[ARCHIVED THREAD] - Homeschool Humor (Page 1 of 3)
Posted: 5/31/2005 8:24:41 AM EDT
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I know there are others on this board that homeschool their children like my wife and I do. This thread is about the funny things non-homechoolers say about us. THIS IS NOT A THREAD about 'bashing' Homeschooling or Public Education. One e-mail I recently received on the subject of humor: ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- The Dumbest Thing YOU Ever Heard, Part 1 By Mike Farris My recent column requesting "dumb statements" people had made regarding homeschooling yielded a bumper crop of lols (laugh out loud) and a few rofls (rolling on the floor laughing). I got a great number of wonderful entries -- far too many to publish. Today's column is the first of two. Here are half of the top entries, this week's winners, and my comments interspersed. Here come the comments. From Kara Becker: Our realtor learned we were home schooling. She commented about the lack of social development that would result, but tried to still be positive by adding, "Even though they couldn't be realtors, thank goodness that there are lot of jobs out there which don't require people skills." Mike: Thank you, Dale Carnegie (author of "How to Win Friends and Influence People"). From the Austin family: A stranger said, "Don't you think your children are being deprived of the thrill of buying school supplies at Wal-Mart when everyone else does?" From Angela Blackman: A friend who is a paralegal at a very busy law firm said, "How can you ever think you can keep up with having four kids at home? Don't they just run you off your feet? I'd be exhausted by the end of the day." Mike: It is a proven fact that assisting two lawyers is the equivalent of having six kids or else tending a dozen snakes -- depending on the age of the lawyer. From Pamela Minerd: My father asked, "Will I have to bail you out of jail for this?" From MDT: My neighbor was picking my brain about getting the public school to challenge her first grader. She was concerned because my first grader was already reading while her son of the same age was just learning the sounds of letters. Nonetheless she challenged my home schooling saying my son would still miss out. "It's important for him socially too. He needs to be offered drugs so he can turn them down." From Marci Zinn: A family member said, "You are just doing this for yourself so you won't have to buy the kids any school clothes." Mike: Working 8+ hours a day for 12+ years just smacks of selfishness if you ask me. From MDT: A friend asked, "Do you use books?" From Rose Mary Coffey: When my husband told his mother that we were going to home school, she replied, "What makes Rose Mary think she has the right to teach my grandchildren?" Mike: It's in the same clause of the Constitution which gives grandmas the right to feed cookies and candy to the grandkids an hour before being sent home for dinner. From the Karoutsos Family: My six year old son was very fidgety in the dentist's chair. Afterwards the dentist spoke to me and told me of his fidgetiness and said, "Your son did not sit still. It is possibly due to the fact that you home school him." Mike: I guess he thought that dentistry was so boring he would branch out into child psychology. From Pam Hynes: I told an old friend from high school how my son was able to progress in each subject at his own rate. She earnestly replied, "What if he learns it all before he finishes high school?" From the Austin family: A female public school teacher said, "Your son will turn out to be much too feminine or gay because you home school him. Being with his mother so much is not good for boys." Mike: I guess that spending ages 5 through 12 with female public school teachers would be better. From Laurie Winkelmann: I took my daughter to a podiatrist who specialized in treating plantar warts. I asked how children contracted these warts. He told me that they often come from locker rooms or swimming pools. When I told him that since we home school it wouldn't be a locker room, but we do take a swimming class, he replied, "Yup, home schooling, that certainly explains it." Mike: Sounds like someone needs to breath a little fresh air between foot examinations. THIS WEEK'S WINNER From Dawn Howey: A Christian friend, "God didn't homeschool Jesus, He sent Him away to school." Mike: I think the friend needs to be sent away to Sunday School. The Dumbest Thing YOU Ever Heard, Part 2 From Susan Shay: "Won't they miss out on learning a lot of important stuff? I mean, how will they ever learn to stand in line?" (Similar statements were made to Gita Schmitz and Kathi Kearney.) Mike: Thank goodness for the rigorous standards of Goals 2000. From Tracy Pina: An acquaintance said, "Every kid has to get beat up a few times in public school or they won't be able to cope in the real world." Mike: Sticks and stones will break my bones or else I won't be well rounded. From Clarence and Barbara Hawkins: A home school family in our town took their school days off in the middle of the week to match the father's job schedule. Some nosey neighbors had the family investigated for home schooling on Saturday! Mike: Reminds me of the social services case I had in Alabama where a mother was hotlined for allowing her children to read books in the back of the van while she drove around town. From MDT: A friend said, "MY child is being a light in a dark place, but I guess SOME children are not able to do that." Mike: With that much condescension that lady probably fogs up her own glasses. From Michelle Nichols: A woman asked a home school friend of mine, "If you don't send your children to school, who is going to teach them their morals?" Mike: Yeah, like the moral necessity of beating up other kids on the playground if we are to believe another comment we read. From Barb Palmer: Our girls' friends from the neighborhood ask, "If you are home schooled, who teaches you?" From the Austin family: A friend said, "Won't your children miss the experience of the goods and bads of dating people from other cultural and religious backgrounds?" From Char Brady: A mother from my daughter's former public school class said, "If you were more involved in your child's education, then you wouldn't have to home school." From MDT: An acquaintance asked, "How can you possibly give them enough one-on- one time?" Mike (stolen from MDT): I guess the kids would get more one-on-one time in a classroom of 30. From "Ozchick": A friend asked me what we were going to do during a public school snow day. I replied that we were going ahead with school. The friend replied, "That's silly. Why make your kids work since no one will be around to grade their papers?" Not to be outdone, that same friend heard me describe how I was teaching my children baking from the Colonial period. A recent project was making a cake from scratch. She replied, "Where can I buy a box of scratch, I've never heard of it?" From Nancy Persaud From a 5thgrade geography textbook, "Maps are smaller than the areas they represent." From Dana Estes: A friend said, "I could NEVER home school my children. I can't imagine spending that much time with them." She is a public school teacher. AND THIS WEEK'S WINNER: From Cherie Oliver: My daughter was born three months early and had severe brain damage. We were told to put her in a home and forget about her. At the age of three the state said that "special" children needed to be sent to the public school system so that they could get the classes they needed. When I told them I was going to home school my daughter, the school worker came unglued. She said, "But the state can make her into a better, more dependent entity." My daughter is now a first grader who reads, writes, and does all the other first grader things. She is the most independent six year-old I know. Mike: Incredible. Truly incredible. "A child is a Gift of Life and Love! |
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A few years back I took my homeschooled 10 y.o. daughter to the local animal sanctuary with other homeschoolers. While there we saw a wild turkey which many kids have never seen before. My daughter licked her lips and asked where the "wild gravy" has because she was hungry!  Sgat1r5 |
+1 In Oregon in order to be able to continue home schooling your child must remain above the 15% percentile. When I began home schooling my son William was at the 7%. My school district sued me to bring him back to school based on the fact that his State scores were below the recommended percentile [this was his scores when they had him]. The judge summed it up the best when he said in his opening statement that this was the most audacious case he has ever heard that a child could not be home schooled until the state got its act together and taught him more. Patty |
Not quite. What I mean is their social skills suck... and they still act like they are in Jr. High when they are in their mid-twenties... I am not looking for a girl that puts out before marriage. At least, that's the girls I know. |
I can see retarded development of social skills in home-schooled children, but as sarge alluded to, that ain't always a bad thing..... |
What social skills? My kids act maturely, can carry on an ADULT conversation and behave well. If they are missing out on the social skills of teen sex and how to use a condom then I think they will be okay. SGatr15 |
The price you pay in the Infantry... on the other hand, all women start looking good eventually. Lower standards = more satisfaction. 
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There are as varied children in homeschools as there are in public school. If we're going to generalize I would say that home school children on average have a difficult time respecting adults that do not home school as they often believe they are on the 'same wave' as the adult. For an example: My cousin has homeschooled her kids entirely - her kids talk down to many adults [myself included] and when my cousin and I get together to visit [which isn't often since she lives in Texas and Alaska] they will interrupt up and try to be included in our conversation - where as my own children are more apt to leave the adults alone and get something started with the kids. I've seen this repeatedly within my own home school network. Now I wouldn't blame home schooling for this - it's more of a parenting problem in my opinion but it is a problem. I also can see the concerns the young man brought up about immaturity with girls. Even though I went through public and Catholic schools as a kid I knew what in the heck was going on but protecting a child from the abuses of society is not a bad thing. Granted sooner than later they will have to deal with society BUT whos to say that the best thing for the child is to be thrown to the wolves early on? Patty |
| We home schooled our daughter for 3 years, this was her first year in "school". It's a zoo, and my wife continues to school her at home. We may well have to either 100% homeschool or at least heavily augment our son, as while he has "associative language disorder", he is off the scale brilliant, and school will bore him on the plus side and short change him on the area he has needs. I cannot speak highly enough of homeschooling, when done by parents who CARE and do it RIGHT. Conversely, I have also been expose to "parents" who deserved many of those statements due to the cavalier manner in which they "schooled" the kids. All in all, I must come sharply down on the home school side. Our daught will continue to attend PS in the day, but receive true education at night, and occasionally over the summer. |
Exactly. When people ask me if I am worried about these so called "social skills" and my children "missing them" , I ask exactly what "skill" it is they are refering and what "skill" a unionized gummit employee is better able to teach my children than my wife and I? Talking to adults? Talking with peers? ( Church, sunday school, neighborhood friends, little league, cub scouts, soccer, softball, church camp, tennis lessons, neighborhood pool) or Cursing, dressing like sluts, and hanging out at the mall talking on the cellphone? Right, where do I sign them up for that. |
That's what I meant. FWIW, I've known some kids that did have a pretty isolationist view of the world after being home-schooled, but not all of them by no means. In that case, I think it was because of things other than home-schooling. |
Odd, most of the homeschoolers I know are all perfectly capable of interacting with people of all age groups with respect and intelligence--senior citizens, adults, their peers and younger kids. I will admit that they tend to not socialize well with other kids their age, because they tend to think the public schoolers talk about nothing but video and trading card games. I have always thought of public school as a "Lord of The Flies" environment--a bunch of kids setting the rules, while the adult supervision is either absent or helpless. That's why we've been homeschooling for six years. |
My aunt home schooled all 6 of her children. They are very smart kids, but are very shy and don't do all to well socializing with others. The two oldest had problems getting into college. I'm not saying at all that my aunt didn't do a very good job; she's a brilliant woman and was very dedicated to her children's education. Personally, I'd strongly consider home schooling my child (when we have one, that is). I think the public school system has gone downhill, it seems. I don't think kids get enough (or any at all) one on one attention, and it frightens me to think about the violence and drugs that seem to run rampant. It's a shame. 
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That's funny I happen to know ALOT of home schoolers. I find (as a group) they tend to be more mature and responsible than their public schooled peers. There are exceptions to be sure. But I tend to find Homeschool children are much better at dealing with, playing with, talking to children of different age and ability levels. They have to because they are put in those situations often (unlike public school kids who are kept grouped together by age and/or skill level). |
One of the factors that determined for us was the social skills of home-schooled children. I've had many intellectual conversation with home schooled kids. Times magazine did a study on home schooling few years back. According to the study, the home schooled children are more likely to exchange phone numbers and address with peers. You can draw your own conclusion. Of course, not all homeschooled children have good social skills. A lot to do with parents not where you go to school. |
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As a person who was home-schooled from birth to college, I can say that public school has absolutely no benefit over home-schooling if done right. The only thing that some of my six siblings lack is social skills, but that is partially because autism and forms thereof run in the family. Two of my cousins have full-fledged autism, though through therapy one of them has gone from terrible autism to near normal. I myself have symptoms of Asperger's syndrome. I cannot blame home-schooling for the uncomfortable and confused feelings I get in social situations (which, by the way, I am successfully getting out of). Furthermore, a few of my siblings do fine in social situations, and they grew up in the same setting as I did. Certainly home-schoolings is not done right in some cases, and the children might grow up with social ignorance and other problems. But that is absolutely not a given. Part of the benifit of home-schooling is the one-on-one attention the child gets. Children in a class of 30 lack this, and one-on-one attention is extremely important for the mental growth of children. It also helps the children respect their parents, which seems to be a big problem with kids today. One of the greatest benefits of home-schooling is the lack of negative peer pressure. I have never been pressured to do drugs, to drink alcohol with other kids, or to have sex, and though there were a few bullies in my childhood, I was easily able to avoid them because I was not forced to interact with them. Of course many people bemoan the fallacy that home-schooled children lack skills to operate in the real world because they were not beat up and pressured into doing dangerous and foolish things. I contend - and my experience in the matter is proof enough for me - that it is best to allow the child to mature without the presence of negative things. I believe that ALL negative experiences in childhood translate to pain in adulthood, not growth. There should also be no forbidden fruits (such as alcohol), because people ALWAYS gravitate toward things that are forbidden. Morality should be used to teach why certain things are wrong. A very important part of this is to teach by example. This does not mean that you lie about your past experiences with such things as drugs. This means that you should tell what you did, and explain why it is wrong. This way, the child will not have to suffer though the pains of peer pressure and bullying (which as I said before can only negatively affect the child), and when they reach the age at which they go out on their own, they have a strong moral base that allows them to avoid such problems easily. |
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The follow-up comments for that "humor" do nothing to aid in gaining respect for the home school movement. He almost comes off pompous. While I agree that home schooling can be an advantage if your other options are limited, to carry on like you're kid is better than a normally educated child just makes the wall between the two camps higher. And while I am sure most people take their home schooling seriously, there are still those that never get the education they deserve, just like public schools. More power to you if its what you want to do, but c'mon, a little humility and respect for others and you guys wouldn't have half the misunderstandings and conflicts that you do. |
That is total BS. Just 'Think out loud' that you are considering Home Schooling your children when you have your first child and see what shit storm awaits you. You hear all kinds of BS from people who know NOTHING about the subject other than perhaps watching some episode of Jerry Springer. We don't have to say a work and the bullshit starts pouring in. |
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Well I do the typical ARFCOM. GET BOTH. The PS here are good however, I do not leave my childs fate in there hands. The school system only gets them for a few hours 39 weeks out of the year. The rest of the time they are mine and I see to it that they continue learning. Children do not stop learning when the school bell rings. Unfortunatly to many parents today think all they have to do is send them to school and not worry about it (this is even more true regarding private schools). This past weekend alone they learned more about the sacrifice that others have made for them. I see to it that they stay buisy (unlike my ex). I took them to the park Sunday and they learned a little about William and Mary Blount as well as Sam Houston. Pop Quize: Name one thing William Blount did. |
w00t William Blount, 1790-1795, Democrat (territorial governor). Born in North Carolina in 1749, Blount served in the Continental Congress 1783-1784 and 1786-1787. In 1790, President Washington appointed him governor of the newly formed Territory South of the River Ohio, formerly part of North Carolina. While governor, Blount was also Indian affairs superintendent and negotiated, among others, the Treaty of the Holston with the Cherokees. His new government faced formidable problems, intensified by conflicts created by European/Indian contact. In 1795, Blount called a constitutional convention to organize the state, and Tennessee entered the Union the next year. Blount represented the new state in the U.S. Senate, and after expulsion from that body on a conspiracy charge, served in the state senate. He died in 1800. On September 17, 1787 he also signed here; 
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It's called sarcasm. Valid form of humor, especially in response to stupid people saying stupid things. Guess you have to be on the receiving end of someone telling you, without knowing you, that you're basically abusing your kids and stunting their growth because you care enough to sacrifice your time and energy to give them a quality education. And you have to have been told several dozen times, by complete or near strangers, that you're some kind of fundamentalist social pariah, and your kids will turn into real-life Gollums, living in caves as "socially maladjusted" because you've decided to homeschool, in order to appreciate the humor. Lighten up, Frances. |
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I homeschooled 3rd-5th grades and 8th-11th grades, skipping my senior year of high school because the college courses I was taking dual credit in 10th, 11th, and part of my senior year gave me enough credit to skip my last year of high school and most of my freshman college requirements. Socialization is a HUGE thing in home school groups. I've been part of several home school co-op groups where once a week everyone gets together and learns in a classroom with the other homeschoolers. That's how I took chemistry, spanish, cooking, and a few other classes while my grandmother (3rd-5th) or mother (8th-11th) taught me everything else at home, sometimes with the aid of video classes (A Beka records courses at Pensacola Christian school and sends you the videos so your kid can hear a teacher lecture on various courses. I liked Mr. Macbride, the history teacher. He had an awesome sense of humor.). Most of us in the co-op were also in 4-H, where I learned quite a bit from the projects I did. Public speaking, companion animals, robotics, parliamentary procedure, entomology, etc. I also did a few skits with some friends. I was also part of a homeschool team participating the Texas B.E.S.T. robotics competition. Not to mention that I hung out with the younger kids in my neighborhood (only one person in my age group and we stopped being friends around fourth grade for reasons I still don't understand), especially the ones who otherwise didn't have friends. All of them were/are in public school. For P.E., I took gymnastics and became fairly good on the rings and got a blue ribbon for my floor routine. Never did that well on the uneven bars and only average on the parallel bars. Whereas when I went to private school for 6th and 7th grade, all the material was stuff I had covered way back in 3rd and 4th grade. It bored me, severely. The teacher spouted leftist propoganda or blatantly false information on a daily basis and ridiculed me in front of the class often, mostly either because I had home-schooled previously or for my beliefs or behavior, such as how I was always reading something. Apparently if you read anything that isn't assigned to you by some higher authority, you're some sort of idiot or pariah. The other kids were mostly ignorant, spiteful little brats who ostracized anyone that wasn't a carbon copy of their little clique. Some I hated, most I felt sorry for since they'd had the SAME TEACHER since first grade and every time they went up a grade so did the teacher. They had the same dumbass leftist in charge of their education for twelve years, and the woman taught two different grade groups in the same classroom simultaneously. I hated that place. I wasn't learning anything new, the kids abused me, the teacher ridiculed me and fudged things to make it look like my high grades (which were high enough to raise the other kids abysmal performance to almost average on the curve) were typical of her students (probably so she wouldn't be busted for cranking out blockheads), and the other faculty were either ineffective or apathetic about any issues I raised to them. In fact, when I complained to one of the teachers that the other kids kept kicking me (HARD) and the teacher claimed ignorance (despite staring at us the whole time), I yelled "ARE YOU BLIND OR STUPID?!?!" That got me three days suspension. I did learn something from the experience though. I found my pocket knife, with a 3/4" blade, still in my pocket after a camping trip the previous day. Not wanting to get into trouble if someone caught me with it, I explained to one of the teachers why it was in my pocket and asked that she hold on to it until the end of the day so I wouldn't get in trouble or it got lost or something. She assured me she would and told me to run along and finish recess. Not five minutes later, the janitor was escorting me to the principal's office where I had to explain that I wasn't a terrorist trying to kill everyone at the school. My parent's were called and showed up to hear what the principal had to say. I got to hear a nice, long tale about how I had been threatening to stab other children in the chest, etc. etc. and how my knife had been confiscated by a concerned teacher (rather than, you know, willingly surrendered on my own initiative with an explanation as to why it was there in the first place) who wanted to stop me before I could do anything. And of course, my parents bought it hook, line, and sinker (this is before they realized what a bunch of lamebrains were running this operation) and busted my ass. Again, I got suspended for three days. I did get my knife back though. No idea whether or not that went on my permanent record. Hopefully not, considering the bullshit spin it would have. The lesson being, what nobody else knows can't hurt me and nobody needs to know jack shit. That's it. That's the entirety of what I learned "socializing with my peers". I hated that place so much I had to fake a nervous break-down (man, that was humiliating) to get out of going back for 8th grade. When I took the SAT at a public school, again, with a group of other home-schoolers, the teachers and parents verbally remarked on the difference in behavior between the home-schoolers and the public schoolers. Between tests, the home schoolers were well-behaved and sat quietly in their desks while having casual conversations and lounging about. The public schoolers, depending on which school they went to, did one of two things: sit straight in their chairs and stare straight ahead and motionless until the next portion of the test was handed out, or basically riot while screaming, cussing, laughing, throwing things, making calls on cell phones, or running around and knocking over desks and pissing off the person administrating the test. While a small handful of home school students I've met have been shy or socially inept (I think I can literally count them on one hand), the same can be said of plenty of public or private school students. Most home-schoolers I know are much more well-adjusted than their PS peers. We're respectful and can interact with people of all age groups, especially adults and very young children much better than most PS students do. Now, I will admit that I had the bad habit patty mentioned earlier: I often interrupted adults put my two cents into a conversation whether it was wanted or not and I had no qualms about correcting an adult on something they said. It drove my best friend's stepdad nuts. He used to hate having me come over. That went away about the time I got out of private school and started home schooling again and he commented (more than once) that he was amazed at how mature I was and that he could interact with me like I was another adult. He also commented, somewhat humorously, that in that regard I was years ahead of his kid. I also hung out with my cousins (no siblings until we adopted nearly six years ago) for nearly all my life, and I have a lot of cousins no matter which side of the family you count. So... What's this I hear about home-schoolers being socially inept? |
From a majority of the homeschooled kids i've observed, grown up with, or who were homeschooled then transferred into public school, this was the case. They were frequently either shy, obnoxious, incredibly naive, or a combination of the above. |
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I was homeschooled from 5th grade on.. Currently in college, going for a commision in the Army. Don't take drugs, don't party/drink (ok.. a drink here and there); don't smoke. And I see a lot of the people that the PS system creates, and I am glad my parents did what they did. |
Who needs English class in school when you have grammar nazis on call 24/7 on arfcom?z |
Do you normally post every school paper on ARFCOM before turning it in? |
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Dentist: "What grade is your daughter in?" Me: "2nd" Dentist: "Where does she go to school?" Me: "We homeschool." Dentist: "What about socialization?" Me..at this point having had enough of the conversation..."Well, she knows how to shoot a rifle, so what more socialization does she need?" Dentist:...silence.....
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It is funny you both assume I know nothing about home schooling, don't know anyone that actually does it, or know anyone who has been educated that way. All are false. I was homeschooled for a couple of years until my parents realized that I was more advanced than they could handle, and that home schooling me would actually take away form my potential learning maximum. My sister in law was home schooled for her entire educational career, and her younger sister is actively being home schooled. The reality is, you guys get a bad rap, and if you just lightened up yourselves, grew some thicker skin, and not react defensively to an idiot stating odvious misunderstandings, you may actually gain respect and enlighten those without a clue as to the benefits of your way of education. But, instead, you take the insult at face value and react in a defensive or sarcastic way, and thus, give the idiot the assurance that there is obviously some things that are worng with this choice, or the parents wouldn't be so defensive/ sarcastic with their comments. I have kids, and will raise them as my wife and I see fit. If someone other than my wife or I has an opinion about how we are raising them, I give that comment about as much attention as I do the panhandlers on the street. Negative reactions will always create negative opinions. No matter what the topic of conversation is. |
I'm gonna have to remember that line! |
I have the opportunity to interact with a multitude of homeschoolers and the parents that are doing the homeschooling. The kids are normal, with the notable exception that they are very well behaved, polite, and can interact with adults easily. My good friend (ex cop, now a tree trimmer) who I never would have guessed was homeschooled recently related some of his (good) homeschooling experiences. You aren't a bad parent if your kids go to public school, but you are cheating them if you think that is all you have to do for their education. |
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The MSgt who lived across the street from me in base housing at my last base did the homeschool thing with his wife. His kids were the most well behaved kids I have EVER witnesed. They were very mature, and well spoken. His 10 year old boy helped me move out of my house, and was eager to help. He was like a little adult! I complemented him on his kids many times. I think they will do very well in life. If I ever have kids with my wife, I am seriously considering homeschooling as an alternative to the liberal indoctrination camps they call "schools". Public school never did much good for me. I hated most of it, not the educational part, but the social drama. I would not want to put any kids of mine through the same hell I went through. It was when I got to college that I became a real adult and began to think for myself. |
I'd want my 10 year-old to act like a 10 year-old. Did the kid still have fun at times? I hope so. A group of home schoolers meet in our office building, and most of their kids don't seem to know how to have fun. Their parents are robbing their kids of their childhood. I'm not saying all or even most parents that homeschool do that, but at least in this group, very close to all of them do.z |