45 is balmy. Lots of public land to camp on.

 It seems exhausting and useless to speculate.  Something was probably going on that nobody knew about.  Wife & marriage seemed fine, but who knows?

Details are still sparse.  Not sure about a note yet.  He was supposed to help a friend move but didn't show.  Brother called him, then immediately called the police.  They're not sure if it was before or after police arrived.  It might have been a panic move due to some embarrassment and therefore no note?

Either way his boys have to go through this at damn near the worst age possible.

If anyone is wondering what a rough-draft letter to two young boys who lost their father looks like, here's how mine turned out :

Attached File

Are there other family members such as aunts/uncles or grandparents nearby?

Temporarily; they moved from out of state and family is mostly still 1000 miles away.  I'm not involved in decision making or anything like that.

I guess my point of posting is that it can happen to anyone, even people who seem like they have it all together.  Just a reminder it's on everyone to have actual, real friendships so someone isn't stuck with a bunch of things they can't handle.  On both parties to actually mean, "how are you," and to answer honestly.

I asked because I was thinking if there were no family as support for mom and kids then they might appreciate your filling some of the roles the close family would otherwise provide. You definitely don't want to get involved in her decision making.

Spot on advice about having real, or deep, friendships. Friends shouldn't have concerns about sharing their problems with each other. I call people who wont share their problems, or don't want to hear about my problems, 'acquaintances'.

I'm still lost on why for friends and soldiers under me that did it.

I always thought that if you have money, friends, family, it's all settled and just enjoy life.
I chatted with him and we were planning to go to the Wizard comic convention and talking to him, he was his normal self.

But what about purpose?

https://www.legacy.com/obituaries/statesmanjournal/obituary.aspx?page=lifestory&pid=177766387

I don't know the point of my post... I guess......I can't comprehend it...it doesn't compute.....

It's incomprehensible to those who haven't been there.

Has anyone tried any of the herbal ‘mood make betterers’ like Sam-e and St Johns wort?

Without going into a novel here, which I’ve done before in the invite-only LEO forum...short story is two decades of policing, forced into early medical retirement from on-duty injuries, and years of being untouchable for a good job, because, you know, disability is icky...finally found a decent job but wife and kids getting the brunt of it all.
I reached out to a ptsd group, I’ve gone to a few different therapists/counselors/shrinks over the years, (but my health insurance makes those visits extremely costly) and tried a couple different meds but I end up with the worst of the side effects, including what they say in the commercials about ‘if you have worsening thoughts of suicide...’

So I’ve been researching alternatives to the big pharma. Congress just legalized hemp on the federal level last week, so cbd from hemp would be an option for me now, and I’m reading good stuff about it. I would like some real first hand knowledge, though.

That bill does not legalize hemp for medicinal or recreational purposes, only industrial.

It is likely you already know this but any regular M.D. will only prescribe medications that are approved treatments by the FDA. You will never get a Doc in traditional medicine to say otherwise. There are some folks who put stock in Dr. Joel D. Wallach. I have not personally used any of his methods but there are folks who swear by him. With supplements it is trial and error. Record keeping and research are important. Psychiatrists treat with drugs, psychologists will do the same with some talk therapy. For herbal, vitamins and minerals you will have to seek someone else.

If you are physically able to exercise is huge in all this. Especially this time of year when it is so dark all the time and seasonal depression wreaks havoc on folks. I hope some of this helps a little. Cheers.

Ditto on the exercise. Get yourself an elliptical trainer and work off that excess adrenaline (nervous energy) that makes you feel like crap all day.

That would be awesome...just can’t swing the money right now. I try to walk as much as I can.

You're welcome buddy, and you have my number anytime you need it. I will always be here for you.

I will give a huge 3rd recommendation for getting out and burning off excess stress you may not even know you have. I have terrible anxiety, but have found the only thing that works is getting a good work out daily. That can come from any form, but do it and your mind and body will thank you for it.

Ditto!

@kokopelli

If you have a computer and a internet connection you are in business for workouts! This guy has some great workouts on youtube for all levels. All you need is yourself and the computer.

Here is one workout I have done personally and I can tell you right now it will kick your ass and you will feel great when you are done! Look at other videos by this man to suit your level of fitness up or down. I would call this workout advanced beginner to intermediate. Also consider jump rope workouts on youtube. Jump ropes are cheap and man, is it great cardio!

Checking in.
Comes in waves. I had another wave hit me over the last couple of days, today was pretty rough. Just a lot of stuff piled on me at once. Tbh, I really hate talking about it, so I don't quite know why I'm posting here. I guess just getting some thoughts out.

Holy shit...

I know of that one. His suicide is literally the reason Oregon passed new gun control.



I wish this thread was in team.

@HALFNATTYGAINZ

Sometimes it feels good to dump. What's up?

It isn't about how others see you, or who you have in your life. It's all about how you see yourself!

We are all heroes to someone. Someone who does not see the struggles. Someone who never heard the self doubt. Someone who sees a good person, doing good things.

Someone who will be very sad when they lose that bright spot of interaction in their day.

Someone who would spend their days wondering why they weren't a better person.

We are all a web of connections with others. Some drag us down, some lift is up. Be the uplifter. Because you may never know when your connection is critical in others lives.

You CAN'T be objective about your own life. So - do those things that make you feel good when you help others.

It ain't easy.
Self destructive cycles are hard to break. Change your pattern. Volunteer. Do positive things to help shore up your self image. Give yourself ammunition to fight the bleak.

Much easier to say than do. But enduring teaches us how to survive. And thrive.

Good luck.

Thanks! I'll check those out.

....I'm glad it's not, I wouldn't have seen it.

.....

Thank you for posting that link.

The bravery and grace in that thread is awe inspiring. I found it a couple of years ago when I began my own journey with cancer. I found a place I could ask questions and receive support that I couldn’t bring myself to look for anywhere else.  Since joining that thread, I’ve found (and lost) brothers I didn’t even know I had.

This thread can be much the same for those struggling with other demons. The vast majority of us here are men and as such there is a terrible stigma for us attached to any open expression of fear or weakness. When faced with a situation we can’t handle on our own, we don’t even know where to turn. This should be that place for anyone that needs it. I’m often amazed by the compassion and caring exhibited on this forum. No matter what someone here might need, I’m certain there are members here that can and will help. Please, just ask.

2 Corinthians 1:3-4

Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction so that we will be able to comfort those who are in any affliction with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.

Amen!

Is there anyone else that feels really depressed around Christmas time for no reason? I get there are bunch of legit reasons to be depressed, but nothing real bad has ever happened to me around Christmas time.

I dunno guys, I can feel myself slipping.  I'm not sure that I want to stop from slipping.  I know that as I type this, thousands of others are praying for just one more day.  Right now, I'd be fine if tomorrow never came.

I don't feel depressed so much anymore.  But I think that when I'm on my death bed and about to die, my last thought it is going to be, "Finally.  What an overrated experience."

Hey man, what do you need to get off your chest?

@BornToLooze
I don't get particularly depressed around the holidays, however I see a lot more cheer around me that I don't particularly feel myself. I don't begrudge anyone for getting into the spirit of the season, but it does get old. The holidays will be over soon. This too shall pass...

@Firefinder37
Do you think it is seasonal, or something else? I don't know you, but I hope that you stop slipping and start getting better.

@wswartzendruber
I'm pretty much there with you on that. It still beats looking forward to death. Two steps forward and one step back still gets you going in the right direction.

And Jesus answered them, saying, “The hour has come for the Son of Man to be glorified. Truly, truly, I say to you, unless a grain of wheat falls into the earth and dies, it remains alone; but if it dies, it bears much fruit. He who loves his life loses it, and he who hates his life in this world will keep it to life eternal. If anyone serves Me, he must follow Me; and where I am, there My servant will be also; if anyone serves Me, the Father will honor him.
John 12:23-26

We know that we are of God, and that the whole world lies in the power of the evil one.
1 John 5:19

Today(Dec 25, 2018 5:49pm PST) I saw a NHK(this is JPN's version of the US' PBS) documentary on stress, it was really informative. There are many levels of tolerance to stress that people could experience and may have huge ramaifications on your well-being, it can cause all sorts of illnesses including depression, cancer etc. Check on show times, real-time streamed from Tokyo. It also goes into "on demand" after the last show, but the resolution is way less, and may seem a bit blurry.

https://www3.nhk.or.jp/nhkworld/en/live/

ETA(1) The name of the show is "Ask the Doctor," and the name of the episode is "Stress Management: Relax," next showing 10pm PST

Hey peeps! Just posting up in here for those whose Christmas was "not as planned".

Mine was a 5/10.

So if your day wasn't quite right, pull up a chair!  I'm good; it is what it is...  But if anybody else wants to bitch then now's the time.

My problem is nothing in the big scheme of things, but I am feeling a bit down at the probability of being homeless starting on the 29th. Summer here is fine for living out of the car, winter not so much. I could use a few prayers.

Is it a low or a high probability?

On the high side.

Well crap.  I'm sorry that might happen.  Got you in my thoughts. Special prayers for you brother!

I found the link to the video worth a look.
=================
"Stress Management: Relax"
https://www3.nhk.or.jp/nhkworld/en/special/episode/201812261310/

Have you posted or tried the the Montana forum for housing? https://www.ar15.com/forums/hometown/Montana/59/

If I hear of anything I will let you know. Prayers sent wtfboombrb.

Can anyone give me advice ....I was happy as a clam despite surgery for my ear to restore my hearing.....

until my ex came and bothered me....

She left me for her doctor boyfriend.....and it was brutal but I found happiness living with two divorced girls that had horrible marriages.

They made me whole and complete in that their own husbands never cooked or cleaned the house...never gave them flowers...never got them stuff for valentines day.....that kinds of stuff.

Just little shit that makes a difference.
I'm a MT unlicensed as I didn't get my license for it in Oregon so I used to give them massages and they liked that..... yes..I saw their boobs and whatever...but something in me just didn't click about hooking up with them... No hanky panky.....just.....kinda weird..but I treated them like sisters.... I can't explain. But strangely after the brunette left, we chatted a lot and dated but she is still emotionally in turmoil over her ex husband and she wasn't ready to date.....so it didn't work out....she's 38 and wanted kids...the whole shebang....and I guess maybe it's a Hungarian thing.
Attached File

Best roommates I ever had. Gorgeous both of them.....until they left later for brighter pastures, one moved to a city south of Budapest and the other she moved to continue her business.

Now I have an American vet friend here...and he is a bouncer at the bars here in budapest. Great guy. OIF vet like myself but my ex came back after my surgery.

I avoided her...left her to be.....as she has medical issues also.....

but she basically destroyed my foundation after she wrote an entire letter to me saying she was sorry....it was her fault......and after three years of leaving me....she found what she was missing me because of what I did for her.

I was in the hospital day and night for her...cooked and cleaned....did the laundry....made dinner and breakfast.....we eat out sometimes... I don't drink..smoke or do drugs...my only vice I would say is I like hiking and running alone and doing crossfit..
and WORLD OF TANKS and ARMED Assault 3...
Movies alone sometimes......some solitude but not anti social...

In the end...she said I was perfect...it was NOTHING with me....my two roommates told me the same.....

I happy that my vindication was from my roommates but vindication from my ex wife....it tore my foundation for this holiday......

I'm talking to a therapist about it this week but man..it really hurts me that she said that......

A therapist friend said that it's mainly because my Hurt locker broke out......I kept that hurt that she did to me close......and I just stayed busy and projected it into stuff keeping my mind busy and sane.
In the end....why does it hurt and depress me.....or is it something in me that still wants her??? we were together for 8 years.....but in and out of relationships for 20 years when i first met her in the 90's.

and fine...pics of my ex roommates..... who I lived with for 2 years in a 3 bedroom condo ..3s company style.

@Joszi:

Um, kinda sat on your post for a while.  It deserves a reply so I didn't want to just say whatever.

I think your purpose (wether you know it or not) is to help people get their shit together in a safe environment.  That's a pretty fucking noble charge, and you seem to be doing well at it.  Lots of other people would be predatory and hurt "lesser" people and take advantage of them when they are hurting.  You seem to put out a vibe that lets other people grow safely.

With that in mind,  I'd like you to consider that the letter your ex wrote was actually a huge compliment to you.

I mean that after some reflection, she realizes that you were a good guy, and she's letting you know that.   In my experience, that's very very rare.

I also think that you may have planted the seed,  or even grown the whole tree that her life is now.   Thus, you helped shape her growth,  pointed her in the direction she needs to go so that she is a better person.

Somehow I think you passed that point for yourself a long time ago.  I'm probably a bit behind your wife's development, and I'm learning by myself.  I think it's more difficult without a spiritual sensi like you.

I get that her letter was like a slap upside the head with the reality of it all, perhaps it was an unconcious reaction that you realized she passed a big milestone in her life?

I'm realizing now that the best way to help ourselves is to help somebody else.  I'm working on being more approachable, being a good listener and being a bit more moderate in some of my replies.  Do you see any sort of growth like that in yourself,  or the people you interact closely with?

wtfboombrb  What can I do to help you?
I don't have much, but whatever you need or want, you have!

I'm 52, I have cirrhosis (all my fault), the doc says three years without a transplant, maybe fifteen with a transplant. I'm not sure I even want to proceed. I have stopped drinking since June. But I'm not sure the juice is worth the squeeze. I have spent 85 days in the hospital in 2018. I'm down from around 250 to165. I lost most of the muscle mass in my legs, arms, chest and shoulders. I have no stamina. I rarely have enough appetite to eat more than one meal a day. I get paracentesis every two weeks to the tune of 12-15 liters of abdominal fluid. I am beginning the process towards a transplant evaluation. If my mother was not still living I would have already ended it. I'm not scared of dying , but I would prefer it quick peaceful and quiet.

Your having a really rough time brother, and I truly hate to hear about your pain.  Medicine is amazing, and as long as you maintain hope and positive outlook, anything is possible including a recovery for yourself.  I can see how it looks like there is no hope, but I can assure from a stranger's perspective that your story reads like there is indeed hope.

As you already said, your mother needs you, and I'm sure many others do as well.  You've already started to wage the war, and have won a significant battle by putting down the bottle, that's one helluva accomplishment, and one you should remind yourself of.  If you were a quitter you'd have never put the bottle down.

The amount of fun, love, and life you can enjoy over the next 15 years is worth whatever you have to do in order to make it happen.  I know it doesn't seem that way today, but in time if you stay in this fight, you'll win and find happiness again.

Stay strong brother, and don't stop fighting!