Posted: 9/10/2016 8:06:26 AM EDT
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I'm going to need the hive's input on this one. Not sure (pretty sure, actually) of guilt (you betcha) or innocence (not a chance), but I thought I'd throw this case out there and let the hive decide!
THE BACK STORY Buddy's wife is a great baker. Made these delicious turnovers. She was kind enough to give me four to bring home. Yay me! THE BOOTY 
THE CRIME SCENE 
Three of the turnovers are missing! Who could have done such a thing? PHOTO OF THE SUSPECT 
Suspect: "AM I BEING DETAINED?" Me: Yes, you are. Suspect: "WHY? I DIDN"T DO NOTHING!" Me: You have crumbs in your beard and your breath smells like apples, dumbass. Suspect: "I KNOW MY RIGHTS! I WANT TO TALK TO MY LAWYER!" WHERE THAT LINE USUALLY GETS YOU 
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Seen that face all to many times. Guilty as hell.|
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Me, too, but that face is saying "and I'll never do it again..." Quoted:
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Guilty but I would grant that face a full pardon. Me, too, but that face is saying "and I'll never do it again..." Don't fall for them puppy eyes! This one is a recidivist! My buddy wants to know how he opened the bag without opposable thumbs. Questions like that keep me up at night! 
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Don't fall for them puppy eyes! This one is a recidivist! My buddy wants to know how he opened the bag without opposable thumbs. Questions like that keep me up at night! Quoted:
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Guilty but I would grant that face a full pardon. Me, too, but that face is saying "and I'll never do it again..." Don't fall for them puppy eyes! This one is a recidivist! My buddy wants to know how he opened the bag without opposable thumbs. Questions like that keep me up at night! The wife's first dog ate five remaining donuts from a hostess six pack without damaging the celophane. To this day I have no idea how he did it. |
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Poor dog is a victim of circumstance! I vote not guilty. Yeah, I'm going with not guilty too. OP did not provide a fair environment free of temptation and opportunity. OP further was well aware of the accused's predisposition to consume unattended pastry. Accused in claiming entrapment and has a strong case. OP can avoid law suit by agreeing to immediate release, scratch behind the ears, 1 "good dog", 2 milkbones. |
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The wife's first dog ate five remaining donuts from a hostess six pack without damaging the celophane. To this day I have no idea how he did it. Quoted:
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Guilty but I would grant that face a full pardon. Me, too, but that face is saying "and I'll never do it again..." Don't fall for them puppy eyes! This one is a recidivist! My buddy wants to know how he opened the bag without opposable thumbs. Questions like that keep me up at night! The wife's first dog ate five remaining donuts from a hostess six pack without damaging the celophane. To this day I have no idea how he did it. This guy gets it! I think he is planning a break out! I have to keep my computer password protected otherwise the little crook would be on Amazon buying luxury doggie beds, gold cages and what not! |
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Once he gives you "The Face" you'll let him go no matter what he did. Quoted:
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Absolutely guilty but commute the sentence based on remorse demonstrated and lack of previous record. ?? Adorable face on that rascal! Once he gives you "The Face" you'll let him go no matter what he did. Yep! Works often too! 
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You are the Governor- you could just give a full pardon and a belly rub. (No, I don't want to hear about you giving yourself a belly rub!) Quoted:
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Guilty! Sentenced to time served and 2 weeks obedience training. Me or the dog?  You are the Governor- you could just give a full pardon and a belly rub. (No, I don't want to hear about you giving yourself a belly rub!) This is a tough crowd! Most leaning toward not guilty. The rabble people have been heard! A full pardon has been granted and don't sue for entrapment belly rubs issued! Case dismissed! 
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Don't fall for them puppy eyes! This one is a recidivist! My buddy wants to know how he opened the bag without opposable thumbs. Questions like that keep me up at night! Quoted:
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Guilty but I would grant that face a full pardon. Me, too, but that face is saying "and I'll never do it again..." Don't fall for them puppy eyes! This one is a recidivist! My buddy wants to know how he opened the bag without opposable thumbs. Questions like that keep me up at night! worry when the bag is closed again, and the dog has crumbs. |
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The Apple Breath 1 has been released! 
Now for the settlement for illegal imprisonment! http://doghealthinsider.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/03/Dog-Treats.jpg That's a yuge settlement! Damn! Trying to bankrupt my doggie coffers!
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The real issue here is your own negligence in making the turnovers accessible to the accused. Knowing full-well his proclivity for delicious baked goods, you left the defendant unsupervised with the pastries in question and you expected a different outcome? No, sir, it is you who should be locked in that cage. |
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First question. Who ate the last pastry?
Second question. Did the offender go quietly to prison or did he put up a fight? I say he is guilty of his crimes but should be released for good behavior after the fact. Sentence him to retrieving your paper for 4 weeks and then make him sit and watch you eat 3 pastry's that were purchased with his canine piggy bank. |
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Quoted: Don't fall for them puppy eyes! This one is a recidivist! My buddy wants to know how he opened the bag without opposable thumbs. Questions like that keep me up at night! Quoted: Quoted: Quoted: Guilty but I would grant that face a full pardon. Me, too, but that face is saying "and I'll never do it again..." Don't fall for them puppy eyes! This one is a recidivist! My buddy wants to know how he opened the bag without opposable thumbs. Questions like that keep me up at night! Pardon the Pooch. He even saved you one. |