Quoted: Quoted: If you pee outdoors exclusively, there will be no mess to clean up. +1 !

+2  

The grass gets nice and thick and green too

If not there is always the sink

Ever piss wearing shorts? You can feel the splash.

I hear ya, and I've noticed the same thing. That's why I say, take 'er easy. Don't push too hard. Nice and easy, good aim, and with marksman-like precision.  

Speaking of precision, you also have to mind WHERE you're aiming. Try and keep it off of the water, or at least near the back of the bowl. If you keep a low angle of attack, you're golden (sorry!) Certain pisser designs are more suited than others while urinating on two feet.

Or, you can just piss out back, like I do.

It's an art form, and it's one of those little things that make us men unique.

+1

Quoted: Wow, if you can't aim your own equipment that you've practiced with your whole life, I'd hate to see you shoot an AR-15.

What does she say about peeing off the front porch?

Quoted: If I stand on the back porch and piss in the yard my wife gets mad, If I stand in the yard and piss on the porch she still gets mad.

Best of the Web Today at http://www.OpinionJournal.com has had a bit of running commentary in the last few weeks about stehpinklers and sitzpinklers -- German for standing or sitting for peeing, and also German slang for "man" and "wimp".  Too bad they don't have a search function, but you can dig through the archives -- makes for fun reading.

Quoted: Quoted: Wow, if you can't aim your own equipment that you've practiced with your whole life, I'd hate to see you shoot an AR-15. Sometimes the "crown" is messed up and the "ammo" does not shoot where you want it.

Bingo.

Haven't you ever had a pube split the stream?

Quoted: Quoted: This is a fascinating topic. How do you guys splatter piss all over the place? Aim for God's sake! Don't give 'er all she's got! Ease up a bit, take 'er easy, stand up and take a leak like a man, damnit. Shit, my wife is sitting here with me and SHE says she'd stand up if she could. Jesus Christ... Since you obviously pee with such laser-like precisions, I challenge you to go to your bathroom right now, and lick the outside of the bowl, and the tile around the toilet.

Did you ever see "Me, Myself, and Irene" with Jim Carey where he was pissing in the morning after a night of hot sex with Renee Zellwigger (Irene) when he had to grab the shower curtain and cover his weener to keep from peeing everywhere.... I laughed my ass off...

DAmn it quoted the wrong one .

Be nice go over to thier house and piss everywhere in the bathroom

I only pee outside when Im drunk

Quoted: Quoted: Quoted: Wow, if you can't aim your own equipment that you've practiced with your whole life, I'd hate to see you shoot an AR-15. Sometimes the "crown" is messed up and the "ammo" does not shoot where you want it. Bingo. Haven't you ever had a pube split the stream?

No for some odd reason my dick is longer han my pubes.

From the moment we first lay eyes on him,  Warren Schmidt is clearly a beaten-down man.

After spending most of his life as an actuary at Omaha's Woodmen of the World Insurance Co., he is minutes away from his retirement. Staring numbly up at the office clock, he regards the few remaining seconds of his last working day with all the enthusiasm of a death row prisoner.

The prospect of his remaining golden years provides little in the way of solace. Waiting for him back home is his wife of 42 years, Helen who has successfully trained him to pee sitting down so there'll never be any question of leaving the toilet seat up. A new 35-foot motor home waits to whisk them away to destinations unknown as well as Denver, where their only daughter, Jeannie (Hope Davis), is about to marry the underachieving Randall (Dermot Mulroney), a waterbed sales dude with a thinning mullet.

Desperate to find a shred of purpose in his life, Schmidt absent-mindedly flips through the vast wasteland that is late-night television when he comes across an adopt-an-orphan infomercial hosted by Angela Lansbury.

Schmidt soon finds himself writing detailed letters to Ndugu, his new 6 year-old Tanzanian foster child. And with the sudden death of his wife propelling him on a journey of self-discovery, there's going to be no shortage of things to write about.



Re-typed to read:

From the moment we first lay eyes on him, DK-Prof   is clearly a beaten-down man.

After spending most of his life as a crazy Dutch Shrink at some school where he reads lots of books and writes thesis' he is minutes away from his retirement. Staring numbly up at the office clock, he regards the few remaining seconds of his last working day with all the enthusiasm of a death row prisoner.

The prospect of his remaining golden years provides little in the way of solace. Waiting for him back home is his wife of 42 years, Helen , who has successfully trained him to pee sitting down so there'll never be any question of leaving the toilet seat up. A new 35-foot motor home waits to whisk them away to destinations unknown as well as Denver, where their only daughter, Jeannie is about to marry the underachieving Clean-Cut , a waterbed sales dude with a thinning mullet.

Desperate to find a shred of purpose in his life, DK-Prof absent-mindedly flips through the vast wasteland that is late-night television when he comes across an adopt-an-orphan infomercial hosted by ARFCOM.

DK-Prof soon finds himself writing detailed letters to sgtar15, his new 6 year-old Tanzanian foster child. And with the sudden death of his wife propelling him on a journey of self-discovery, there's going to be no shortage of things to write about.

I guess everyone is different, but I've pissed so many times in my life that I know exactly where the stream is going to go when I let loose.  In fact, I can get out of bed in the middle of the night, walk to the bathroom, piss and return to bed all without turning a light on or even opening my eyes.  No splatter to clean up either.  Maybe some of you need more practice to improve your aim.  That or a larger bowl opening.  

Quoted: Quoted: Haven't you ever had a pube split the stream? No for some odd reason my dick is longer han my pubes.

bwahahaha!  lMFAO!

Hoppy8420

Quoted: Quoted: I wish I had a urinal for those late night shooting sessions. If I ever become obscenely wealthy, I'm totally going to have a separate urinal in my palatial bathroom. Then again, if I was wealthy, I could have a live-in servant to clean up all the time, and would just pee standing up anayway.

I'd get a bidet, too.

Quoted: Quoted: Quoted: I wish I had a urinal for those late night shooting sessions. If I ever become obscenely wealthy, I'm totally going to have a separate urinal in my palatial bathroom. Then again, if I was wealthy, I could have a live-in servant to clean up all the time, and would just pee standing up anayway.   I'd get a bidet, too.

By the time you get all this stuff in there your going to need a 1000 square foot bathroom

Quoted: If your hose is short, or your pump is weak stand up close so you don't piss on your feet.

It was only a matter of time before stall graffiti appeared in this thread.

Quoted: Quoted: Quoted: If you pee outdoors exclusively, there will be no mess to clean up. +1 ! +2   The grass gets nice and thick and green too If not there is always the sink

It was mentioned that peeing standing does spray as evidenced by those who wear shorts and received the tickle so germs are a bounding. ALSO when flushing, and this includes TURDS, the whurling action "mists" the flotsom and jetsam and the entire area gets a DOSE - including hanging and exposed TOOTHBRUSHES!!!

Call me pussy, I sit and CLOSE the hatch before I flush!!!!

My youngest Grandaughter likes to piss in the woods standing up.She writes her name in the snow without leaving footprints around the letters.She says:"Sitting down to pee is for wimps"... like her mom and sister.When she was 5-6 years old she couldn't wait to show me this new "talent".......my daughter told me "Go and see,she wants to show you..." ......."Look papa....whizzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz,I'm writing your name." She did and does piss standing up whenever she wants to.Doesn't seem to get any on herself either.She has a "2-handed approach"(I have only seen her perform her........talent.....from the rear)She as well as her sister like beltfed machineguns also.The  boys in their futures better look out.


Men,pissing sitting down...........Squating to piss......Jeasus K.Rhist.


A 6 year old girl can piss standing up why can't you?

Whats the "dry dock" manuver?

Kharn

Quoted: Re-typed to read: From the moment we first lay eyes on him, DK-Prof   is clearly a beaten-down man. After spending most of his life as a crazy Dutch Shrink at some school where he reads lots of books and writes thesis' he is minutes away from his retirement. Staring numbly up at the office clock, he regards the few remaining seconds of his last working day with all the enthusiasm of a death row prisoner. The prospect of his remaining golden years provides little in the way of solace. Waiting for him back home is his wife of 42 years, Helen , who has successfully trained him to pee sitting down so there'll never be any question of leaving the toilet seat up. A new 35-foot motor home waits to whisk them away to destinations unknown as well as Denver, where their only daughter, Jeannie is about to marry the underachieving Clean-Cut , a waterbed sales dude with a thinning mullet. Desperate to find a shred of purpose in his life, DK-Prof absent-mindedly flips through the vast wasteland that is late-night television when he comes across an adopt-an-orphan infomercial hosted by ARFCOM. DK-Prof soon finds himself writing detailed letters to sgtar15, his new 6 year-old Tanzanian foster child. And with the sudden death of his wife propelling him on a journey of self-discovery, there's going to be no shortage of things to write about.

 

Quoted:

I'm glad you found it humorous.

ETA: If I was any good at photoshopping I would have doctored a "About Schmidt" poster.

Jebus H Christ!!!

If I'm sitting and I need to piss, I piss sitting.  If I'm standing and I need to piss, I piss standing.

The things you people find to argue about.

The world is my urinal.  The only time I'll sit to piss is if I have to drop the kids off at the pool.  

I use to run around with this chick in high school that could piss standing up, anyways I piss standing or sitting depending on circumstances I think not much more of it than convience, I only have problems with splatter when pissing in urinals, toilet bowls never.

Quoted: Quoted: I often sit down to pee at my own house. If I had some servant or live-in-slave who cleaned up my filth after me, I would definitely stand, but I live by myself, and I want a clean house.  The way I see it, sitting to pee (at home) is easier and more pleasant than cleaning up urine on my hands and knees. However - I would never do it anywhere else.  I am NOT touching a toilet seat outside my house unelss I am desperate to take a dump, and might die if I don't I hope your ready to hand over your man card.

After reading some of his posts, I could have sworn he was a WOMAN.

This is DEFINATELY the gayest thread ever.

I often sit down to pee at my own house.

Of course you do.  

You're Euro-peein'

Quoted: [ If I ever become obscenely wealthy, I'm totally going to have a separate urinal in my palatial bathroom.

Make it one of those 15 foot long things like they have at stadiums. Then all your buds can piss right along with you.

well its kinda hard to use a lapstop standing up.

Quoted: I use to run around with this chick in high school that could piss standing up, anyways I piss standing or sitting depending on circumstances I think not much more of it than convience, I only have problems with splatter when pissing in urinals, toilet bowls never.

Aim up so that the stream is hitting the porcelain at the apex; less speed, power ergo little to no splash back.  This is also great for getting weird looks in public restrooms when you take two steps back and let go.

Quoted: Quoted: I use to run around with this chick in high school that could piss standing up, anyways I piss standing or sitting depending on circumstances I think not much more of it than convience, I only have problems with splatter when pissing in urinals, toilet bowls never. Aim up so that the stream is hitting the porcelain at the apex; less speed, power ergo little to no splash back.  This is also great for getting weird looks in public restrooms when you take two steps back and let go.

this is a great technique...

the only catch is when the pressure starts to taper and you have to sprint up to the whizzer.

Quoted: Quoted: I would not have shared that Standing, sitting, in the shower - I can do all of them

Bar I was in the other night had a urinal mint in the sink

Quoted: Quoted: Quoted: I would not have shared that Standing, sitting, in the shower - I can do all of them Bar I was in the other night had a urinal mint in the sink

And I'll bet it tasted funny.......

Quoted: i bet a woman would freak hearing the sound of someone standing while pissing in a womans bathroom. great illistrations.

Yeah!  But youve got to admitt, its one heckuva idea

Quoted: Quoted: [ If I ever become obscenely wealthy, I'm totally going to have a separate urinal in my palatial bathroom. Make it one of those 15 foot long things like they have at stadiums. Then all your buds can piss right along with you.

And if I ever had kids I could make them clean it with little bits of steel wool when they misbehaved - like in the army  

Quoted: I like to pee in my backyard.

+1  It saves water.  When you live in the boonies, you can piss where you please.

Another gem from magic cone

Quoted: Another gem from magic cone www.magic-cone.com/IMAGE.JPG

Ok, fess up.  How many of you watched the animated instructions?

WE the young men in our family always made a point of pissing as hard as we could right in the center of the bowl(you  could hear it for three blocks)everybody knew you were hitting the pot,and all the old people said damn what a strong bladder!!


Maybe you should have a prostrat exam if you are dribbling every which way!!!  I know pube hairs fall all around the bowl but thats not about pissing straight into the bowl!!


Just be glad you are so damn young you don't have to put a little lime over over your last shit in the two holeler!

Them out houses were a bitch!!!


Bob

If my wife told me to sit while peeing I'd piss all over the floor just to "piss" her off. I miss not living in the sticks, I can't whip it out and take a leak anytime I want. Besides, sometimes you just gotta see if you can break your distance record....

S.O.