Posted: 1/19/2009 6:43:55 PM EDT
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Man it sucks having a big heart some times......My sister just ran out of unemployment......I know she has more money in the bank than I do (just recently figured out how to live by dave ramsays way) I really want to help her out but I also know I need to get my situation more secure than where I am now. a couple more months and ill have a years expenses set aside and a couple months past that Ill have my house paid for. Shes married to a guy I have allways considered a bum but since she lost her job he has stepped up and got and held a job (amazed me).
So what do I do...... I have allways been the guy who would help anyone out who needed it and never thought much about myself or my needs but realize I need to take that into consideration now with what I see on the horizon. Need your advice guys....what do I do? |
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One rule I have is to never loan money to family. I am happy to give money as a gift when family is in need, but don't ever make it a loan. Just causes too many problems all the way around.
Second, do what your heart tells you. You don't have to carry the entire burden if you decide to help. If you give a gift to help,then always remember it was a freely given gift, no strings, out of love. Sometimes a couple of hundred a month for a spell may be more helpful than one lump sum. Or helping her find a job may be better than monetary gift. Think creatively and brainstorm with them on how you can help without money, or what they will do to share in the sacrifice. If they aren't willing to sell an extra car (or TRUCK), or other personal items then maybe they aren't hurting that much. If you are following Dave Ramsey then you know how drastic of changes are needed. If they are making those drastic changes then helping out could be a great thing. If they are not then your help will be spent lickety split. |
| Start planning that she might need help in the near future. You said she has more money than you and her bum of a husband is working now. Maybe it's just the kick in the ass that he needed. You start throwing cash out early he might just coast. I'm not saying not to help your sister but let it ride and be prepared to help. Maybe you could have them over for dinner more often or pay for dinner if ya'll go out. Sounds like your sis managed her money pretty well and he slacked because he could. Wait and see if he steps it up. |
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If you have close to a year’s expenses set aside and she has more money in the bank than you do, she should be OK for a time. In addition, when you consider that her husband has gotten a job, the picture gets a little bit better. With all this in mind, I don't think the grand gesture of handing over a sack of cash is warranted at this point. If you want to help, I believe there are better, more subtle ways to help. If you live in close-enough proximity, try the following:
1. Start Carpooling: This goes for the work commute an the everyday errands (whenever possible). Alternate weekly with your sister. If such a thing is practical, you'll both save money... as you'll each have to fill the tank less often. If done well, you could each ideally cut fuel bills nearly in half. This would require pre-planning. 2. Shop Together: Get a warehouse club card. Take the rear seats out of the minivan. Hit the "caseload" and "freezer-filler" sales. Combine forces to buy in bulk and share the cost reduction. If he doesn't have a vacuum sealer, push the idea. It'll come in handy when 10lb packages of chicken thighs go on sale. 3. Family Dinners: This is another one that the two of you could alternate weekly. If you alternate, it'll feel less like "charity," yet still save everyone money. All told, it's less expensive for one household to cook for eight than for two households to each cook for four. It's another of those "economy of scale" things. 4. Barter Skills: This is simple, but it depends on everyone's capabilities. The mechanic fixes the plumber's brakes. The plumber fixes the teacher's sink. The teacher tutors the landscaper's kids. The landscaper prunes the mechanic's trees. I don't know your situation, but everybody has some sort of useable talent. I'm sure there are other ways to put such ideas into action. These are just the first few to pop into my head. Good luck with everything. |
| Tell her to get a job, any job. Untill she has a good job, she should have two jobs, one is bringing home some money, the other is finding a better job. Repeat as necessary. If the shitty minimum wage job sucks ass thats all the more incentive to find a better one, right? |
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I think you would just be enabling them and not helping them if you gave them money.
If they have money in the bank, one job in the household, and one person who should be out looking for any job they can find, I am not seeing where they need help. Maybe they can't exist like they used to exist. They may have to lose a couple cars and a house and who knows what else they owe money on. Life sucks, should have lost that stuff while on unemployment. Read up on what enabling really means. I am all for helping people. But I generally say I only help those who are helping themselves because it eliminates those who want you to enable their bad habits. They need to realize life for them may never be the same as it used to be. My opinion is they need to deal with it. |
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Quoted:
My opinion is they need to deal with it. +1 And it sounds like she's in much better shape than many who find themselves in the same employment situation. I see nothing wrong with simply saying "Sis, if things get really bad, I'll be there for you. Let me know and I'll do what I can." |
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Man, I help folks all the time. Just took a call ten minutes ago and will be sending $250 so that we can fly a widow up so we can have a memorial service with all our friends.
Still for the most part, I live by my grandfather's rule in life. A man thirst, you give him water. A man hungers, you give him food. A man wants more, you give him a job for to do less he stops being a man. When my friends, my son's friends, or heck even sometimes strangers need a hand, I have plenty of work needing done. You see that way, they retain their pride. You save all that heartbreak and agony over loaned money. Tj |