Posted: 3/30/2005 9:45:43 AM EDT
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Little BILLY was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar after another. After the 6th one, a man on the bench across from him said, "Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat." Little BILLY replied, "My grandfather lived to be 107 years old." "Oh?" replied the man. " Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?" "No" replied Little Billy, "he minded his own fucking business!!" LITTLE BILLY ON...PHILOSOPHY A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on little BILLY. He replies, "None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot." The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your thinking." Then little BILLY says, "I have a question for YOU. There are 3 women sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice cream. Which one is married?" The teacher, blushing a great deal, replies, "Well, I suppose the one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone." To which Little BILLY replied, "The correct answer is 'the one with the wedding ring on,' but I like your thinking." LITTLE BILLY ON... MATH Little BILLY returns home from school and says he got an F in arithmetic. "Why?" asks the father." "The teacher asked, 'How much is 2x3?' I said 6," replied BILLY. "But that's right!" says his dad. "Yeah, but then she asked me, 'How much is 3x2?'" "What's the fucking difference?" asks the father? "That's what I said!" LITTLE BILLY ON...ENGLISH Little BILLY goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an example of a multi-syllable word?" BILLY says " Mas-tur-bate." Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, little BILLY, that's a mouthful." Little BILLY says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob." LITTLE BILLY ON...GRAMMAR One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a show hands from those who could use the word "beautiful" in the same sentence twice. First she called on little Suzie, who responded with, "My father bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it." "Very good, Suzie," replied the teacher. She then called on little Michael. "My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out beautifully." The teacher responded, "Excellent, Michael!" Then, she reluctantly called on little BILLY. "Last night, at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she was pregnant, and he said "Beautiful, just fucking beautiful." |
Now that one is hilarious 
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LITTLE BILLY ON SPELLING The Teacher tells her class that today they were going to practice their ABC's. "I will say a letter of the alphabet, and I want you to raise your hand and tell me a word that begins with that letter, OK ... let's start with A" Little Billy's hand shoots right up, but knowing Billy's tendency to use profanities she knows he want to say "Ass" or a variation thereof. Little Suzies hand is also up, and so the Teacher calls on her. "Apple!" Exclaims Little Suzy proudly. "Very good Suzy, you get a star! OK, next letter is B, who has a word beginning with B?" Again Billy's hand shot up immediately, but the teacher knew that Billy would surely say "Bitch" or "Balls" or something even worse, and once again passes onto the next student, who returned the answer "Baloon". So this goes on, and after each letter, the teacher passes over Billy for fear of whatever dirty word he might have in store. Finally she gets up to the letter "R", and Little Billy is the only one with his hand up. The teacher racks her brain, but can't think of a single dirty word that might begin with "R", so she reluctantly calls on Billy. "OK Billy, you've been waiting patiently, what word begins with R?" Billy triumphantly stands up and excalims "Rat! ... A big fucking rat!!!! With a 12 inch cock!" |
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Little Billy and Suzie are talking and they each want to say a dirty word. Little Suzy says "Fucking" and Little Billy says "Ass". They start to giggle. Little Billy dares Little Suzie to say it again at the dinner table. Well that night the preacher stops by about dinnertime and Billy's mom invites him to eat with them. As they sit at the table Billy's mom asks Little Suzie what she would like to eat. " I would like some fucking potatoes." The mom backhands little Suzie off her chair and she runs to her room crying. The mom turns to little Billy and says," What would you like to eat?" Little Billy says, " I'm not sure, but you can bet your sweet ass I don't want any fucking potatoes! |
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Little billy is riding in the park the day after Christmas on his brand new bike. He passes by a policeman on a horse and the officer says"hey kid, come over here". Billy rides over to the cop on his bike and ask the officer what is the problem. Officer: Boy that sure is a nice looking bike. Did you get that for For Christmas? Billy: Sure did. Officer: Who got it for you, your daddy or Santa? Billy: Why Santa of course. The cop leans over and hands Billy a ticket and says"Tell Santa the next time he brings you a bike, make sure it has reflectors on it" Billy, very angrily starts to peddle off and stops and turns to the officer and says "Hey, that sure is a nice horse, did Santa give that to you?". Well the officer wanting to humor Billy says'Yep, he sure did". Billy replies as he's peddeling off "Tell Santa next time to put the dick on the bottom of the horse instead of the top". |