You carry your $3,000 mountain bike on top of your $500 car.

You thought "Californication" would be banned by Amendment 2.

You think "South Park" is a place to stop for gas on your way to Buena Vista.

You have a business degree and are frying burgers at a McDonald's in Vail.

You have a flat tire in your refrigerator and your garage.

You tell your husband to pick up granola on his way home from work and he stops at the day care.

You own a big dog named Aspen, Buck, Cheyenne or Dakota that wears a bandanna.

You cast out your fishing line while white-water rafting.

You've never seen the tourist attractions in your own city.

All summer you thought a redneck named "Bubby" was gonna be your quarterback.

You think a pass does not involve a football or a woman.

You are 82 years old and take up snowboarding.

Your SUV tire size exceeds your IQ.

Your real Y2K fear is running out of Celestial Seasonings tea and trail mix.

The entire top of your head is bald, but you still have a pony tail.

You personally wouldn't pay $10 per head to drive up Pikes Peak unless it was the only mountain on earth, but you tell all our house-guests to do it.

You can recite the entire Bible from memory, but can't remember to use your turn signal (CO Springs).

You get depressed after one day of foggy weather.

You wear the latest fashions a year after they went out of style.

You think that formal wear is ironed denim.

North means "mountains to the left;" south is "mountains to the right;" and east and west are where all those damned liberals keep moving in from.

You go anywhere else on the planet and the air feels "sticky" and you notice the sky is no longer blue.

You consider a three-piece suit to be a pair of shorts, a sweatshirt and Birkenstocks.

You see your East Coast relatives now more than when you lived there.

You think gun control is not dropping it.

Your bridal registry is at REI.

You can run up 10 flights of stairs without huffing and puffing.

You've ever stood on solid ground and looked down on an airplane in flight.

lol!

Hmmm...

I was going to contain my feud with the Texas members, but it looks like I'll have to expand a little.

Why not, after all you CA people can't make do with what is given to you.

edited  to add. "Would you like tire chains, oxygen, or both?"

You cringe at the mere thought of "Invesco Field at Mile High"

I didn't start it Yankee1911. Your brothers marvl and ProfGAB101 did. I already have tire chains but I will take a little oxygen, thanks.

Edited to add: I posted a joke in the Texas forum too. Maybe we could go in cahoots and let them know how "special" we think they are.

Who, me?  Well, I couldn't let that slide, Big_Bear, please see my response in the Hotel California.

Quoted: I didn't start it Yankee1911. Your brothers marvl and ProfGAB101 did. I already have tire chains but I will take a little oxygen, thanks. Edited to add: I posted a joke in the Texas forum too. Maybe we could go in cahoots and let them know how "special" we think they are.

Sounds good to me.  
Maybe those Texas folks need to be reminded that there are 49 other states beyond their borders.

Let's get 'em...

...You think there are only 3 seasons: elk, football, and skiing.

...April showers bring May blizzards.

...You see someone riding a Harley in a snow storm, and you look closer    to see if it's someone you know.

...SPF 90 is not out of the question.

...People from other states breathe 5 times as often as you do.

...Having a Senator named 'Nighthorse' doesn't seem strange.

...You have a $800 stereo in a $300 truck.

...Knowing that Texas and California are downstream gives you a certian feeling of satisfication when you flush.

Quoted: ...You think there are only 3 seasons: elk, football, and skiing.

You mean there are other seasons?

...April showers bring May blizzards.

May blizzards?  That's still the middle of winter here.  

...You see someone riding a Harley in a snow storm, and you look closer    to see if it's someone you know.

Probably not anybody I know.  But I'll bet they came up from Texas or Califoria.

...SPF 90 is not out of the question.

Sunscreen?  Nah, we don't use it.

...People from other states breathe 5 times as often as you do.

Now this I'll agree with.

...Having a Senator named 'Nighthorse' doesn't seem strange.

Oh, I think you'll find that most of us consider him pretty strange.

...You have a $800 stereo in a $300 truck.

$300?!?  On a truck?!?  Geez, we're not made of money, ya know.

...Knowing that Texas and California are downstream gives you a certian feeling of satisfication when you flush.

Be right back....
Ahhh, that's better.  Now where were we?

Ya know, I really have no problem with Kalli emigres. If you can't get an elk tag, they make ok eating.
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A little bland and greasy but ok.

Originally Posted By Big_Bear, excess removed: You carry your $3,000 mountain bike on top of your $500 car. Paraphrased: I tow my $5000 Dirt bike on my $500 trailer to go dune riding in Glamis (Imperial County, CA). You have a flat tire in your refrigerator and your garage. No flats, no garage. You tell your husband to pick up granola on his way home from work and he stops at the day care. No Husband, GAB don't take no hommie attitude! You own a big dog named Aspen, Buck, Cheyenne or Dakota that wears a bandanna. No Dog, - I wear the bandana! You've never seen the tourist attractions in your own city. They don't call them tourist traps for nothing... You think a pass does not involve a football or a woman. Correct, It is a perpetual operation while driving the Porsche. You are 82 years old and take up snowboarding. I'll let you know when I get that old. Your real Y2K fear is running out of Celestial Seasonings tea and trail mix. Yes, must have my "Emerald Gardens Green Tea". The entire top of your head is bald, but you still have a pony tail. Bald, No! Ponytail, Yes. You personally wouldn't pay $10 per head to drive up Pikes Peak unless it was the only mountain on earth, but you tell all our house-guests to do it. Wrong! - I love to take people up "The Road" (I'm practicing for the HillClimb) - Then I get to tell them that we are higher that the FAA will let pilots fly without Oxygen... You can recite the entire Bible from memory, but can't remember to use your turn signal (CO Springs). Bible?, Turn signals?, Naaa You think that formal wear is ironed denim. No, Formal attire is black leather... North means "mountains to the left;" south is "mountains to the right;" and east and west are where all those damned liberals keep moving in from. Yes, and we do get lost when its foggy. You go anywhere else on the planet and the air feels "sticky" and you notice the sky is no longer blue. Yes, and you forgot the part about how the water everywhere else tastes like concrete. You think gun control is not dropping it. Well isn't it? Your bridal registry is at REI. GAB not that stupid! You can run up 10 flights of stairs without huffing and puffing. GAB don't run. You've ever stood on solid ground and looked down on an airplane in flight. Yup1

"Quoted:
I didn't start it Yankee1911. Your brothers marvl and ProfGAB101 did."

What did I do?

BTW I am a Kali native, enjoying life in CO as a political refugee. And no I don't regret bailing out of CA at all. Now I can collect stamps! (and CCW is nice also)

edit to fix broken bbcode tag

Quoted: You think "South Park" is a place to stop for gas on your way to Buena Vista.

'South Park' means "almost there" to me.  The gas light usually lights up as we top Trout Creek Pass.

North means "mountains to the left;" south is "mountains to the right;" and east and west are where all those damned liberals keep moving in from.

Only to the Denver types.

You've ever stood on solid ground and looked down on an airplane in flight.

Once I was cresting a pass over Lake Aurthur, and a B1 bomber flew past about eye level heading southeast.  That was cool.

Hey Torf,

Next time you're in Colorado, give us a shout.