[rant] HR-speak > General Discussion

Posted: 11/3/2005 1:52:49 PM EDT

I'm going to puke if I see one more job opening with the phrases:

• Must be highly motivated.
• Must be able to listen effectively.
• In depth understanding/knowledge of < … >
• Must have excellent verbal skills and ability to communicate effectively.
• Great attention to detail.
• Must be a mature, responsible self starter.
• Must possess a high sense of urgency.
• Strong working knowledge of MS Office (Word, Excel).

Posted: 11/3/2005 2:42:33 PM EDT

[#1]

So.... you don't qualify?

Explain your rant.

Posted: 11/3/2005 2:46:09 PM EDT

[#2]

I'm curious as to the definition of 'dead bodies' as it is used in HR circles.

Posted: 11/3/2005 2:53:40 PM EDT

[#3]

One of my favorites, "area of opportunity."

Posted: 11/3/2005 2:57:41 PM EDT

[#4]

Make sure your resume highlights every one of those qualities in one way or another, and don't worry about it. The idea is to get past HR, and in front of somebody who matters. Play the game, make sure HR likes your resume, and you're in like Flynn.

Posted: 11/3/2005 3:03:03 PM EDT

[#5]

"Whack your Boss"

Posted: 11/3/2005 3:13:21 PM EDT

[#6]

Quoted:
I'm going to puke if I see one more job opening with the phrases:

• Must be highly motivated. Crap! If I'm late for the appointment with my parole officer, I'm going back in!
• Must be able to listen effectively. OK, that's the third time she's mentioned how strong her ex was. I'd better flex a little,
• In depth understanding/knowledge of < … > For Pete's sake, Tom, you don't use the whole match. Just the head! When's the last time you saw somebody smoking meth with paper matchsticks sticking out of it?
• Must have excellent verbal skills and ability to communicate effectively. Freeze Motherfucker! Don't even BLINK! Gimme your wallet or you're dead meat.
• Great attention to detail. OK. It looks like the camera is there in the upper right-had corner of the ATM kiosk. I can cover it with my skully before I get in view, if I approach from the left.
• Must be a mature, responsible self starter. Look, I did fifteen on each of the last two jobs. I don't have time to sit around. I say we take the armored car during the morning run. Meet me at Elm and Main at 7:30 tomorrow.
• Must possess a high sense of urgency. If I do not do a line in the next 10 minutes, I am going to FREAK THE FUCK OUT. Now take me to Larry's or move over and let me drive!
• Strong working knowledge of MS Office (Word, Excel). I'm a quick learner.

How'd I do? Do I get the job?

Posted: 11/3/2005 3:15:17 PM EDT

[#7]

Quoted:
Quoted:
I'm going to puke if I see one more job opening with the phrases:

• Must be highly motivated. Crap! If I'm late for the appointment with my parole officer, I'm going back in!
• Must be able to listen effectively. OK, that's the third time she's mentioned how strong her ex was. I'd better flex a little,
• In depth understanding/knowledge of < … > For Pete's sake, Tom, you don't use the whole match. Just the head! When's the last time you saw somebody smoking meth with paper matchsticks sticking out of it?
• Must have excellent verbal skills and ability to communicate effectively. Freeze Motherfucker! Don't even BLINK! Gimme your wallet or you're dead meat.
• Great attention to detail. OK. It looks like the camera is there in the upper right-had corner of the ATM kiosk. I can cover it with my skully before I get in view, if I approach from the left.
• Must be a mature, responsible self starter. Look, I did fifteen on each of the last two jobs. I don't have time to sit around. I say we take the armored car during the morning run. Meet me at Elm and Main at 7:30 tomorrow.
• Must possess a high sense of urgency. If I do not do a line in the next 10 minutes, I am going to FREAK THE FUCK OUT. Now take me to Larry's or move over and let me drive!
• Strong working knowledge of MS Office (Word, Excel). I'm a quick learner.

How'd I do? Do I get the job?

When can you start ?

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[ARCHIVED THREAD] - [rant] HR-speak

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