Guy was the manager of the greenhouse and landscape for the zoo where I worked. They would hire HS and college kids for summer grounds work. He did the orientations in a large open conference room. HR had him play some VHS tapes regarding policy for part of it. He thought everyone would enjoy gay porn instead. He was mistaken.

I had to fire a guy because he was using the customers printer to print out fliers for his group’s meetings and left the original on the printer.

It was a gay party group, complete with nude gay sex pics.

Awkward…

Damn. What a chicken shit company.

Attached File

Caught an intern choking his chicken sitting at his desk in his office. He never noticed the CCTV camera hanging from the ceiling tile.

That’ll usually do the trick.

OEM corporate jet repair facility.

Watching porn on company computers.

Spitting soda at someone's feet.

Getting two receipts for tuning in scrap metal.

Carving "TRAMP" in a tramps office door.

Flipping out and flipping someone's tool cart up and over.

Oooofffffff.   P cards will get you every time.  I had to use my boss’s card to buy a stapler at Walmart.  Of course I got the red one, but he got put in p card jail because I went to Walmart and not staples.  It was 6 am and we needed a stapler right then and there.  We still laugh about it.  


We had a firefighter steal a blister pack walkie talkie set from Walmart on duty.  No idea why he did it.  He got fired.  

Don’t bang your wives, girlfriends, secret lovers on the clock, or at least don’t get caught.  That’s happened a lot.

A chief got popped stealing pain pills from a firefighter.  He got arrested and canned.  

Don’t threaten an academy instructor to meet you in the parking lot after class and don’t make it worse by saying you got a gun in your driver side door.  


Don’t show up to work drunk.  


Don’t get caught with kiddie porn on your computer.  Also don’t lie and say that it was your kiddie porn when it was obviously your weird adult son’s kiddie porn.  You’ll go to jail and your son will still be going around diddling kids.  

Don’t get drunk at the banquet and steal the chief’s car to go on a joy ride across the county.

Don’t drive your duty buggy off duty for a beer and pizza run when you’re already hammered.  And if you do, don’t wreck it, spill pizza on your uniform, run from the cops, and then demand to speak to the assistant chief of police to “work it all out.”  After he got fired, his uniform made it’s away around the county, it still had pizza sauce on it.    

If you take your duty buggy to a rub and tug massage pallor, mind the undercover cop in the parking lot whose telling you to not go in there tonight.  You’ll find yourself on the wrong end of a sting operation.  


That’s all I got off the top of my head.  


Oh, don’t prank call a bomb threat to another firehouse.  But that guy kept his job.  

There's actually 2 in this story and they're slightly related.

A little bit of detail to really set the stage.

Worked at a Fortune 500 division in a VP level position at a company that did mortgages/mortgage operations and managed all of the vendors from origination all the way through packaging/portfolio servicing.

Was in an office that had around 350 people and the layout was pretty open with various different versions of cube farm that departments were mainly segregated into. There was a lot of people up and moving around at any given time and the place constantly looked like the inside of an airport terminal.

I had an office near my 2 departments that was also pretty close to one of the operations departments that consisted of a lot of younger/lower paid/lower skilled people so the shit that would come out of there sometimes varied from hilarious to a complete WTF. This was also during the early/mid 2000s where the economy was still booming, everyone was making money and doing crazy/stupid shit. We also had a bit of a 'fun' corporate culture.


Was sitting in my office about 50 feet away but not facing where the incident took place. But apparently, one of the people in operations (who was known to just be fucking borderline crazy; more on him below) decided it would be a fantastic idea, to in the middle of the workday, walk up behind another guy from a neighboring department who was sorting some papers on top of one of those taller metal slide out file cabinets and completely pants him. I'm talking pants fully down, underwear around his knees. In the middle of 100+ people. For no reason what so ever other than he thought it would be hilarious.

Never saw him after that day. He's also someone who I was always slightly concerned about being the type that would show up to work and start shooting people. Completely fit that guy.

I'm also surprised at how long he lasted there. He had to have had some kind of bi polar disorder as well as did drugs off and on. I know about the drug part because we all knew he had completed like 90% of law school from an actually big program and then just didn't finish. After some time we found out he basically just did coke the entire time, it got the better of him and and got kicked out. He volunteered this info multiple times. He'd also be the best employee who was completely overqualified for his job, and then be the absolute picture of a walking disaster. When he was on whatever that side of it was, he'd show up the next day in the same clothes as the day before, looking like he slept in his car and smelled of alcohol and who knows what. He had gone to a strip club and just never went home and then drove to work - multiple times. Stuff like this was an everyday thing.

The best one was when he went to a company hosted Christmas party at some expensive resort in town. I didn't go, but it took all of a few hours for a bunch of picture to text me what he and some other chick that worked there (who got fired for being a real estate agent and doing showings during work hours when she thought no one would notice) had gotten into. The guy decided he was going to be her ride and pick her up like the day of the party. They had never really hung out/talked before but she was like ok. When he came and got her, he was already drunk/high and she apparently was high as well. They then decided to stop on the side of I275 and fuck in the car. How do we know this? They both basically showed up at the party and announced it.

Both only got drunker and worse for the duration. First basically being the night's entertainment which then turned into him going to the bathroom a bunch of times and coming back with coke residue on more and more of himself to the point it looked like he had sprinkled himself with it and she got so drunk that she vomited 15 different places and fell down a set of stairs to then go hide in the women's bathroom and take a shit on the floor.

The grand finale was when the guy ended up on a balcony somewhere literally crying about how the girl was his soulmate.

A really great guy, that was a bit too trusting of the snakes he worked for, got called in for emergency staffing, 3 days after 9-11-01 and working 12's for 6 days prior.

He figured that if called he had to go in, and the she-snake Captain that called him in, had reviewed the OT waiver and limitations were being followed.

So he comes in, draws his rifle and gear, and gets briefed by a shift Lt. and posted.

20 Min. later he gets relieved, called into the Reichstag, and fired for violating OT limits.
The She-snake decided to cover her ass, and push the responsibility of compliance on him, and the shift Captain.

Never mind the fact that 2/3 of us were floating the limit to the min. daily at that point, and she often had us training on opposite shifts without the required 12 hours after a shift change.

He was one of my direct subordinates, so I took the matter to the head shed and ended up with a reprimand for not tracking his OT...when I wasn't even aware or on shift when it happened.

Two other Lt's got shitcanned for reporting(By law they had to) situations that were adverse to public safety, to the Regulating agency we worked for.

Another poor bastard got fired for following procedure to the letter, and getting the fat lazy Bitch that writes Procedure, in hot water with the Regulators.

Just a fucked up bunch of Fat, lazy, peter principle Civvie assholes, and they didn't like the sudden sun light that came with 9-11-01.

on 2 occasions at different hospitals, I've sat in on meetings where they fired Lab Assistant and Resident (working some in Blood Bank on a research project) for stealing units of Packed Red Blood Cells on a weekly basis and marking them down as damaged-destroyed.

I ain't gonna lie.. the Lab Assistant was bizarre and creepy. ( she admitted to drinking the blood). when I was approached about her destroying too many units.. I point blank told them " ohhh.. you know she's taking them home to drink in a wine glass"

the Resident was a interesting story. he was engaged... but secretly had HIV and was giving himself transfusions. when I asked him when he was going to tell his fiance that he was HIV +, he looked looked me dead in the eye and said " ohh she'll never know, I can deal with this".

We had a guy out here that was somehow promoted above his rating. He was supposed to have an AB and Tankerman's endorsments to have his job.

During a routine boarding the Coast Guard asked to see his papers and he only had the entry level Ordinary Seaman's rating.

Adios.

How the hell that happened I have no clue but it creates a real shitstorm as EVERYBODY had to pass through the office and show their papers.

That wound up causing me a little grief because I had a Captain's license they didn't know about and they briefly wanted me to enter the mate training program which I did NOT want, promotion or not. I was NOT going to run a tugboat.

In the end, the tugs and barges were issued a big stamp and on incoming crew change day the captain had to check everyone's document and fill in the blanks with everyone's rating.

We called it the "XXX XXXXXXXXX stamp after the guy that created the problem.

The office heard what we were calling it and threw a conniption. It was actually THEIR fault.

On a construction site within a healthcare setting.  One guy said “DAAAAAAMN GURRRRRLLLL” to another guy as he was bending over and had a plumbers crack hanging out. It was funny, harmless, and everybody in the room knew it was just a joke.

The guy went to HR and got him fired the next day. Not cool.

Asking a cat lady if one of her cats may have chewed thru her oxygen tubing.

No idea, he was a strange duck. I wasn't present at the firing but from what I was told he just shut down when asked about it.

Only thing I could figure is he felt it would help him some how.

Was doing tarot card readings on cancer patients about their future outcome.

Showing off at work the .38 special revolver her husband had put in her purse for protection.

Back a few years ago we had receptionist that was a dude.  Nice guy, really helpful to the 200 people that worked across 3 floors in a building of a suburban office park.  He was responsible for handing out the mail to the employees and distributing deliveries (eg amazon).  Worked there for about 3 years until…

Dude was out sick for a few days and one of the days an executive assistant filled in for him at the front desk.  Sometime during that afternoon, she (the EA) discovered this guy hoarded about half the mail that was sent to our office address over a year period that was never handed to the employee/addressee.  Guy just dumped the unsorted bulk mail into empty file cabinets, crammed it into his desk drawers, spread some out across bankers boxes in a nearby storage closet, etc.  (note: they kept finding piles of mail he hid over the next several weeks)

Receptionist dude came in the day after it was discovered and asked a random person he ran into if his “boss was pissed?”.  He knew they were because they called him like 10 times.  Once he confirmed they were mad and it was talk of the office from this work friend, he dropped his badge on the desk and just walked out the door with zero drama.

The exec admin got a team of 5 people together to sort the tons of mail out and got it all distributed.  Took them 4 days.

What’s crazy is that we were in the middle of acquisition and he was going to be terminated in like 2 months, but was gonna get like $20k in severance (like 6 months pay).  ETA: Yes, he had been told he was getting this amount, was communicated many weeks prior.

TLDR: receptionist that was a dude didn’t distribute half of the mail received at a 200 person office over a 12 month period.  Came in the day after it was discovered and heard boss was pissed, so he dropped his badge on desk and walked out within 3 minutes of showing up.

A work uniform guy was coming to our shop every week to swap out dirty uniforms for clean ones. Once a week peoples lunches were missing. Boss had a camera put in the break room.
Uniform guy was opening the fridge on his way By it and putting peoples unches in the wheeled dirty uniform hamper.
Boss showed the district manager the video. Manager called the guy and told him to report back to their shop.
He was fired as he pulled in.

We had a guy fired that was stealing Leupold Mk4 scopes and selling them on eBay. After scopes were found missing from inventory, the shop foreman did a search and found some on ebay. Created an account and bought 3 of them, one at a time on the buy it now feature.
After paying for them with a cashiers check(made out to the employees wife) , he was shitcanned PDQ.

Back a few years after high school, I heard a dude that went to my school was working at a Sherwin Williams after he graduated.  Heard he got fired after it was discovered he took a dump a quite a few paint cans before they were pulled to be tinted.

Worked in point of purchase and our one product was a dolly board - basically a 24” x 48” panel with 4 casters.  In the back of the building were the loading docks and they were on ramps.  So trucks backed uphill to them.

One night the owner goes in during the 2nd shift hours and as he rounds the back of the building a dolly board goes whizzing by right in front of him.  He nearly ran it over.  

Well here riding the dollyboard was the 2nd shift manager, a 50 something dude hired to keep the young guys in check.  Fired on the spot.

Standing outside of the door to the shack we had to report to every morning for 5 or 10 minutes before starting time and then opening the door and coming in right after the start whistle ended. He did it just to aggravate the foreman that was afraid of him. Foreman finally fired him for being late but laid out of work the day the papers came down so the foreman for the day had to do it. If was really kind of funny. On safety meeting day he would come in after the whistle and sit there sharping his knife on a stone he carried and stare at the forearm the whole time. I guess just to mess with him.

Gives a new meaning to "I gotta go to the can."

Cwa Union couldnt have said he had an alcohol problem and sent him off to rehab?

They had an ongoing contract dispute with their staffing agency and were looking for any reason to fire those workers.

A sales guy fell asleep in the first sales meeting with our new CEO, just after we pulled off a board revolt, got the last CEO fired but only after laying off about 25% of the staff.

Apparently, sleepy sales guy stunk of booze and kim chi at 10 in the morning.

Same company a few years earlier, a jr analyst type decided to start his own startup with his girlfriend while working for us, using company resources and developers to do so.  He convinced a programmer that his thing was an official product and wound up monopolizing his time at the expense of his real projects.

Needless to say, they both got fired along with a third guy who facilitated the scheme.   But I blame that on on management.  The analyst's boss was told he was sketchy as fuck, but did nothing because he liked the kid. The developer's boss was just lazy and didn't actually manage the guy.

Lol, I’ll never look at chateau brown the same

Saw a guy fired for making jokes about the death one the boss's deceased relatives. That was something.

Downloading porn to a work pc then taking pictures of it with his phone...

Posting meme's to FB.
Taking CBD oil.

Cleaning lady fired for giving a blowjob in the bathroom at work.

We travel out of town for work and stay in motels. I fired a guy because he didn't show up at the trucks one morning and we went looking for him and found him passed out in the motel lobby by the vending machine with coins scattered everywhere on the floor around him. The motel had a bar attached to it and we had warned him several times about toning down his partying because he overslept and was hungover as fuck on several occasions. Everyone on the crew went to the bar and had a few beers that was no problem. Shuttting the fucker down every night when you have to get up at 5 AM is.

 That is some thin skinned bullshit.  Anyone on one of my jobs that tried to pull that shit would be permanently shunned. No one would have talked to or responded to said cunt.  

Those people should face a firing squad.

Barracks thieves are a big problem in the military. Most units have policies for punishing soldiers who leave their wall lockers unlocked. My unit’s policy in Germany was a counseling statement for the first two offenses and a Company Grade Article-15 for the third offense.

My buddy Dominguez’s roommate had a bad habit of leaving his wall locker unlocked. He’d already received two counseling statements, so when Dominguez saw him leave it unlocked a third time he did him a favor and threw a spare padlock on his locker and went to chow. When he came back from chow the MP’s were waiting for him. His douchebag roommate had come back to the room, saw the padlock, and called MP’s.

The wall locker had douchebag’s helmet and web gear in it, so Angel was arrested for theft of government property. He was court-martialed, given a Bad Conduct Discharge, and sentenced to 2 years at Leavenworth. He received more jail time than the E-4 who forcibly raped a Private a couple of months earlier.

The military justice system runs on the concept of guilty until proven guilty. I’m still bitter about this and it happened over 30 years ago.

Mail guy got cought smoking crack at my sister site in the middle of the day

In 30 years I've seen maybe 2 people fired that worked in the office. In the shop all kinds of things, stealing stuff being the biggest one. Getting into a fist fight and one guy trying to burn the other guy with a torch is another. Almost all of them revolve around walking off with something, odd thing is owner will let you have nearly anything if you ask first. Failing drug test and refusing to get counseling is probably #2.

Seen so many detention officers get fired for fucking inmates. Mostly females.

About 10 years ago I was a production manager on first shift. Second shift manager died and I told them I would cover second for a while to help out.  This helping out turned into probably 6 months or more. Then one week they needed me on first shift to cover. I worked that week and told them I’m going back to this shift starting again next week. Wasn’t going to deal with them dicking around with not finding anyone for second after all this time. I showed up Monday morning and got fired.

Sucked pretty bad for a few months, but ended up moving to the mountains for two years with my now wife and enjoying life. I lost that battle, but in the end it worked out.

Clay, a senior staff engineer, called an all-hands meeting, and informed everyone that he would be coming in the next week as a woman, dressed as a woman, that he would be using the unisex bathroom near the lab so as not to offend either sex, and to call him - excuse me, her - Claire. Then he added that she wouldn't be "in drag", that he felt he was "in drag right now, passing as a man".

This wasn't current times - this was a serious high-tech company in the mid-90s. After that she wasn't around long. I guess she didn't really want to make coffee.

A guy said he was going to screw some other guy's mom, except he didn't use that word. He used the less nice version. The other guy called his mom and asked her about it. The supervisor reported it to HR, and HR fired the guy who called his mom. Then the supervisor got fired because HR found out he lied about why he left his last job. Turns out, he got fired from his previous employer for putting his knee on a black binder and saying some racist stuff circa the George Floyd thing.

I'm not saying he should have, but I understand why he did. That's sick and also funny.

Saw a guy lose two jobs at the same time.

Airline pilot starting at a new airline, everyone has a check for $20k sitting on the table for them day 1 as a starting bonus. This guy was an Air Force Air Guard cargo pilot as well. This job was really a stepping stone to get hours and go to a major airline. This guy was using his bonus as a down payment for a house.

Pretty much gearing up for an amazing career as a pilot.

To celebrate he went and partied a little too hard one night before training. Took some meds the next morning that are on the FAA no no list to power through training.

Guess who got the randomly selected drug test?

Guess who pissed positive on a DOT drug test?

Guess who also got kicked out of the Air Guard for it? (From what I heard from another person from that unit)

Talk about a reality check for everyone else.

Srsly, the proper response to that is to shake your ass and have a good laugh with everyone.

Son has pacemaker/defib implant and one day at work it began to malfunction making him very ill, he called his wife to come pick him up and take him to the ER. While waiting outside for his wife to show up he missed the safety stand-down meeting and his supervisor, knowing of his condition, wrote him up.

He ended up having surgery to have a new implant installed. When son arrived back to work the union rep was waiting at the time clock for him to arrive and escorted him to HR where he was promptly fired for a safety violation due to the 100% compliance rule.

I used to work in payroll for a railroad transportation company. A similar thing happened, the guy was caught dead to rights on camera. Not only did the union keeps the guy's job, but the guy also got back pay.

sounds like a good employment lawyer should get involved.

I used to work EMS, we had stations across the county to post at.  I almost got fired for sleeping at one when I wasn't on shift- I'd done out that night and drank too much, and the station was pretty close to the bar.
Seemed a better solution than driving, and the company grudgingly agreed, though I was written up.

Good thing they never heard about all the hooking up that happened in the stations (sadly, not by me).

Glass walled office (it was at the end of a hallway but still) and when a coworker walked down to see him he was apparently beating his meat like it stole his money. They booted him on the spot.

A guy called in sick and said he would be bringing in a doctor’s note. The top of the note read “medical excuse note”. It didn’t have an address or phone number but did have a doctor’s name that didn’t come up on any google search.  When “ fake doctor’s note” was googled it was one of the first templates that popped up. If he had just put down an actual doctor’s office and doctor’s name he would have been fine. No address, no phone, no such person, google doctor’s note template = fired.

There is some serious OOF in this thread. Some truly pathetic shit and poor life choices.

I don't believe ALL of the tales, no ...