Quoted: Quoted: no problem, Hawkeye, you obviously are the life of the party there, and no doubt a popular socialite as a result of your denigration of poor newbie nurses.  In case you didn't catch on, I wasn't the only one who just didn't burst into a raving cackle at your childish idiocy.   I'm sure you need humor in a hospital, and maybe you chose the proper person, place, and time, but you sure made it sound like you took advantage of the lady.  so if i'm wrong, then excuse me.  But by all means, keep the side splitting humor coming! FordGuy.. ease up there.. a little humor in a job (Especially a high stress one) can be a great ice breaker.. I was both on the giving and the receiving end of those practical jokes. it lightens the mood. Believe it or not, when a newbie is on the receiving end of a practical joke, it eases the tension of a new person trying to fit it. By BEING part of the joke, it is 10 times better than being ignored and yelled at. do you agree?

You are a smart man.  They instantly feel like they are part of the family.  In a screwed up way, they think they care enough to fuck with me.  People who are not liked or are asshats dont get jokes played on them or nor are they included in any activities.

Quoted: Quoted: Quoted: no problem, Hawkeye, you obviously are the life of the party there, and no doubt a popular socialite as a result of your denigration of poor newbie nurses.  In case you didn't catch on, I wasn't the only one who just didn't burst into a raving cackle at your childish idiocy.   I'm sure you need humor in a hospital, and maybe you chose the proper person, place, and time, but you sure made it sound like you took advantage of the lady.  so if i'm wrong, then excuse me.  But by all means, keep the side splitting humor coming! FordGuy.. ease up there.. a little humor in a job (Especially a high stress one) can be a great ice breaker.. I was both on the giving and the receiving end of those practical jokes. it lightens the mood. Believe it or not, when a newbie is on the receiving end of a practical joke, it eases the tension of a new person trying to fit it. By BEING part of the joke, it is 10 times better than being ignored and yelled at. do you agree? You are a smart man.  They instantly feel like they are part of the family.  In a screwed up way, they think they care enough to fuck with me.  People who are not liked or are asshats dont get jokes played on them or nor are they included in any activities.

THAT was the wording I was looking for!!! This sciatica has my brain in stand by mode and aint working for sheeeeut!!!

Doc!  

It isn't nice to piss off the nursy-poos!

Quoted: Doc!   It isn't nice to piss off the nursy-poos!

Thats the truth, but if you are playing a joke on them, they like it.  Most of them are masochists to some degree like the rest of us.  

Believe me if a nurse wants to fuck with you they can.

ARDOC,

That's an interesting story.

Here's another one:

www.ar15.com/forums/topic.html?b=7&f=109&t=295247

If you ever see a Flight Attendant taking a hefty bag from  seat to seat, air vent to air vent, Just lean out of her way and let her get her "Air Sample"  

Another classic is telling her that  "We may have to divert because we have exceeded the "Speed of Heat"
They think you are bullshitting until you let them touch the windshield>  It's hot (heated) and always elicites a concerned wide-eyed look.


BTW-  A Dr. would not brag about "Nailing a Nurse"  in a sexual way.  That would be akin to a rock star nailing a groupie, or a pilot nailing a flt attendent, or a trucker nailing prostitute,  a prisoner nailing his cellmate, or a ...............well, you know.  Just par for the course, nothing to post home about.    

You people will be cursed in the next life.  I have never thought these kinds of things are appropriate on the job.  Its a new employee you want to freaking TRAIN them on how to work hard, not 1.) not trust you and 2.) how to slack off like you are doing.

Seriously how is it funny if they don't know???  Its like the knitting club telling you to get a left handed yarn spindle do hikey?  Of course you don't know because you JUST STARTED....but I guess if you guys were content to quit the 5th grade after you lerned how to sifer as good as jethro it's funny.

This is why I'm your boss  Back to work bitches!

Edit: No it doesn't break the ice because your single them out and make fun of their ignorance.  Oohh great way to get someone on your good side.  Plus you are re-enforcing negative work values on the job site.

Plenty have tried to get me in my short work history, but they always fail against my intellect.

"Nail Stretcher"
Where is it
"In the van"
Where in the van
"In the back"
What is it in in the back
"In the tool bag"
The tool bag is right there, it isnt in the van
"Its in the van"
How do you know have you looked in the tool bag (points)
"Just go look"
What does it look like
"It has a yellow handle"
But what is it shaped like
"I don't know"
Well since you used it last, why don't you get it, and I will finish up here

They usually get pissed off at that point.

I actually sent a guy up to a hardware store to get a bottle of "level bubbles" once.  Sent another one to an auto parts store for muffler bearings and plugs and points for a Plymouth diesel engine.  Ahhh newbies on the josb.  Always good for a laugh.....................

Quoted: I actually sent a guy up to a hardware store to get a bottle of "level bubbles" once.  Sent another one to an auto parts store for muffler bearings and plugs and points for a Plymouth diesel engine.  Ahhh newbies on the josb.  Always good for a laugh.....................

Quoted: Patty anymore stapling of animals?

No but I'm playing your line and artificially inseminating a bitch this next week.   Patty

"headlight fluid"

Oh man, and I was expecting pics!

I hate OB procedures... you can only look at that stuff so much... theres some pretty scary ones too.

Quoted: Pshaw, I have a much better "nailing a nurse" story.

As do I...I'm married to one.

Quoted: Metric crescent wrench

That used to be one of my favorites, but Craftsman started making the damn things now and ruined the joke.  

If you don't believe me, the red and black handled "professional" crescent wrenched are marked in METRIC graduations opposite the standard graduations.. UGH.

I used to nail a nurse all the time...
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Then we got married, now, not so much...

"Sky Hook"

I don't know how many times I've heard that one.  Funny thing is, there is a Sky Hook.  The "Fify Hook" (french name) is also called a "Sky Hook".  It's a climbing tool, primarily for aid routes but it can also find it's uses in sport climbing.

I have a boss who just loves the "Go to the truck and in the silver box you'll find a sky hook" bit.  I fell for it the first time, but only because I was looking there wondering why the hell this guy would keep a Fify Hook in his tool box.  This only encouraged him, and I heard the "Go get a Sky Hook" bit weekly for a while.  Finally I remembered to bring my Sky Hook to work and kept it in my back pocket.  When he finally asked for one I just reached back and trew him the climbing piece.  He looked at it puzzled, and I told him "That's a sky hook."  

Last time he asked me for one.