(sorry if this is a repeat)

To ensure we Americans never offend anyone, particularly fanatics intent on killing us, airport screeners will not be allowed to profile people. They will continue random searches of 80-year-old women, little kids, airline pilots with proper identification, Secret Service agents who are members of the President's security detail, 85-year old Congressmen with metal hips, and Medal Of Honor winning former Governors.Let's pause a moment and take the following test.

1972 at the Munich Olympics, athletes were kidnapped and massacred by:
(a) Olga Corbutt
(b) Sitting Bull
(c) Arnold Schwarzeneger
(d) Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40

In 1979, the U.S. embassy in Iran was taken over by:
(a) Lost Norwegians
(b) Elvis
(c) A tour bus full of 80-year-old women
(d) Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40

During the 1980's a number of Americans were kidnapped in Lebanon by:
(a) John Dillinger
(b) The King of Sweden
(c) The Boy Scouts
(d) Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40

In 1983, the U.S. Marine barracks in Beirut was blown up by:
(a) A pizza delivery boy
(b) Pee Wee Herman
(c) Geraldo Rivera making up for a slow news day
(d) Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40.

In 1985 the cruise ship Achille Lauro was hijacked, and a 70 year old American passenger was murdered and thrown overboard by:
(a) The Smurfs
(b) Davy Jones
(c) The Little Mermaid
(d) Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40.

In 1985 TWA flight 847 was hijacked at Athens, and a U.S. Navy diver was murdered by:
(a) Captain Kid
(b) Charles Lindberg
(c) Mother Teresa
(d) Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40

In 1988, Pan Am Flight 103 was bombed by:
(a) Scooby Doo
(b) The Tooth Fairy
(c) Butch Cassidy and The Sundance Kid who had a few sticks of dynamite left over from a train job.
(d) Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40

In 1993 the World Trade Center was bombed the first time by:
(a) Richard Simmons
(b) Grandma Moses
(c) Michael Jordan
(d) Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40

In 1998, the U.S. embassies in Kenya and Tanzania were bombed by:
(a) Mr. Rogers
(b) Hillary, to distract attention from Wild Bill's women problems
(c) The World Wrestling Federation to promote its next villain: "Mustapha the Merciless"
(d) Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40

On 9/11/01, four airliners were hijacked and destroyed and thousands of people were killed by:
(a) Bugs Bunny, Wiley E. Coyote, Daffy Duck, and Elmer Fudd
(b) The Supreme Court of Florida
(c) Mr. Bean
(d) Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40

In 2002 the United States fought a war in Afghanistan against:
(a) Enron (b)The Lutheran Church
(c) The NFL
(d) Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40

In 2002 reporter Daniel Pearl was kidnapped and murdered by:
(a) Bonny and Clyde
(b) Captain Kangaroo
(c) Billy Graham
(d) Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40

Hmmm . . . nope, no patterns anywhere to justify profiling.

1972 at the Munich Olympics, athletes were kidnapped and massacred by:

(c) Arnold Schwarzeneger (He said he'd be back)

In 1979, the U.S. embassy in Iran was taken over by:

(b) Elvis (that is until he left the building of course [;)])


During the 1980's a number of Americans were kidnapped in Lebanon by:

(b) The King of Sweden (That crazy pot smoker)


In 1983, the U.S. Marine barracks in Beirut was blown up by:

(c) Geraldo Rivera making up for a slow news day (You shoulda seen the expose he planned afterwards, however he left it in the backpack with the bomb in it)


In 1985 the cruise ship Achille Lauro was hijacked, and a 70 year old American passenger was murdered and thrown overboard by:

(c) The Little Mermaid (Cause they eat Sebastian, her beloved lobster friend. He went well with hot butter though.)

In 1985 TWA flight 847 was hijacked at Athens, and a U.S. Navy diver was murdered by:

(a) Captain Kid (That crazy coke addict)


In 1988, Pan Am Flight 103 was bombed by:

(a) Scooby Doo or more accurately "Scroobiee Doo"


In 1993 the World Trade Center was bombed the first time by:


(b) Grandma Moses (She was particularly gassy that day)

In 1998, the U.S. embassies in Kenya and Tanzania were bombed by:

(b) Hillary, to distract attention from Wild Bill's women problems


On 9/11/01, four airliners were hijacked and destroyed and thousands of people were killed by:

(c) Mr. Bean (It was only supposed to be a skit. Those damn Brits)

In 2002 the United States fought a war in Afghanistan against:

(a) Enron (They wanted the venue moved to a more suitable environment to get a fair trial)


In 2002 reporter Daniel Pearl was kidnapped and murdered by:

(c) Billy Graham (He always did hate Jews)