[ARCHIVED THREAD] - Why Roommates Are Fun (Page 1 of 2)
Posted: 4/1/2005 11:08:31 AM EDT
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I'm a student at the University of Maryland in College Park. I rent a room in a house a mile or so from campus, and I live with four other people. Most of them are alright folks, but sometimes strange situations arise. At the beginning of the year, my female roommate from downstairs wore the same dress around the house day in and day out. It started out in rather poor condition, and degenerated to the point where there was an eight inch wide strip missing from belly button on down, right down the center. This would be fine if A: she wore underwear and/or B: she weighed less than 215lb (she's about 5' 1"). Friends would comment quietly when they came over, no one who lived upstairs was that wild about it, but no one wanted to rock the boat. So one day, after I'd had a few drinks with a friend of mine, I mentioned to the boyfriend that was passing through to the basement that I'm not digging her mode of dress(I did this because they seem to do things by proxy for each other, with regards to the rest of us). A short while later she stomps up the stairs(but not so short a while as I didn't have time to become more intoxicated). She yells at me that it's a house dress, I mention that I have shop rags in better shape, the conversation finishes with her yelling "Do you have a problem with my pussy? DO YOU HAVE A PROBLEM WITH MY PUSSY?!?!" I'm having a hard time keeping a straight face, and she stomps off down the stairs. I did note, however, that she was wearing a hole-free dress. She hates me now, but I got what I wanted, so I'm happy with the outcome. |
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The house itself is pretty decent, and the rest of the folks are cool. As far as having a problem with her pussy, I don't...in theory. I also don't have a problem with homosexuality in theory, but I don't want to see two guys making out in my living room while I'm eating. It was a not fun at the time, but now that makes an amusing story. That's what's nice about living here-funny stuff happens. Like snippets of conversation that pass by- "Honey, do we have everything we need for the ritual tomorrow?" "I need some help, I think David has forcibly established a mental link with me." Things of that nature. This girl also had little dragon statuettes and crossed knives at the threshold of her bedroom door. If it was supposed to keep evil spirits out, she should have put them there before she moved in-but then I wouldn't have had the anecdotes. People told me I should move, after that happened. I wasn't going to let a fat wiccan with a hairy pussy chase me out of the house, hell even if the house sucked it would just be the principal of the thing. I did, however, put a lock on my door the next morning-with the anger she displayed, I was a little worried about haing some of my stuff stolen to be used to put a hex on me or something. I was relieved when I didn't find goats blood smeared across my door, but, things have settled down into a nice, comfortable detente. |
| Once, when I had a different friend over, up the stairs comes *JANGLE JANGLE JANGLE*(the wiccan's wearing jangly anklets). She's got her reasonably attractive friend with her, and they're talking about getting ivy for the photo shoot. When they come back in, my friend just has to ask about the shoot, and the wiccan immediately starts in with "Oh Doucheatron wouldn't like it, he has a problem with me." Since I'm tired, I don't really feel like arguing the point, but the friend invites us down. My friend, being both bisexual and a serial philanderer, decides that she's just got to take the hot friend up on the offer. I politely decline, as I have an idea of what I'd be getting into. The three of them head downstairs. I read about international relations for a class. 45 minutes later, my friend comes up to use the bathroom and try to entice me downstairs. She explains that the attractive friend has taken picstures of girls who got on Suicide Girls (website that posts pics of naked hot goth/punk chicks. They're attractive, but piercings and tats aren't my thing). The wiccan tried getting on there, but that website is, y'know, selective. So they're taking more pics to make a website of their own. She closes with "You should come down there. Titties..and ass!" "No thanks, I'm fine" 75 minutes after that, she comes up, looking shell shocked. She proceeds to tell me about how disgusting it was, stretch marks and fat rolls (nothing I haven't seen before, thanks to the dress). The truly funny parts are that the wiccan kept rubbing herself during the shoot, and that when she turned over, she had a condom stuck in her ass-I guess she just forgot it was there or something. |
again i say wtf are you sure it wasnt a bad trip? 
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College roommates are great. My first had a break-down because he stopped taking his meds after brian surgery to remove a tummor. He attached the Hall Director in his office. Another roommate same year, was stealing from people on campus and off. He had a 32 on his ACT but flunked out. While at home he broke into the liqour store at night, was arrested, and sent to jail A few years later, another roommate 22 was dating a 16 YO high school student that was a witch. When they broke up he stalked her and she threated to send over her friend(witches and devil worshippers). I slept with my door closed and a loaded shotgun until I moved out. Good times............... |
| Dude my friend had this roommate that smelled real bad everytime she was on her period. You could literally tell she was on. She would come and try to visit all these people in the house while she was smelling and people run away. The worst part is that she didnt wear underwear. She would put a tampon in and walk around. The girls were disgusted and finally someone sat her down and told her. Still didnt change her behavior. |
  You should have lit the fuse |
Eurgh. Awful. At least in my case, the girl modified her behavior, even if she did get bizzarely pissy about it. And no, svi40, it wasn't a bad trip. Why the hell would it be a bad trip? |
Oh god, please stop. No more. That image will be burned into my head for eternity. Can't stop laughing my ass off, though! 
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Yeah, when I read that I thought my sides would burst from laughing so hard! 
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When I was in school 5 of us rented this huge 5-bedroom house. Dave, one of the roomates, had this amazing girlfriend named April. You should've seen her - tall, leggy, she looked like a Super Model. This girl was stunning!!! Any time this girl walked into the room it immediately went silent and all conversation stopped. My words do not do this girl justice. The first night she slept over I was BOLTED wide awake from a dead sleep around 6:30 am by the most horrible smell I have ever experienced in my entire life!!! I immediately looked under the covers thinking I had shit myself in the bed during the night. No, that's not it, so what happened? Did the sewer line break under the house? Did an Andy Gump truck explode in the driveway? I had to hold an old, dirty sock over my face to keep from throwing up. It couldn't be someone in the bathroom because that was down the hall, around the corner, and behind three closed doors from my room. So what the fuck is this? I leave my room to investigate, and I see cute little April coming out of the bathroom. OH MY GOD!!!!! I could not believe what I was smelling!!! I mean, I had the misfortune at a party of following a 400 lb. sweaty drunken linebacker into the bathroom who left a dump that would peel the wallpaper and make a grown man cry, but that was nothing compared to what April had just dropped. I'm standing there wide-eyed in my underwear holding a dirty sock up to my face, and April gives me a little smile and says "Good morning!" in that sweet little voice. I rushed outside in my tighty-whiteys into the cold, morning air just so I could take a breath. It wasn't long before the other three roomates joined me there. The four of us talked it over and figured it was a fluke - maybe April had the flu or ate something bad. Nope, the next time she stayed over it was just as bad. And it was a regular thing with April, she got up every morning around 6:00 and the first thing she did was take a dump. Like clockwork. Some days I had gone to sleep and didn't even know that April was there, but I sure knew it in the morning!! We had a roommate powwow with Dave and he agreed to banish April to the little bathroom at the very far end of the house next to the laundry room by the garage. But it didn't help, that toxic waste aroma still filled the entire house. Imagine trying to enjoy your morning coffee sitting next to an open cesspool. We finally had to banish April from the house all together. She was hurt and Dave was mad, but at least we all could breathe again. |
Or talk your buddy into hitting her in the pooper to see if she can hold off till 09:00 when you are already in class.  Reading this thread makes me greatfull that I Joined the Military..... We had some stange shit, but not this strange.
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Oh My god thats funny
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That's going to make a nice sig line. 
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| My best buddy lived with me for 2 years. But he wasnt the cleanest dude in the world. Before we left for Christmas break, he ate some stuff and left the leftovers and dished out. I get back in 2 weeks and open the door. Holy shit! Swarms of fruit flies were engulfing the room. So I get my Right Guard can out with a lighter and worked my way into the room with the flamethrower. Flies were well, falling like flies. Thousands of them without wings. I get the offending dishes and chuck them out the window and leave the window open. Many of the flies fly out following their food supply. My roomie gets back and I let him have it both barrels. He was busy vacuuming dead flies for the next several hours. |
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i feel your pain, my buddies ex, did that to me....normally I cna go in not too long after a bomb has been dropped and never have had a problem, but the first and only time I went in after her...it was like the landfill had caught on fire and the essence was caught and bottled in her ass, and i never let her forget it either |
You know why tampons have those little strings? So the crabs can bungee jump. |
no thats the right scene hehe |
I love that site. Most of the members and girls are altera-punk types, but the owner's a right-wing Republican businessman. He gives me a free membership because he likes my politics and I say what he can't on their discussion boards 
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it was? cool. It's been a while since I saw the movie |
