Redneck Question?

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[ARCHIVED THREAD] - Redneck Question?

Posted: 5/18/2001 10:13:48 AM EDT

If you wear suspenders and a hickory shirt, does this make you a Redneck?

Posted: 5/18/2001 10:17:05 AM EDT

[#1]

Only if you're wearing it to pick up chicks at your family reunion[;D]

Semper Fi!

Ken Little

Posted: 5/18/2001 10:17:33 AM EDT

[#2]

Yes, you are a redneck.

Posted: 5/18/2001 10:27:43 AM EDT

[#3]

Dunno...if your milkman wears panty hose and heels does that make him a dairy queen?

Posted: 5/18/2001 10:30:32 AM EDT

[#4]

I always thought suspenders and shorts were OK as long as worn with sandals and white socks![>:/]

Posted: 5/18/2001 10:32:37 AM EDT

[#5]

BLACK socks. Black socks. For Pete's sake, don't any of you ever read GQ?

Posted: 5/18/2001 10:43:37 AM EDT

[#6]

If you have to ask you are.

Posted: 5/18/2001 10:46:32 AM EDT

[#7]

[b] MARTHA STEWART'S TIPS FOR REDNECKS[/b]

1. Never take a beer to a job interview.

2. Always identify people in your yard before shooting at them

3. It's considered tacky to take a cooler to church.

4. If you have to vacuum the bed, it is time to change the sheets.

5. Even if you're certain that you are included in the will, it is still considered tacky to drive a U-Haul to the funeral home.

DINING OUT

1. When decanting wine, make sure that you tilt the paper cup, and pour slowly so as not to "bruise" the fruit of the vine.

2. If drinking directly from the bottle, always hold it with your fingers covering the label.

ENTERTAINING IN YOUR HOME

1. A centerpiece for the table should never be anything prepared by a taxidermist.

2. Do not allow the dog to eat at the table...no matter how good his manners are.

PERSONAL HYGIENE

1. While ears need to be cleaned regularly, this is a job that should be done in private using one's OWN truck keys.

2. Proper use of toiletries can forestall bathing for several days. However, if you live alone, deodorant is a waste of good money.

3. Dirt and grease under the fingernails is a social no-no, as they tend to detract from a woman's jewelry and alter the taste of finger foods.

DATING (Outside the Family)

1. Always offer to bait your date's hook, especially on the first date.

2. Be aggressive. Let her know you're interested: "I've been wanting to go out with you since I read that stuff on the bathroom
wall two years ago."

3 Establish with her parents what time she is expected back. Some will say 10:00 PM; others might say "Monday." If the latter is the answer, it is the man's responsibility to get her to school on time.

THEATER ETIQUETTE

1. Crying babies should be taken to the lobby and picked up immediately after the movie has ended.

2. Refrain from talking to characters on the screen. Tests have proven they can't hear you.

WEDDINGS

1. Livestock, usually, is a poor choice for a wedding gift.

2. Kissing the bride for more than 5 seconds may get you shot.

3. For the groom, at least, rent a tux. A leisure suit with a cummerbund and a clean bowling shirt can create a tacky appearance.

4. Though uncomfortable, say "yes" to socks and shoes for this special occasion.

DRIVING ETIQUETTE

1. Dim your headlights for approaching vehicles; even if the gun is loaded, and the deer is in sight.

2. When approaching a four-way stop, the vehicle with the largest tires always has the right of way.

3. Never tow another car using panty hose and duct tape.

4. When sending your wife down the road with a gas can, it is impolite to ask her to bring back beer.

5. Do not lay rubber while traveling in a funeral procession.

Posted: 5/18/2001 10:58:46 AM EDT

[#8]

ROFLMAO.

Hey! I resemble some of those remarks!

I must be a member.[BD]

[sniper]

Posted: 5/18/2001 11:14:15 AM EDT

[#9]

Men wearing sandals means they are gender confused.

Men wearing sandals with white socks means they are nerds.

Just one man's humble opinion.

[}:D]

Posted: 5/18/2001 11:17:00 AM EDT

[#10]

HEIDI - noun. Greeting.

HIRE YEW - Complete sentence. Remainder of greeting. Usage: "Heidi, hire
yew?"

BARD - verb. Past tense of the infinitive "to borrow." Usage: "My brother
bard my pickup truck."

JAWJUH - noun. The state north of Florida. Capitol is Lanner. Usage: "My
brother from Jawjuh bard my pickup truck."

BAMMER - noun. The state west of Jawjuh. Capitol is Berminhayum. Usage: "A
tornader jes went through Bammer an' left $20,000,000 in improvements."

MUNTS - noun. A calendar division. Usage: "My brother from Jawjuh bard my
pickup truck, and I ain't head from him in munts."

THANK - verb. Ability to cognitively process. Usage: "Ah thank ah'll have a
bare."

BARE - noun. An alcoholic beverage made of barley, hops, and yeast. Usage:
"Ah thank ah'll have a bare."

IGNERT - adjective. Not smart. See "Arkansas native." Usage: "Them Bammer
boys sure are ignert!"

RANCH - noun. A tool used for tight'nin' bolts. Usage: "I thank I left my
ranch in the back of that pickup truck my brother from Jawjuh bard a few munts
ago."

ALL - noun. A petroleum-based lubricant. Usage: "I sure hope my brother from
Jawjuh puts all in my pickup truck."

FAR - noun. A conflagration. Usage: "If my brother from Jawjuh don't change
the all in my pickup truck, that thing's gonna catch far."

TAR - noun. A rubber wheel. Usage: "Gee, I hope that brother of mine from
Jawjuh don't git a flat tar in my pickup truck."

TIRE - noun. A tall monument. Usage: "Lord willin' and the creek don't rise,
I sure do hope to see that Eiffel Tire in Paris sometime."

RETARD - verb. To stop working. Usage: "My grampaw retard at age 65."

FAT - noun, verb. 1. A battle or combat. 2. To engage in battle or combat.
Usage: "You younguns keep fat'n' n' ah'm gonna whup y'uh."

RATS - noun. Entitled power or privilege. Usage: "We Southerners are willin'
to fat for are rats."

FARN - adjective. Not local. Usage: "I cuddint unnerstand a wurd he
sed...mus' be from some farn country."

DID - adjective. Not alive. Usage: "He's did, Jim."

EAR - noun. A colorless, odorless gas: Oxygen. Usage: "He cain't
breathe...give 'im some ear!"

BOB WAR - noun. A sharp, twisted cable. Usage: "Boy, stay away from that bob
war fence."

JEW HERE - noun and verb contraction. Usage: "Jew here that my brother from
Jawjuh got a job with that bob war fence cump'ny?"

HAZE - a contraction. Usage: "Is Bubba smart?" "Nah...haze ignert. He ain't
thanked but a minnit 'n 'is laf."

SEED - verb, past tense of "to see."

VIEW - contraction: verb and pronoun. Usage: "I ain't never seed New York,
view?"

Posted: 5/18/2001 12:05:01 PM EDT

[#11]

Quoted:
If you wear suspenders and a hickory shirt, does this make you a Redneck?

View Quote

If you poke a hole in your ear in an African pigmy chop shop at some Panama City sailor-wanna-hump-hump bar and get some oversized rhinestone fake rock in it; does it make you a pillow biting, pole smoking queer?

Posted: 5/18/2001 12:07:52 PM EDT

[#12]

A TEXAS REDNECK'S ADVICE ON LIFE...

1. Don't squat with your spurs on.

2. Good judgment comes from experience, and a lot of that comes from bad
judgment.

3. Lettin' the cat out of the bag is a whole lot easier than puttin' it back
in.

4. Never drop your gun to hug a grizzly.

5. If you're riding ahead of the herd, take a look back every now and then to
make sure it's still there.

6. If you get to thinking you're a person of some influence, try ordering
somebody else's dog around.

7. A good horse never comes in a bad color.

8. After eating an entire bull, a mountain lion felt so good he started
roaring. He kept it up until a hunter came along and shot him....The moral:
When you're full of bull, keep your mouth shut.

9. Never kick a cow chip on a hot day.

10. There's two theories to arguin' with a woman. Neither one works.

11. Don't worry about bitin' off more than you can chew. Your mouth is
probably a whole lot bigger'n you think.

12. If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop diggin'.

13. Never slap a man who's chewin' tobacco.

14. It don't take a genius to spot a goat in a flock of sheep.

15. Always drink upstream from the herd.

16. When you give a lesson in meanness to a critter or a person, don't be
surprised if they learn their lesson.

17. When you're throwin' your weight around, be ready to have it thrown around
by somebody else.

18. Always take a good look at what you're about to eat. It's not so important
to know what it is, but you might need to know what it was.

19. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it over and put it back in
your pocket.

20. Never miss a good chance to shut up.

21. There are three kinds of men: 1. The one that learns from reading. 2.
The one that learns from observation. 3. The rest of them have to pee on the
electric fence for themselves.

Posted: 5/18/2001 12:49:28 PM EDT

[#13]

Don't know if that makes you a redneck for sure or not. But you might be a redneck if you've ever mowed your lawn and found a car. Or if your car has seat covers OVER the seat covers...you might be a redneck.

Posted: 5/18/2001 4:37:57 PM EDT

[#14]

YA

Posted: 5/18/2001 8:32:17 PM EDT

[#15]

Quoted:

Quoted:
If you wear suspenders and a hickory shirt, does this make you a Redneck?

View Quote

If you poke a hole in your ear in an African pigmy chop shop at some Panama City sailor-wanna-hump-hump bar and get some oversized rhinestone fake rock in it; does it make you pillow biting, pole smoking queer?

View Quote

I dunno.... I would like to call for a vote on this one ;-)).

Posted: 5/19/2001 1:08:46 PM EDT

[#16]

I wore Teva sandals and grey socks the other day. My daughter said I was gay. That hurt!

I just didn't want to get the top of my feet sun burned!

Posted: 5/20/2001 6:51:44 AM EDT

[#17]

Quoted:
I wore Teva sandals and grey socks the other day. My daughter said I was gay. That hurt!

I just didn't want to get the top of my feet sun burned!

View Quote

That's what shoes are for LOL