Posted: 7/28/2004 9:13:06 PM EDT
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Got this from a friend: > The division of the human family into its two distinct political > branches occurred some 10,000 years ago, when humans coexisted as > members of small > bands of nomadic hunter/gatherers. > > The pivotal event of societal evolution was the invention of beer. > This epochal event was both the foundation of modern civilization and > the occasion of the bifurcation of humanity into its two distinct > subgroups: > Liberals and Conservatives. > > Once beer was discovered, it required grain, and that was the > beginning of agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can > were invented yet, > so it was necessary to stick close to the brewery. That's how > villages > were formed. > > Some men spent their days killing animals to barbecue at night while > they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of the conservative > movement. > > Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting, learned to live > off the conservatives by showing up for the nightly barbecues and > doing the sewing, fetching and hair dressing. This was the beginning of the > liberal movement. An interesting evolutionary side note: some of these early > liberal men eventually evolved into women.  > > Liberal achievements include the domestication of cats, the trade > union, the invention of group therapy and group hugs, and the concept > of democratic voting to decide how to divide the meat and beer that > the conservatives provided. > > Over the years, conservatives became to be symbolized by the largest, > most powerful land animal on earth. > > Liberals are symbolized by the jackass. > > Modern liberals like imported beer (with lime added), but most prefer > white wine or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish but like > their beef well done. Sushi, tofu, and French food are standard liberal fare. > Another interesting evolutionary side note: most of their women have higher > testosterone levels than their men. > > Most social workers, personal injury attorneys, journalists, dreamers > in Hollywood and group therapists are liberals. Liberals invented the > designated hitter rule because it wasn't "fair" to make the pitcher also bat. > > Conservatives drink domestic beer, They eat red meat, and still > provide for their women. Conservatives are big-game hunters, rodeo > cowboys, lumber jacks, construction workers, medical doctors, police officers, > corporate executives, soldiers, athletes, and generally anyone who works > productively outside government. Conservatives who own companies hire other > conservatives who want to work for a living. > > Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to "govern" the > producers and decide what to do with the production. Liberals believe Europeans are > more enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the liberals > remained in Europe when conservatives were coming to America. They crept in > after the wild west was tame and created a business of trying to get MORE > for nothing. > > Here ends the lesson in world history. > > > Author Unknown |
