Guy, I'm not big on giving relationship advice, but I will this time. I've worked a lot of crap out with my wife, and have put a lot of work into previous relationships. When I read your post though, the only advice I can come up with is flee. Run like a scalded ape. You are describing some pathological shit, and you will not fix this. Bail right now, regardless of the cost. Run. Split. Exit stage left. Eject. Get the f*ck out of dodge.

You already know this, it's obvious in your post. It sucks, but just go ahead and pop the clutch.

Go back to the first page of this thread.

Click on the PRINT icon or File>Print

Leave paper in printer...

Edit: Do it NOW!

You don't need advice.  You already know what you need to do for YOUR sake.  So do it.

You know what has to happen...


So grab thet D ring in your hand and

B

A

I

L


O
U
T
!

It's time to find a new place to live...


NsB

I really would like to at least try to salvage this marriage.  She really was not like this before we married.  Now today she is sweet as pie and everything seems "normanl" but I haven't asked for anything that sets her off.  I just can't take off without giving my 110% best effort.  Partly because I do love her and she deserves that and partly I want to be able to say that "I" did all that I could.

Thanx for the advice, even though it was pretty grim.

Turn the page my man, turn the page...........
AB

Valk,

Time to buy a chest freezer, and rent the woodchipper. Don't forget a nice big tarp, so your frozen woodchips don't get left on the ground after you grid up those limbs. (This is a joke. Get it.)

Get your arse on outta there.

dude, [b]RUN![/b]

you're gonna look back and see how crazy this statement is, you're obviously unhappy and it sounds like you are having to ask permission to live your life...

Short Version:

[red][b][size=6]GET THE FUCK OUT OF THERE… NOW![/SIZE=6][/B][/RED]

Longer version:

[b][red]NO KIDS.  NO WAY, NOT A CHANCE IN HELL WITH THIS DING DONG.[/RED][/B]  Keep it in your pants and walk away.

She [B]SHE WILL NOT CHANGE FOR THE BETTER WITH KIDS.  IT WILL GET WORSE AFTER KIDS[/b].  Been there, done that got the t-shirt and will be writing checks for child support until February 2012.

Adding kids to a basically fucked up situation is WRONG.  You do NOT try and fix a relationship with kids, the chances of it working are near zero and what you end up with is a divorce with kids involved instead of just a divorce.

Leave.  She’s put your balls in a jar and you have absolutely no say in your life.  That is NOT a relationship, that is NOT a marriage, that is being a slave.

Call a divorce attorney first thing in the morning and get moving.  The longer you wait the more she will try and manipulate you and will end up taking your balls out of the jar and putting them down the garbage disposal.

[B][RED]RUN AWAY, NOW![/RED][/B]

PS.

Don't spend a lot of time trying to figure out how you got here and who did what to whom.  Wasted effort.  Your ONLY focus should be on getting out as cleanly and quickly as possible.  Make DAMN sure YOU file first, that you take the lead.  The laws as written will fuck you up for the rest of your life if you let her get the draw on you.

This is a NO SHITTER!  [B]DO NOT LET HER TAKE THE LEAD ON THIS, YOU MUST STRIKE FIRST OTHERWISE YOUR LIFE WILL BE A LIVING HELL (much worse than it is now)[/B].

She sounds crazy enough to fuck you over big-time.  Don't let it happen.  Get on the phone first thing in the morning and get things rolling.

dude. i know what you are thinking. you want to try to save your marriage. you are thinking that while the advice of these good people may be good that it isnt the best advice and besides its just people you talked to on the internet. how could they know? You would be WRONG! dead wrong. The people giving you advice know what they are talking about and know the subject well. many personally.

The longer you stay the worse it will get. trying to save it now so you can say that you gave your all and tried everything is like trying to flap your arms like wings while falling through space before opening the parachute.

There is nothing that can be done to save this. Yes maybe she wasnt like this before BUT she is now. You have to start thinking about the future and about YOU! she has major problems that only SHE can fix NOT you. if you try to fix them for her or let her "lean" on you then it will only bring you down.

it could go any way from here. it is your choice.


cut your losses and file for divorce, get treated fair in divorce case, get free and persue your dreams. further your education get into a Job that you love with pay that will keep you afloat and steadily rising and then one day meet the woman of your dreams and settle down........

OR

continue the way it is trying to fix things. she continues to abuse you and control you and it doesnt stop after kids. she wants and takes more from you and you continue in the downward spiral your life is a living hell. can you ever get out????

make the choice now. Take back control of your life with a freakin vengeance and kick her to the curb.

We are always here for you. You should talk especially to Brasspile as he has been through a similar situation and got out.

you have a choice. cut your losses now and accept the freedom of the rest of your life. or continue to be the pussywipped slave of an obviously demented woman hell bent on your destruction.

only you can make the choice. divorce or stay? freedom or slavery? Yes or no?

I'm really having a tough time.  Looking to try for a commission as an officer when I finish school but it's like my plans fall on deaf ears.  Unless there the word baby or pregant in a sentence it is as if I never said anything.  I'm lost.

Valkyrie,

I feel for you and know what it's like to have to confront something this agonizing.

Believe me (and all the others here who've been through this) the best thing you can do is get your life back.

Yes, women get fixated on kids if their clock takes over (my ex had one ticking so loud EVERYONE could hear it) but there is a LOT more going on here that just "baby fever"...  A LOT MORE.

It's hard to leave because most humans are optimists and we agonize over the time and effort we've invested in a relationship.  You're not in any different position than most of us have been in to one degree or another.

It's your life and you have to make the call and take the actions that you are willing to live with.  What you've described isn't a marriage, it's a trap.

Get out.  Get your life back and move on.  There ARE other women out there that you don't have to sell your soul (or have your balls ripped off) to be with.

It’s pretty obvious that your wife doesn’t really give a fuck about what you need and want to make your life worthwhile (been there too).  There’s obviously no dialogue happening, she’s treating you like an idiot child and the world is only about her needs and wants.  Sorry man, but that is NOT A RELATIONSHIP.

Call a divorce attorney in the morning and at least discuss your options.  You DO NOT want her to drop the hammer first.  That will turn your life to shit in a heartbeat.  All she has to do is start the ball rolling.  A protection order filled against you and your guns are GONE.  You will probably spend years getting that one cleaned up.  Please don’t say “she won’t do that”.  Too many guys have been fucked in just that way.

You think the advice was grim?  Stick around, mate!  This thread will seem tame compared to what you'll be like if YOU don't initiate a First Strike.
You've got one EX and a Child now.
0-for-2 in this case makes you a Winner!

After re-reading this, I like the idea of getting a sting set-up to get a report filed; guns out; place to stay; lock up a new bank account and your paycheck.
Please put yourself in a better situation.

get out

you just threw a millitary commision in the mix and that doesnt make anything any easier.

Dude, go read what you posted on page one. I'm not even trying to be mean, but if your best friend was telling you the story you told us, you would
A. Laugh and call him a pussy.
B. Stop laughing, tell him he's "not really a pussy" but he should bolt.

Listen to what you said.
You cannot control YOUR OWN MONEY! You are not ALLOWED access to your own bank account!
She hides all YOUR money at her parents house!
You are not ALLOWED to buy things. ALLOWED! You might as well have married your mother! At least then you'd get "allowance".
You are not ALLOWED to watch nudity on televison. How old are you?
You are not ALLOWED to read Maxim?!??!!
She hides YOUR wallet and takes YOUR credit cards......
She is calling married women from your emails...


You need to
A. Get a grip. Reach down, grab your balls and then start acting like you're not totally neutered. How could you EVER possibly allow someone to treat you this way? You're in a hell of your own making because you refuse to be the man in the relationship. Hell your not even an equal partner. I know family dogs that have more say! I've seen hoes that have a better relationship with their pimp!

The bottom line is this. That girl doesn't even love you. If she did she would treat you accordingly. You're being used and abused by someone who doesn't even care about you. Either don't allow her to act that way, leave or both. If you don't, you've no one to blame for your position but you!

we need a poll.

i think it would be more convincing than 3 pages of bolting info.

"Ditch the bitch"

-Tom Leykis

Only one thing to say:

[url]http://marriedmensmilitia.com[/url]  [;)]

Run Like Hell, but plan ahead.

Man, I [b]REALLY[/b] hate to tell you this, but except for wanting to be pregnant, you are describing my soon to be ex-wife to a "T". I, too wanted to to work things out and didn't want to bail without trying everything in my power to make it work.

I finally got enough advice from friends and hurt from her to convince me that I didn't need to keep putting myself through hell for someone who doesn't see any problem with their behaviour. You both have to put effort into making things better and until she proves to you that she is committed to change, you must be prepared for the worst. Unforturnately I have no idea how you would know if she really wants to change or is just telling you what you want to hear.

Think this through throughly and listen to the advice that your friends/family have to offer before you make any decision. They have your best interests in mind. That's something you cannot count on from your wife at this point. I know it sucks and it isn't suppost to be that way, but unforturnately, that's sometime how these things work out.

I am damn sorry to hear it, man. Nobody need this kind of crap. Decide how much of this you can take and bail when it reaches that point. You have to look out for youeself first and foremost. You cannot fix anything until you're OK. Best advice I've recieved.

[tough love]
As usual on this board, someone posts asking for advice, when in fact they already have their mind made up and are just looking for support.
Stay.  Do "your best".  Have a kid.  But I for one don't want to see anymore whining posts from you about this.  You've already decided you're going to stay, you're going to keep right on with the baby-making, and you're going to wind up with THREE very miserable people.  Sorry that nobody here gave you what you were looking for, which is support and encouragement to make the lousiest decision of your life and stay with this woman and continue to try and have a baby.

If you are too stupid to get out, then you deserve every second of misery that this woman heaps upon you.
[/tough love]

You're gonna run into "bail" one of two ways:
1. You bail now and get the hell out of the relationship.
or
2. You need bail when she accuses you of domestic violence the next time you tell her you dont want a baby.

Kharn

I'm guilty too...one good moment (rare) and thought the marriage is salvagable. [rolleyes]
I stayed, I paid...dearly!
Stand back and look at the whole picture...that's NOT how it's supposed to be, right?
As said, it seldom gets better in time.
See ya in hell, my friend, I'll even leave the light on for ya! [}:D]

Man, read this first thing this AM. Now all I can hear is this playing in my head .

You are my sunshine my only sunshine. You are with me when times are grey.
You are my sunshine only sunshine oh please dont take my sunshine away.

Do NOT even consider having a child with this woman now.  I know you want to work things out but do not add a child into the mix until things are worked out.  Maybe your wife feels that the marriage is ending also and thinks that a baby will 'fix' it.  Big mistake!!

BTW, how old is your wife?  IM me if you don't want to post it.

Valkrie,

You have already made your decision.  Face it - you are her slave and will do her bidding.  You won't leave until you crash and burn and the wreckage of your psyche is scraped off the floor.  Just be prepared for the psychotic reaction when she finally realizes her free ride is over.

Go get a vasectomy ASAP (like right NOW!) and see how badly your "wife" wants to save the marriage.

Short answer: you don't need advice. You need a bus ticket.

IM sent...

DISSSSSSMOUNT!

Does any of this look familiar?




[url]http://www.behavenet.com/capsules/disorders/borderlinepd.htm[/url]

[url]http://www.borderlineresearch.org/[/url]


Love is wierd, man!

Have you left yet?

Nobody is going to put up with her shit.
Why should you?

Dude, youre already trapped but you dont know it. There is a small percentage of men that live in your precarious situation. They always complain about how their marriage sucks. They have no say in their lives. They feel like they are being conmtrolled and played out. Well guess what YOU ALLOWED IT TO HAPPEN. You have no one to blame but yourself. But here comes the best part, You try to rationalize why you are staying in this unhappy relationship. "I love Her", " I want to know I gave it my best shot" etc... There are only two things that can happen.
One, is that you take control of your life. If that means you have to be a heartless bastard and take off in the middle of the night with your belongings. To break up with someone you have loved and cared for in some point of your life requires you to set aside your feelings and I sense that despite your com[plaints about her you are emotionally attached to her.
Two, is that you let your feeling for her get the best of you and your life. Some people just are unable to detach from destructive relationships no matter how hard they try. It could be because they feel guilty about leaving. It could be that they are the protective type and feel sorry for that person.

Regardless you are at a fork in the road. The easy path will lead you to stay in a f**ked up relationship. Change is indeed difficult. Like usual the easy path usually leads to tougher times down the road. The hard path, well at least tough initially will Mandate you put whatever feelings you have for in this relationship aside, be selfish, (yeah dude its OK to think of yourself for once and not try to please anybody) and put your feelings aside and leave. This will be tough intially but you will eventually feel some self respect and worth afterwards. Now the ball is your hands guy..

Confucious stated " A journey of a thousand miles begins with one step"

Be a man and take that step. Leave now>

I feel for you man.

But I have to agree with what was said above.

Some situations are salvagable, but from what you posted, yours is not.

Leave. For your own health.  If she won't take her meds, she will NEVER get any better.

TXL

Valk, man been there myself 3 years ago.  I just gotta ask...is her name Renee?  Anyhow, all the advice to leave/take back you life/get control of finances; DO IT!!!! YESTERDAY!!  Almost word for word I was in the same situation, though we weren't married...yet.  But, we had bought a house together intending to.  Long story short, she literally went nuts resulting in mutual bullshit RO's, attempts at extorting my parents, lies to my employer that compromised my job, add nauseum.  She cheated on me at least twice as I discovered... probably more.  We did not get married, or have kids, but the house ended up being sold and I'm still dealing with the last bits of this crap.  Arrange to stay with a friend, set up direct deposit to a new bank account, then get your vital things; paperwork/documents, guns, personal heirlooms, and get the hell out.  Write off the cash and everything else(it will be worth it in the long run).  Let her know where you are staying and have the PD's phone number in speed dial.  When she comes over to give you hell, your buddy and neighbors(?) will be your witnesses.  Call the cops get an RO against her, and hit her ASAP with divorce papers.  Have as many witnesses and documents against her as you can as the courts typically act as though the woman is always right.  If you value your career, the relationship with your child, desire to be happy...you must do this.  If she files with the court first, the process becomes 10 times harder for you.  I know you want to give it 110% and do everything you can.  Like I said... been there, and it almost literally took a brick upside the head to wake me up.  You need to realize that you've given it your best, from the sound of it, more like 125% already.  You already know what you want/don't want, and know what to do.  So do it while you still can.

Good luck,  Dan

Allow me to be the first to offer to buy your guns when you DON'T heed any of the above advice (and I'm 90% sure you won't.) and your wife gets an RO on you.

i have never seen an advise thread that didn't have at least one or two opinions that run counter to the rest.
what i see here is 100% unanimity.
not one person, not a one, will offer you encouragement to stick it out.
i'm sorry to know that you're in pain, and i can't make it any better.
i'm with the rest of them.
all i can offer is that for every screwed up turn in the road, you more likely than not , will be able to look back and KNOW that you did the right thing, even though it hurts so bad now.
stiffen your resolve, ang good luck.

Valk,

Love is supposed to be a mutual thing. Just having someone around to breed is not love.
Kids multiply problems. If you think she's keeping you on a tight rope in various aspects just wait until you got a baby in the house.
Best case scenario: She treats you even worse but at least takes care of the kid.
Worst case scenario:.... you can't imagine.
I know you can't because you're still at home.
If you could you'd bail.
Divorce (from the latin word to extract a man's testicles through his wallet) is a grim thought for you right now. Not doing it however will prove to be worse. She keeps you tight as far as money is concerned?! With a divorce you're still money tight but you're a FREE man. Counts for something in my book...
There're good gals out there! Don't waste your life and future on the one that can barely tolerate having you in the house.
I do understand the need for fiscal responsibility. Expenditures beyond a certain amount need to be mutually agreed upon. That's how it works in my relationship. Just some checks and balances... [:)]
The queen in your house needs to get off her high horse. You however will not be able to get this accomplished. She seems to have mental challenges. That's too bad for her and her surroundings. Medication and psychiatric supervision can fix a vast array of  mental disorders. See it like a broken arm. However, if you break your arm you're the one running to the MD. She is running away from her shrink. There's nothing you can do. If you try to force or manipulate her in a way to get her the help she needs it'll be turned around and used against you. She'll blame you for everything (and I'm sure she already does).

Alright, here's your action plan :

1) NO more sex!!!
2) Move out.
3) Take what's yours. No more no less. (Esp. guns).
4) Consult with a divorce attorney and if he seems somewhat competent retain him and file for divorce.
5) Get a restraining order. She's unstable in more than one way and you are not able to predict her next move (neither will she BTW).
6) Prepare your documentation for the divorce proceedings. Courts love paperwork. Make your case and have the papertrail to prove it. Witnesses? Got any?
7) Get your pay deposited in a new account. Be the only account holder. Don't starve her but take control of your finances.

... and the list goes on and on....

That's all very unpleasant but the alternative is even worse.

Your wife is a bit more tricky than you in many aspects (no offense). She'll threaten, coerce, sweet-talk, control, dominate, question, blame, etc. you. You're too straight forward to play the game with her. If you do you lose. Looks to me that you're losing right now.

Action=Reaction! Time for you to react and start to act.

Confused? When the topic contains something female it ought to happen. [:)]

Your sperm might be a little on the slow side, BUT do you still have BALLS?!

Best of luck.

LRdrvr

I told my wife about this and she said you guys needed some counseling and she needed to take her meds.  If that doesn't work she said you needed to "Run Away!"  I just say you need to "Run Away!"  Why would you get on here and ask for advice knowing what we would say and knowing you wouldn't do it.

[b]RUN AWAY![/b]

Valk, one more thing; when(and I pray it's when, not if) you take everyone's unanimous advice and it comes time to send/give her money for support etc. use money orders and send it certified/signature required mail.  Otherwise, she'll claim you never sent her a dime.  Also, don't send her a check from the new account...she'll do everything and anything to get ahold of it.  The account that is.  Now, if she works and can cover her expenses this may be moot, but do this if you send her any money for any reason at all.  Basically, document everything and cover your ass.

Again, good luck.