Captain Zap Brannigan...

[ARCHIVED THREAD] - Captain Zap Brannigan...

Posted: 11/2/2011 3:30:56 PM EDT

The best one on Futurama.

Fire all weapons and set a transmission frequency for my victory yodel.

We fight this battle not for ourselves, but for our children, and our children's children, which is why I'm forming a children's brigade.

Ladies, you're under arrest. Prepare to be boarded again and again

Zapp Brannigan: Magnify that death sphere.
[Screen zooms in on a pixelated death sphere]
Zapp Brannigan: Why is it still blurry?
Kif Kroker: That's all the resolution we have. Making it bigger doesn't make it clearer.
Zapp Brannigan: It does on CSI Miami.

Captain Zapp Brannigan: Now remember Kif, the quickest way to a girl's bed is through her parents. Have sex with them and you're in.
Kif Kroker: Well, sir, I'm a little nervous about meeting her parents.
Captain Zapp Brannigan: Of course you are. You're meek and uninteresting.

Kif, I'm sensing a very sensual disturbance in the force. Prepare for ship-to-ship intimacy.

It was almost the perfect crime, but you forgot the one thing: rock crushes scissors.

But paper covers rock. And scissors cuts paper. Kif, we have a conundrum. Search them for paper. And bring me a rock.

Kif Kroker: Captain, may I have a word with you?
Captain Zapp Brannigan: No.
Kif Kroker: It's an emergency, sir.
Captain Zapp Brannigan: Come back when it's a catastrophe.
[a huge rumbling is heard]
Captain Zapp Brannigan: Oh, very well.

Posted: 11/2/2011 3:35:04 PM EDT

[#1]

"The mind is willing, but the flesh is spongy and weak."

From the finest episode ever. Hope I got the quote right.

Posted: 11/2/2011 3:37:48 PM EDT

[#2]

Quoted:

"The mind is willing, but the flesh is spongy and weak."

From the finest episode ever. Hope I got the quote right.

Death by snu-snu?

Posted: 11/2/2011 3:38:59 PM EDT

[#3]

I'll be hiding in this barrel, like the wily fish!

Posted: 11/2/2011 3:39:07 PM EDT

[#4]

Through Kif- "I find the most erotic part of a woman is the boobies"

Posted: 11/2/2011 3:39:21 PM EDT

[#5]

[Zapp Brannigan is briefing Fry, Leela, Bender and his crew on his plan to destroy an alien mothership]
Captain Zapp Brannigan: If we hit that bullseye, the rest of the dominoes should fall like a house of cards. Checkmate.
[Kif groans]
Captain Zapp Brannigan: Now, like all great plans, my strategy is so simple an idiot could have devised it. On my command all ships will line up and file directly into the alien death cannons, clogging them with wreckage.
[Fry raises his hand]
Fry: W-Wouldn't it make more sense to send the robots in first a - ?
[Bender starts to choke him à la Homer Simpson to Bart in "The Simpsons". His antenna flashes again and he stops choking Fry and salutes]
Bender: Sir, I volunteer for a suicide mission.
[Bender's antenna stops flashing and he bangs his head with his knuckles]
Captain Zapp Brannigan: You're a brave robot, son. But when I'm in command every mission's a suicide mission.

Posted: 11/2/2011 3:40:37 PM EDT

[#6]

Zap:I have a very sexy learning disorder. What do I call it Kif?

Kif: Ugh... sexlexia

Zap: This is a mutiny!

Leela: On what grounds?

Zap: Failure to prevent a mutiny.

Posted: 11/2/2011 4:53:29 PM EDT

[#7]

You look like a woman who appreciates the finer things in life. Come over here and feel my velour bedspread.

Kif, I have made it with a woman. Inform the men

Brannigan's Law is like Brannigan's love, hard and fast.

We have failed to uphold Brannigan's Law. However I did make it with a hot alien babe. And in the end, is that not what man has dreamt of since first he looked up at the stars?

Captain Zapp Brannigan: Captain's journal. Stardate: uhhh...
Kif Kroker: April 13.
Captain Zapp Brannigan: April 13... point two.

Captain Zapp Brannigan: As my protégé you should know that the only way to deal with a female adversary is to seduce her.
[Kif groans]
Captain Zapp Brannigan: This time we are sure she's a woman, right?
Kif Kroker: *Yes*.

Captain Zapp Brannigan: Captain's log. Stardate: 3000.6.
Kif Kroker: Who are you talking to?
Captain Zapp Brannigan: You, Kif. Aren't you writing this down?

[after Zapp and Leela have slept together]
Captain Zapp Brannigan: Now you're officially my woman. Kudos! I can't say I don't envy you.

Leela: You know Zapp, once I thought you were a big pompous buffoon. Then I realised that inside, you were just a pitiful child. But now I realise that outside that child is a big pompous buffoon!
Captain Zapp Brannigan: And which one rocked your world?

Posted: 11/2/2011 5:22:28 PM EDT

[#8]

Quoted:
"The mind is willing, but the flesh is spongy and weak."

From the finest episode ever. Hope I got the quote right.

Spongy and bruised. But a good effort none the less.

Posted: 11/2/2011 5:28:24 PM EDT

[#9]

Zapp: "Killbots? A trifle. It was simply a matter of outsmarting them."

Fry: "Wow, I never would've thought of that."

Zapp: "You see, killbots have a preset kill limit. Knowing their
weakness, I sent wave after wave of my own men at them until they
reached their limit and shut down."