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Posted: 8/2/2018 1:37:03 PM EDT
[#1]
Quote HistoryQuote HistoryOriginally Posted By BigeasySnow:
Originally Posted By usjet:
I hear there are people on ARF that would do nearly anything to hit 3 pages...   The old puppy thread. But that little dog is going to save her life. |
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Posted: 8/2/2018 1:45:36 PM EDT
[#2]
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Posted: 8/2/2018 1:59:35 PM EDT
[#3]
Thank you so much for sharing. I can't even begin to tell you how much your words mean to Me. May the Lord Jesus comfort you and your family.
Robert |
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Posted: 8/2/2018 2:00:41 PM EDT
[#4]
Thank you Robert.
Means a lot. |
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Posted: 8/2/2018 2:11:56 PM EDT
[#5]
Life: I'm not gonna go easy ---- someone is gonna have to come down here and throw my ass out!
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Posted: 8/2/2018 2:18:45 PM EDT
[#6]
@RECONSIX:
Sorry, just don’t want it all out there in GD (suppose it will, anyway). Just knew there were a few I’d like to connect with a little bit who never get over here. Answers: numbness in face(was thought to be nerve damage from prior surgery- ( never had been before in 6 yrs). Loss of taste, feeling in right side of face/scalp, but a burning sensation at times- also chewed the heck out of myself at times. Nasal- felt like it was packed, but didn’t restrict breathing (I snore anyway  )
Then several week back lost vision in right eye due to an infection. When the infection cleared, still unfocused, loss of balance, almost got sea-sick trying to use that eye- diagnosed 6th nerve palsy, which CAN happen with a bad infection. Probably a few other things I’ve ignored for a few yrs (according to wife). Saw my GP, got anMRI, and here I am. Told Doc when he asked my symptoms: “If I gave you all of ‘em and I was applying for SSI, you’d laugh me out of the room”.
Later, everyone.tired now. Thank you each and all. John |
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Posted: 8/2/2018 2:23:50 PM EDT
[#7]
Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By Hollywood_Shooter:
Life: I'm not gonna go easy ---- someone is gonna have to come down here and throw my ass out! they ALL go easy”.
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Posted: 8/2/2018 2:29:32 PM EDT
[#8]
Thank you John, your dignity is inspiring.
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Posted: 8/2/2018 2:51:44 PM EDT
[#9]
Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By usjet:
@RECONSIX: Sorry, just don’t want it all out there in GD (suppose it will, anyway). Just knew there were a few I’d like to connect with a little bit who never get over here. Answers: numbness in face(was thought to be nerve damage from prior surgery- ( never had been before in 6 yrs). Loss of taste, feeling in right side of face/scalp, but a burning sensation at times- also chewed the heck out of myself at times. Nasal- felt like it was packed, but didn’t restrict breathing (I snore anyway )
Then several week back lost vision in right eye due to an infection. When the infection cleared, still unfocused, loss of balance, almost got sea-sick trying to use that eye- diagnosed 6th nerve palsy, which CAN happen with a bad infection. Probably a few other things I’ve ignored for a few yrs (according to wife). Saw my GP, got anMRI, and here I am. Told Doc when he asked my symptoms: “If I gave you all of ‘em and I was applying for SSI, you’d laugh me out of the room”.
Later, everyone.tired now. Thank you each and all. John 
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Posted: 8/2/2018 3:01:54 PM EDT
[#10]
Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By RECONSIX: OK, thanks for that, I asked because sometimes I experience pain in my neck and head, it mostly comes and goes. My MIL died from cancer, it was mostly in her head and neck and she said she never had any pain. God bless you and your Family.
And really, guys, Later. John |
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Posted: 8/2/2018 3:39:19 PM EDT
[#11]
That you for taking the time to share John.
My thoughts and prayers to both Karla and yourself. Be happy that you have some time and make the most of it. God Bless. |
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Posted: 8/2/2018 3:42:48 PM EDT
[#12]
Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By usjet: Maybe later, ok? But that little dog is going to save her life.
We can just pull up that thread to see Tia. |
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Posted: 8/2/2018 5:44:32 PM EDT
[#13]
Just got up, thought I'd check in, not to post or anything.
But then somehow ran across this. Not my kind of music if you saw my intro, but I'm bawling like a baby. G'night all, John  The Script If you could see me now lyrics |
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Posted: 8/2/2018 8:21:37 PM EDT
[#14]
Wife got home a bit ago, shared some of the day.
She was not at all impressed with the song "I don't get it, it's RAP!!!!" But then, she said just how impressed she is by you all- how you seem to say just the right things- the things I somehow need to hear about now. And I said "Well, none of 'em's a rock star"
Thanks all, Have a splendid night! John |
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Posted: 8/2/2018 10:24:30 PM EDT
[#15]
Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By usjet:
Wife got home a bit ago, shared some of the day. She was not at all impressed with the song "I don't get it, it's RAP!!!!" But then, she said just how impressed she is by you all- how you seem to say just the right things- the things I somehow need to hear about now. And I said "Well, none of 'em's a rock star"
Thanks all, Have a splendid night! John Strength and comfort to you both. Have a restful night John, talk to you tomorrow! |
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Posted: 8/2/2018 10:48:09 PM EDT
[#16]
Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By usjet:
Wife got home a bit ago, shared some of the day. She was not at all impressed with the song "I don't get it, it's RAP!!!!" But then, she said just how impressed she is by you all- how you seem to say just the right things- the things I somehow need to hear about now. And I said "Well, none of 'em's a rock star"
Thanks all, Have a splendid night! John We’re in our early 50’s. Kids are early college age. God’s Speed, John. |
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Posted: 8/2/2018 11:19:35 PM EDT
[#17]
Thoughts and prayers to you and your wife. Not sure what else i can add that hasnt been said better than i will say it.
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Posted: 8/3/2018 8:37:44 AM EDT
[#18]
Sitting in the garage watching the sun come up through distant rain clouds.
We’ve been getting a real monsoon season this year. Rain (some torrential) every day but one for the past two weeks. Dry creek below the house has been a running river. Brought out the toads, who raised heck for a short week of life- eating, singing, making the next generation. All quiet now- until next year. Smells of wetness (rare here), metal, oil, rubber, harness leather. Not even the slightest breeze (also rare here). Quiet and cool. Think I’ll have another coffee. Not a bad way to start the day. John |
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Posted: 8/3/2018 9:02:20 AM EDT
[#19]
Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By usjet:
Sitting in the garage watching the sun come up through distant rain clouds. We’ve been getting a real monsoon season this year. Rain (some torrential) every day but one for the past two weeks. Dry creek below the house has been a running river. Brought out the toads, who raised heck for a short week of life- eating, singing, making the next generation. All quiet now- until next year. Smells of wetness (rare here), metal, oil, rubber, harness leather. Not even the slightest breeze (also rare here). Quiet and cool. Think I’ll have another coffee. Not a bad way to start the day. John
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Posted: 8/3/2018 9:27:04 AM EDT
[Last Edit: usjet]
[#20]
Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By sjuhockey10: What part of NM are you in, John? I spent a little time in northern NM (Cimarron, Raton, etc.) when I was in gunsmithing school -- always thought it was a really beautiful and underrated/misunderstood state. I'd always imagined dust, cacti, and coyotes chasing roadrunners Add rocks, rattle snakes, lizards (our favorite), bobcats, the occasional bear, rabbits, juniper and pine, all manner of exotic and scary looking bugs, beautiful birds (even brown eagles, owls and hawks)and you’ve got it. Roadrunners by the way, make a moaning sound- sounds like an old dog wanting a bone. And the eagles make that scree sound- just like in the movies. Add a little water and it’s a paradise. ETA: How could I ever have forgotten our wild horses?  Attached File |
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Posted: 8/3/2018 9:42:23 AM EDT
[#21]
Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By GreenLocust:
Thank you John, your dignity is inspiring. Thank you for sharing with us John, this is probably the most human thing I have ever seen shared on the internet. God Speed |
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Posted: 8/3/2018 11:21:22 AM EDT
[#22]
Prayers for you and yours.
Damn. :( |
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Posted: 8/3/2018 11:53:08 AM EDT
[#23]
Just curious John, how old are you?
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Posted: 8/3/2018 12:06:16 PM EDT
[#24]
Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By dlshady:
Just curious John, how old are you? I am 68 anyhow...
Took a roll-around motorcycle jack/stand into town today for a friend who can use it. It always was a heavy thing to lug around, but today nearly did me in getting it loaded- I don't think it used to weigh that much...……
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Posted: 8/3/2018 5:28:38 PM EDT
[Last Edit: BTccw]
[#25]
John-just now found this thread.
I've been the caregiver to the love of my life-I was the one who was left and you've done all the right things as far as "admin" stuff goes. I would make voice recordings and videos for your wife. I miss the sound of my wife's voice the most. Try to finish telling your story here. I would love to hear it. (No homo)
And finally; fuck it- eat all the ice cream you want. We will all meet each other soon. Death is not the end-but a door way to the eternal. Know that you are loved and welcomed by Jesus.
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Posted: 8/3/2018 5:39:14 PM EDT
[#26]
This is it for today, maybe a couple days.
Again, thank you each and everyone-know that there is nothing wrong to say, that each in their own way is as good a poet as ever was. Had the talk this pm with 98 yr old Mom. That was very hard. As for those who've mentioned my "Dignity", how about this: At one point Mom said "You can't go before me" And I responded "You better get with the program then". John |
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Posted: 8/3/2018 5:40:31 PM EDT
[#27]
Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By usjet:
Well, I THOUGHT I was a young, fit 68. I am 68 anyhow...
Took a roll-around motorcycle jack/stand into town today for a friend who can use it. It always was a heavy thing to lug around, but today nearly did me in getting it loaded- I don't think it used to weigh that much...…… Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By usjet:
Originally Posted By dlshady:
Just curious John, how old are you? I am 68 anyhow...
Took a roll-around motorcycle jack/stand into town today for a friend who can use it. It always was a heavy thing to lug around, but today nearly did me in getting it loaded- I don't think it used to weigh that much...…… |
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Posted: 8/3/2018 5:42:25 PM EDT
[#28]
John = dignity + sense of humor + firm grip on reality
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Posted: 8/3/2018 7:40:36 PM EDT
[#29]
Have a great weekend John! Even if its raining.
Make everyday a holiday and every meal a feast! |
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Posted: 8/3/2018 7:55:46 PM EDT
[#30]
Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By Hessian-1:
Make everyday a holiday and every meal a feast! I appreciate how everyone is being very supportive in the thread. What I’ve read here throughout the pages helps restore my faith in mankind. |
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Posted: 8/3/2018 9:01:56 PM EDT
[#31]
Just one more, then really guys, I need a break.
We were sitting on the patio tonight, talking about all the wonderful places we’ve been, all the wonderful things we’ve done, and I said, “In all these years, I don’t think there’s ever been a day I didn’ bring a smile, a day without a laugh” And she said “that’s right, that’s true” And I said “that’’s the thing first attracted me to you, you thought my jokes were funny”. Really, guys, I’m just done for a while. Be back, Later. John |
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Posted: 8/3/2018 10:35:49 PM EDT
[#32]
Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By usjet:
Sitting in the garage watching the sun come up through distant rain clouds. We've been getting a real monsoon season this year. Rain (some torrential) every day but one for the past two weeks. Dry creek below the house has been a running river. Brought out the toads, who raised heck for a short week of life- eating, singing, making the next generation. All quiet now- until next year. Smells of wetness (rare here), metal, oil, rubber, harness leather. Not even the slightest breeze (also rare here). Quiet and cool. Think I'll have another coffee. Not a bad way to start the day. John |
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Posted: 8/3/2018 10:40:06 PM EDT
[#33]
Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By usjet:
This is it for today, maybe a couple days. Again, thank you each and everyone-know that there is nothing wrong to say, that each in their own way is as good a poet as ever was. Had the talk this pm with 98 yr old Mom. That was very hard. As for those who've mentioned my "Dignity", how about this: At one point Mom said "You can't go before me" And I responded "You better get with the program then". John
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Posted: 8/3/2018 10:44:31 PM EDT
[#34]
Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By usjet:
We were sitting on the patio tonight, talking about all the wonderful places we've been, all the wonderful things we've done, and I said, "In all these years, I don't think there's ever been a day I didn' bring a smile, a day without a laugh" And she said "that's right, that's true" |
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Posted: 8/4/2018 7:55:24 AM EDT
[#35]
Ive read this thread from the beginning, not quite knowing what to say, yet I feel obligated to say SOMETHING. John, you sir are an inspiration to all of us and are giving us some insight into how best to handle this situation IF we are faced with it. I say IF simply because some of us wont have the option of getting things in order like you have, we will just be gone. Yes I know we are ALL going to go, its just a matter of how and when. My Mom died of cancer when she was only 52 and she handled things better than anybody else I have ever known. She did it that way because she loved us and wanted to take care of us as much as she possibly could before passing. For the last 22 years she has been my inspiration and my guide to handling tough things and will continue to do so until the day I die. You are doing it much the same way and my hat is off to you and you have my utmost respect. You really have no idea how much you are impacting the lives of everyone you know. I hope you have a wonderful weekend and keep fighting the fight and walking the walk!
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Posted: 8/4/2018 8:10:10 AM EDT
[#36]
Today’s the day I’m not strong about it all.
Stood at the garage door sobbing, sucking in all the air I could, not because I couldn’ breath- It was like sucking in all the life. Started last night- get white hot angry at the simplest things: Sawdust left in the car from some lumber, the garbage pail is full again, why is it so hard to button/unbutton a shirt, depth perception is screwed so over-filled my coffee again and have to clean the spills in the hallway, Dribbled during dinner(now that’sARF, eh?). Keep it all to myself.. So not in control of anything today. Never got a call back from cancer center, guess there’s no big rush for a lost cause. Sorry guys, but for some reason I’m doing this thing here, and I guess a day like today is part of it. |
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Posted: 8/4/2018 8:39:54 AM EDT
[#37]
You are continually in our thoughts.
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Posted: 8/4/2018 8:44:33 AM EDT
[#38]
So sorry John.
You are in my thoughts and prayers. |
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Posted: 8/4/2018 9:02:19 AM EDT
[Last Edit: usjet]
[#39]
Well- guess there's something to "just let it out", 'cause I'm feeling a lot better.
Have just 2 more drywall patches to get done today- No, I didn't kick holes in the walls, 
We had the whole house re-piped this spring, and I was "saving" $3500 by repairing all the drywall myself. I'm still feeling tired and a bit weak, and a thought came to me: RITALIN! One night long ago, my army medic buddy Art, pulled out 2 500 count bottles of Ritalin he'd managed to bring back from 'Nam. Said it made a 30 klick hump feel like nothin'. 
Well, by sun-up, we had devised a plan to completely save the world, and everything in it. With us in control of all of it. Too bad we didn't write it all down...
I'm thinking I sure would like some of that energy. See my GP on Thursday. You don't suppose.......?
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Posted: 8/4/2018 9:08:39 AM EDT
[#40]
Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By usjet:
TLDR: If you think I’m gonna spend the rest of my life on hold, listening to crappy music, we need to have a talk. |
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Posted: 8/4/2018 9:42:42 AM EDT
[#41]
John, I don't post much which is obvious by my post count and join date, but your story compels me to post. I am amazed at how you have handled all this with such grace and humor. Your short episode of anger last night is probably how I would be handling it all the way through. I've gotten better with age at handling what life throws at us, but you have made me sit back and really think about who I am. This thread has been causing me to do some soul searching and I hope it will stick with me. There have been a handful of men in my life who I wanted to emulate. My father, and a couple of older friends who had seen a lot and done a lot and tried to show me what is important in life. I'm adding you to that list. Thank you for sharing this with all of us. Godspeed.
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Posted: 8/4/2018 11:16:29 AM EDT
[Last Edit: BTccw]
[#42]
To bad you didn't write it all down!
Coffee snorting good sir. 
I did actually write it all down.....once. Threw those notes in a big bon fire a couple years ago. 
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Posted: 8/4/2018 11:30:45 AM EDT
[#43]
Hoping you and Karla are having a good weekend John.
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Posted: 8/4/2018 11:32:32 AM EDT
[#44]
Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By Railhead:
John, I don't post much which is obvious by my post count and join date, but your story compels me to post. I am amazed at how you have handled all this with such grace and humor. Your short episode of anger last night is probably how I would be handling it all the way through. I've gotten better with age at handling what life throws at us, but you have made me sit back and really think about who I am. This thread has been causing me to do some soul searching and I hope it will stick with me. There have been a handful of men in my life who I wanted to emulate. My father, and a couple of older friends who had seen a lot and done a lot and tried to show me what is important in life. I'm adding you to that list. Thank you for sharing this with all of us. Godspeed. Thank you. |
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Posted: 8/4/2018 11:49:30 AM EDT
[#45]
So, I was thinking these are those "Panic Attacks" I've read about here.
If so, they are real, and they are debilitating, and we all owe anyone who we doubted an apology. Working on drywall stuff, and it's really hard- the flow is gone. I have to think about what to do with every tool, not just take measurements, but how to do it. Dad taught me there was nothing you couldn't do, nothing you couldn't fix. It wasn't just about money, there was a pleasure to it, knowing there really wasn't anything I couldn't do, nothing I couldn't fix. This, this is different- it's a struggle- I think about "why am I spending my time doing this?" Well, because you said you would. More later. I know I keep saying "Later". But "Later" keeps coming........ John |
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Posted: 8/4/2018 5:35:35 PM EDT
[#46]
Finished the drywall- took a break out n the garage, and one of those old warbirds out of Santa Fe passed overhead.
That radial whine, so peacefully passing..... anger held in check now, yet filled with so much power. The other day, Karla had asked if there wasn't something left, something I wanted to do, and I truthfully answered no. But today, I wanted so much to be in that back seat, above it all. I don't think I could pass a med for passenger right now, but what are they gonna do- Kill Me? Damn, I'd like a flight so much right now. Afraid I'd give it all up on touch-down. That wouldn't be cool. |
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Posted: 8/4/2018 5:40:20 PM EDT
[#47]
John, there are meds for panic/anxiety attacks. Let your doctor know.
I get them sometimes; they are debilitating. What helps me some is getting outside and seeing green things, natural things. Best, Walter |
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Posted: 8/4/2018 6:11:12 PM EDT
[Last Edit: usjet]
[#48]
Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By vim:
John, there are meds for panic/anxiety attacks. Let your doctor know. I get them sometimes; they are debilitating. What helps me some is getting outside and seeing green things, natural things. Best, Walter Don't want it dulled. I don't want to be here, but if I am, I want to BE here. For All of it. Thanks again, John |
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Posted: 8/4/2018 6:27:19 PM EDT
[#49]
God bless you and Karla.
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Posted: 8/4/2018 6:29:47 PM EDT
[#50]
Hello John, your thread caught my eye and I found myself reading every post. I see that you are up in Placitas - I'm down in Belen. We don't know each other but have some similarities - I'm going to be 66 this November, Army veteran like you back when boots were leather and black and the uniform color was OD green. Like you I've got a butt load of crap to be disposed of at some point, and I'm married as well.
I'd like to invite you to come tour our small farm. Though we froze when the blossoms were at their most vulnerable we still have a lot of trees with fruit on them. There is something very peaceful about walking through an apple orchard when apples are on the trees. We don't have a program but we have had various groups schedule meetings because of the peaceful atmosphere here. Let me know. I'd be pleased to host you and yours. We can even throw some meat on the grill. IM or email me if you are interested. |
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