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Posted: 9/8/2010 2:30:11 PM EDT
I was having a chat with my sister today on this topic. She is divorced with a daughter from a previous marriage. She didn't want kids with her 2nd husband for many reasons that I thought was interesting enough to share. Wondering what other situations you guys might come up with.

2nd husband was not was not responsible with his work situations and she didn't want to be raising a child and worry about financial situations.

She didn't want her daughter from her first marriage to have numerous brothers and sisters because she already had 1/2 brother and sister from other side of the family. She felt it would be hard for that child to explain in life where all of her family fit in the picture.

2nd husband had a family history of terrible migraines and didn't want to pass that on.

2nd husband, like his father, was not social.

2nd husband didn't put family first but often did his friends or activities. Didn't want to raise a child on her own.

So I guess even though you love someone there are other factors involved when thinking about children.
Link Posted: 9/8/2010 2:38:50 PM EDT
Sounds like a lot of reasons not to have married the guy in the first place.
Link Posted: 9/8/2010 2:39:35 PM EDT
She knows that now.
Link Posted: 9/8/2010 2:39:40 PM EDT
2nd husband sounds like a real catch.

She picked well...
Link Posted: 9/8/2010 2:40:29 PM EDT
Originally Posted By MrKandiyohi:
Sounds like a lot of reasons not to have married the guy in the first place.


I didn't want to be the one to say it but . . .
Link Posted: 9/8/2010 2:41:25 PM EDT
Why would you marry someone who you do not love enough to carry their child?
Link Posted: 9/8/2010 2:41:57 PM EDT

Originally Posted By MrKandiyohi:
Sounds like a lot of reasons not to have married the guy in the first place.

Yep, sounds like the real reason is she sees the possibility of a divorce in the future.
Link Posted: 9/8/2010 2:42:27 PM EDT
So basically she doesn't want to have any kids with this one because she hates him, right?
Link Posted: 9/8/2010 2:42:33 PM EDT
Not every marriage is based around having children......
Link Posted: 9/8/2010 2:43:26 PM EDT
Originally Posted By MrKandiyohi:
Sounds like a lot of reasons not to have married the guy in the first place.


Sounds like a pattern of poor decisions considering this is the 2nd husband we're talking about.
Link Posted: 9/8/2010 2:46:52 PM EDT
Originally Posted By brad3062:
Not every marriage is based around having children......


My wife and I aren't in a race to have children, we want to be selfish for a little while before someone else is depending on us. So at the moment our marriage is not based on having kids.
Link Posted: 9/8/2010 2:48:26 PM EDT

Originally Posted By Ponyboy:
So basically she doesn't want to have any kids with this one because she hates him, right?

And thats only one side of the story, wonder what he tells his buddies.......

Two sides to every story and the truth is somewhere in the middle.
Link Posted: 9/8/2010 2:48:39 PM EDT
Originally Posted By MrKandiyohi:
Sounds like a lot of reasons not to have married the guy in the first place.


first post and shit.........
Link Posted: 9/8/2010 2:49:29 PM EDT
No kids here. Been married 9 years, together 16 years. Wouldn't mind one but not going to care if we don't.
Link Posted: 9/8/2010 2:51:07 PM EDT
Originally Posted By LANCEMAN:

Originally Posted By Ponyboy:
So basically she doesn't want to have any kids with this one because she hates him, right?

And thats only one side of the story, wonder what he tells his buddies.......

Two sides to every story and the truth is somewhere in the middle.


He was probably glad to escape from her without 18+ more years of continuing contact over kids with her....
Link Posted: 9/8/2010 2:55:30 PM EDT

Originally Posted By brad3062:
I was having a chat with my sister today on this topic. She is divorced with a daughter from a previous marriage. She didn't want kids with her 2nd husband for many reasons that I thought was interesting enough to share. Wondering what other situations you guys might come up with.

2nd husband was not was not responsible with his work situations and she didn't want to be raising a child and worry about financial situations.

She didn't want her daughter from her first marriage to have numerous brothers and sisters because she already had 1/2 brother and sister from other side of the family. She felt it would be hard for that child to explain in life where all of her family fit in the picture.

2nd husband had a family history of terrible migraines and didn't want to pass that on.

2nd husband, like his father, was not social.

2nd husband didn't put family first but often did his friends or activities. Didn't want to raise a child on her own.

So I guess even though you love someone there are other factors involved when thinking about children.

Sounds like she's a real winner for picking a guy like that.
Link Posted: 9/8/2010 2:57:36 PM EDT
Originally Posted By ihatespngbob:
Why would you marry someone who you do not love enough to carry their child?


The number of kids a couple wants/has is no measure of how much they love each other.
Link Posted: 9/8/2010 2:58:38 PM EDT
We would like another, but with 2 miscarriages, it probably will not happen.
Link Posted: 9/8/2010 3:16:07 PM EDT

Originally Posted By sd_norske:
Originally Posted By ihatespngbob:
Why would you marry someone who you do not love enough to carry their child?


The number of kids a couple wants/has is no measure of how much they love each other.

No, but it is a measure of what a horrible, selfish person you are if you don't have any.

Or so I've been informed, right here on arfcom.
Link Posted: 9/8/2010 3:33:16 PM EDT
Originally Posted By fiver:

Originally Posted By sd_norske:
Originally Posted By ihatespngbob:
Why would you marry someone who you do not love enough to carry their child?


The number of kids a couple wants/has is no measure of how much they love each other.

No, but it is a measure of what a horrible, selfish person you are if you don't have any.

Or so I've been informed, right here on arfcom.


Some people/ married couples just shouldn't have children...at all.
Link Posted: 9/8/2010 4:17:51 PM EDT
Originally Posted By brad3062:
2nd husband was not was not responsible with his work situations and she didn't want to be raising a child and worry about financial situations.

She didn't want her daughter from her first marriage to have numerous brothers and sisters because she already had 1/2 brother and sister from other side of the family. She felt it would be hard for that child to explain in life where all of her family fit in the picture.

2nd husband had a family history of terrible migraines and didn't want to pass that on.

2nd husband, like his father, was not social.

2nd husband didn't put family first but often did his friends or activities. Didn't want to raise a child on her own.


Just what kind of man does a divorced single mother expect to get?
Link Posted: 9/8/2010 4:32:38 PM EDT
Unfortunately Pruning of the family is Illegal, and we all know some shouldn't have kids. If you are not able to have kids.... and want to it sucks. But as for a measurement of you love for someone...... um dumb comment. If you can't have kids and want some do Foster Care! I and my wife have done this for over 6 years or look into adoption. The comment should be if you are not willing to have a kid with someone then you shouldn't get married.
Link Posted: 9/8/2010 4:37:38 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 9/8/2010 4:41:23 PM EDT by Ghoulardi]
for those who say why she married this guy. she wanted someone to help bring up her child and take care of her. ie. having money to take care of the needs of the child and her.


don't be fooled, a woman's main interest in getting re-married especially if she has a child, has nothing to do with love, it has all to do with security. seen it too many time with guys I knew who married a single woman with a kid.
Link Posted: 9/8/2010 4:41:53 PM EDT

Originally Posted By Shockergd:


Sounds like she's a real winner for picking a guy like that.


Link Posted: 9/8/2010 4:48:30 PM EDT
Originally Posted By GunLvrPHD:
Just what kind of man does a divorced single mother expect to get?


I got a pretty damn great one.

he never wanted his own kids because of some genetic stuff that runs in his family, but he loves kids, so him being a step-dad to my two was a win-win. he gets to be a dad without worrying that he'll pass on the bad genes... and I get an incredible man to share my life with and help me raise great kids. and yes, odds are, his children would have been born fine, but it just wasn't a chance he was willing to take. I completely respect that.
Link Posted: 9/8/2010 8:44:31 PM EDT
Originally Posted By GunLvrPHD:
Originally Posted By brad3062:
2nd husband was not was not responsible with his work situations and she didn't want to be raising a child and worry about financial situations.

She didn't want her daughter from her first marriage to have numerous brothers and sisters because she already had 1/2 brother and sister from other side of the family. She felt it would be hard for that child to explain in life where all of her family fit in the picture.

2nd husband had a family history of terrible migraines and didn't want to pass that on.

2nd husband, like his father, was not social.

2nd husband didn't put family first but often did his friends or activities. Didn't want to raise a child on her own.


Just what kind of man does a divorced single mother expect to get?


Are you saying that divorced women should just settle for a dirt bag? That is completely wrong.
Link Posted: 9/8/2010 9:11:43 PM EDT

Originally Posted By brad3062:


Are you saying that divorced women should just settle for a dirt bag? That is completely wrong.

Not on arfkom it's not.
Link Posted: 9/8/2010 9:22:40 PM EDT
My wife and I decided we weren't having kids long before we got married.
Link Posted: 9/8/2010 9:25:37 PM EDT
At least she's thinking of someone besides herself.
Link Posted: 9/8/2010 9:32:09 PM EDT
I honestly do not understand people, expecially married couples who do not want kids.

What is the point of life then?
Link Posted: 9/8/2010 9:36:29 PM EDT
The 2 ive heard are couples that:

have some sort of medical family history and dont want to subject a child to that
want to have more money for toys/big house/vacation
Link Posted: 9/8/2010 9:37:27 PM EDT
Originally Posted By LANCEMAN:

Originally Posted By Ponyboy:
So basically she doesn't want to have any kids with this one because she hates him, right?

And thats only one side of the story, wonder what he tells his buddies.......

Two sides to every story and the truth is somewhere in the middle.
Ditto you are only seeing the woman's side. I would be curious to see the man's side. I must admit it is a lot of work to raise a child to 21. I have 3 of them, and it takes all of the energy from me and my wife.
Link Posted: 9/8/2010 9:38:21 PM EDT

Originally Posted By SaintMichaelArms:
I honestly do not understand people, expecially married couples who do not want kids.

What is the point of life then?

I'm a married person who asks myself this every single day.

Please, give me a reason to live. I need one, desperately.
Link Posted: 9/8/2010 9:42:04 PM EDT
Originally Posted By ihatespngbob:
Why would you marry someone who you do not love enough to carry their child?


I married the woman of my dreams and we dont plan on having kids...

Does that mean we shouldn't have been married?

Posted Via AR15.Com Mobile
Link Posted: 9/8/2010 9:42:59 PM EDT

Originally Posted By SaintMichaelArms:
I honestly do not understand people, expecially married couples who do not want kids.

What is the point of life then?

So your only reason to live is marry and have children nothing else?
Link Posted: 9/8/2010 9:45:06 PM EDT
Originally Posted By Dionysus:

Originally Posted By SaintMichaelArms:
I honestly do not understand people, expecially married couples who do not want kids.

What is the point of life then?

So your only reason to live is marry and have children nothing else?


I just do it so I can SIIHPAPP.
Link Posted: 9/8/2010 9:47:04 PM EDT
Originally Posted By Dionysus:

Originally Posted By SaintMichaelArms:
I honestly do not understand people, expecially married couples who do not want kids.

What is the point of life then?

So your only reason to live is marry and have children nothing else?


No but it is a central pillar. Why improve the country/society if you have no kids and thus no stake in the future? Why have a good career/save money except to help your children? Why live healthy except to have a long life to enjoy your adult children, grandchildren and great grandchildren?

If I didn't want kids, I'd stay drunk, do drugs, and OD by age 30 because whats the point. Without kids there is no future for your bloodline. Without a future of your bloodline you have no stake in the future of society.
Link Posted: 9/8/2010 9:48:11 PM EDT

Originally Posted By Jinxsters:
Originally Posted By Dionysus:

Originally Posted By SaintMichaelArms:
I honestly do not understand people, expecially married couples who do not want kids.

What is the point of life then?

So your only reason to live is marry and have children nothing else?


I just do it so I can SIIHPAPP.
lol guess you don't worry about the, having kids part if your doing it that way.

Link Posted: 9/8/2010 9:49:31 PM EDT
Originally Posted By Dionysus:

Originally Posted By SaintMichaelArms:
I honestly do not understand people, expecially married couples who do not want kids.

What is the point of life then?

So your only reason to live is marry and have children nothing else?


I got married to touch boobs...Not clean up kid shit and listen to crying all day...

Posted Via AR15.Com Mobile
Link Posted: 9/8/2010 9:54:59 PM EDT

Originally Posted By SaintMichaelArms:
Originally Posted By Dionysus:

Originally Posted By SaintMichaelArms:
I honestly do not understand people, expecially married couples who do not want kids.

What is the point of life then?

So your only reason to live is marry and have children nothing else?


No but it is a central pillar. Why improve the country/society if you have no kids and thus no stake in the future? Why have a good career/save money except to help your children? Why live healthy except to have a long life to enjoy your adult children, grandchildren and great grandchildren?

If I didn't want kids, I'd stay drunk, do drugs, and OD by age 30 because whats the point. Without kids there is no future for your bloodline. Without a future of your bloodline you have no stake in the future of society.
I like your optimism about our future. TO bad for every good kid you have there are 1000 hurp derps being born.

Link Posted: 9/8/2010 9:57:07 PM EDT

Originally Posted By SaintMichaelArms:

If I didn't want kids, I'd stay drunk, do drugs, and OD by age 30 because whats the point.


Way ahead of you bro, but sadly, I've long since passed 30.

Sorry for being a drain on society. Well, at least my tax dollars go to good use before I self implode.
Link Posted: 9/8/2010 9:58:40 PM EDT

Originally Posted By fiver:

Originally Posted By SaintMichaelArms:

If I didn't want kids, I'd stay drunk, do drugs, and OD by age 30 because whats the point.


Way ahead of you bro, but sadly, I've long since passed 30.

Sorry for being a drain on society. Well, at least my tax dollars go to good use before I self implode.

I don't have kids, you have something to sell me i can OD on?
Link Posted: 9/8/2010 9:59:57 PM EDT

Originally Posted By Dionysus:

Originally Posted By fiver:

Originally Posted By SaintMichaelArms:

If I didn't want kids, I'd stay drunk, do drugs, and OD by age 30 because whats the point.


Way ahead of you bro, but sadly, I've long since passed 30.

Sorry for being a drain on society. Well, at least my tax dollars go to good use before I self implode.

I don't have kids, you have something to sell me i can OD on?

I was thinking instead of OD'ing I'd just shove a 1911 in my mouth.

Hopefully it doesn't jam or some shit.

I should have bought a glock
Link Posted: 9/8/2010 10:00:02 PM EDT
Originally Posted By Dionysus:

Originally Posted By fiver:

Originally Posted By SaintMichaelArms:

If I didn't want kids, I'd stay drunk, do drugs, and OD by age 30 because whats the point.


Way ahead of you bro, but sadly, I've long since passed 30.

Sorry for being a drain on society. Well, at least my tax dollars go to good use before I self implode.

I don't have kids, you have something to sell me i can OD on?


Yes....
Link Posted: 9/8/2010 10:00:03 PM EDT
I will tell who I feel sorry for, young people who don't have any siblings, because family is going to matter again in 20-30 years, in ways it hasn't for several generations. Same reason I pity childless couples who will be reaching retirement age around 2030 onward.

Link Posted: 9/8/2010 10:02:09 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 9/8/2010 10:02:25 PM EDT by Dionysus]

Originally Posted By Zan:
I will tell who I feel sorry for, young people who don't have any siblings, because family is going to matter again in 20-30 years, in ways it hasn't for several generations. Same reason I pity childless couples who will be reaching retirement age around 2030 onward.

I am going to save all the money i would of spent on kids and hire a fine little nurse to clean me when im 96.
Link Posted: 9/8/2010 10:07:06 PM EDT
Originally Posted By Dionysus:

Originally Posted By Jinxsters:
Originally Posted By Dionysus:

Originally Posted By SaintMichaelArms:
I honestly do not understand people, expecially married couples who do not want kids.

What is the point of life then?

So your only reason to live is marry and have children nothing else?


I just do it so I can SIIHPAPP.
lol guess you don't worry about the, having kids part if your doing it that way.



That made me raff. So true so true.
Link Posted: 9/8/2010 10:36:21 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 9/9/2010 1:25:51 AM EDT by Twitchy]
nvm
Link Posted: 9/9/2010 8:18:14 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 9/9/2010 8:18:44 PM EDT by mjcOH1]
Originally Posted By brad3062:
I was having a chat with my sister today on this topic. She is divorced with a daughter from a previous marriage. She didn't want kids with her 2nd husband for many reasons that I thought was interesting enough to share. Wondering what other situations you guys might come up with.



My wife has one child by a previous marriage. Having dated several divorced or single women with children over the years, my view on having children has gone from 'I'd like to do that', through 'I'd consider it', to 'No'. A couple of the kids were great. Most not so much, with that group running the gamete from malicious through just basically empty/narcissistic/selfish. My experience, and my observation with others, is that conflict over the children or caused by the children is more often than not a stress on the relationship rather than the children contributing to the relationship's success.
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