Dogs vs. Wives > General Discussion

Posted: 3/27/2005 3:36:05 AM EDT

Dogs vs Wives

1. The later you are, the more excited your dogs are to see you.

2. Dogs will forgive you for playing with other dogs.

3. If a dog is gorgeous, other dogs don't hate it.

4. Dogs don't notice if you call them by another dog's name

5. Dogs like it if you leave a lot of things on the floor.

6. A dog's parents never visit.

7. Dogs do not hate their bodies.

8. Dogs agree that you have to raise your voice to get your point across.

9. Dogs like to do their snooping outside rather than in your wallet or desk.

10. Dogs seldom outlive you.

11. Dogs can't talk.

12. You never have to wait for a dog, they're ready to go 24 hours a day.

13. Dogs find you amusing when you're drunk.

14. Dogs like to go hunting and fishing.

15. Another man will seldom steal your dog.

16. A dog will not wake you up at night to ask, "If I died, would you get another dog?"

17. If a dog has babies, you can put an ad in the paper and give them away.

18. A dog will let you put a studded collar on it without calling you a pervert.

19. A dog won't hold out on you to get a new car.

20. If a dog smells another dog on you, they don't get mad.

21. On a car trip, your dog never insists on running the heater.

22. Dogs don't let magazine articles guide their lives.

23. When your dog gets old, you can have it put to sleep.

24. Dogs like to ride in the back of a pick-up truck.

25. Dogs are not allowed in Bloomingdale's or Neiman-Marcus.

26. If a dog leaves, it won't take half of your stuff.

Posted: 3/27/2005 3:54:19 AM EDT

[#1]

If it is storming outside and both the dog and your wife are whining to be let in, which do you let in first?

The dog...because HE will STFU once he gets back in!

Posted: 3/27/2005 6:53:15 AM EDT

[#2]

Try getting aroused with your dog's boobies though??????? It won't happen!

Posted: 3/27/2005 7:03:51 AM EDT

[#3]

Quoted:
Dogs vs Wives

19. A dog won't hold out on you to get a new car.

when its with your wife, its called marital negotiation, which is leagal.

when its with your dog, its called beasteality, which is a felony in all states except maybe kalifornia, its understood that you can get away with anything provided you got a good attorney.

thats how #19 should read, as per disclaimer.
and since when did a dog need a car, I've seen them chase'm, never seen them drive'm.

Posted: 3/27/2005 7:21:46 AM EDT

[#4]

Quoted:
Try getting aroused with your dog's boobies though??????? It won't happen!

But there's SIX of them!

Posted: 3/27/2005 8:21:47 AM EDT

[#5]

Quoted:
Quoted:
Try getting aroused with your dog's boobies though??????? It won't happen!

But there's SIX of them!

That's why I come here..............the bizarre responses of ARFCOMers to a seemingly innocent statement........Pervert

Posted: 3/27/2005 9:00:10 AM EDT

[#6]

Quoted:
Dogs vs Wives

1. The later you are, the more excited your dogs are to see you.

2. Dogs will forgive you for playing with other dogs.

3. If a dog is gorgeous, other dogs don't hate it.

4. Dogs don't notice if you call them by another dog's name

5. Dogs like it if you leave a lot of things on the floor.

6. A dog's parents never visit.

7. Dogs do not hate their bodies.

8. Dogs agree that you have to raise your voice to get your point across.

9. Dogs like to do their snooping outside rather than in your wallet or desk.

10. Dogs seldom outlive you.

11. Dogs can't talk.

12. You never have to wait for a dog, they're ready to go 24 hours a day.

13. Dogs find you amusing when you're drunk.

14. Dogs like to go hunting and fishing.

15. Another man will seldom steal your dog.

16. A dog will not wake you up at night to ask, "If I died, would you get another dog?"

17. If a dog has babies, you can put an ad in the paper and give them away.

18. A dog will let you put a studded collar on it without calling you a pervert.

19. A dog won't hold out on you to get a new car.

20. If a dog smells another dog on you, they don't get mad.

21. On a car trip, your dog never insists on running the heater.

22. Dogs don't let magazine articles guide their lives.

23. When your dog gets old, you can have it put to sleep.

24. Dogs like to ride in the back of a pick-up truck.

25. Dogs are not allowed in Bloomingdale's or Neiman-Marcus.

26. If a dog leaves, it won't take half of your stuff.

+1 for the dog

Posted: 3/27/2005 9:02:57 AM EDT

[#7]

+1 Well said...well said

Quoted:
Dogs vs Wives

1. The later you are, the more excited your dogs are to see you.

2. Dogs will forgive you for playing with other dogs.

3. If a dog is gorgeous, other dogs don't hate it.

4. Dogs don't notice if you call them by another dog's name

5. Dogs like it if you leave a lot of things on the floor.

6. A dog's parents never visit.

7. Dogs do not hate their bodies.

8. Dogs agree that you have to raise your voice to get your point across.

9. Dogs like to do their snooping outside rather than in your wallet or desk.

10. Dogs seldom outlive you.

11. Dogs can't talk.

12. You never have to wait for a dog, they're ready to go 24 hours a day.

13. Dogs find you amusing when you're drunk.

14. Dogs like to go hunting and fishing.

15. Another man will seldom steal your dog.

16. A dog will not wake you up at night to ask, "If I died, would you get another dog?"

17. If a dog has babies, you can put an ad in the paper and give them away.

18. A dog will let you put a studded collar on it without calling you a pervert.

19. A dog won't hold out on you to get a new car.

20. If a dog smells another dog on you, they don't get mad.

21. On a car trip, your dog never insists on running the heater.

22. Dogs don't let magazine articles guide their lives.

23. When your dog gets old, you can have it put to sleep.

24. Dogs like to ride in the back of a pick-up truck.

25. Dogs are not allowed in Bloomingdale's or Neiman-Marcus.

26. If a dog leaves, it won't take half of your stuff.

Posted: 3/27/2005 10:09:18 AM EDT

[#8]

Man, this thread brings back one hideous memory. Some guy I knew needed computer help. I dropped by his apartment -- trash city, reeked of his big German shepherd with the inflamed asshole. No way that guy ever had a date. I glance down where I'm about to step and see a brown paper bag, containing a box of condoms and a well-squeezed tube of K-Y.

The realization . . . the shock . . . the horror. . . .

Posted: 3/27/2005 10:10:38 AM EDT

[#9]

Quoted:
Man, this thread brings back one hideous memory. Some guy I knew needed computer help. I dropped by his apartment -- trash city, reeked of his big German shepherd with the inflamed asshole. No way that guy ever had a date. I glance down where I'm about to step and see a brown paper bag, containing a box of condoms and a well-squeezed tube of K-Y.

The realization . . . the shock . . . the horror. . . .

Posted: 3/27/2005 10:13:59 AM EDT

[#10]

Quoted:
Man, this thread brings back one hideous memory. Some guy I knew needed computer help. I dropped by his apartment -- trash city, reeked of his big German shepherd with the inflamed asshole. No way that guy ever had a date. I glance down where I'm about to step and see a brown paper bag, containing a box of condoms and a well-squeezed tube of K-Y.

The realization . . . the shock . . . the horror. . . .

Thanks for sharing............not

Posted: 3/27/2005 10:15:45 AM EDT

[#11]

My attempt at normal humor has been tainted by someone's perverse love for animals..........I feel nauseous..............

Posted: 3/27/2005 10:18:07 AM EDT

[#12]

Quoted:
My attempt at normal humor has been tainted by someone's perverse love for animals..........I feel nauseous..............

Just consider the source and move on

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