowed atheist, shocked the class one day when he walked in, looked toward the ceiling, and said loudly, "God, if you are real, then I want you to knock me off this platform. I'll give you exactly 15 minutes." The lecture room fell silent and the professor began his lecture. Ten minutes went by and the professor proclaimed, "Here I am God - still waiting." It got down to the last minute when the Marine stood up, walked toward the professor and threw his best punch knocking him off the platform and out cold. The Marine went back to his seat and sat down. The other students were shocked and stunned and sat there looking on in silence. The professor came to, noticeably shaken, looked at the Marine and asked, "What the hell is the matter with you? Why did you do that?" The Marine calmly replied, "God is busy today protecting America's soldiers who are protecting your right to behave like an idiot. So He sent me." |
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Reminds me of two things: The storm was coming, and the local sheriff stopped by Old Lady Johnsons house. "Ma'am, you want me to escort you to safety, your in a flood plain, and they say its going to flood tonight." Ms Johnson sat in her chair on the porch bible in hand, "Dont worry about me, Sheriff, God will protect me." Well the storm came, the rivers swelled, and her first floor was already flooded. A patrol boat came by, they told Ms Johnson to get in and get to safety. Bible in had, Ms Johnson said, not to worry, God will protect me. Well this storm was a doozy, and before you know it, the 2nd floor was flooded, and Ms Johnson had to sit on the roof. A Coast Guard helicopter came by, urging her to get on. Ms Johnson refused. Saying that God would save her! Well, poor Ms Johnson, the water rose and she was washed off her house and drowned. When she got to Heaven, she saw Jesus and ask, "Lordy, Lordy, Jesus! Why didnt you save me from the flood?" Jesus looked at her and said, "Didnt you get the car, boat, and helicopter I sent to you?" ---------------------------------------------------------------------- "If you've done it right, people aren't sure you've done anything at all." - God, Futurama |
First time I've heard it, very nice. |
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This is the 87th time I've read it. The story originally involved Chuck Norris round house kicking the bastard into low earth orbit but it scared too many professors into hiding so the story was changed. Seriously this feel good crap being posted every week is gay.  Quick somebody post the one about the US Soldier bitch slapping the muslim woman in the grocery store for getting pissy at a US flag pin! It's not like this story ever actually happened. I'm going to make one up about a Green Beret saving a puppy from a burning house and see how much it changes and how many times it gets posted. 
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