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Posted: 5/27/2003 7:14:52 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 5/28/2003 12:48:35 PM EDT by TennVol]
Here's an interesting situation that just came up: My 19 yr old son just finished his freshman year at the Univ of Tenn in Knoxville. He decided a little road trip was in order. He was supposed to make a short stop in Nashville to see a friend, spend the night, and then get on the road to ND to see his mother. He was then going to finish his trip by visiting me in CO. Anyway, I just received a collect call from him from the Davidson County Sherrif's lockup. Somehow, he and his friend were visiting the Partheonon in downtown Nashville and he managed to get arrested for (1) criminal trespass (2) disorderly conduct & (3) resisting arrest. He wouldn't discuss any details of his arrest because the call was being recorded. Oh yeah, his "friend" managed to escape and he hasn't heard from him since this afternoon. I, his mother, his grandparents, his uncle, practically the whole fucking world told him to take a Greyhound and stay on the straight and narrow and keep out of trouble. Like he would take anyone's advice. This is his third run-in with the law since Christmas. He got a ticket and university suspension for underage drinking in his dorm room for his birthday in February, another ticket and a court apperance for underage drinking at an off-campus party last month & now this. Should I leave his ass in jail for a day or so to see how real life feels, or should I bail the little fool out of jail and be a "good father". To be honest I'm leaning heavily towards leaving him in jail for a little while (1 day max) to reap what he sows. Any thoughts/opinions/flames will be appreciated!
Link Posted: 5/27/2003 7:18:28 PM EDT
JAIL = Wake Up Call (if you are lucky) Let him sit it out.
Link Posted: 5/27/2003 7:19:54 PM EDT
Hard for me to comment since I don't know what kindof relationship you two have. Sounds like he's just being a typical 19 year old (lord knows I was way worse than that) but maybe letting him sit in jail might teach him a lesson (hopefully). I figure that you're supposed to burn off a fair amount of stupidity at that age so it doesn't follow you into adulthood.[:D]
Link Posted: 5/27/2003 7:20:12 PM EDT
Leave him in there overnight. Kids do these kind of things, this one is very minor, don't sweat it. He will be fine.
Link Posted: 5/27/2003 7:21:21 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 5/27/2003 7:21:51 PM EDT by Ponyboy]
Honestly, I'd chill out. What exactly did you think that college kids do besides drink beer? He doesn't exactly sound like a hardened criminal. Disorderly conduct is a bullshit offense that they charge you with when you haven't really done anything wrong. Criminal trespass is another bullshit offense if you're on public property. Resisting arrest is another bullshit offense for not saying yes sir to a guy that has his boot on your neck. Bail him out and take it easy. He's just a kid...
Link Posted: 5/27/2003 7:22:15 PM EDT
Link Posted: 5/27/2003 7:22:30 PM EDT
Let him stay in jail for the day. He won't like it and it may give him some pause about being arrested again.
Link Posted: 5/27/2003 7:22:40 PM EDT
Agreed with the others. Let him have some time to think about things. A day in jail just might make all the difference in the rest of his life.
Link Posted: 5/27/2003 7:23:44 PM EDT
Third time in jail since Christmas? I'd let him figure the whole thing out, start to finish. No bail $$, no lawyer $$, next time he calls I'd tell him you're on your own.
Link Posted: 5/27/2003 7:26:22 PM EDT
My father always told me that if I called him from jail that I could count on spending the night. I thought it was a good idea not to test his sincerity. He's an adult now - it's time he acts like one. Let him enjoy his visit and please offer him the lesson to be learned by my sigline.
Link Posted: 5/27/2003 7:26:33 PM EDT
If you feel he can handle himself then let him sit for a couple of days ,if you have any close friends who are LEO ask them to make a call to the jail and they will make sure he's safe with out alerting him you are protecting him. I did this for a friend who's son pulled 90 days for a stupid prank that got out of hand (no one hurt). The sheriff is a friend of the family so he made sure the kid was OK, He also made sure the kid had no smokes and did kitchen duty 12 hours at a clip. The kid has been on the straight and narrow ever since. Bottom line ,only you know your Son and only you should be making this decision.
Link Posted: 5/27/2003 7:27:53 PM EDT
19 years old is not a boy, it's a man. Let him sit in jail till he can bail himself out. I would also cut off all financial support to him until he proves he has grown up. I would give it a minimum of a year.
Link Posted: 5/27/2003 7:28:51 PM EDT
I'd let him wait it out. I wouldn't pay for anything other than just his tuition from now on, too.
Link Posted: 5/27/2003 7:29:04 PM EDT
Link Posted: 5/27/2003 7:29:32 PM EDT
Originally Posted By Johnny_Reno: He's an adult now
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The state doesn't think so since he's been twice for underage drinking. He's only doing what everyone else in college is, he's just unlucky and got caught twice.
Link Posted: 5/27/2003 7:30:11 PM EDT
Definately leave him. It may hurt now, but he will understand.
Link Posted: 5/27/2003 7:31:01 PM EDT
Well if he going to act like a man, then he will have to deal his actions like a man, by himself. I only say this because of the other run-ins with the law you stated. When he gets himself out offer help. 23 hours in jail when I was 17 was the best lifetime worth of education I ever got, it probably saved my life the way I was going. Let us know how it works out (I got 5 years till my son hits 19). SSD
Link Posted: 5/27/2003 7:31:06 PM EDT
PS, two of these are indictable here in jersey,this might be more serious then you thought. "[red](1) criminal trespass[/red] (2) disorderly conduct & [red](3) resisting arrest.[/red]" There are very few good reasons to resist arrest.
Link Posted: 5/27/2003 7:31:20 PM EDT
I have a relative whose parents bailed him out of every single problem he's ever had, and this ruined him for life. He's NEVER worked anywhere more than 2 years, hasn't worked in over 5 years (doesn't bother looking, either), has 2 kids, and he & kids live with his parents. Their life-savings are GONE because of all this shit. Do yourself a favor in the long haul, and let him suffer the consequences of his actions.
Link Posted: 5/27/2003 7:33:52 PM EDT
LEO's, correctional types, what's the frequency of ass-raping in the local clink? Is that mostly a prison phenomenon?
Link Posted: 5/27/2003 7:36:51 PM EDT
He's an adult and it's time to start acting like it. Your son is not a kid, and unlike an earlier poster, I don't think "kids" do these kind of things. I like the idea of having someone in the jail look in on him, however - why not call the Sheriff yourself, tell him you are ticked about junior's conduct, a ask him to keep you updated on the little darlin's welfare. Maybe have the county send your son a bill for his room and board in the jailhouse.
Link Posted: 5/27/2003 7:38:13 PM EDT
Originally Posted By Ponyboy:
Originally Posted By Johnny_Reno: He's an adult now
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The state doesn't think so since he's been twice for underage drinking. He's only doing what everyone else in college is, he's just unlucky and got caught twice.
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Ah - and now we know what guides the MTV generation. Act irresponsibly and then blame the system that attempts to hold you accountable. Friggin' beautiful.
Link Posted: 5/27/2003 7:38:20 PM EDT
i don't really know much about his most recent arrest, but getting ticketed for drinking at college is no big deal to me, here at Clemson i have seen cops come in to parties and ticket random ppl. b/c ppl. are drinking, even if they weren't the ones drinking, and besides it is college
Link Posted: 5/27/2003 7:40:04 PM EDT
Thanks for the advice. Looks like everyone pretty much feels the same way I'm feeling right now. If he keeps getting a free pass everytime he fucks up, he will continue to do so until he fucks up so bad no one can help him. I can only hope he learns his lesson this time. He just called me collect again and he wanted to know when he could expect me to bail him out. I told him just as soon as he raises the money, or his court date (tomorrow or Thursday)--whichever comes first. I wonder how the food is in jail???
Link Posted: 5/27/2003 7:40:30 PM EDT
TennVol, are you crazy!? Get him out ASAP. The B.S. values that we teach our children are worthless in the real world. Personal accountability is for suckers. Jails are for the poor and ignorant. Didn't you see the O.J. trial? Do anything you can to get your son out of jail and keep him out. Our judicial system is f*cked. Don't fall victim to a broken system.
Link Posted: 5/27/2003 7:42:25 PM EDT
Originally Posted By raven: LEO's, correctional types, what's the frequency of ass-raping in the local clink? Is that mostly a prison phenomenon?
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I help out at the local county jail, but our jail is only 8 months old. It was layed out to allow for supervision all the time, so AR isn't much of a problem. Larger older jails could be a problem, as are a lot of prisons. Smaller well managed jails are pretty good, relatively speaking.
Link Posted: 5/27/2003 7:43:34 PM EDT
Link Posted: 5/27/2003 7:44:16 PM EDT
My cousin and brother in law were both constantly bailed out by their parents. My brother in law still has no respect for the law and will end up in jail again guaranteed. My cousin ended up getting 8 years in TDC. He got out in 4. He has been out for less than 6 months and already lost a damn good job my uncle got for him. He is doing drugs again and has a warrant to go back for fighting. My aunt bailed him out over and over and over again. Please don't do this to your son. My cousin told me that his county time was 10 times harder than his TDC time.....so your boy should get quite a lesson for 1 night. As a father, I understand your dilemma. Good Luck.
Link Posted: 5/27/2003 7:47:14 PM EDT
He's your kid go get him, then berate him or beat his ass, but he is family and family sticks together.
Link Posted: 5/27/2003 7:52:57 PM EDT
Link Posted: 5/27/2003 7:58:46 PM EDT
Link Posted: 5/27/2003 7:58:58 PM EDT
Link Posted: 5/27/2003 7:59:59 PM EDT
Get him out. Your son is probably in a holding pen with crack dealers, pimps, gang members and other low lifes. A friend of mine spent a night in jail in Nashville when he was 20 for a minor offense. He got his face beat in by three career criminals who didn't like the way he looked at them.
Link Posted: 5/27/2003 8:06:29 PM EDT
Leave his ass in jail. I had a friend back in high school eventually get deported because his parents would not discipline him. Oh yeah he was from Russia.
Link Posted: 5/27/2003 8:08:08 PM EDT
Tickets & court appearances for drinking: While not ideal, I think it's fairly normal for a 19 year old. Granted, he's not my son. If he was, I'd do the following. Let him sit overnight, think about what he's done. When he's seen the judge, bail him out. Afterwards, make sure his understands that he will be repaying you for the bail, as well as any legal fees that crop up. I think that cutting him off completely isn't necessarily the right thing. Dealing with the consequences of the this recent thing should be fairly enlightening and you might see a change in his attitude. When I was his age, I was stopped by some of LAPDs finest for a discussion. As a prank, some friends and I had snuck into one of the CalState football arenas to hang a "John Loves Jane" banner from one of a light pole. During the discussion, we were informed us that we were guilty of trespassing, disorderly conduct and poor judgement. While we don't know the particulars, it's entirely possible that you're son may have been acting similary. If he ran (which it sounds like he may have if his buddy escaped), then he'd get the resisting arrest. And a trip to processing instead of a simple lecture like I received. That lecture made me think about my actions moving forward. Perhaps a night in booking will do the same.
Link Posted: 5/27/2003 8:08:11 PM EDT
"Expect" to be bailed out? Ha! you are doing the right thing by lettinghim sit in jail. My 19yr old brother screwed up 2 months ago in Texas, got drunk and got popped for a MIP,public drunk,, possession of alcohol, and possession of a fake ID. He was wanting me to help him, as he did not want to tell Dad. Since the genious has failed all his classes at SWT this semester EXCEPT Fencing, let some uninsured chickie drive and total his truck over Spring Break, I decided I would help. Come monday he was supposed to call/fax all is ticket/court information, he never did, so I call him at 10:00PM on his cell, and get this, he was at a Softball game. I guess getting this arrest off of his record was not that important afterall. Needless to say I told him he was on his own, and informed Dad as an FYI. As for you boy, he needs to grow up, Resisting Arrest is stupid, CM is really dumb, in Texas it is a class B misdemeanor IIRC, and you can get jail time. I say let him get his own self out of jail, OR Bail him out with the understanding that he will get a lawyer and fight the charges, but he must pay the legal fees.
Link Posted: 5/27/2003 8:11:58 PM EDT
Why don't YOU punish him as YOU see fit instead of letting some fucking strangers with a badge do it for you? He's your family man. Yes he fucked up, but wouldn't you rather deal with him? Get his ass out of there, make him pay you every penny back. Maybe its just me, but Id rather be punished by someone who I KNOW loves me than some stranger in a uniform
Link Posted: 5/27/2003 8:12:40 PM EDT
make him come home, and go to to community college. obviously he cant handle going to school unsupervised 1200mi from home.
Link Posted: 5/27/2003 8:29:35 PM EDT
Leave him in the clink. Let him face the charges in court, do the time and / or pay the fine. What does he learn if you bail him out? Rip his ass when he gets out for being such an idiot. I agree most of the charges and incidents are BS but it is time he learns. I also agree it is time to review his education and apparent lack of maturity. See ass rip above.
Link Posted: 5/27/2003 8:33:25 PM EDT
my dad would have left me sitting in jail for at least a day. And I respect him for it. glad it never happened, but he let me know early on that he'd do it. also said that if the cops pulled me over for something stupid that he'd take my license away even if the cops didn't
Link Posted: 5/27/2003 8:35:12 PM EDT
Well....a few days in jail really isn't going to hurt anyone. I spent 4 days in county and if I can do it anyone can. The nice thing about it is once your in there they don't let you out easily. Keep him in till the arraingment date, probably 2-3 days. Usually cheaper on the pocket book. BTW, who's paying for his college? Is he getting a free ticket somewhere? Sgtar15
Link Posted: 5/27/2003 8:40:29 PM EDT
Originally Posted By David_Hineline: Somehow you raised a spoiled punk. Cut him off, now. Take his friggin license away, take away his car, and cut him off of any funds. Let him rot.
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[b]Dammit!!!! I absolutely freaking HATE it when DaveHineline and I agree on something!![/b] Sgtar15
Link Posted: 5/27/2003 8:41:31 PM EDT
I went to jail a few times at the 18,19,20ish age. the first time my Dad got me out. I begged them to let me stay. He drove 200 miles to get me and beat my ass all the way back. Go get your boy out. Don't leave him there. Jail is never a good place. However, I would make damn sure he did not put you in this situation again. Sounds like he is not taking things too seriously right now. I know at that age I didn't either. Again, if it were my kid I'd get him out. but I promise he would not be happy to see me.
Link Posted: 5/27/2003 8:45:28 PM EDT
Originally Posted By triburst1: Get him out. Your son is probably in a holding pen with crack dealers, pimps, gang members and other low lifes. A friend of mine spent a night in jail in Nashville when he was 20 for a minor offense. He got his face beat in by three career criminals who didn't like the way he looked at them.
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My wife used to be a Deputy Sheriff here in Nashville (also, I've had to go there & bail people out before) so I speak at least a little experience. He will probably be fine, but Nashville has some nasty ass people in jail, he might not be totally safe in there (or maybe he's a tough SOB, I don't know him) though our LEO's tend to be pretty professional so maybe he'll be fine.
Link Posted: 5/27/2003 8:50:21 PM EDT
Leave his ass there. I did the same damn thing when I was his age. My father told me that I got my self in there, get myself out... It was minor as this is, so let him work his own way out no matter how much it hurts...
Link Posted: 5/27/2003 8:50:42 PM EDT
Originally Posted By sgtar15: Well....a few days in jail really isn't going to hurt anyone. I spent 4 days in county and if I can do it anyone can. The nice thing about it is once your in there they don't let you out easily. Keep him in till the arraingment date, probably 2-3 days. Usually cheaper on the pocket book. BTW, who's paying for his college? Is he getting a free ticket somewhere? Sgtar15
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That's what is really the kicker. He was a National Merit Scholar finalist, graduated #2 out of 500 kids at his high school and he got a 1510 on his SAT and was offered a full ride at most of the schools in the country. He is in the honors program at UTK and has a full scholarship--everything is paid for. It kills me when I know how smart the kid is to be doing idiotic shit like this. I know he is young--I was too--but I never ended up in jail! I think his problem is he thinks he is smarter than everyone else and that he will be able to figure his way out of any jam he gets himself into. Up to now, he has been able to talk his way out of all of his problems. I guess he finally ran into a problem he couldn't talk his way out of. I just hope his night in jail teaches him a lesson that he doesn't care to repeat.
Link Posted: 5/27/2003 8:59:36 PM EDT
Been there, Done that...Many years ago and I must admit, the [s]French[/s]Freedom toast and burnt bacon is not all that bad! Live and learn.
Link Posted: 5/27/2003 9:19:09 PM EDT
I'ld make a few phone calls find out the real score. Make my determination at that point. A day or two might be a good thing. Or sic my sister-in-law the lawyer on him. They don't get along real well and she would really give him a bad time. Put him on a damn tight leash over the summer and let him know he had his one and only ticket out. Maybe get him a ride along with brother-in-law (LASD) or Cousin (LAPD) and make sure he got a real eyeful to include why drinking isn't a good thing or spending more time in a county facility is not a vacation. So far neither of my boys (20 and A1C,and 18)or their friends have not dorked up yet. Unfortunately one of the best lessons is a friend or acquaintenance getting killed or racked up, otherwise they still have that invincibility complex.
Link Posted: 5/27/2003 9:29:13 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 5/27/2003 9:30:43 PM EDT by meltdown]
Link Posted: 5/27/2003 9:40:52 PM EDT
Sounds to me like he gets drunk and does stupid shit. The two busts for alcohol suggests he isn't trying to be discreet about the drinking. My guess is he was drunk in the criminal trespass, too. The busts suggest he has a "born to lose" attitude about it--at some level, he _wants_ to get busted, because it shows what a rebel he is. 24 in the clink, restitution to you for expenses, and a long heart-to-heart. He can handle the legal follow-up himself.
Link Posted: 5/27/2003 9:43:04 PM EDT
You need to get your son out of jail if you can.Bad things happen to headstrong people like him in jail.Could you live with him getting injured and knowing that you could have gotten him out? He's not a criminal yet just stupid(irregardless of what type of grades he gets)and he should not spend another night in jail. He needs to get a job and pay his own fine and lawyer.
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