Posted: 5/1/2003 6:32:52 PM EDT
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I don't write'em, I just pass 'em along...... We always hear ''the rules'' from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side. These are our rules! Please note...these are all numbered ''1'' ON PURPOSE! 1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down. 1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way. 1. Crying is blackmail. 1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say what you want! 1. ''Yes'' and ''No'' are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question. 1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for. 1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor. 1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days. 1. If you won't dress like the Victoria 's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like the guys on your favorite soap opera. 1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Stop asking us. 1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one. 1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know the best way to do it, please do it yourself. 1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials. 1. Christopher Columbus didn't need directions, neither do we. 1. ALL men see in only 16 colors. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what Mauve is. What the hell is Periwinkle? 1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that. We will also need to spit on occasion. 1. If we ask what is wrong and you say ''nothing'', we will act like nothing is wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle. 1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear. 1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really. 1. You have enough clothes. 1. You have too many shoes. 1. I am in shape. And yes, round is a shape. 1. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight. And I shouldn't tell you, but men really don't mind doing that. It's like camping, except we get to watch ''Wild One''. |