Posted: 4/25/2010 5:11:00 PM EDT
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I would like to begin by saying that, first, I completely understand why you think what you do. God knows that if I were in my house and heard what sounded like a young child being slowly skinned alive and salted coming from a house on my street, I would also think my neighbors were some kind of malevolent, child-abusing, human veal consuming cannibal monsters.
However, I would like to remind you that we only have one child, and it is not possible to skin the same human being to death on a nightly basis. In light of this evidence, I would like to clarify to you that the screams which originate from our home on a nightly basis are, in fact, not because my wife and I are secretly VietCong torture-instructing Reavers, but instead because every night at around 6:30pm we give our two-year-old daughter a bath. Yes, you read that correctly. The ear-drum piercing, spine-chilling, howl which seems to summon the end of the world on a nightly basis is the sound of toddler sanitation. Horrible, horrible sanitation. Thank you for your understanding, _MaH |
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Quoted:
I would like to begin by saying that, first, I completely understand why you think what you do. God knows that if I were in my house and heard what sounded like a young child being slowly skinned alive and salted coming from a house on my street, I would also think my neighbors were some kind of malevolent, child-abusing, human veal consuming cannibal monsters. However, I would like to remind you that we only have one child, and it is not possible to skin the same human being to death on a nightly basis. In light of this evidence, I would like to clarify to you that the screams which originate from our home on a nightly basis are, in fact, not because my wife and I are secretly VietCong torture-instructing Reavers, but instead because every night at around 6:30pm we give our two-year-old daughter a bath. Yes, you read that correctly. The ear-drum piercing, spine-chilling, howl which seems to summon the end of the world on a nightly basis is the sound of toddler sanitation. Horrible, horrible sanitation. Thank you for your understanding, _MaH I am so glad someone else knows my pain. My daughter freaks during bath time (at least 8 out of 10 times). I live in a high rise bulding and can only image what my neighbors think. Drives me insane but just have to deal with it the best you can. Good luck |
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Quoted:
I would like to begin by saying that, first, I completely understand why you think what you do. God knows that if I were in my house and heard what sounded like a young child being slowly skinned alive and salted coming from a house on my street, I would also think my neighbors were some kind of malevolent, child-abusing, human veal consuming cannibal monsters. However, I would like to remind you that we only have one child, and it is not possible to skin the same human being to death on a nightly basis. In light of this evidence, I would like to clarify to you that the screams which originate from our home on a nightly basis are, in fact, not because my wife and I are secretly VietCong torture-instructing Reavers, but instead because every night at around 6:30pm we give our two-year-old daughter a bath. Yes, you read that correctly. The ear-drum piercing, spine-chilling, howl which seems to summon the end of the world on a nightly basis is the sound of toddler sanitation. Horrible, horrible sanitation. Thank you for your understanding, _MaH For us it was the nightly bedtime howling. She even made a break for it once by climbing out her bedroom window. We knew something was up when she was suspiciously quiet and just saw her little fingers holding onto the window sill and you could hear a very fain "hep...up...help...up..." If ever there was a time for interrogation, that was it. |
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To clarify - nobody called the police. This isn't a letter I've had to write to my neighbors, but given the blood-curling screams that child emits whenever she gets a bath, it's a letter I fear I may one day have to.
Oh, and... Quoted:
So are the neighbors better or worse than the ones in NOVA? Let me make sure I'm absolutely, positively clear on this so there's no confusion or misinterpretation. Many of my neighbors here are officers in the United States Air Force or the United States Army. This isn't surprising, as Colorado Springs has NORAD, three AF bases, and one major Army base (Carson) either within it or right up against it. My neighbors here in Colorado serve this nation. Here's what my neighbors looked like in NOVA: 
So yes, my neighbors here are much better than the ones I had in VA. But I won't compare the VAHTF and COHTF ARFCOMers –– they're both composed of upstanding, and outstanding people that I would render aid and shelter to, if needed, without any hesitation, and people I'm honored to call "friends" 
_MaH |
| Love the letter. My son (now 3) likes baths and pretty much always has, but he views it as a full contact sport––as in Dad will require a complete change of clothes and wishes there were a drain in the middle of the bathroom floor since it seems that more water ends up on the floor than in the tub. I would sometimes take him into the shower with me because it was quicker, easier, and didn't turn the bathroom into a lake. |
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Quoted: To clarify - nobody called the police. This isn't a letter I've had to write to my neighbors, but given the blood-curling screams that child emits whenever she gets a bath, it's a letter I fear I may one day have to. Oh, and... Quoted: So are the neighbors better or worse than the ones in NOVA? Let me make sure I'm absolutely, positively clear on this so there's no confusion or misinterpretation. Many of my neighbors here are officers in the United States Air Force or the United States Army. This isn't surprising, as Colorado Springs has NORAD, three AF bases, and one major Army base (Carson) either within it or right up against it. My neighbors here in Colorado serve this nation. Here's what my neighbors looked like in NOVA: http://i25.photobucket.com/albums/c96/MattHoffman/P1010166-2.jpg So yes, my neighbors here are much better than the ones I had in VA. But I won't compare the VAHTF and COHTF ARFCOMers –– they're both composed of upstanding, and outstanding people that I would render aid and shelter to, if needed, without any hesitation, and people I'm honored to call "friends" _MaH DAAAAAMN dude, good thing you moved away before she ate your child... Good move.
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Quoted:
That's weird. I have to keep my kids OUT of the tub and the middle one wants to brush her teeth all day long. They all love their baths. Maybe you're doing it wrong.  Yep. Both my kids will stay in the tub even when the water gets cold and their appendages turn into prunes. |