I laughed out loud at this one, I swear! Hard to believe myself.

I know, I know... I've been terrible about posting updates 'n' such.

The boyfriend is deploying with his unit next year and will be gone for 9+ months. We have plenty of time between now and then, though I know it will creep up on us. I don't look forward to it. Jeff completed his military service before we got together, so all this is new to me. He's a good guy, so I'd like to keep him around. Travis certainly needs him around. He's been very good for Travis - encouraging him, educating him, playing with him, doing gross guy stuff with him. Travis and I understand though that this is what he is compelled to do and would likely not be a very happy camper if he couldn't do it.

All is well. The kids are good. I'm convinced my middle child has been abducted by aliens and the alien-in-teenager-skin will unzip any second now and devour us all. She's been doing very well in school. Get this - when her friends were going out (to Buc-ee's, but still), she said she had homework to do and stayed home! She still needs a job though.

The oldest is enjoying her classes at TCC - Government is boring, Biology is kinda interesting, and Psychology is very interesting. Still no job, but I'm talking her into a volunteer position in the library at Travis's school. It would be perfect for her. This is the kid who needs ever so gentle prodding or she digs in her heels and becomes Stonehenge. So, I figure a volunteer thing close to home in a familiar place would be good. It would give her a taste of getting out into the "work" force and having to answer to someone, have duties.

Travis is still such a happy kid. We had a little bumpy start to the school year. For repeating a grade, he just didn't have the focus and sense of urgency that he should have. I believe he is back on track now and we have partnered with his teachers so the poor kid is getting no slack!

I really struggle with Travis. Even before he was born, he had issues. I had two "bleeds", the second of which prompted his delivery a month early. I believe those bleeds deprived him of oxygen and/or blood flow and caused a stroke or brain damage. I wonder though what the extent of the damage is, if it is repairable and if so, how? His failing is reading. If he will just never get it, fine, but how will we know he just won't get it? Do we continue to push and push, try different tests, tutors, teaching styles, like trying to shove a square peg in a round hole? I'd love nothing more than someone to be able to test Travis, tell me "this is what's wrong...", and "this is what he needs to fix it..." or "he will always have this difficulty". I hate that he struggles. I hate not knowing how to help him or if he can be helped. We are pursuing an assessment at Texas Scottish Rite, the same hospital where he has had therapy and surgery for his clubbed feet. Their specialty is dyslexia, but they can assess the full gamut. I desperately need direction and I'm hoping they can provide it.

My major project is mostly complete. The idiotic plant ledge is gone, the closet above the archway is complete and the stone around the fireplace is done. I still need to make the mantle and touch up some things on the brick around the fireplace. I'm VERY pleased with how things turned out. I'll post more pics with detail on the blog at some point.

Before and After:  AFTER (top) and BEFORE (bottom):


I have many other projects on the horizon. The boyfriend says he is afraid to go away too long, for fear I'll remove walls and other major structures. I think this was the biggest project and it's done, so anything subsequent will be a piece of cake

That ledge looks fantastic!  How long did it take you to cover up the stone & remove the closet?

Smartass! Okay, the pics are After and Before...

I was browsing through AR15.com and I stumbled upon this thread and I was curious how it was 411 pages long.

Wow what an amazing thread.  God Bless

I don't think this thread is actually 411 pages. I think it morphed somehow when it was moved to the memorial area.

In other news... have you heard?

http://www.ar15.com/forums/t_1_5/1914760_Guess_which_ARFCOMmer_I_m_marrying____prizes_for_the_winner_s____re_updated.html

Kudos to the late OP for having fine taste in women, and his son is a pure delight.

I think Jeff would be pleased to know the 18 year old got a brand new SUB-2000 in 9x19mm for her 18th birthday.  I had to drive to Odessa to get it.

It's -2 here in Kansas this morning, but it's a Beautiful Day in Paradise.  

I said a little prayer for you and your family this morning.  
I'm sure Jeff is pleased knowing you're all warm, safe, and happy; he wouldn't want it any differently for you.  God Bless.

Many thanks Repairman. And the very best wishes to you and your family. You're very sweet to remember.

Glad I'm in Texas where it is still above freezing. -2 sounds dreadful! Maybe my weather app has been hacked, but the forecast shows a high of 72 this coming Sunday, though a low of 25 tonight! THAT'S why my clothes now occupy the entire closet - I need access to summer AND winter clothes. That's what we're telling the fiance anyway. Shhhh.

This is obviously a rough time of year for me. It starts before Thanksgiving, when I remember how badly Jeff wanted to come home after spending so much time in the ICU/hospital, but he really wasn't ready. I still have his texts where he threatened to walk home if I didn't come pick him up. He texted that his oncologist said he was ready to go. (I texted his oncologist directly, who promptly denied he said anything of the sort.) Jeff charmed everyone into believing he was okay enough. He got home and got to the couch. And then couldn't get off the couch. It was too low and he didn't have enough strength in his legs to get up. He was too heavy for me to lift but we rigged something with a walker and pillows and a belt just to get him off the couch... It was painful to see him struggle.

The day after he got home, he had an appointment in Dallas for transplant evaluation and could barely get in and out of the car. He wanted to be okay. And I let him think that he was okay; let him believe that I thought he was okay and that he would have the transplant and get better. Looking back now, I knew he was probably discharged from the hospital too early, but I didn't know just how close we were to the end. We were both still hopeful.

So here we are three years later and it's still painful. This is the one day when I just want to crawl in a hole and do nothing. Maybe it's a good thing that there are appointments and things to do today that prevent me from going to that dark place. My wonderful man helps tremendously too. He's very understanding and actually wants me to dump all this on him. I don't usually like to share the bad stuff. I don't like people to worry, especially about me. I'm pretty skilled at keeping a brave, happy face, but I allow myself at least this one day to crumble. Just a little. Tomorrow will be better.

I know how you feel, Reta; this time of year is bittersweet for me, too.  
It's funny, I have that "one day" where I crawl in a hole, shut everyone out, and just let myself feel.  I use that day to assess where I am and where I'm going.  It's very cathartic.  
In 16 years, I've only had one time where I've allowed myself to go out for human contact on that day.  I spent it with friends and had a good time, but I missed the solitude and wisdom I gained from "my day".  (And yes, I'm well aware how illogical that probably sounds, but hey, it works for me.)  One thing that does help me, though, is knowing that there are people out there that care about me.  Just knowing helps me to remain centered and gives me strength.  I guess that's why I wrote this in the first place, to let you know that somewhere out there is a person you've never met, but who cares about you and your family.  

I also know what you mean about the brave face.  Reading that reminded me of a stanza from a poem I wrote a long time ago...on one of those "days", as it just so happened.  

"He grins and lies as he says his “Hi’s”,
Yes, everything is good now.  
Yet watch his eyes,
Blue drops of skies,
Hurt stones upon his good brow."

I have been following a thread in which a fellow ARFCOM member needed some help and we has a community have once again came to the rescue. Its been making me think of Jeff.LINK

I hope everyone is doing well.

Rita I decided I want to try and come meet you this summer.

She's on the phone w/ Jeff's mom as I post this.  We've got a fairly busy summer planned - shoot her an IM and we'll work out a schedule.

I can only wish you happiness ma'am!

Something drove me to go back through this thread. I didn't start at the very beginning, only the halfway point. I read every post way back then, but this time I was looking for something. I wasn't quite sure what I was looking for until I found it - Jeff's last post (at least in this thread). Number 3002.

Of course, I am again humbled by all the arfcommers' support - posting at all hours of the day and night, from all over the globe, pics of puppies and sunsets, pics of the latest build or kill, jokes, sharing stories, and appreciation for a little wake-up call. I've tried to commit more screen names to memory. My family seems bigger now.

I can almost hear his voice in his posts. His rambling, unfiltered, heart-on-his-sleeve, open-book thoughts. He could tell someone their idea is the most idiotic idea ever but in the most endearing way. He could sell ice cubes to an Eskimo. He'd bend over backwards for those he loved...and he loved everyone. He was a good sport, had a quick wit, loved stupid jokes, and had a crazy mischievous streak. He also hid a lot of hurt - his heart just swallowed it up.

It's a bit random that this surfaces now. There's really no significant event or date that would usually make me think of him. Backbencher put it well, though. He says I'm in a comfortable place so this surfaces in little pieces when I'm able to deal with them.

http://www.ar15.com/forums/t_1_151/1549944_REST-IN-PEACE.html&page=158#i44235679

Someone asked if the Sinister will be taught to shoot.  Yes.  Jeff left him a Cricket .22" LR, among other things.  He's got several AirSoft guns now, and @ Christmas he got a 175 lb draw crossbow to hunt squirrels w/ in the backyard.  (I have to build a backstop behind the squirrel feeder 1st).

Laid down 3 hours ago when this thread caught my eye....

3 hours later, and a lot of tears, I feel blessed to have read this thread.  I have seen the love and compassion of a group of strangers come to the surface to confront an awful tragedy with love, humor, and respect.

I will be waking up tomorrow and getting myself tested and registered as a donor.

Prayers to Jeff and his wonderful family, I'm glad to see that the healing process in full swing.

Thank you for the well wishes. I'm surprised anyone just "stumbles" upon this thread anymore. And good for you for getting tested and registered. Maybe you'll be a match some day!

There are amazing people here.

Hey, just dropping in to see how you're doing.  I happened to be thinking of you and Jeff today and figured I'd say, "Hi".  
It snowed here Saturday and today it's well on its way to 80* outside.  Gotta love N. Kansas weather!

We're actually headed to buy the marriage license right now, with the Sinister in the backseat.  

Congratulations!  
I wish you both the best.

Bought a wedding dress! I couldn't bring myself to order one online from China. With the wedding date approaching quickly, I didn't want to risk waiting on a dress to be made, shipped, etc.

I've been busy making curtain rods out of electrical conduit and giant curtains out of painter's dropcloths for the patio. Today I mowed the yard, and started cleaning out the gutters before I realized I hadn't had lunch. Backbencher is allergic to earth, so while I was playing in the dirt he took Travis on errands.

All the kids are good. Spring Break is coming to an end. The oldest has been invited to join Phi Theta Kappa Honor Society, so she's doing well in school. Middle child is getting over Strep. (Yes, over Spring Break, poor thing.) Travis is happy as a clam. (What makes us think clams are happy?) He came in this evening laughing so hard he was crying. "The Amazing World of Gumball" is a twisted show but keeps him in stitches.

Your post makes me smile .

Congratulations and all the best to you all

Took the Sinister shooting today.  .22" LR, mostly subsonic Aguila, with a little bulk Federal HPs that Fatalwishes left.  He preferred shooting my grandfather's Arminius revolver, though I had to cock it for him.  I think it was about weight, as the .22" LR upper on the lightweight GWACS lower had a giant .223" can @ the far end.  I didn't have him shoot the Lyndon, as there's no trigger guard & the safety doesn't work properly yet.  I also need to set my Stag lower back up w/ the carbine stock IOT adjust the length of pull, and I need to get an ambi-safety for him.

He also shot one round from motown_steve's suppressed Glock 19.  Despite the slide length suppressor, there's still a bit of kick, and he didn't like it.  We'll break him in w/ recoil on the crossbow.

Bump for wedding pics.  

Hope y'all are doing well.

You'll have to head to Team to see the video. I'll get pics up sometime too.

http://www.ar15.com/forums/t_1_75/1998627_.html&page=1&anc=66317001#i66317001

Congratulations on the weddding, I've been following since the beginning.

I have a geissele "F cancer" trigger in the rifle I took coyote hunting on Friday night, always makes me think of you guys.

Delayed reply... Did you bag anything?

Jeff requested a #42 trigger, because #42 is the meaning of life, the universe and everything.  Geissele is a top-notch company in my book.

Kristen graduated! It was touch-and-go there for a bit, but she did it! Her senior year was fairly easy, at least compared to her freshman through junior years. Her schedule was lighter and perhaps allowed her the time she needed for both school and socializing. That girl is a bear without her friends!

Our beloved Manx cat, Smudge, got cancer and we had him put to sleep. He was the only social cat we had and a great hunter. Before we adopted him in 2007, we fostered him and Jeff nursed him to health by force-feeding him with raw egg and oatmeal in a children's medicine syringe. He was still just a tiny "smudge" of a kitten when we adopted him. RIP, Smudge.

Alex voted for spice cake for Jeff's birthday this year. Now that I think of it, I think she did that last year, too. Regardless of the cake flavor, we continue to remember Jeff and miss him dearly.

Finally, that "some day" I mentioned in my last post came pretty quickly! We got married on May 29th, Memorial Day! We only had a few months to plan, but I think the wedding was very nice and intimate.

Let me back up a bit... I thought we'd wait until he got back from deployment to get married, but then I quit being so stubborn and dumb. I realized he (we) would get more benefits if he deployed as a married man and figured it would be stupid to pass that up, so I thought about getting married in August. But then Jeff's parents were coming down from Washington for Kristen's graduation in May, so we bumped the date up to coordinate with their time here to save them a second trip to Texas. Then the deployment fell through, but we stuck with the date.

Fun facts about the wedding:
•Greg's ring is from an AR-15 gas block (of course).
•Travis was Ring Security.
•I gave Greg a "back-up" wedding ring which has two Lego studs on it. (The image is a 3-D rendering.) It was 3-D printed out of silver.
•Jeff's mom was my Matron of Honor and kicked ass on the hors d'oeuvres!
•I made a wedding arch out of the lumber that previously bordered the vegetable garden, planted flower beds, made outdoor curtain rods and curtains, planted more flowers, and we cleaned gutters, put up gutter guards, and trimmed many, many branches.
•Kristen was the photographer and Alex was the music director.
•We live-streamed the wedding but it was pretty glitchy. It needed editing!
•We had 43 people total at the wedding, including the wedding party.
•Though we asked for no gifts, we volunteered that Home Depot (bride) or Bud's Gun Shop (groom) gift cards would be appreciated. We cleaned up on Home Depot gift cards. We have very generous friends and family!

We are settling in to married life. I have commenced to driving him crazy. Bwah ha ha haaaa!

But you should see her lose her mind when I put plastic in the trash or styrofoam in the recycling bin.  

Thanks to you, GoatBoy, your da, and the rest of the gang for bringing us together.

^ this

Just checking up on you fine folks.  Hope everyone is OK in all the weather you're getting.  
Stay safe.

We're on the opposite end of the state from that stuff.  Better to hit Houston than New Orleans - Houston can handle it a lot better.

Totally random post, but...

Conversation in the hot tub this evening:
Me: Travis, do you have a girlfriend?
Travis: Well, I dunno
Me (totally knocked off guard because EVERY answer until now has been an immediate 'no'): What to you mean you don't know? What's her name? Where does she live? Do you sit together? Do you hold hands? Does she say you're her boyfriend? Is she funny? Is she nice?.....
Travis: Umm... Her name is Grace? She's in my house? Umm...
Me: Wait. Travis, is she a friend who happens to be a girl?
Travis: Yeah, yeah.
Me: (WHEW!) Okay, bud. That's good.

This mom is sooo not ready!

Dear, when you read this, I want you to know that I'm grateful you choose happy.

The Repairman remembers.  RIP Jeff.

I certainly try. It's harder some days than others, but you help make it easy.

All is well in our household. Hard to believe it's been four years. I took the day off yesterday, as I do every year, and did some baking. I also got started on a couple Christmas gift projects.

I recently completed my office/library project.

Backbencher now has Jeff's reloading room mostly to himself and is grateful for the space. I still have my sewing machine in there but there's nowhere else to put it at the moment.

The kids are doing well, though Travis is currently fighting a cold. The girls are almost done with the fall semester at community college. Kristen is doing well at her job.

We're fortunate to have our loved ones around us, food on the table, and a roof over our heads. This year has been rough for many. Hell, the little scuffles that broke out with the mere idea of a gas shortage after the hurricane (we're in North Texas) made me remember that desperation can bring out the worst in people. Again, we're fortunate we have our heads on straight!

Love to all of Arfcom.

Thank you Repairman. Always good to hear from you.

God bless you.

I'm VERY happy to see that you're doing well.

Hey gang! Has anyone told you lately how awesome you are? Because you are. You're a crazy bunch of misfits, but I love you all. Sappy, but every now and then it hits me how surreal the past five years have been - through Jeff's treatment, his passing, our healing, finding comfort here at ARFCOM, countless mind-occupying projects, feeling human again, dating again, marrying again, and settling into a new groove.

You helped Jeff and our family through a most trying time and have continued to stand by me and the kids, and this backbencher fella. I just want to again express my gratitude for the folks on this site. You're not just words on a screen. You're a shoulder to cry on, a sounding board for venting, innumerable words of wisdom, and always good for a chuckle. You're an extension of our family. I can't imagine where we'd be without you.

Damn. It's 2 am here and I just read this whole damn thread. Read through beautifuldayinparadise.com too. I was inspired to find out more about Jeff after receiving a gift from Greg in celebration of his wedding to Reta. This whole thing hit me hard. Cancer is a bitch. My future brother in law is only 27 and he was just diagnosed with refractive diffuse large B-cell non-Hodgkin lymphoma and is now fighting the dragon for a second time. It really sneaks up on you, because like Jeff and Reta experienced, you first go through this "Lymphoma is curable!" optimistic phase, then with every setback, you're kinda not expecting it.

Anyway, I just wanted to drop in and say this community is amazing. I'm so sorry for you and your family's loss, @FW_Wife. And Happy Anniversary with @backbencher. Keep on choosing happy

- Skyler