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Posted: 11/17/2003 5:11:15 AM EDT
[Last Edit: 11/17/2003 5:24:50 AM EDT by Wobblin-Goblin]
A few of the current threads got me reminiscing about my time in college. The ups, the downs, the heartbreaks dealing with the vast numbers of delicious 18-21 year old girls. One particular experience was unlike any other, however. Like a real-life mystery novel, the twists and turns mesmerized a captive audience. Unlike said novels, this story never had an ending. The trail of terror, spellbinding hysterical terror, left in the wake of some daring soul who had a unique talent would never be forgotten, however, by those who witnessed those events back in the early 90s in the Piedmont of South Carolina. Here is the story:

Every male, young and old, has an inherent fascination with shit. Even some prime-time television shows can't ignore this fact. Take "All in the Family." One of the favorite scenes in episodes of the 70s sitcom depicted Archie Bunker being absent while someone is asking where he was. At that moment, the deafening roar of a toilet flushing was heard. Well, this fascination can lead to an abnormal interest. It can escalate into an informal contest of "My shit is bigger than yours." Even worse, it can lead to hundreds of normal young men inspecting toilets to see which shits were the biggest, longest, most massive that had ever slid out of a rectum and into history.

It started out innocently enough. Happens all the time, really. Some guy drops a bomb that won't go down and has to be plunged. Well, apparently this occasion left an impression on atleast one person, because not long after, another large waste bunny was left for the cleaning crew. Then another. In a matter of a few short days, there was a quiet rumor floating around the men's dorms that a contest was on to see who had the biggest shits. Then, it happened.

While dozens of anonymous crappers took to the bathrooms in an attempt to squeeze out the biggest bunny, one surly soul quickly began rendering all other efforts futile. It didn't take very long for this individual to earn the dubious nickname of...The Mad Crapper.

His shits were so monumental, so mind-blowingly massive, young men from far and wide flocked to the toilets that had become his prey. It became a circus, really. "Standing room only" to witness what could only be described as the largest shits in the known world. At first, it was the sheer diameter of the bunnies. Whoever bore that infamous nickname must've had a sphincter the size of a baseball, because those toilet rodents were as round as a small tree. A fire hose couldn't get them to flush. After a couple of days of those, The Mad Crapper graduated to dropping shits that were measured in zipcodes, not tape measures. Gone were the tree-trunk-sized smellies, in their place were coiled-up shits that bit the onlookers not with poison, but with utter amazement. The longest of which was estimated to be over three feet! They were so long, The Mad Crapper left his calling card by leaving the trail end of the shit draped over the rim of the toilet bowl.

Well, as you would expect, word of this exhibition spread all the way to the administration building. It wasn't long before the announcement was made that whoever was responsible for the shocking shits would be billed for the overtime pay the cleaning crew incurred in hauling the waste away. The ruse worked, because immediately the shitting stopped. Disciples of The Mad Crapper searched bathrooms far and wide for evidence of his presence but none was ever found again. He simply faded away like all good soldiers before him.

To this day, my buddies and I trade our own stories of that wonderfully wretched week on campus. As we talk, laugh, and cry, each one of us is always scanning each other for evidence, evidence that in their presence is the one who many called The Mad Crapper.
Link Posted: 11/17/2003 5:20:13 AM EDT
How many rest rings on that 3 footer? I bet there was a lot.
Link Posted: 11/17/2003 5:35:16 AM EDT
I honestly don't remember. Damn, that was awesome. Some guys took pictures of the shits but I don't remember who they were. Would be pretty funny to find them, take digitals of the photos, and post them here!
Link Posted: 11/17/2003 5:35:37 AM EDT
Who among us hasn't had to "walk one off?"

Anyone who has eaten MREs for days at a stretch knows exactly what I'm talking about.
Link Posted: 11/17/2003 5:45:01 AM EDT
After college that guy went on to start ratemypoo.com
Link Posted: 11/17/2003 5:48:15 AM EDT
The biggest one I ever had was in college as well. After eating frat house food and not taking a shit for about 5 or 6 days, I finally felt the gopher wanting out of his hole. I went upstairs to the community shitters in the frat house and out came a beauty. It was slick and shiny and went all the way down the neck of the shitter and came up out of the water about another 8 to 12 inches. Best we could figure it was about 24 to maybe 30 inches long. About as round as a Milwaukee's Worst (which we had been drinking profusely, I might add) beer can. I was not allowed to flush it as it went on display for several days after that. It was so hard it did not come apart after being water logged, but the flies sure did like it.
Link Posted: 11/17/2003 5:49:24 AM EDT
I though this was going to be a Frank_the_Spank story!
Link Posted: 11/17/2003 5:50:49 AM EDT
While stationed in Germany during the early 80's we had the case of the "Mad Shitter".

Some guy living in the barracks would close the toilet cover and take a dump on top of it. Well each room in the barracks had latrine duty a week at a time, and it didn't take long for everyone in the building to have witnessed the works of the "Mad Shitter", to include the Sgt. Major!

The Sgt. Major held a formation that afternoon for the enlisted who lived in the barracks.

He threatend that if he ever caught the "sick son-of-a-bitch" known as the "Mad Shitter" he'd have that person mentally evaluated and kicked out of the Army!

The "Mad Shitter" went into the annuals of history that afternoon.......never to shit on a toilet lid again.

I still wonder to this day who he might have been.............................

Link Posted: 11/17/2003 5:55:02 AM EDT
Ever pass one that made your asshole burn?
Link Posted: 11/17/2003 6:03:12 AM EDT
[Beavis]Heh heh heh I poop too much![/Beavis]

When I was going to trade school a guy there was telling a story that he passed out while passing one. When he said he came to he looked down and it was at least 3" in diameter. We all just cringed.
Link Posted: 11/17/2003 6:28:48 AM EDT
Oh you mean "THE RABID SEWER FERRET OF EVIL". Man I hate giving birth to those damned things. I really hate it when it hits the dry precelain and it sounds like you just laid a shovel handle against a cinder block wall.
Makes me feel so, well, violated.
Link Posted: 11/17/2003 6:37:09 AM EDT
Oh, you mean the peanut speckled brown sewer trout? But, at least you are releasing it back to the wild to fight another day.

Catch and release I say.
Link Posted: 11/17/2003 6:41:13 AM EDT
Link Posted: 11/17/2003 9:42:11 AM EDT

Originally Posted By rebel_rifle:
Oh, you mean the peanut speckled brown sewer trout?


LOL.
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