[ARCHIVED THREAD] - In need of some help... (Page 1 of 3)
Posted: 2/18/2012 9:10:08 PM EDT
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So my fiance has been acting kinda cold, and distant for the last few months, an I finally got her to talk about it. Well she's just not sure about us anymore, says there just isn't that spark any more.
An now I'm freaking the fuck out. She's in the bathtub now thinking. I feel like I know what her choice is going to be, and its going to kill me. I got laid off a 6 months ago, and have been only working part time. I have nowhere to go but back home to my folks. I have no real income, as she wanted me to just work part time while back in school. I feel like my life is over. And I don't know weather to just break down and let myself die, or what... She has been my world for 3 years. I have never loved anyone even remotely as much as I did/do her. I've had girls I thought I loved leave before, and it was nothing like this. I just need some one to say that its going to be ok. All my friends are asleep, or at work. An I just feel so damn alone. Haven't cried in 16 years, and now I can't stop. |
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Quoted: We have lived with each other for two years. An I'm 26. However my spelling and grammar would suggests I'm about 5. I just can't seem to give a damn. You'll live. Sorry dude, but that's how it goes.  Eventually you'll learn not to allow yourself to get so emotionally invested in another person.  |
| I don't have but four years on you but I have been married for seven and living with my wife for nine (shit where does the time go!?). What I can share with you is that, even now, there are days I think "what the hell have I gotten myself into." There is some spark that has kept the two of you together. Ask her if she can pinpoint what or when her feelings changed. Is the wedding coming up? Second thoughts are natural. Like others have said she is still there.. see what happens... and good luck to you both. |
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She's not your fiance anymore. I know Move on, you are young. And better than her  I hope so. I just didn't see it coming. She had been acting odd. But I thought it was just stress. We just moved and got a new place, an she started a new job were she has been in training for 6 months. Didn't realize it was this bad... |
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I don't have but four years on you but I have been married for seven and living with my wife for nine (shit where does the time go!?). What I can share with you is that, even now, there are days I think "what the hell have I gotten myself into." There is some spark that has kept the two of you together. Ask her if she can pinpoint what or when her feelings changed. Is the wedding coming up? Second thoughts are natural. Like others have said she is still there.. see what happens... and good luck to you both. It was going to be in November. An it may have been the loss of my job. But it was her idea for me to just work at my second part time job, and go hack to school. |
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It WILL be okay. YOU will be okay. Sometimes shit happens that sucks. That's life. Sometimes, it's not your fault. That's life. I'm really sorry, bro. Most of us have been there. It DOES suck huge balls, but it will get better. Better this happens sooner than later. Enjoy mom's cooking. Pay rent. You'll be back in no time.
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In all honesty you have to give her credit for not wanting to stay in a relationship she feels that way about. Better now than 5 years later and taking half your stuff with her. Still sucks though man. That's what hurt the most. She said she has been feeling this way for a while. I wish she could have told me then when we could have worked on it. Or I could have taken a good paying job I turned down so I didn't have to travel, and be away from her, or quit school. |
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In all honesty you have to give her credit for not wanting to stay in a relationship she feels that way about. Better now than 5 years later and taking half your stuff with her. Still sucks though man. That's what hurt the most. She said she has been feeling this way for a while. I wish she could have told me then when we could have worked on it. Or I could have taken a good paying job I turned down so I didn't have to travel, and be away from her, or quit school. You just nailed it buddy. Read your own words. Pull that fucking eject handle and don't look back. Do what you want to do in life and don't rely on love, because that aint gonna pay the bills. And neither is she.
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Sorry man. Breaking up is never easy especially when you're adults about it. Little kids take their balls and go home; adults work things out. It's good that she was honest with you about her feelings. People drag things out too long sometimes usually because of some silly notion of "commitment" brought on by religious or social institutions. You have to be happy first or you'll never be able to make anyone else happy. You'll never be able to build a happy life with someone else.
It could have easily been the other way around. That's how it was with my ex. I was your fiance. We had all these plans and I trashed 'em. It was hard for us both. Life may never be the same for any of us, but it will go on. Naturally, you'll cry because it's over. Try to remember to smile once in a while because it happened, though. Being in love is a wonderful feeling. Some people get hurt once or twice and they hide behind the walls they build like scared little children for the rest of their lives. Tough guys - all of 'em. Girls, too. I sincerely hope that you can be vulnerable with someone again someday and they with you. I sincerely hope if you can't reconcile with her that you can move on and find someone else. I sincerely hope that you don't devolve into one of these "I'm mad at life so I'm going to be a hardass for the rest of my days" kind of jokers. Best wishes. |
| You will hit rock bottom and it's going to hurt like a mother fucker. A pain like you have never known. You will heal a little over time, it might take weeks, months or maybe even a year. Then one day you will meet a woman who makes you smile and laugh and you will be glad you didn't marry the girl you are with now. It always gets better and you will find a girl that does really freaky shit in bed that your current GF does not even think about...and that is the one you marry. |
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The cool thing about being older, and having been through the same shit as you is, I can honestly say:
It will be ok, you will be ok. You will get through this AND Life goes on. You are not alone dude. If this does go badly, it is way better for it to happen now than later on down the road. Believe me when I say that. |
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Could be a ploy to see how into HER you really are.
This one is almost as old as the "i think I'm pregnant" ploy. Sucks still. After going through a hard fast strong love once, I am VERY weary of anything that is too good too soon now. But I also look back at opportunities I had to do a few things differently that would/could have kept us together. For how long is a guess but it certainly wasn't a long term relationship. You obviously don't sound like you want to give up, and like I said she might be doing this to gauge your true interest and how much your willing to hold onto her. Only you can get a feel for any of this, if she still engages in conversations with you on an honest level. Sorry for the pun, bro. 
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It'll end, you'll be distraught, lost, an emotional wreck ect. ect.
A year from now you'll laugh to yourself about how pathetic you were acting over a woman. Just be glad you're getting through this now and not years from now when a divorce means you lose you ability to retire, you have kids, a house together ect. It could have been a LOT worse. Kind of hard to see the bright side in things now, I'm sure, and I don't blame you for taking it hard but it will pass. Talk it through. Maybe it will work itself out, but if it doesn't then what I said will probably hold true. |
I see my Marianne walkin awaaaaaaaaAAAAAYYYYIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII
Girlfriend: "It's not you , it's me" George Costanza: "You're giving ME the 'It's not you it's me' routine? I invented 'it's not you it's me'. Nobody tell me it's them and not me. If it's anybody it's me!" Girlfriend: "Alright, George it's you." George: "You're damn right it's me!" 
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| To quote The Big Lebowski, "The Dude abides." You are The Dude. No matter what, the sun will rise tomorrow, you will wake up, and you will continue to live your life. It just wasn't meant to be, and you will find the Right one for you. Everything works out in the end. |
| Relationships are work, like a full time job work. If your gal is seeking a "spark" I would speculate that she isn't mature enough to recognize that. It's tough, people have a hard time telling the real truth, especially when it comes to their feelings. I would suggest that I'm willing to work on the relationship and go to some good couples counseling if she is. If she's not, then it wasn't in the cards and you should be thankful that you don't have kids and a bunch of mutual assets. Divorce is a major PITA. (I'm getting one now). Either way good luck, you will be fine if you choose to be. There's lots of fish in the sea yada yada... |
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When a woman loses respect for a man, there's no turning them around. Some women know it's over, but just won't say the words. They need clean hands. They need to walk away feeling like the good guy. Unfortunately, you have to show some self respect, by breaking it off with her to get her respect back. |
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You just dodged a real big effen bullet here. Move out and move on and count yourself lucky. This big time. Anyone who wants to cut and run in tough times isn't worth it. It certainly sounds like she would never stick around in real hard times and who wants to marry a someone who can't live up to "in good times and in bad, in a little sickness and in health?" |