Posted: 11/30/2004 1:08:16 AM EDT
Well, I've disapeared from the forum for awhile. Reason being my life has gone to hell this year. It started with my cat that I'd had for 16 years dying this year, followed shortly by my grandmother. Then on June 1st, my best friend died the day after she gave birth to my godson and namesake. That was followed about a month later by my wife deciding I needed to move out. Of course prior to my moving out she cheated on me with her boss, and then cheated on me with a Mexican waiter shortly after I moved out. Then she comes back to me and begs me to take her back, so we try counseling. About a month later I decide I'm calling it quits, at which point she tells me "I want you to start seeing other people.It will help me move on." A few weeks later I meet someone who is better to me than I feel I deserve, and start seeing her. (During this time my wife is going out drinking w/ her boss on Wednesday nights while I watch our daughter.) I tell her about the new girl as she walks out the door to go drinking one night, and she blows a gasket. She comes back a short time later, turns around and goes to the waiter's house. Comes home a little while later and tells me she wants me back and that I didn't try hard enough blah blah blah. The next day she tells me she wanted to kill herself and it's all my fault and will I please try to work it out. (Prior to all this drama I had been sleeping on a couch at the FOP lodge and begging her to take me back,to which the only comfort she could offer was that I was depressed and needed to be on anti depressants). Through a fellow officer of mine, she convinces me to go back to counseling, and afer a hellacious 1 1/2 months tells me I'm unforgivable and she's sick of me and she doesn't love me and doesn't wasnt anything to do with me....Did I mention that I put her through college, during which time she told me that as soon as she was out of school she didn't need me and it was over? Any way, I'm seeing the same girl again (Iquit seeing her during the second counseling fiasco) and she is truly awesome. I'm actually at her house on her computer while she's asleep right now. I truly feel like I'm with someone who really cares about me for the first time in my life, and only wish she didn't have to deal with all my baggage. At the same time I still love my wife and have a vast assortment of mixxed emotions regarding her, which is unfair to my new lady. Does the turmoil ever end?
Yep, it does.time and God can heal all wounds.Now it's up to me to remember that.
Edited to add that I just needed to blow off some steam. Thanks for listening guys.
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