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Posted: 7/28/2005 7:31:13 AM EDT

1. You must learn to pronounce the city name. It is: "FEE! - niks." (?) 
 
2. The morning rush hour is from 5:00a to 10:00a. The evening rush hour is from 3:00p to 7:00p. Friday's rush hour starts on Thursday morning. 
 
 3. The minimum acceptable speed on all freeways I-10, I-17, U.S. 60,  Loop 202 -- is 85 mph. You may only exceed that speed on Loop 101, where
 the speed is allowed to match the highway number. Anything less is considered wussy. 

 4. Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. Phoenix has its own version of traffic rules. Cars/trucks with the loudest muffler go next at a four-way stop. The truck with the biggest tires go after that. 
  (Note: East Valley, SUV-driving, cell phone-talking moms ALWAYS have the right of way.) 

 5. If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear ended, cussed out and possibly shot. 

 6. Never honk at anyone. Ever..... Seriously.! 

 7. Construction is a permanent fixture in Phoenix. Detour barrels are moved around during the middle of the night to make the next day's driving a bit more exciting. 

 8. Watch carefully for road hazards such as dogs, barrels, cones, horses, shredded tires, snakes, rabbits, crows, vultures, javelinas, roadrunners, and the coyotes feeding on any of these items. 

9. You must know that "Maricopa Freeway, Papago Freeway and the I-10" are all the same road. 

10. To find anything in Phoenix, it is required to know where Central and Washington are. This is our Alpha and Omega-the Beginning and the End. 

 11. If someone actually has their turn signal on, wave them to the shoulder immediately to let them know it has been "accidentally activated." 

 12. If you are in the left lane, and only driving 70 in a 55-65 mph zone, you are considered a road hazard and will be "flipped off" accordingly. 

 13. Ground clearance of at least 12 inches is recommended for city driving. 

 14. You are allowed to wear potholders to protect your hands and fingers during the summer.
Link Posted: 7/28/2005 7:45:26 AM EDT
On number 8, depending where you are in the valley, you need to add migrant workers, and or drunk Indians. I used to live off of lehi, and there were several times I came around the bend and nearly hit an off reservation Indian stumbling down the middle of the road.

And out in Queen Creek you can add hay bales to that list as well...
Link Posted: 7/28/2005 8:13:55 AM EDT
and always yield to a pack of sportbikes going 120+ or you're risking missing side mirrors and small dents.
Link Posted: 7/28/2005 9:47:21 AM EDT

Originally Posted By TriggerFish:
1. You must learn to pronounce the city name. It is: "FEE! - niks." (?) 
 
2. The morning rush hour is from 5:00a to 10:00a. The evening rush hour is from 3:00p to 7:00p. Friday's rush hour starts on Thursday morning. 
 
 3. The minimum acceptable speed on all freeways I-10, I-17, U.S. 60,  Loop 202 -- is 85 mph. You may only exceed that speed on Loop 101, where
 the speed is allowed to match the highway number. Anything less is considered wussy. 

 4. Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. Phoenix has its own version of traffic rules. Cars/trucks with the loudest muffler go next at a four-way stop. The truck with the biggest tires go after that. 
  (Note: East Valley, SUV-driving, cell phone-talking moms ALWAYS have the right of way.) 

 5. If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear ended, cussed out and possibly shot. 

 6. Never honk at anyone. Ever..... Seriously.! 

 7. Construction is a permanent fixture in Phoenix. Detour barrels are moved around during the middle of the night to make the next day's driving a bit more exciting. 

 8. Watch carefully for road hazards such as dogs, barrels, cones, horses, shredded tires, snakes, rabbits, crows, vultures, javelinas, roadrunners, and the coyotes feeding on any of these items. 

9. You must know that "Maricopa Freeway, Papago Freeway and the I-10" are all the same road. 

10. To find anything in Phoenix, it is required to know where Central and Washington are. This is our Alpha and Omega-the Beginning and the End. 

 11. If someone actually has their turn signal on, wave them to the shoulder immediately to let them know it has been "accidentally activated." 

 12. If you are in the left lane, and only driving 70 in a 55-65 mph zone, you are considered a road hazard and will be "flipped off" accordingly. 

 13. Ground clearance of at least 12 inches is recommended for city driving. 

 14. You are allowed to wear potholders to protect your hands and fingers during the summer.



Thats some funny shit, im gonna have to save this. Thanks
Link Posted: 7/28/2005 12:12:27 PM EDT
Link Posted: 7/28/2005 5:55:13 PM EDT
15. When traveling in the Freeway high-speed lane and approching your exit off, you should wait untill the last second and then dart across all four lanes of traffic.
Link Posted: 7/28/2005 6:06:07 PM EDT
I-10 East actually runs South thru the city.

Link Posted: 7/28/2005 8:31:17 PM EDT
i drive about 200 miles a day around the valley as delivery guy for a local comapny. that is seriously funny on so many levels. good post!
Link Posted: 7/29/2005 2:19:32 AM EDT
Don't forget that it is required one come to a complete fucking stop on the freeway to stare at blue hard hats, buckets, diapers, carboard boxes, and police on the side of the road, completely off the freeway lanes.

It is also mandatory that you burn the shit out of your forearm at least once weekly by setting it on the door panel and forgetting it's hot enough to boil oil.
Link Posted: 7/29/2005 2:15:27 PM EDT
16. Rapidly change lanes repeatedly and frequently to attempt to gain one car length, but usually wind up behind where you originally started.
Link Posted: 7/29/2005 2:28:46 PM EDT

Originally Posted By HRGlen:
I-10 East actually runs South thru the city.


yeah, east to tucson I never got that...
Link Posted: 7/29/2005 4:02:18 PM EDT
And my personal favorites:
Stop lights on a freeway on ramp, who the F*** thought that was a good idea?

Chip Sealing the roads, yeah we can improve a marginal road by turning it into a gravel slinging, window breaking, oil staining, experience.
Link Posted: 7/29/2005 4:20:46 PM EDT
Those are good.

Here is a list I stole and re-wrote for accuracy last year:

1. Turn signals give away your next move, a real AZ driver never uses them.
2. Never leave a safe distance between you and the car in front of you, or the space will be filled by someone else, putting you in an even more dangerous situation.
3. The faster you drive through a red light, the less chance you have of getting hit.
4. Braking should either be done hard & late, or as early and as slow as possible, including brake riding to annoy other drivers.
5. Never pass on the left when you can pass on the right.
6. Speed limits mean drive that speed or faster. Those driving slower eventually get killed in road rage incidents.
7. Make sure the slow people line up in the left and middle lanes. When someone goes to pass on the right, a car in front should immediately slam on their brakes, slow to 2-4mph and make a right turn.
8. Always slow down and rubberneck when you see an accident or someone changing a tire on the side of the road, it doesn’t even have to be on the road you are on.
9. All lane changing should be done just feet from stopping at a red light by cutting off anyone necessary.
10. The goal of every AZ driver is to always get there first by whatever means possible.


Link Posted: 7/29/2005 4:58:13 PM EDT

Originally Posted By richardh247:
(snip)

It is also mandatory that you burn the shit out of your forearm at least once weekly by setting it on the door panel and forgetting it's hot enough to boil oil.



It's hard being left-handed/armed in Phoenix in the summertime.
Link Posted: 7/30/2005 9:18:04 AM EDT
How about this one.

Dont worry about red lights. We have timed them so that you still have 30 seconds to get through before the other light turns green.
Link Posted: 7/31/2005 7:25:29 AM EDT
I'm usually at work early and home early. Then I can turn on the radio or the TV and listen to all the poor fucks stuck in traffic because of all the wrecks.
Link Posted: 7/31/2005 5:44:13 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 7/31/2005 5:44:47 PM EDT by TWHaz]
Drivers with there windows down during summer are pissed off and have the right of way as speed directly impacts cooling.
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