Posted: 8/6/2010 11:12:56 AM EDT
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I want to stab somebody in the fucking nose with a screwdriver. Would it be that fucking difficult to let me talk to a motherfucking human? Press 1, press, 2, press 0923875 and THROW THE MOTHERFUCKING PHONE ACROSS THE ROOM! Fuck you. Where the fuck does the computer get off hanging up on me? Can't understand me? Connect me with a motherfucking human. Fuck you right in the ear. I want you to die painfully in front of your whole family, you worthless fucksticks. Who the fuck designed this shit? Are you some kind of evil scientist looking for a way to increase aggression in soldiers? Well, you found it, you fucking anal spelunking ass pirate. I sure as fuck want to kill something. Fuck you. I hope a skateboard riding retard chases you down with a meat cleaver. I hope a silverback gorilla fuck starts your face. I hope you get stuck in an elevator with a flatulent Yoko Ono for fifteen days and are forced to drink her urine. Fuck you.
FUCK! ETA: The cake is a lie. |
| Try using those "press #" menus with a touch screen phone... Never again will I buy a touch screen. I hit 9 and the phone enters 2. Never fails. I can't dial any number without it fucking up. Hell it fucks up when I try to dial 911. How the hell does it register 917? And half the time I press 1, it dials my voicemail since it's a hard programmed quick key, you can't disable it. |
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At first I was "meh" but then the Yoko Ono reference put you into the win spectrum of rants. Solid 8 roy d....finishing with ALL CAPS would have earned a 10 8.5/10. Didn't use the word "fuck" enough and no reference to a "douche nozzle" however a creative use of silver back gorilla |
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You know if you just dial 0 you skip past all that shit and get connected to a human, right? See, that's the evil genius of it. If you do that the computer goes  and if you do it three times that computerized cunt hangs up on you. Same for any other key besides one of the listed ones. Thought I navigated the maze correctly and the computer had me on hold with no music or anything, just a dead line for 15 min. That's about the time I started screaming and throwing shit. The neighbors probably heard. Cops might be on the way.
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Awesome. I'm bookmarking that for later, thanks. Too bad DFAS isn't on the list. You know why? Because it's fucking impossible to speak to a human there. |
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"Okay Sir - I'm going to put you down for "Dissatisfied"". That made me laugh. Urge to kill fading, fading, fading, RISING! |
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Well, your screen name is "Blue Falcon"...just sayin'
I just settled a pay dispute with DFAS for about $30k in back pay...it was only $20k when I started the fight...and, BTW, it was earned under CZTE so you WILL make sure it doesn't show up on my W2, correct?...cricket...cricket...cricket. Fight's (back) on! |
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I saw someone drink Yoko Ono's urine at a gallery in Soho. It was nice, they had wine and cheese afterwords. 
The thought of that can NOT be unThought!!!!  It was great. I couldn't think of a better use of that NEA money. She had a carrot up her ass and was humming "Let It Be" while she spouted. We gave her a golf clap. The cheese was good but the wine was sort of ordinary. |
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Yep. It wasn't around when I needed it but I used the correct code and got an operator. I asked to speak with someone in customer service that had a triple digit IQ. Got the VP of Customer Service.  |