Fine:
This is the word we use at the end of any argument  that we feel we are
right about but need to shut you up. NEVER use fine to describe how
woman looks.  This will cause you to have one of those arguments.

Five minutes:
This is half an hour. It is equivalent to the five  minutes that your
football game is going to last before you take out the trash, so I  feel
that it's an  even trade.

Nothing:
This means something and you should be on your toes.  "Nothing" is
usually used to describe the feeling a woman has of wanting to turn  you
inside
out,  upside down, and backwards. "Nothing" usually signifies an argument
that will last  "Five Minutes" and end with the word "Fine".

Go Ahead (with raised eyebrows):
This is a dare. One that will result in a woman  getting upset over
"Nothing" and will end with the word "Fine".

Go Ahead (normal eyebrows):
This means "I give up" or "do what you  want because I don't care". You
will get a raised eyebrow "Go Ahead" in just a few  minutes, followed by
"Nothing" and "Fine" and she will talk to you in  about "Five Minutes"
when she cools off.

Loud Sigh:
This is not actually a word, but is still often a  verbal statement very
misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you are an  idiot
at that  moment and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and
arguing with you over  "Nothing".

Soft Sigh:
Again, not a word, but a verbal statement. "Soft  Sighs" are one of the few
things that some men actually understand. She is content.  Your best bet
is to not move or breathe and she will stay content.

Oh:
This word followed by any statement is trouble.  Example; "Oh, let me
get that". Or, "Oh, I talked to him about what you were doing  last night".
If she says "Oh" before a statement, run, do not walk, to  the nearest exit.
She will  tell you that she is "Fine" when she is done tossing your clothes
out the window, but do  not expect her to talk to you for at least 2 days.
"Oh" as the lead to a sentence usually signifies that you are  caught in a
lie.  Do not try to lie more to get out of it, or you will get raised
eyebrows
"Go ahead"  followed by acts so unspeakable that I can't bring myself to
write about  them.

That's Okay:
This is one of the most dangerous statements that a  woman can say to a
man. "That's Okay" means that she wants to think long and hard  before
paying you  retributions for what ever it is that you have done. "That's
Okay" is often used  with the word "Fine" and used in conjunction with a
raised eyebrow "Go  Ahead". At some point in the near future when she
has plotted and planned, you are going to be in some  mighty big trouble.

Please Do:
This is not a statement, it is an offer. A woman is  giving you the chance
to come up with whatever excuse or reason you have for  doing whatever
it is that you have done. You have a fair chance to tell the truth, so be
careful and you shouldn't  get a "That's Okay".

Thanks:
A woman is thanking you. Do not faint, just say  you're welcome.

Thanks A Lot:
This is much different than "Thanks". A  woman will say, "Thanks A Lot"
when she is really ticked off at you. It signifies that  you have hurt her
in some callous way, and will be followed by the "Loud Sigh".  Be careful
not to  ask what is wrong after the "Loud Sigh", as she will only tell you
"Nothing".

The sad thing is I can't really disagree with these.

You just have to remember we are much more emotional.

"SWEET" MEANS "BI-SEXUAL"!!!!!!!!

If you hear 2 women bantering back and forth, and they use the word "sweet" an unusual amount of times, they are trying to communicate to each other that they lick clam.
Example:

"Hey...Did you see that movie? Brad Pitt is in it. He is soooo Sweet"

"Yeah. I saw it. I'm not a fan of his, but did you see Travolta in that new flick! Now [i]THAT[/i] was sweet!"

"OH, JOHN TRAVOLTA! He has the sweetest face!"


Anything like that means they are Bi-Sexual.
Pay attention. It is a code I recently cracked.

My recent divorce may be a strong "indicator" I
didn't understand !!

I have learned a couple of things worth sharing:
1)  When the "ex" calls to check on things you
   the ex-husband cannot be "happy" !!
2)  Also you cannot be "content."  Content may
   be worse than happy.

I'm pretty sure but not positive you can't be
neutral because neutral could be construed as
either happy or content.  I am positive
neither happy nor content is permissible.

A couple of months ago I knida/sorta indicated
I was happy. Within (48) hours I was threatened
with another court action !

After adopting a position of "mild unhappiness"
the threat disappeared.  

Now when the ex-wife calls and asks how I'm doing I simply begin to ask questions about how
is she doing.

Thus far, works every time !

And for married women: We = You  As in, "we need to paint the house, take out the trash, palnt a garden, etc, etc."

My wife has a saying, "what's mines is mines, what's yours is mine."

Very good point, raf.

Some men are just as emotional and prone to outbursts as women.

I also think that the rage that men used as a survival tool centuries ago now just gets them into trouble.

Happiness is a deaf mute.... if I could only find one to marry?

Like a roller coaster.

First marriage: I argued my position.  Rocky road for 11 years.

Current marriage:  I say, "Yes, Dear" a lot and nod my head whenever it seems appropriate.  13 years with very few arguments.

Of course, the first wife was all boobs and no brains.  Never thought I could learn so much from someone as dumb as a box of rocks.

Eddie

I think Edgar Rice Burroughs had it right when he said, "Alcohol strips away the thin veneer we call civilization and reveals the real man."

Eddie

Very perceptive.  I like watching prospective dates when they are drunk to see how they behave.  If they act like a slut or a bitch, then they really are going to be a slut or a bitch when they get 'confortable' with you.  If they act cool but drunk and they aren't trying to get screwed anything that moves, then they are probably going to be ok to date.  I'm very picky...

The biggest communication problem I had with a particular woman is that she never said what she wanted or wanted to hear, and got really upset when I didn't say what she wanted to hear.  

I'm so used to straightforward, open, and direct communication.  With this one person it was like walking on eggshells, never knowing how I was going to piss her off by being obtuse or insensitive.  Not a lot of fun.

Been there, tried that, got the free hat.
At this point, I moved on to the realm of [i]Free College Lovin'[/i].  That was fun, but soon grew weary of.  Now I'm back at Square-1 and have to face the tribulations of reality once again.  

Luckily, I've got two in my sights now that are neither whores nor intellectual rejects.  It's been so long though, now I have to remember how you DATE.  Do people still do that, or am I behidn the times?

[img]www.auburn.edu/~littlcb/E-vil2.jpg[/img]

My favorite is "I [b]need[/b] this..."

When in actuallity they don't need it at all. Just want it really bad. Just like little fawk'n kids.

Speaking as a man, we have emotions but we get emotional over different things.  For example, I still get weepy when John Wayne gets killed in the end of "The Sands of Iwo Jima."  Women are overly emotional and seem to take everything as an insult.

For example, if my wife says, "God, you're fat!" I'll pat my gut with pride and say, "Yep!"  However, if I say, "that dress doesn't look nice on you" to my wife, she's cries, "You think that I'm fat!" and won't speak to me for hours.

Took me several years of married life to crack the code. Still get a suprise sometimes.


OlDad

Then there's a whole different language for the kids.

Get in the bathroom for your bat really means,
Legt's go see what the cat's doing.

Brush your teeth really means,
Run and hide.

Time for bed means,
Did we pet the cat yet?
Let's go see where it's at.

Get dressed or find your shoes really means,
let's go see if Barney's on yet.

you get the picture.... [;)]

ya, and women don't like liars and they can't take honesty.

An example.

Wife, "Honey, do these pants make me look fat?"

Me, "Why no dear."

Wife, "YOU DIDN'T EVEN LOOK!  YOU'RE JUST SAYING THAT!"


Wife, "Do these pants make me look fat?"

Me, "Why no dear. It's not the pants that are making you look fat.  It's all that pizza and cheese cake."