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Posted: 9/10/2010 11:21:09 AM EDT
So, I'm sitting here in my chair surfing ARFCOM, and something catches my eye just to my left.


I look - and here comes a spider about 2 1/2" in size running across the middle of my living room floor. And yes, it was literally coming RIGHT AT ME at a full run.

Now, normally, I let the wolf spiders live because they normally hang out around my lights outside and kill lots of bugs. But when they decide to Kamikaze charge me, it's over. I eased my laptop onto the end table, and just as it reached me - STOMP.


Time to vacuum again...........
Link Posted: 9/10/2010 11:24:43 AM EDT
This is why I keep a 12 gauge SBS near me at all times, loaded with 00 buck.
Link Posted: 9/10/2010 11:26:59 AM EDT
i had a division of woodlouse spiders make their way from the porch to my living room... so far i've been good about catching their shadows at night before i have to set the house on fire and run.
Link Posted: 9/10/2010 11:34:21 AM EDT
omg you guys are that afraid of a little aohe[poigha[Q'93
T]Q)8isu
\t-9=d v
\gh=ak
']pojam'df;lmv/xcf


holy shit I had a spider on my arm!
Link Posted: 9/10/2010 11:38:01 AM EDT
No dinner pic?
Link Posted: 9/10/2010 11:40:04 AM EDT
Kill it with fire
Link Posted: 9/10/2010 11:41:16 AM EDT
I suffered an airborne assault once by a spider. I was being very bad with a certain girlfriend on a blanket in her livingroom floor when by the light of the muted television I saw something lowering itself down onto me from above. And it wasn't my girlfriend. It was a spider dropping down by a web right above us from the ceiling. We quickly rolled to the side and I managed to kill it before it could craw back up the web or drop. Girlfriend was freaked about it. She liked to lie in floor and watch tv in the dark like that and she would never have seen it, she said.

Now that I read this......it wasn't so much an airborne raid as more of a austrailian rappelling thing, huh.?
Link Posted: 9/10/2010 11:41:25 AM EDT
Originally Posted By Fat_McNasty:
omg you guys are that afraid of a little aohe[poigha[Q'93
T]Q)8isu
\t-9=d v
\gh=ak
']pojam'df;lmv/xcf


holy shit I had a spider on my arm!


Not afraid - but death comes quickly to mister spider when he charges me from across the room!
Link Posted: 9/10/2010 11:41:30 AM EDT
The proper ARFCOM response is to jump up on a chair and scream like a girl!

Then come here and post about how it was the most frightening experience of your life.
Link Posted: 9/10/2010 11:42:05 AM EDT
Originally Posted By CAWillie:
I suffered an airborne assault once by a spider. I was being very bad with a certain girlfriend on a blanket in her livingroom floor when by the light of the muted television I saw something lowering itself down onto me from above. And it wasn't my girlfriend. It was a spider dropping down by a web right above us from the ceiling. We quickly rolled to the side and I managed to kill it before it could craw back up the web or drop. Girlfriend was freaked about it. She liked to lie in floor and watch tv in the dark like that and she would never have seen it, she said.

Now that I read this......it wasn't so much an airborne raid as more of a austrailian rappelling thing, huh.?


Airmobile spider?

Link Posted: 9/10/2010 11:43:45 AM EDT
Don't know if you've caught my "Attack of the Supernatural Rabid Wolf Spider" story, but I'll recap:

I was leaving the house to go to work, and as I reached for the doorknob, a large wolf spider jumped onto the knob and adopted a 'fangs bared, I'm going to kill you' pose. Once I stopped screaming like a little girl and picked myself up off the porch, I grabbed the hose and powerwashed the bastard into the corner until it was as limp as a sack of wet noodles. I then washed it off the porch, and went after it to deliver the coup de grace.

Unfortunately, I couldn't find it. I was running a bit late, so I blew it off, thinking I just couldn't find it among the leaves.

The next morning I left the house (after scanning for pissed off spider relatives) and went to work.

After work, I went to hop into my truck, and sitting on the sill was THE SAME GODDAMNED SPIDER WITH ITS FANGS OUT AND LEGS UP!!!! Fucker dashed under the seat.

So now I have a choice - walk to the store that sells spider killer spray (about 3 miles,) or drive home in a state of near-phobic panic (where I knew a can of spider killer spray was waiting to rain death and destruction upon the evil arachnid.

That was the longest 11 mile drive of my life. I fully expected that evil creature to leap onto my face (a la the 'crab creature' from Alien) and plunge its fangs into my eyes as I was driving down the highway, causing a massive pile-up, killing and injuring dozens of innocent rush-hour commuters.

Somehow I made it home (no doubt the spider was secretly snickering the whole way...) But I had the last laugh, as I emptied an entire can of Raid into the cab of the truck.

I never did find the body, and felt a bit woozy on the ride to work the next couple of days. But I never saw that spider again.

The strangest twist to this story is that a good friend of mine called me up the next day and told me - out of the clear blue - that she'd had a dream about me in danger from a spider that very night...

Link Posted: 9/10/2010 11:46:49 AM EDT
Originally Posted By Switchh:
This is why I keep a 12 gauge SBS near me at all times, loaded with 00 buck.


That is definitely the best round for a spider!

Posted Via AR15.Com Mobile
Link Posted: 9/10/2010 11:50:35 AM EDT
Holy shit E!

I was driving down main street of a small town on my hour long drive from work this spring - and a Wolf spider came out from under my driver's side visor, and meandered his way down my windshield in front of me, and behind the dashboard. I was like

Then a couple minutes later, he comes out and makes his way UP the windshield. I'm like OK, you are going to die. Picked up my empty coffee cup and smashed it. Unfortunately, the base of the coffee cup is hollow, and all I did was piss it off, and it dropped into my lap as I'm driving down a two lane highway.

I never found that one. Maybe this was the same one - out for revenge!
Link Posted: 9/10/2010 11:56:05 AM EDT

Originally Posted By TheKill:
So, I'm sitting here in my chair surfing ARFCOM, and something catches my eye just to my left.


I look - and here comes a spider about 2 1/2" in size running across the middle of my living room floor. And yes, it was literally coming RIGHT AT ME at a full run.

Now, normally, I let the wolf spiders live because they normally hang out around my lights outside and kill lots of bugs. But when they decide to Kamikaze charge me, it's over. I eased my laptop onto the end table, and just as it reached me - STOMP.


Time to vacuum again...........

I laughed out loud at the bolded part.
Link Posted: 9/10/2010 12:17:59 PM EDT
I was taking a dump and reading the WSJ on the Kindle when one lowered himself right into my sightline on a string of webbing.

I nearly fell off the toilet as I tried to smash it with my Kindle cover.

Ninja spiders must DIE!!!11!!!

Link Posted: 9/10/2010 12:40:14 PM EDT
I was once wasting time on the computer, slouching in my chair with a leg propped up on the table next to me. Eventually, I felt a little tingle on my shin (For clarity, I was wearing shorts). I look over and see a spider running up my leg and charging towards the cover of my shorts. Not just any spider a HUGE Brown Recluse. Yes, a takes-golf-ball-sized-chunks-out-of-your-flesh- spider, charging up my pants leg.

I am not sure exactly what happened over the next few seconds, my memory is a bit fuzzy, but I was on the floor and the spider was dead.

It took me years to wear shorts after that.
Link Posted: 9/10/2010 12:51:06 PM EDT

Originally Posted By Leethar:
I was once wasting time on the computer, slouching in my chair with a leg propped up on the table next to me. Eventually, I felt a little tingle on my shin (For clarity, I was wearing shorts). I look over and see a spider running up my leg and charging towards the cover of my shorts. Not just any spider a HUGE Brown Recluse. Yes, a takes-golf-ball-sized-chunks-out-of-your-flesh- spider, charging up my pants leg.

I am not sure exactly what happened over the next few seconds, my memory is a bit fuzzy, but I was on the floor and the spider was dead.

It took me years to wear shorts after that.
The hilarity never stops!!
I love this thread!

To be fair, I have shot a spider with a .45 before.

Link Posted: 9/10/2010 12:54:35 PM EDT
Link Posted: 9/10/2010 1:06:19 PM EDT
good stuff!

As long as They stay in the basement, I leave them alone. If They get near the stairwell, it's:

"DIE, FOUL SPAWN OF UNGOLIANT!!!" & the Slipper of Doom smites Them!



The Ol' Crew Chief
Link Posted: 9/10/2010 1:23:57 PM EDT
Originally Posted By Leethar:
I was once wasting time on the computer, slouching in my chair with a leg propped up on the table next to me. Eventually, I felt a little tingle on my shin (For clarity, I was wearing shorts). I look over and see a spider running up my leg and charging towards the cover of my shorts. Not just any spider a HUGE Brown Recluse. Yes, a takes-golf-ball-sized-chunks-out-of-your-flesh- spider, charging up my pants leg.

I am not sure exactly what happened over the next few seconds, my memory is a bit fuzzy, but I was on the floor and the spider was dead.

It took me years to wear shorts after that.


Most likely that was a wolf spider. Brown recluses are generally very small.
Link Posted: 9/10/2010 1:27:51 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 9/10/2010 1:31:56 PM EDT by Leethar]
Originally Posted By Meadowmuffin:
Originally Posted By Leethar:
I was once wasting time on the computer, slouching in my chair with a leg propped up on the table next to me. Eventually, I felt a little tingle on my shin (For clarity, I was wearing shorts). I look over and see a spider running up my leg and charging towards the cover of my shorts. Not just any spider a HUGE Brown Recluse. Yes, a takes-golf-ball-sized-chunks-out-of-your-flesh- spider, charging up my pants leg.

I am not sure exactly what happened over the next few seconds, my memory is a bit fuzzy, but I was on the floor and the spider was dead.

It took me years to wear shorts after that.


Most likely that was a wolf spider. Brown recluses are generally very small.


I meant huge for a recluse. My house had a serious brown recluse infestation at the time. Learning to tell the difference between the two was often a matter of life and death, and I learned to love the Wolfs because that meant there would be fewer Recluses.

ETA: ... And it's probably bigger in memory than it actually was.
Link Posted: 9/10/2010 1:36:12 PM EDT
I was moving into a new house and saw a large black wolf spider behind a stack of boxes. I went to kill it with a rolled up paper and it ran to the other side of the box and stopped. I walked to the other side and again it ran to the other side. It then turned and looked at me. I went to the other side and it turned around and watched me again...I raised my arm...it ran to the other side of the box and turned around again...

WOW a spider gaining intelligence!! What a miracle of life...how cool was that...I walked to the bathroom grabbed a can of bathroom cleaner and sprayed him from a distance, then smashed him into goo while he wiggled in the foam.

fuck evolution
Link Posted: 9/10/2010 1:37:01 PM EDT
A couple of weeks ago I was sitting on the shitter and as I reached for the TP (yeah, I know, this may be a little too much detail) I notice a quarter-sized brown recluse on the floor next to the vanity.

I finish the paperwork and calmly walk into the kitchen for the bug juice, return to the bathroom and see that the spider hasn't moved. I give it about half the can of bug juice and THE FUCKER COMES UP THE VANITY RIGHT AT ME.

I'd expected to enjoy the afterglow of watching it writhe in pain until it was dead.

NO. The fucker decided to kamikaze me with the last of it's strength.

So I took off my Teva and flattened the wanker. 3 times, just to be sure.

Next day, the whole trailer got the treatment with Spectracide.
Link Posted: 9/10/2010 1:41:44 PM EDT
I battle them regulalrly in my yard with Raid Max. They are big and have webs that could snare a small bird.
There not banana spiders. There smart enough to build there webs in hard to reach places.
These are the big ones and they look nasty. I got caught in one of there webs one morning going out to work and it scared the shit out of me. I felt like spiderman had shot web on me. These bastards are big and nasty. Raid max how ever ruins there whole day. Shot one once on the porch, it was loaded with little babies. It was like WW3 with me and the Raid. My wife laughed her ass off for a good 15 min over that one.
Link Posted: 9/10/2010 1:47:30 PM EDT
Good thing you got him before he went all Jihadi on you;



Link Posted: 9/10/2010 1:49:26 PM EDT
Originally Posted By bcauz3y:

Originally Posted By Leethar:
I was once wasting time on the computer, slouching in my chair with a leg propped up on the table next to me. Eventually, I felt a little tingle on my shin (For clarity, I was wearing shorts). I look over and see a spider running up my leg and charging towards the cover of my shorts. Not just any spider a HUGE Brown Recluse. Yes, a takes-golf-ball-sized-chunks-out-of-your-flesh- spider, charging up my pants leg.

I am not sure exactly what happened over the next few seconds, my memory is a bit fuzzy, but I was on the floor and the spider was dead.

It took me years to wear shorts after that.
The hilarity never stops!!
I love this thread!

To be fair, I have shot a spider with a .45 before.




Glad I'm not the only one.
My buddy tried to get it with his Sig 250 and the fucker managed to dodge all 10 rounds somehow.
I popped him with my 1911 and the first round caused him to bounce about face height
After my massive adrenaline dump wore off, I finished him once and for all
Link Posted: 9/10/2010 1:50:45 PM EDT
Originally Posted By eracer:
Don't know if you've caught my "Attack of the Supernatural Rabid Wolf Spider" story, but I'll recap:

I was leaving the house to go to work, and as I reached for the doorknob, a large wolf spider jumped onto the knob and adopted a 'fangs bared, I'm going to kill you' pose. Once I stopped screaming like a little girl and picked myself up off the porch, I grabbed the hose and powerwashed the bastard into the corner until it was as limp as a sack of wet noodles. I then washed it off the porch, and went after it to deliver the coup de grace.

Unfortunately, I couldn't find it. I was running a bit late, so I blew it off, thinking I just couldn't find it among the leaves.

The next morning I left the house (after scanning for pissed off spider relatives) and went to work.

After work, I went to hop into my truck, and sitting on the sill was THE SAME GODDAMNED SPIDER WITH ITS FANGS OUT AND LEGS UP!!!! Fucker dashed under the seat.

So now I have a choice - walk to the store that sells spider killer spray (about 3 miles,) or drive home in a state of near-phobic panic (where I knew a can of spider killer spray was waiting to rain death and destruction upon the evil arachnid.

That was the longest 11 mile drive of my life. I fully expected that evil creature to leap onto my face (a la the 'crab creature' from Alien) and plunge its fangs into my eyes as I was driving down the highway, causing a massive pile-up, killing and injuring dozens of innocent rush-hour commuters.

Somehow I made it home (no doubt the spider was secretly snickering the whole way...) But I had the last laugh, as I emptied an entire can of Raid into the cab of the truck.

I never did find the body, and felt a bit woozy on the ride to work the next couple of days. But I never saw that spider again.

The strangest twist to this story is that a good friend of mine called me up the next day and told me - out of the clear blue - that she'd had a dream about me in danger from a spider that very night...



I had one in my garage. Gave me the same pose and everything. i went to smash it with a broom and it ran off, under my motorcycle. I couldn't find, so I statred looking on the bike. He was on my back tire. I tried to get him again and he moved up further to someplace under the frame. I could just envision myself riding along at 60 mph and this fucker coming out of nowhere. I could also envision the police report: "Single vehicle accident where operator lost control. No drugs or alcohol involved, but he did have a look of fright on his face."
Never did find him.
Link Posted: 9/10/2010 1:53:45 PM EDT
just wait till a banana spider crawls over the brim of your hat and says hello...
Link Posted: 9/10/2010 1:55:07 PM EDT
Originally Posted By shocktrp:
Good thing you got him before he went all Jihadi on you;

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bGu6JLZwoM8



Link Posted: 9/10/2010 2:13:48 PM EDT
We had wolf spiders in our house last year. Went to a store to buy some pants, went to the changing room to try them on and when I removed my boot one 3 inch long monster crawled out. Had been hitch hiking in there for at least 4 hours.
Link Posted: 9/10/2010 2:50:27 PM EDT

Originally Posted By TX_Metal:



Glad I'm not the only one.
My buddy tried to get it with his Sig 250 and the fucker managed to dodge all 10 rounds somehow.
I popped him with my 1911 and the first round caused him to bounce about face height
After my massive adrenaline dump wore off, I finished him once and for all
We were riding in a gator through the 'bama backcountry earlier this year, it was about 3 am (hog hunting with .45s and ARs) and we passed this path where there was a web that had strands like 550 cord, and a spider in it the size of my face.
We hit the web at about 25 mph and that big fucker landed sqarely in my lap.
I jumped out of the moving cart and came up with my 1911 in hand. that fucker had its front legs up and was walking slowly toward me, so I evacuated his insides.



Link Posted: 9/10/2010 2:51:52 PM EDT
Link Posted: 9/10/2010 3:00:17 PM EDT

Originally Posted By Gulbrandr2:
http://i51.tinypic.com/1z1ep87.jpg

I'll see your cute furry spider and raise you a

BIG FUCKING ONE


Link Posted: 9/10/2010 4:51:58 PM EDT

Originally Posted By bcauz3y:

I'll see your cute furry spider and raise you a

BIG FUCKING ONE




That's him!!!! That's the evil rabid supernatural arachnid that has haunted my dreams!!!

How did you tame it? (Or are you it's secret master?)
Link Posted: 9/10/2010 8:01:28 PM EDT
Link Posted: 9/11/2010 4:09:10 AM EDT
I wish I could take credit. I stole it from a google search.
Link Posted: 9/11/2010 4:10:24 AM EDT

Originally Posted By Balloon:
Was it part of a government experiment?


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