[ARCHIVED THREAD] - Membership Present (Page 1 of 2)
Posted: 12/24/2012 5:33:01 PM EDT
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Okay its time for me to reup my membership. Might as well give a Christmas Present (late) to someone deserving.
Rules: Make me laugh Whoever can make me lol the hardest will win a membership on me. You have until the 2359 Central Time 12/31/12 Go!!!!!! |
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Quoted:
Okay its time for me to reup my membership. Might as well give a Christmas Present (late) to someone deserving. Rules: Make me laugh Whoever can make me lol the hardest will win a membership on me. You have until the 2359 Central Time 12/31/12 Go!!!!!! I wanna laugh too. Come on you bastards!! 
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Im going to hell! That poor pup. |
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http://i856.photobucket.com/albums/ab122/southendxgf/C9AEFDC0-1B7F-49AB-BFCD-FA146940AFDB-2412-0000031FF3BB9109.jpg Posted Via AR15.Com Mobile Nice I will buy that as hoping not to be "Hunter Mistaken for Game" next dove season. 
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Old guy comes into a doctors office.
"Hey doc, I have this weird problem. I fart all the time but they don't make a sound and have no smell. I must have farted 10 times while I've been here. Do I have a problem?" Doctor says, "Here's a prescription. Come back in a week and let me know how things are." Old guy comes back a week later and says, "Hey Doc, I don't know what was in those pills but they made things worse! I still fart all the time but now they smell terrible!" Doctor says, "Looks like we got that sinus infection cleared up. Now let's get you fixed up with a hearing aid!" |
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So I was thinking about posting some played out joke, but then I realized that the funny things in life are TRUE. So here is a true story about myself enlisting in the Army.
During reception for OSUT Infantry Training we were issued our boots. My boots were clearly the wrong size and really fucked my feet up. I spent 3 days walking around with these boots trying to break them in, but it still didn't help. I ended up getting my boots switched out a day before actual OSUT started, but that didn't help either. So I had purchased "Body Glide" at the shoppette because it was supposed to help with blisters. I decided not to use it at reception because I wouldn't be allowed to buy more during OSUT so I didn't want to waste it. I slipped the "Body Glide" package into my shaving kit when I packed my bag for OSUT. I was told this product was approved for OSUT by the Drill Sergeants at reception. After getting smoked all day by my platoon Drill Sergeants, we had a contraband inspection. We dumped all of our shit on the floor and the Drill Sergeants came to check to make sure we only had approved items. They said if you think something is questionable hold it in your hand. Naturally, I left the Body Glide on the floor assuming it was good to go because the Drill Sergeants at reception said it was. Well lets just say Body Glide was not approved. In fact it didn't occur to me until the moment my Drill Sergeant saw the bottle, how much the bottle looked like a tube of astroglide. At this moment I began to think "Why the fuck am I here" He asked me why I had it, and I tried to explain my boot situation. He told me I was a liar and that I joined the army to get some ass. He called me a sick fuck, told my platoon to watch their ass around me in a the shower, smoked the shit out of me. The worst part about it all: At the end of BCT I overheard him talking about it to another Drill Sergeant. He still thought the bottle was astroglide and was talking about the gay guy who brought lube with him to BCT. 
ETA: BTW I went 10 weeks with those boots and fucked my feet up. Nasty infections from the open blisters that were on my feet for the duration of OSUT. I now have nerve damage and can't feel if I am getting blisters anymore. At least long rucks don't suck so much anymore lol For Comparison:  
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Quoted:
So I was thinking about posting some played out joke, but then I realized that the funny things in life are TRUE. So here is a true story about myself enlisting in the Army. During reception for OSUT Infantry Training we were issued our boots. My boots were clearly the wrong size and really fucked my feet up. I spent 3 days walking around with these boots trying to break them in, but it still didn't help. I ended up getting my boots switched out a day before actual OSUT started, but that didn't help either. So I had purchased "Body Glide" at the shoppette because it was supposed to help with blisters. I decided not to use it at reception because I wouldn't be allowed to buy more during OSUT so I didn't want to waste it. I slipped the "Body Glide" package into my shaving kit when I packed my bag for OSUT. I was told this product was approved for OSUT by the Drill Sergeants at reception. After getting smoked all day by my platoon Drill Sergeants, we had a contraband inspection. We dumped all of our shit on the floor and the Drill Sergeants came to check to make sure we only had approved items. They said if you think something is questionable hold it in your hand. Naturally, I left the Body Glide on the floor assuming it was good to go because the Drill Sergeants at reception said it was. Well lets just say Body Glide was not approved. In fact it didn't occur to me until the moment my Drill Sergeant saw the bottle, how much the bottle looked like a tube of astroglide. At this moment I began to think "Why the fuck am I here" He asked me why I had it, and I tried to explain my boot situation. He told me I was a liar and that I joined the army to get some ass. He called me a sick fuck, told my platoon to watch their ass around me in a the shower, smoked the shit out of me. The worst part about it all: At the end of BCT I overheard him talking about it to another Drill Sergeant. He still thought the bottle was astroglide and was talking about the gay guy who brought lube with him to BCT.
For Comparison: http://pics1.ds-static.com/prodimg/80267/300.jpghttp://blog.clevertraining.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/08/bodyglide1-300x300.jpg This one's good. 
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Ever hear about the Marine who got chemical burns on his twig and berries and almost got sent home from Iraq?
Christmas Eve 2005, working the hot pits onthe flight line and bored out of our minds. Someone got the bright idea to go streaking on the flightline. So, myself and Cpl Plumhoff (name has not been changed, he ain't innocent) head outside withthe group and start stripping down. At the last minute one of my 'buddies' dares me to run with chem light juice on my nuts. I says "HELL NO! Thats stupid!" And then put my hands out. After applying a liberal amount of green juice to my now very shrunk cock and balls (it was about 20 degrees) we take off running. The hotpits has 4 fuel points 300 ft apart, so about 1200 ft out and back. Running out was fine, little green droplets swinging off my junk as we proceed at a decent jog. Upon reaching the turn around point, i start feeling a little..... Warm down there. By the time we got up to the finish I was almost in tears. Felt like someon had a blow torch on my sack. I try to grab my uniform and head for the shack but the group had stolen my clothes. I ran for the hut and started wiping the oily mess off with baby wipes. This did not help. Fast forward to the next morning. I am in such agony I can hardly move. We get a ride over to the BAS and I get inside, find the first Doc i can find (an HN) and grab him. "Doc! You gotta help me!" I said. He takes one look at me and gets me into the sick call area. I get inside and drop trou, and he is just apalled. My cock and balls had turned bright purple and had large welts; 2nd degree chemical burns. Doc goes "HOLY SHIT!! I'll be right back!" He heads out and grabs his HM1, who comes in and asks whats up. I drop trou again and he just looks at it, turns around and walks out. He comes back with the Chief and Med Officer (a female) and they take a look. I am on the verge of tears and so are they. I am almost hyperventilating trying to tell them what happened and they are hyperventilating from laughter. The burns were bad enough it was debated on wether to send me to Germany for more treatment. Long story short; a little soap, cool water, lots of cream and a month of walking funny later I get to go and see my Company Commander. Apparently once the Battalion Commander heard about the incident he wanted paperwork on me, the CC argued I had suffered enough and everyone had learned a lesson at my expense. I was infamous for quite awhile. |
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Quoted: http://i729.photobucket.com/albums/ww298/msc182/1489F88C-EA7C-4BE8-B6C9-F7CC05C1A792-1593-000000E7F3A5839A.jpg ETA: I don't want to win the contest, just posting for fun. Good on ya OP for the gesture.  thats not funny , thats food |
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Quoted:
http://i729.photobucket.com/albums/ww298/msc182/1489F88C-EA7C-4BE8-B6C9-F7CC05C1A792-1593-000000E7F3A5839A.jpg ETA: I don't want to win the contest, just posting for fun. Good on ya OP for the gesture. thats not funny , thats food
I had no idea this even existed |
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Quoted: Quoted: Quoted: http://i729.photobucket.com/albums/ww298/msc182/1489F88C-EA7C-4BE8-B6C9-F7CC05C1A792-1593-000000E7F3A5839A.jpg ETA: I don't want to win the contest, just posting for fun. Good on ya OP for the gesture. thats not funny , thats food I had no idea this even existed I think they have it available on Amazon for us Americans, and I'm seriously thinking of ordering some, just because. I'm already addicted to HP Sauce. |
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I do not need a Membership at this time but I thought I'd just put this here: http://www.ar15.com/media/mediaFiles/30099/45486.JPG Ed ps: it has a nice Christmas theme to it too.
Thats pretty good |
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There is not a clip more funny than this on youtube.
This has to be my all time favorite. |
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IM THE JUGGERNAUT BITCH!!!!!!
COULD HAVE EMBEDDED THAT WITH A MEMBERSHIP 
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