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Posted: 11/22/2003 8:20:26 AM EDT
Link Posted: 11/22/2003 8:26:47 AM EDT
[soupnazi]NO CANDY FOR YOU!!![/soupnazy]

NsB
Link Posted: 11/22/2003 8:29:39 AM EDT
"We represent the Lollipop JBTs, the Lollipop JBTs, the Lollipop JBTs..."
Link Posted: 11/22/2003 8:35:35 AM EDT
With the recent increase in health care cost and a reduction of the workforce the elves were pissed.
Link Posted: 11/22/2003 8:43:57 AM EDT
The ACLU has successfully blocked Christmas celebration at the North Pole
Link Posted: 11/22/2003 8:45:44 AM EDT
[Last Edit: 11/22/2003 8:48:17 AM EDT by lvgunner777]
Santa's home was raided early this morning, according to sources, he has an underground candy cane operation going that stretches from the North Pole all the way to South America.

Film at 11
Link Posted: 11/22/2003 8:52:08 AM EDT
Officers in riot gear stand by just hours after the Ginger Bread Man was arrested on this very same street corner yelling "EAT ME!" This has been a very trying time in the community just last week Snow White was busted selling crack to several of Santas elves.
Link Posted: 11/22/2003 9:32:25 AM EDT
And in Michael Jacksons hidden room.....
Link Posted: 11/22/2003 9:47:52 AM EDT
[Last Edit: 11/22/2003 9:51:48 AM EDT by cluster]
and in the classified section of todays paper...


Santas Work shop is being sold in auction after Mr Clause was found quilty of tax eviasion...


Mrs Clause was shocked at the verdic and in between what seems like hours of crying.. she could be heard muttering .. " A tax for the manufactoring of toys!... those damn neocons! "

edited to add:

breaking news...

"news @ 11" has just learned that Mr Clause and Santa INC were ratted by a top executive of the Durecell corp.. in a statement .. <he wished his name not be disclosed> said the toys santa and his non tax paying elves did not require batteris and were hurting the economy.. ...

Yet ANOTHER victum of the patriot act ..


Link Posted: 11/22/2003 10:09:56 AM EDT
[Secretary Ridge]"Sorry kids, Santa has raised the threat level to red!"[/Secretary Ridge]"
Link Posted: 11/22/2003 10:21:27 AM EDT
AP - Nov 22, 2003

The North Pole Metro Police deployed their Elf-SWAT team today after mail handers discovered a letter to Santa that contained a minute amount of white powder.

"It looks like powdered sugar, at least the cookie crumbs in the envelope seems to support this theory, but you just can't be too careful these days." reported Elf-SWAT Captain Twinkletoe Bells.

Santa's Work Shop, Bake Shop and the Reindeer Stables were evacuated to secure facilities beneath the arctic ice while elves in Haz-Mat suits decontaminated the Post Office located behind Santa's Bake Shop. The Mother Goose Book Shop was closed in 1994 with the introduction of high-resolution video games. The facility has been used to store video game cartridges since then. Mad Hatter Hats was closed for retooling for Cat-In-The-Hat production.

Link Posted: 11/22/2003 2:08:33 PM EDT
All your base are belong to us.
AB
Link Posted: 11/22/2003 2:15:41 PM EDT
Link Posted: 11/22/2003 2:32:07 PM EDT
Neverland syncronized dildo team.
Link Posted: 11/22/2003 3:16:34 PM EDT
Santa: "Has security been beefed up in the storage wing?"

Head Elf: "Sure has!"
Link Posted: 11/22/2003 3:49:29 PM EDT
Police prepared for the onslaught of anti-globalization activists and other protesters as the free trade talks commenced in Santa's Village.
Link Posted: 11/22/2003 4:18:34 PM EDT
18 U.S.C. 924(a)(6)-The sale of Gingerbread gun cookies is prohibited.....[Strickly Enforced]
Link Posted: 11/22/2003 4:43:30 PM EDT
Grinch-proof
Link Posted: 11/22/2003 4:46:05 PM EDT
looks like Santa forgot to pay his tax's
Link Posted: 11/22/2003 5:40:32 PM EDT
After passing the recent assault weapons ban, California Department of Justice officers raided Santa's workshop for the manufacture of unregistered high capacity squirt guns. Being modeled after the dreaded M-16, these squirt guns had 1. carry handles, 2. pistol grips, 3 bayonet lugs, 4. forward hand guards, and 5. removeable high capacity 30 squirt magazines. This was a clear violation of the assault weapons ban. A child could take this to any school and just hose the place down. Something had to beone about this evil perpetrated by Santa. Asan aside, the 9th circuit court of appeals has declared Christmas to be unconstitutional and has ordered the arrest of Mr and Mrs Clause as well as all the elves.
Link Posted: 11/22/2003 6:01:12 PM EDT

Originally Posted By PsyWarrior:
After passing the recent assault weapons ban, California Department of Justice officers raided Santa's workshop for the manufacture of unregistered high capacity squirt guns. Being modeled after the dreaded M-16, these squirt guns had 1. carry handles, 2. pistol grips, 3 bayonet lugs, 4. forward hand guards, and 5. removeable high capacity 30 squirt magazines. This was a clear violation of the assault weapons ban. A child could take this to any school and just hose the place down. Something had to beone about this evil perpetrated by Santa. Asan aside, the 9th circuit court of appeals has declared Christmas to be unconstitutional and has ordered the arrest of Mr and Mrs Clause as well as all the elves.



I live here and I'm still LMAO!!!!


CW in Christmas-less CA
Link Posted: 11/22/2003 8:40:37 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 11/22/2003 8:41:40 PM EDT by Juell]
" as a rouge group of Jenny Craig dieters wanders the city of portland, police and military personel have been activated to protect several bakeries and deli's. Weight watching whales have been known to "fall off the wagon" and devour entire towns, this time police hope to be ready."
Link Posted: 11/22/2003 8:47:10 PM EDT
"Alright....where are the kittens?!"
Link Posted: 11/22/2003 10:10:38 PM EDT
In a breaking story, Santa's workshop has been linked to Al-Qaeda. Anybody caught buying toys will be charged with supporting international terrorism.
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