[ARCHIVED THREAD] - Depression (Page 1 of 3)
Posted: 3/11/2017 10:14:34 PM EDT
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I'm scared to death of talking to a doctor and being lumped into a category that I'm not. My optimism for the future is a blessing.
However, I've spent the last 5 years of my life dating women what I consider "out of my league"- two 2 year relationships and a year with 3. All of them left me for other guys out of the blue. I've experienced extreme swings in terms of my social life, from booked weeks in advance to no friends at all. The last 5 months of my life I've been single after the last one left me. I have zero friends. Literally, I have nothing besides my promising career. I'm climbing the corporate ladder and have no one to share my good news with. My only interactions with people occur at work, and I've found it foreign to even speak after a weekend where I'm alone the whole time. I'm under 30, must be relatively attractive (considering who I've dated) and yet I'm in misery. For the last 5 months I've smoked a pack of cigarettes a day and drank 10-15 beers a night. When I have a bottle of whiskey it lasts two nights. I've got to get out of this rut.... EDIT: I will not take or even consider prescriptions. |
| Go back to school (JC) and take cooking classes. Take some exercise classes (dance). You'll meet plenty of women. Don't be in a rush either. If you take a dance class, dance with them all, big or small, short or tall, regardless of race or age. Remember you're there to meet people. |
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Don't ever let a relationship define who you are. Plenty of women out there to have fun with, and eventually you will find the one that clicks.
Most adults only have 2-3 real "friends". Don't think that you need a ton of people to love you, in reality most of them won't. Find a hobby. One that you can do/enjoy alone as well as with friends. Cut back on the drinking, start working out more. |
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I have been there and didn't want to be put on meds and stuff, I eventually went and saw a Dr and he tried putting me on meds but they made me into a zombie and I weaned off them.
Coming to this site for laughs and knowing that if I needed to talk I would have a whole bunch of IM in my in box with phone numbers for me to call. Stop drinking first, it only makes it worse Pick up a good book, take up jogging or walking, explore your city Find a new hobby and get into it. If you do need to talk send me an im 
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You're not alone. Seriously, Ive dedicated my life for the last twelve years to trying to get to a fincacial place where I am capable of having a family. Now that I have that realistic possibility the wife says she wants to split and and doesn't want to have a kid.
"No body exists on purpose. Nobody belongs anywhere. Everyone's going to die. Come watch TV." nothing lasts forever, so learn move on and invest in way to earn poon. |
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Alcohol is a very isolating drug. Could the woman have left because they got tired of sitting there watching you drink? This, as someone who suffers from depression quit drinking, it is NOT your friend. Like a poster above said, male therapist that deals with men, and CC courses. get out and force yourself to enjoy life, after a while you will find you are actually doing it. |
| Also, if you're thinking about whether SSRIs might help but don't want to see a doctor or get on pharma meds, OTC 5-htp has worked wonders for select individuals. But by all means please research it thoroughly before you decide to try anything. GABA, essentially an inhibitory neurotransmitter, is another OTC supplement that can help in weaning off a dependence to alcohol. But again, Amazon has shit tons of reviews and write-ups on how folks fared when they decided to try these types of supplements. |
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This, as someone who suffers from depression quit drinking, it is NOT your friend. Like a poster above said, male therapist that deals with men, and CC courses. get out and force yourself to enjoy life, after a while you will find you are actually doing it. Quoted:
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Alcohol is a very isolating drug. Could the woman have left because they got tired of sitting there watching you drink? This, as someone who suffers from depression quit drinking, it is NOT your friend. Like a poster above said, male therapist that deals with men, and CC courses. get out and force yourself to enjoy life, after a while you will find you are actually doing it. Is it possible to find a doctor that deals in cash only? I've been to a female covered by my insurance but found it a waste of our time considering I was walking on eggshells. I'm not suicidal, enjoy life and look forward to the future...however I am depressed |
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Just curious, why rule out medications if there's something out there that might possibly help you. The " there is a pill for that" mentality is extremely pervasive. I wouldn't recommend going down that road ever, nevermind when in the old emotional doldrums. Pharmaceutical companies push these drugs on physicians. |
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The " there is a pill for that" mentality is extremely pervasive. I wouldn't recommend going down that road ever, nevermind when in the old emotional doldrums. Pharmaceutical companies push these drugs on physicians. Quoted:
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Just curious, why rule out medications if there's something out there that might possibly help you. The " there is a pill for that" mentality is extremely pervasive. I wouldn't recommend going down that road ever, nevermind when in the old emotional doldrums. Pharmaceutical companies push these drugs on physicians. I would have to second that. In my 20's I was depressed and the doctor put me on Zyprexa. Gave me terrible side-effects whenever I missed a dose. I got off the meds and changed my outlook on life as others here have mentioned. Drugs should be a last resort. |
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The " there is a pill for that" mentality is extremely pervasive. I wouldn't recommend going down that road ever, nevermind when in the old emotional doldrums. Pharmaceutical companies push these drugs on physicians. not to mention some of that stuff might make it even worse..... |
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I'll be your friend. And I know how you feel to a certain degree.
try to slow down on the depressant alcohol. Get some St Johns Wort. and take two a day one in the morning one at night. for a week. then ease back to one a day. It works. for real. Let me know if i can help! |
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All that booze it going to make you fat and then you won't be attractive anymore! I've actually lost weight since the last breakup. The problem is after several drinks and smokes I'm no longer hungry and usually eat a couple eggs and toast for the whole day. I couldn't imagine giving up booze because it eases the pain of live in girlfriends banging other guys days after breaking up. |
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I stopped being depressed when I stopped going to school (I graduated), got into a job/career that I liked, and stopped obsessing whether women I dated loved me or not. I stopped thinking that was a life or death situation.
School, unemployment, and romantic relationships where I cared whether the woman wanted me or not drove me close to suicide I was so miserable. And this might surprise you but drinking didn't help anything. |
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I've actually lost weight since the last breakup. The problem is after several drinks and smokes I'm no longer hungry and usually eat a couple eggs and toast for the whole day. I couldn't imagine giving up booze because it eases the pain of live in girlfriends banging other guys days after breaking up. Quoted:
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All that booze it going to make you fat and then you won't be attractive anymore! I've actually lost weight since the last breakup. The problem is after several drinks and smokes I'm no longer hungry and usually eat a couple eggs and toast for the whole day. I couldn't imagine giving up booze because it eases the pain of live in girlfriends banging other guys days after breaking up. I hear yah, but there's a fat switch in your DNA. Not sure how old you are, but if you're anywhere near your 40's, that booze is gonna give you a spare tire. |
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I hear yah, but there's a fat switch in your DNA. Not sure how old you are, but if you're anywhere near your 40's, that booze is gonna give you a spare tire. Well under 30, but I know you're right. Most days I'll buy a coffee and an orange. Might come home and make an omlette and toast or have instant breakfast with milk, and 6+ beers. I know it's not healthy, but I also get no exercise whatsoever. I can't because I'm hungover from the night before and smoke 15+ cigs a day. |
| This |
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Don't ever let a relationship define who you are. Plenty of women out there to have fun with, and eventually you will find the one that clicks. Most adults only have 2-3 real "friends". Don't think that you need a ton of people to love you, in reality most of them won't. Find a hobby. One that you can do/enjoy alone as well as with friends. Cut back on the drinking, start working out more. This is great advice. As a single guy like you coming out of a dead end relationship, I would like to add: 1. Use your free time alone to build yourself up physically, mentally & spiritually (I.e. workout, read the Bible & post on Arfcom often), drinking & smoking will only drain you physically. My hobby is playing the guitar, love it. 2. Like Kojack said, most people only have a handful of friends. Friendships are a two way street. You have to do your part to build them. I know I neglected them. I've taken time to rebuild them and be a better friend. The phone calls will start coming in, trust me. 3. You state that you have had relationships with awesome women that seem to drift eventually. Again, ask yourself if you are doing enough to develop and build your relationships. Maybe you just had a bad run but I sense you may have some self built barriers (Pride, trust, communication etc.) You will get through this rough patch. I just want you to come out of it stronger. Best of luck. |
| Look into taking SAM-e. It doesn't have the horrible side effects of prescription pills. It is also good for your liver, which sounds like you might need now. Drinking is only exacerbating your issues, and if you don't change you are going to become an alcoholic which brings tons more bad issues. Try changing things up and working out. Trust me, I know how hard all this is. I have suffered from it my whole life. I have plenty of women and friends, but none of that helps really bad depression. It gets worse as you get older, my young depression was more intense, but I still had hope, still felt so many things were possible. As you get older, things just don't excite you anymore, and you feel nothing is worthwhile, that time is running out but yet have no desire to do new things because none of it will ever matter. Depression is a royal bitch. |
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Don't rule out medication. I refused medication for several years and just did therapy and I never got better. I lost interest in all my hobbies (guns, music, cars, etc). I couldn't even play video games. I would rather have binge watched McGyver on Netflix and drank than pick up my guitar or go wrench on my mustangs.
I went to see a different shrink and he suggested medication. At that point, nothing else had worked so why not give it a shot. I'm now a year into my meds and I'll be scheduling an appointment to have them reduced and then cut completely. I play banjo now (I created a thread here about my new banjo as a matter of fact), I wrench on my car's again (just cracked open the diff on one of my mustangs yesterday), and I just enjoy life again. I don't fight with my wife anymore. I actually wake up in the morning (even on weekends) instead of sleeping till 2 or 3pm. I needed help. I thought I could do it on my own (without meds) but I was too far gone and couldn't see it. Meds gave me an edge I didn't have before and I was able to beat depression finally. ETA: and not all meds work for everyone. What worked best for me was a drug that actually probably made some people worse. But don't be afraid of too proud to at least give them a chance. |
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Don't rule out medication. I refused medication for several years and just did therapy and I never got better. I lost interest in all my hobbies (guns, music, cars, etc). I couldn't even play video games. I would rather have binge watched McGyver on Netflix and drank than pick up my guitar or go wrench on my mustangs. I went to see a different shrink and he suggested medication. At that point, nothing else had worked so why not give it a shot. I'm now a year into my meds and I'll be scheduling an appointment to have them reduced and then cut completely. I play banjo now (I created a thread here about my new banjo as a matter of fact), I wrench on my car's again (just cracked open the diff on one of my mustangs yesterday), and I just enjoy life again. I don't fight with my wife anymore. I actually wake up in the morning (even on weekends) instead of sleeping till 2 or 3pm. I needed help. I thought I could do it on my own (without meds) but I was too far gone and couldn't see it. Meds gave me an edge I didn't have before and I was able to beat depression finally. ETA: and not all meds work for everyone. What worked best for me was a drug that actually probably made some people worse. But don't be afraid of too proud to at least give them a chance. |
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Me and my GF had a similar conversation tonight.
Dating in your 20s sucks ass... stop looking for a woman and figure out what makes you happy... Similar situation in my mid 20s, just a bunch of stupid shit. Cut out drinking and smoking, focus on your career, maybe go back to school? Stay away from internet dating and find a buddy who is in a similar situation, you can get out and go to shows or grab food and BS without having to find a chick or cover someone else. (build a relationship with a buddy and carry it through when you start dating again, wing night or something similar) Get back to what YOU enjoy doing, when you are happy chicks will find you... Go for a hike, take some photos, go fishing, shooting, spend time with family. Learn to spend time alone and dive into your mind, you can learn a lot about yourself. (even when you are in a relationship spend a night alone and a night out with the guys everyish week) We all have our ups and downs, learn to recognize the downs, catch yourself and start turning it around. Sounds more like a situational thing than a chemical thing, start talking to a pro and see if it (talking) helps. Do some research too, on depression and anxiety. |
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Do you mind sharing what you are taking? Did you bounce around to find the right medicine for you or did your doc get it right the first time? Wellbutrin. We got lucky on the first go around. Talking to my dad (depression runs in the family), he had had quite a negative experience with it. I've also had a bad experience with Chantix which is a similar drug, but I was using that for smoking cessation before I ever had problems with depression. Every brain is different. It might take some trial and error but it will be worth it in the end. I can't stress it enough. Give meds a chance. Don't let pride get in the way of happiness. I wasted several years of my life dealing with an illness I thought I could deal with on my own. |
| Yeah I feel ya man. I'm 34 and all my friends have disappeared on me recently. I think they are all just too busy with their girlfriends and wives and babies to hang out with me. I just work, eat, sleep, workout, shoot guns. For me my career and fitness are the most important things to me right now. Women seem to like good looking dudes with money who are willing to settle down. To me the woman is the last part you should focus on though. That's the easy part once you got your shit together ya know. And I know I feel so much happier when I'm in good shape and feeling good. Health really is the most important thing in life. Money is important too of course, gotta have some cash to go out and have fun. |
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Alchohol is the killer. cigs are just insane. You need exercise. Go to gym or find an interest that gets you exercise. I have a depressing job that I hate. Getting out in the mountains, kayaking, being outdoors is key to my survival. We have terrible depression in our family. Mom, grandmother, uncle, sister. shock treatments, suicide etc. I am sure I have the gene and fight depression. The outdoors is my answer.
I had a guy I went to school with, was a great athlete, could have been a proffesional baseball player but loved the whiskey. I havent seen him in 30 years. He was hired where I work only to find out he was a bad alcoholic. We end up having to let him go. He almost could not walk and was in total liver failure. His wife and kids had left him and would have nothing to do with him. Dont end up like him. You need to get yourself in a good spot. It is totally up to you. Dont put the pussy on a pedestal. You are probably dating women only for looks. Women like that dont want to settle down, they just move from man to man. I am 56 years old, drank and partied when I was young. Been married 30 years. |
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suggesting meds is idiotic when he hasn't tried cutting out the shit behaviors first. No harm can come to the OP by cutting back on alcohol and tobacco; or by exercising, eating better, and not obsessing on women. |
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Alcohol is a depressant, it also contributes to anxiety, You need to address your drinking, 10-15 a night is binge drinking, way too much, it'ss going to cause you problems, and is likely going to get worse (trust me, I know). It could quite possibly turn into a beer or two in the mornings. At that level and of that amount of time, you may experience some uncomfortable withdrawals bordering on needing medical attention.
The medical establishment says 2 a day for males is okay, 4 is considered "bing drinking"... I don't totally agree with that, but I'm not a medical professional. Take it from me, you need to address your drinking and eat healthy. Then get some exercise, start off light. A good therapist can do wonders. Women are not the answer or even an issue, there is something deeper. P.S. At the level of drinking you are at, I would attempt tapering, shave off a beer or two a night until you are down to zero. Alcohol withdrawal is not fun and can be life threatening. Med's an alcohol don't mix either and can make you much worse. I had a real serious drinking problem after a break up, I quit for a few months and all the issues that were bothering me went away or just weren't a very big deal, now I keep myself to no more than two a day... If I go out with friends at night (which is rare), I keep it to one drink an hour, four drinks max. |
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Wow, that sounds just like me. I'm a bit older, but I got divorced like 2 years ago. I make over 100k, take care of myself and think I'm a good catch in the dating world. In fact, the world is my oyster, I'm a king lol!. No friends except for the woman I happen to be dating at the time.
I was on Lexapro for 4 years and recently stopped it. It's good if you are really fucked up, like I was, but we all have bad days and it's not for that. Try working on yourself first. Dating suuuccckkksss. I learned that much. If you are in a good place, like it sounds you are, you just need to take care of yourself first of course. Get a dog to keep you company? Go to the gym every day or start running. Make a list of what you need to be happy and go on Tinder or POF and find it. This is the most awesome and easiest time in the history of the world to be alive. You just need to get over the feeling sorry for yourself thing... |