Barbie Dolls Inc. Announces The Release Today of Models of Limited Edition Barbie Dolls for the Baltimore Market:
This princess Barbie is only sold at the Mall in Columbia. She comes with an assortment of Kate Spade handbags, a Lexus, a lapdog and a cookie cutter house. Options include tummy tuck, face lift and a workaholic Ken.
This trendy homemaker Barbie is available with the Lexus SUV or Ford Windstar minivan, gets lost easily,
and has no full time occupation or secondary education. Traffic jamming cell phone sold separately. Optional matching gym outfit.
Edmondson Avenue Barbie:
This recently paroled Barbie comes with a 9mm handgun, a Ray Lewis knife, a slammed Chevrolet with oversized wheels and tinted windows and a Methadone Clinic Ken. Also available in a jailbird version with orange coveralls.
Federal Hill Barbie:
This yuppie Barbie comes with choice of a BMW sports car or a souped up Hummer 2, Starbucks cup, credit card and shallow Ken.
This white-trash model comes in Wrangler jeans two sizes too small, a NASCAR shirt, big hair, a six pack of Coors Light and a Hank, Jr. CD set. She can spit over 5 feet and she can kick Ken's ass when she's drunk. A pickup is available with Confederate flag bumper stickers. She is available only at Eastpoint Mall.
Owings Mills Barbie:
This collagen injected, rhinoplastic Barbie has had more facelifts than she has fused fingers. She comes with a hairstyle that could withstand a hurricane, a mah-jongg set and an Infiniti which she can't drive and bitches about her kids not carting her around.
Glen Burnie Barbie:
This Barbie actually comes in two variations. The Pasadena Barbie: available with your choice of 70s
bitch-flip hairdos, a Ford Ranger pickup, and a pit bull. The other "Classic" version has a mouth that is firmly closed so as not to show her summer teeth, Daisy Dukes so tight you can see camel toe, and a half T-shirt that guarantees you can see her navel piercing and at least 5 tattoos. Both versions swear incessantly and are not recommended for children.
This tobacco chewing, brassy-haired Barbie still has not learned that you can't wear high-heeled sandals
from Payless with no pedicure and without breaking a heel and falling while you chase your beer gutted
mullet wearing boyfriend. Her make-up is dark red lip liner with lips covered in a sparkly pink color or no fill-in at all. Her ensemble includes low-rise acid-washed jeans with assorted colored G-strings that stick out the back of her jeans, a white barely-there see-through shirt. Her long, layered hair is bleached/ highlighted and BIG. Accessories include: CD-player equipped with Bon Jovi, and a 1996 Camaro Z-28.
DC commuter Barbie:
This Bitch of a Barbie comes with a Ford SUV, a knife to stab other Barbies in the back, and tons of makeup. Carnivore Ken sold separately.
Hampden a/k/a Hey Hon Barbie:
This Barbie is the same model of Barbie that was released in 1982. She comes with shoulder pads, dark polyester skirt, white pantyhose and a bad haircut. Options include Ravens shirt, Wal-Mart purse and outdated shoes.
That’s the nicest thing I ever heard about an Owings Mills Resident.
But where is Dundalk?
It's been years since I've had the nerve to travel from York to MD.
You can thank DemocRats and their Gun Control for that.
Dundalk is a Dumpster Trailer park without the trailers. Dont get me wrong, there are some nice people there. But all in all its a bunch of white prople who act liek wanna be gangsatars and trashy women.
Here is Dundalk:
Ever been to Night Shift?
The closest I’ve ever been to that area is the One Time I visited Select-Fire in Glen Burnie.