Posted: 12/11/2009 8:37:55 AM EDT
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30 something chick looking for a zombie-wise mate before Z-Day.
http://seattle.craigslist.org/est/w4m/1504371736.html It was brought up in our hometown forums, but thought it might be appriciated here; by those who are single in the Seattle area. 
Oh Noes! It's ZombieTime!!!! - 37 (Seattle) Years of painstaking research has led me to believe that I have discovered the qualities of the perfect male mate to help me survive the impending zombie infestation. Many people erroneously surmise that a 'Vin Diesel' type is the ideal male survivor. My research suggests otherwise: testosterone overload is not, in fact, the best recipe for success when the zombies come a knock knock knockin'. The best male specimen will have an exceedingly sharp intellect, with the capability to adapt quickly and easily to any situation. Slow zombies? No problem. Fast zombies? Even better. Food shortage? Medical need? Shelter? Security? The perfect mate may not currently have all the answers, but will have a natural affinity for learning, with an understanding of resources for knowledge and can swiftly (and often intuitively) grasp new information, concepts and skills. This individual should be emotionally available and secure, quick to offer a shoulder when needed and confident enough in their skin to express their own emotions. Physically, muscle-bound jocks are not best suited for survival. The male with a better chance of succeeding can be described as average. Not uberuber short or 8-feet tall, not superskinny, either - in fact, a 'teddiebear' physique seems uniquely suited and rife with potential for survival: musclemass can be increased, bodily food stores are readily available, and nothin' says 'toasty and secure' more than snuggling up in the arms of a teddiebear when the zombies come sniffling by in search of spicy brains. Oh, and a 'knock 'em dead' smile is a definite asset. It works wonders on my libido, and could be just the ticket to confusing a zombie that's standing a little too close. Also important are decent endurance and minimal physical needs. This individual does not need to be strong, only capable of growth and a willingness to become healthier as the situation requires it. After compiling all the data from my research, I have concluded that, while far from perfect, I am particularly suited to survival during and after the zombie invasion. I am a height-challenged female specimen (perfect for hiding under the bed or behind my mate should the zombies lock onto my vanillapeach scent) with a small amount of extra bodily food stores and minimal physical needs. I have waist length reddish hair that can be tied up or braided to keep it out of a frisky zombie's mouth. I've successfully bred and raised two human beings (male and female; one to adulthood, and one a mere two years shy of adulthood) and am not opposed to breeding again, should circumstances warrant it. Both of my progeny display quick wit, sharp intellect and resiliency, which, while wholly theirs, should indicate that I emanate similar traits as the cliché, 'the apple doesn't fall from far the tree' is a cliché for good reason (while not always true, it often is). Additionally, I am almost always accompanied by my ever-trusty companion - assuming, that is, that the "F" word is involved (get your mind out of the gutter: the "F" in this case is for "food"!) With the promise of a Scooby Snack or similar delicacy, this canine companion will not hesitate to sic balls' of the nearest zombie, freeing us up to hightail it out of a potentially... sticky situation. My quirkiness suggests that few things surprise me, and I will be less likely to 'freak out' over the zombie carnage and lifestyle changes necessary during this time. I am quick-witted and eager to learn, happy to defer to others, and capable of admitting my own knowledge gaps and mistakes. My off-beat humour, low maintenance personality, and adorable looks are vital in helping my partner maintain emotional well-being, necessary to long-term survival. How will we know if we are a good match and thus have a decent shot at surviving the zombies? Well, if you prefer steak to chicken - Filet Mignon to Cube Steak; fine and quirky dining to mass produced mush - Cascina Spinasi to (shudder) Black Angus; DVDs to TV - SciFi to ChickFlix; books to radio - Neil Gaiman to Danielle Steele (is she still around?!); and research to guesswork - Internet to encyclopedias... there is a pretty good chance we'll fit well. In order to survive this impending disaster, it is of the utmost importance that we meet as soon as conceivably possible. Trial-runs for the zombies' attempt at destroying life as we know it could include midnight walks off the beaten path, critter counting and story-telling at the beach, take-out Thai taken-out to a quiet spot in/on The Far Side, cuddling on the couch and snogging... whoops! I mean discussing the impending apocalypse... 'til 3am, and impulsive weekend travels to a place pointed at on a map while blindfolded, etc. Ideal candidates should respond immediately. Please include reasons why you think we would be a good team and a photo, self-portrait, drawing, etc., of your likeness (as in your face, please - no need for crotchshots, or photos displaying your other muscular prowess). Well, hey! you've seen mine... it's only fair! (And yes, it's a current pic - taken within the past month.) Hurry while supplies last - those zombies sure look hungry. 
eta: added the info here for posterity. |