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Posted: 12/22/2002 11:40:41 AM EDT
Here is my Christmas gift to the board.... Keep in mind as you read toward the end of this, it was written and posted in the Mod forum on 12/3. [size=3][B]'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the site Not a troll was posting, not even a fight; The Conduct Code was tacked by the chimney with care, In hopes that GoatBoy soon would be there; The Mods were nestled all snug in their beds, While visions of locked posts danced in their heads; And SWEEP at his keyboard, and I in my cap, Had just settled down to weed through the crap, When out on the GD there arose such a clatter, I sprang from in chat to see what was the matter. Away to the forums I typed like a flash, Tore open the thread and scrolled through the trash. The shit on the board of new-posted lies, It figured to be MCUZI or BOG in disguise, When, what to my wondering eyes should appear, But an aging Cuban doctor, and eight guys drinking beer, With a little old driver, so lively and leaner, I knew in a moment it must be Ed Sr. More rapid than eagles his coursers they came, And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name; "Now, BEEKEEPER! now, STRIKER! now, LORDTRADER! and ROTDORN! On, AROCK! on RBAD! on, DONR! and MAYNARD! "Get off my lawn", I yelled as they went for the car, "Screw you GUNRUNNER, We're headed back to the bar" I went for my AR to make sure they would fly, For when it was all finished they would take to the sky, They peeled out my yard and down the road they flew, Just a car full of drunks, with EricTheHun too. [/B] [/size=3] Events that followed truly scared the hell out of me.
Link Posted: 12/22/2002 11:42:27 AM EDT
[Last Edit: 12/22/2002 11:54:05 AM EDT by 1GUNRUNNER]
This happened 12/6... [size=3][B] They peeled out my yard and down the road they flew, [/B] [/size=3] [/quote] You know all of a sudden this brings on new meaning, I want alibis!!! [img]http://photos.ar15.com/ImageGallery/IG_LoadImage.asp?iImageUnq=1073[/img]
Link Posted: 12/22/2002 11:47:28 AM EDT
... Great! LOL, Murray Christmas!
Link Posted: 12/22/2002 11:47:29 AM EDT
Link Posted: 12/22/2002 11:49:00 AM EDT
Another great one!
Originally Posted By dsr611: MERRY CHRISTMAS `Twas the night before Christmas, cold, dark and foreboding, As I sat at the work bench, quite busy reloading. The empties from autumn were polished so clear For primers and powder, and bullets from Speer And Hornady's soft-points, and Nosler's Partitions (MY bench ain't no place for brand name omissions!) All sat in their boxes, right next to the press With dies from Pacific, and RCBS When all of a sudden there came such a jolt, I grabbed for my Mossberg, and whipped out my Colt. As I spilled Hodgdon's powder all over the shelf I scrambled for cover, just to pro-tect myself From up on the rooftop, came hoofbeats and snorting Like the noise out of L'il Rock, from Clinton's cavorting! I eased off the safety, to press-check my auto With 230-hardball, I'd knock 'em all blotto Were these rogue federal agents, sent by Schumer and Reno? Or a staggering Ted Kennedy, in bad need of Beano? My question was answered with a knock, and some sneezing, "It's Santa, you moron, lemme in there, I'm freezing!" I flipped off the dead-bolt and threw the door wide, To find St. Nick a'shivvering, Rudolph by his side He eyeballed my Springfield, with a nod of approval "You're all set," he said, "for dirtball removal." "But this is no raid, we're not here to harm you Or persecute, prosecute or even disarm you" Instead, said dear Santa, he needed to borrow My .357, 'till day after tomorrow "It's okay," he assured me, with a hint of frustration. "I'm enrolled in the National Rifle Association" He showed me his card, 'twas a Life Member rating "I've had this since me and the missus were dating!" "And you see, Dave ol' buddy, I've gotten real nervous "Since Feinstein was elected, with a promise to serve us "So henceforth as I'm out there, my presents a'stackin' "I want to assure you, I'm legally packin' "And my gift for you this year, should give you a hoot "I've told the Supreme Court to give Brady the boot! "Now, Rudy and I must be on our way" He said, as he climbed back on the seat of his sleigh With the reins in his hand, and my Smith in his pocket He jingled the sleighbells and was off like a rocket With a pair of speedloaders, and ammo to spare I knew he'd be safe, he was loaded for bear As he faded from view, I could still hear him calling "From D.C., where 'P.C.' is already falling "To bad guys in L.A., Detroit and Atlanta "I'm licensed to carry. Don't be messin' with Santa!"
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Link Posted: 12/22/2002 11:58:08 AM EDT
Good ones!!!! More, more!!! (I'm really wondering who had access to the mod thread about the lawn stripes....)
Link Posted: 12/22/2002 12:04:19 PM EDT
There's some damn creative people on this board... bravo!
Link Posted: 12/22/2002 12:09:56 PM EDT
[b]ETH's on the Website[/b] He's up on the website without a pause Up goes his post count to the stars Down through the thread list he will go What will he post next, no one knows Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! A posting he goes Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! How fast can he go? Up goes his post count (click! click! click!) ETH is a machine, damn he's quick! First comes a new thread, Is-ra-el ETH quotes the Bible, knows it well Shows how the Good Lord lives in the skies Quotes to the pagans, to open their eyes Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! A posting he goes Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! How fast can he go? Up goes his post count (click! click! click!) ETH is a machine, damn he's quick! He must have a team of little elves No one could do this by themselves When will he stop, I don't know when Must get a new keyboard each weekend Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! A posting he goes Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! How fast can he go? Up goes his post count (click! click! click!) ETH is a machine, damn he's quick!
Link Posted: 12/22/2002 12:25:14 PM EDT
Merry Christmas 1Gunrunner and all!! TXLEWIS See you guys after Christmas.
Link Posted: 12/22/2002 12:32:48 PM EDT
Link Posted: 12/22/2002 12:35:39 PM EDT
That's Great!!! Thanks.
Link Posted: 12/22/2002 12:44:41 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 12/22/2002 12:45:03 PM EDT by tattoo]
Link Posted: 12/22/2002 12:51:39 PM EDT
Twas the night before Christmas and all through the shack I could hear the distinct sounds of my Grandpappy's hack. We had just hung our stockings in a jubilant mood, In hopes that St. Elvis would bring us some food. Daddy was nestled all snug in his bed, Coal dust covering his pillow and head. No wood in the stove, the cold numbed my feet, To add insult to injury, Ol' Red was in heat. When, out on the lawn I heard the grinding of gears, I sprang from my bed almost frightened to tears When what to my wondering eyes should appear But a miniature sleigh pulled by a dark green John Deere With a little ol' driver shaking his pelvis, I instantly knew that it must be St. Elvis. He was dressed all in sequins from his head to his toes, And the top of his lip curled up to his nose. His hips how they twitched, his gut was gigantic -- When he leaned on the porch rail, I went into a panic. Huffing and puffing, his face turning red Soon gave me to know he'd come back from the dead. He sang not a note but went straight to his work, Filled all the stockings, and turned with a jerk. Then, hitching his pants, lumbered back to the sleigh, Fired up the tractor, and was soon on his way. But he bid us adieu with his personal touch... "Merry Christmas to all and THANK-YA-VERA-MUCH!"
Link Posted: 12/22/2002 3:44:21 PM EDT
....and a cartridge in a bare tree!
Link Posted: 12/22/2002 4:48:55 PM EDT
LOL
Link Posted: 12/22/2002 5:22:03 PM EDT
Link Posted: 12/22/2002 7:05:31 PM EDT
Link Posted: 12/22/2002 9:47:31 PM EDT
[b]I AM SPEECHLESS![/b] You guys are really talented to be able string those together. [b][red]HAPPY[/red] [green]HOLIDAYS!![/green][/b]
Link Posted: 12/23/2002 6:08:08 AM EDT
Link Posted: 12/23/2002 7:41:03 AM EDT
Link Posted: 12/23/2002 10:47:39 AM EDT
taken from another board http://www.network54.com/Hide/Forum/message?forumid=52578&messageid=1040400778
T'WAS THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS, HE LIVED ALL ALONE, IN A ONE BEDROOM HOUSE MADE OF PLASTER AND STONE. I HAD COME DOWN THE CHIMNEY WITH PRESENTS TO GIVE, AND TO SEE JUST WHO IN THIS HOME DID LIVE. I LOOKED ALL ABOUT, A STRANGE SIGHT I DID SEE, NO TINSEL, NO PRESENTS, NOT EVEN A TREE. NO STOCKING BY MANTLE, JUST BOOTS FILLED WITH SAND, ON THE WALL HUNG PICTURES OF FAR DISTANT LANDS. WITH MEDALS AND BADGES, AWARDS OF ALL KINDS, A SOBER THOUGHT CAME THROUGH MY MIND. FOR THIS HOUSE WAS DIFFERENT, IT WAS DARK AND DREARY, I FOUND THE HOME OF A SOLDIER, ONCE I COULD SEE CLEARLY. THE SOLDIER LAY SLEEPING, SILENT, ALONE, CURLED UP ON THE FLOOR IN THIS ONE BEDROOM HOME. THE FACE WAS SO GENTLE, THE ROOM IN SUCH DISORDER, NOT HOW I PICTURED A UNITED STATES SOLDIER. WAS THIS THE HERO OF WHOM I'D JUST READ? CURLED UP ON A PONCHO, THE FLOOR FOR A BED? I REALIZED THE FAMILIES THAT I SAW THIS NIGHT, OWED THEIR LIVES TO THESE SOLDIERS WHO WERE WILLING TO FIGHT. SOON ROUND THE WORLD, THE CHILDREN WOULD PLAY, AND GROWNUPS WOULD CELEBRATE A BRIGHT CHRISTMAS DAY. THEY ALL ENJOYED FREEDOM EACH MONTH OF THE YEAR, BECAUSE OF THE SOLDIERS, LIKE THE ONE LYING HERE. I COULDN'T HELP WONDER HOW MANY LAY ALONE, ON A COLD CHRISTMAS EVE IN A LAND FAR FROM HOME. THE VERY THOUGHT BROUGHT A TEAR TO MY EYE, I DROPPED TO MY KNEES AND STARTED TO CRY. THE SOLDIER AWAKENED AND I HEARD A ROUGH VOICE, "SANTA DON'T CRY, THIS LIFE IS MY CHOICE; I FIGHT FOR FREEDOM, I DON'T ASK FOR MORE, MY LIFE IS MY GOD, MY COUNTRY, MY CORPS." THE SOLDIER ROLLED OVER AND SOON DRIFTED TO SLEEP, I COULDN'T CONTROL IT, I CONTINUED TO WEEP. I KEPT WATCH FOR HOURS, SO SILENT AND STILL AND WE BOTH SHIVERED FROM THE COLD NIGHT'S CHILL. I DIDN'T WANT TO LEAVE ON THAT COLD, DARK, NIGHT, THIS GUARDIAN OF HONOR SO WILLING TO FIGHT. THEN THE SOLDIER ROLLED OVER, WITH A VOICE SOFT AND PURE, WHISPERED, "CARRY ON SANTA, IT'S CHRISTMAS DAY, ALL IS SECURE." ONE LOOK AT MY WATCH, AND I KNEW HE WAS RIGHT. "MERRY CHRISTMAS MY FRIEND, AND TO ALL A GOOD NIGHT." This poem was written by a Marine stationed in Okinawa Japan. The following is his request. I think it is reasonable..... PLEASE. Would you do me the kind favor of sending this to as many people as you can? Christmas will be coming soon and some credit is due to our U.S. service men and women for our being able to celebrate these festivities. Let's try in this small way to pay a tiny bit of what we owe. Make people stop and think of our heroes, living and dead, who sacrificed themselves for us. Please, do your small part to plant this small seed, better yet ask your self, "How can we stop sacrificing our young men and women in the Military?" One more thing we might give some thought to, It's one thing to defend ourselves, it's another to start a war with threats and inauspicious accusations directed at another country! Think about it.
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Link Posted: 12/23/2002 11:28:21 AM EDT
Link Posted: 12/23/2002 12:50:51 PM EDT
hehe [:D]
Link Posted: 12/23/2002 12:53:17 PM EDT
Okay, I read and re-read the forum conduct code and this one is probably [i]very[/i] borderline. I'm going to post it and clean up what I can. If it's gotta be removed or further edited, I apologize for the trouble. If not, I hope some of you guys get a good laugh out of it. [:)] Mike 'Twas the night before Christmas, and boy was it neat. The kids were both gone, and my wife was in heat. The doors were all bolted, the phone off the hook, It was time for some nooky, by hook or by crook! Momma in her teddy and I in the nude, Had just hit the bedroom and reached for the lube. When out on the lawn there arose such a cry, That I lost my boner, and momma went dry. Up to the window I sprang like an elf, Tore back the shade while she played with herself. The moon on the crest of the snowman we'd built, Showed a broom up his a**, clean up to the hilt. When what to my wondering eyes should appear, But a rusty old sleigh and eight mangy reindeer. With a fat little driver, half out of the sled, A sock in his ear and a bra on his head. Sure as I'm speaking, he was high as a kite, Whoa S***head! Whoa A**hole! Whoa Stupid! Whoa Putz! Either slow down this rig or I'll cut off your nuts. Look out for the lamp post, and don't hit the tree, Quit shaking the sleigh, 'cause I gotta go pee! They cleared the old lamp post, the tree got a rub, Just as Santa leaned out and threw up on my shrub. And then from the roof we heard such a clatter, As each little reindeer now emptied his bladder. I was donning my jocked, to cover my a**, When down the chimmney Santa came with a crash. His suit was all smelly with perfume galore, He looked like a bum and smelled like a whore. "That was some brothel," he said with a smile, "The reindeer are pooped, and I'll just stay awhile" He walked to the kitchen for himself poured a drink, Then whipped out his pecker and pissed in the sink. I started to laugh, my wife smiled with glee, The old boy was hung nearly down to his knee. Back in the den, Santa reached in his sack, But his toys were all gone, and some new things were packed. The first thing he found was a pair of false tits, The next was a handgun with a penis that spits. A box filled with condoms was Santa's next find, And six pair of panties, the edible kind. A bra without nipples, a penis extension, And several more things I shouldn't even mention. A f*** ring, a G-string, and all types of oil, And a dildo so long that it lay in a coil. "This stuff ain't for kids, Mrs. Santa will s***, So I'll leave 'em here, and then I'll just split." He filled every stocking and then took his leave, With one tiny butt plug stuck under his sleeve. He sprang to his sleigh, but his feet were like lead, Thus he fell on his a** and broke wind instead. In time he was seated, took reigns of his hitch, Saying,"Take me home, Rudolf. This night's been a b****!" The sleigh was near gone when we heard Santa shout, "The best thing about p**** is you can't wear it out!!"
Link Posted: 12/24/2002 7:47:16 AM EDT
Link Posted: 12/24/2002 8:14:50 AM EDT
Was the night before christmas all through the trailor my sister woke up while i was tryin to nail her The socks was all hung from my big mounted bass in hopes that ole leon would be haulin ass The younguns bunked down all snug on the floor they all had a dip so they slept near the door Sis in her tank top and her john deere hat looked purty as nekkid silhouette on a truck mud flap When out in the dog pen there arose such a clatter I got up from sis to see what was the matter when what to my swollen red eyes should i see a pink coup de ville 1973 he staggered so much i thought what was he on? and could I buy some of that from ole Leon All my dogs started barkin, he started to shout "Hey whitey Hey cracker boy!" he called me by name So I called off my dogs an on up he came When he stepped on my porch there was such a vibration I thanked God I'd installed a concrete foundation He was dressed all in fur and chains made of gold on his feet were air jordans I spected he stole Yes he had toys there was no mistaken but I still wasnt sure if he was givin or takin It was then that he pulled a knife from his sack as I readied myself for a Leon attack then Leon suprised me and gave my great glee when he gift wrapped the knife and put it under the tree He continued by fillin the socks up with skoal his good deeds made me feel like a major bunghole Then layin his finger on the gold stud on his nose he says "hey opie taylor I gots to goes!" He jumped in his caddy and turned on the ignition drove down the dirt road to continue his mission I heard him yell out as I opened a beer "Hey you honkey white trash see you mofos next year!"
Link Posted: 12/25/2002 12:25:38 AM EDT
Christmas italian Style Twas the night before Christmas, Da whole house was mella Not a creature was stirrin', Cuz I had a gun unda da pilla. When up on da roof I heard somethin' pound, I sprung to da window, To scream, "YO! Keep it down!" When what to my Wanderin' eyes should appear, But da Don of all elfs, And eight friggin' reindeer! Wit' slicked back black hair, And a silk red suit, don Christopher wuz here, And he brought da loot! Wit' a slap to dare snouts, And a yank on dare manes, He cursed and he shouted, And he called dem by name. "Yo Tony, Yo Frankie, Yo Vinny, Yo Vito, Ay Joey, Ay Paulie, Ay Pepe, Ay Guido!" As I drew out my gun And hid by da bed, He flew troo da winda And slapped me 'side da head. "What da hell you doin' Pullin' a gun on da Don? Now all you're gettin' is coal, You friggin' moron!" Den pointin' a fat finga Right unda my nose, He twisted his pinky ring, And up da chimney he rose. He sprang to his sleigh, Obscenities screamin', Away dey all flew, Before he troo dem a beatin' Den I heard him yell out, What I did least expect, "Merry Friggin' Christmas to all, And yous better show some respect!"
Link Posted: 12/25/2002 4:17:51 AM EDT
[Last Edit: 12/25/2002 4:18:31 AM EDT by Helldog40]
Link Posted: 12/25/2002 4:22:03 AM EDT
[size=5][center][b][green]HO, HO, HO,[/green][/b][/size=5] [size=6][b][red]MERRY CHRISTMAS[/red][/b][/center][/size=6] [center][b]AND[/b][/center] [size=3][center][b][green]HAPPY NEW YEAR!!![/green][/b][/center][/size=3] KARL.[<|:D>]
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