Warning

 

Close

Confirm Action

Are you sure you wish to do this?

Confirm Cancel
Member Login

Posted: 10/28/2006 7:02:35 AM EST
[Last Edit: 10/30/2006 1:16:21 PM EST by Berzerker77]
Ok I know this isnt necessarily htf material but I havent slept in 2 days and I am getting real cranky.

Apparently I strained too much when dropping the kids off at the pool and some preparation H hilarity ensued. Now I realize I am opening myself up to ridicule here but I haven't hurt this bad since I had kidney stones.

Do you fellas/ladies have any advice on some curative measures or good anal(hehe)gesics cause this is gonna make me go psycho in about 2 more days.

Flame on

P.s. I am tired of standing.
Link Posted: 10/28/2006 7:17:02 AM EST
Link Posted: 10/28/2006 7:31:26 AM EST
[Last Edit: 10/28/2006 7:31:54 AM EST by 2whiskeyP]
All I know is if you go to the dr and he sticks something in there, then you notice both hands his on your shoulders, well it's not a good thing.
Link Posted: 10/28/2006 8:32:42 AM EST

Apparently I strained too much when dropping the kids off at the pool and some preparation H hilarity ensued


That's kinda vague.....

It's not exactly a logical leap we can follow...

Ya sorta skipped over the "somebody stuck something up my butt part".
Link Posted: 10/28/2006 9:18:25 AM EST
If it hurts that bad, I'd think about seeing a doctor. Embarassing of course, but then if it's keeping you up for like 2 days straight, it could be a serious problem.
Link Posted: 10/28/2006 9:19:30 AM EST
baclofen is your friend.
Link Posted: 10/28/2006 9:23:18 AM EST
Try this home remedy and let us know how it works

Link Posted: 10/28/2006 9:27:45 AM EST

Originally Posted By tumbleweed:
Try this home remedy and let us know how it works




Next get some avacado's, blueberries and blackberries. I used fresh. These are to eat.
Link Posted: 10/28/2006 10:20:02 AM EST


So many places to go with this....


But first...are you insinuating that your anus has prolapsed?


If so, here's what we do down on the farm when a heifer prolaspes after birthing a calf.

Get a magnum champagne bottle,Obtain a few pieces of a horse's mane and a smaller carpet needle. Disinfect the hair in alcohol, stuff the vagina back into it's place...use the bottle to form the general shape. Tie a red ribbon around the neck of the bottle. and sew that bad boy up. In 3-6 weeks, romove the bottle and all should be well. If not, then just shoot the cow and have steak for dinner!

Lemme know how that works out for ya!!!!
Link Posted: 10/28/2006 10:39:46 AM EST
Was there "jack rabbit" involved?






btw - Thanks for the "kids left in the pool".

Link Posted: 10/28/2006 10:48:41 AM EST
Aint no one heard the saying "Dropping the kids off at the pool"? I think a couple people might have taken that literally...
Link Posted: 10/28/2006 11:05:21 AM EST

Originally Posted By Berzerker77:
Ok I know this isnt necessarily htf material but I havent slept in 2 days and I am getting real cranky.

Apparently I strained too much when dropping the kids off at the pool and some preparation H hilarity ensued. Now I realize I am opening myself up to ridicule here but I haven't hurt this bad since I had kidney stones.

Do you fellas/ladies have any advice on some curative measures or good anal(hehe)gesics cause this is gonna make me go psycho in about 2 more days.

Flame on

P.s. I am tired of standing.


People don't make nearly as much fun of this once it's actually happened to them... That said:

- Keep that area clean!
- Sit in a warm bath, a few times a day if possible, to relieve a lot of the pain.
- Try not to strain when dropping off those kids.
- Alter your diet in a such a way that straining isn't necessary... More fiber, lots of water, ETC. Find some of natures natural laxatives... Coffee, Apple Juice, Prunes, Raisins, ETC all seem to work pretty well.

AND...

Lay off the anal for a while.

Yes, going to the doctor and spreading cheek is embarassing, but there is a point where enough pain makes any level of embarassment seem trivial. If it doesn't get better on it's own and continues to recur, go to the doc!
Link Posted: 10/28/2006 11:13:13 AM EST
Raisin Bran...

I often work in the OR and occasionally learn a few tips and tricks. One of the surgeons who does a lot of hemroidectomy cases was advising one of the OR staff that to avoid hemmeroids, one should eat raisin bran every day. He also into graphic description about why this is good and better than oatmeal and other foods.

There are a lot of horrible things that I see in surgery that are really avoidable. A simple thing like eating fiber can make a big difference in quality of life.

I have also heard a bath can help with the discomfort. Best of luck to you.
Link Posted: 10/28/2006 11:38:57 AM EST

Originally Posted By Matt45:

snip


No Sgt Asshat I did not prolapse my rectum. I simply have in inflammed vein.....

<­BR>





­

<­BR>from a Nicaraguan midget
Link Posted: 10/28/2006 1:21:51 PM EST
^^^^ Admitting you have a problem is half of the solution.

BTW, did the midget mount you like this?

Link Posted: 10/28/2006 1:46:04 PM EST
This thread is worthless without Pics....


Go see a Doctor and be safe.
Link Posted: 10/28/2006 3:10:39 PM EST

Originally Posted By CSW223:
This thread is worthless without Pics....


Go see a Doctor and be safe.


No this thread is a pain in the ass.
Link Posted: 10/28/2006 3:48:06 PM EST
I am truly sorry for your pain, but reading through this topic has got me laughing like a hyena!
Link Posted: 10/28/2006 4:20:37 PM EST
Go see a good doctor.

I had a similar problem about a month ago. I ended up having to have some surgery. Hurt like a bitch for about a week, but I'm better now than I've ever been.

Make sure he prescribes you the good drugs for afterwards. Trust me on that one.

Cheers,
Chris
Link Posted: 10/28/2006 4:58:01 PM EST
Another vote for go see the Doc.

My cousin went and had his lanced and has not had a major problem since going on 2 years I think. It was embarassing so he says and made worse by the fact that the doc drug two hot nurses in to witness the procedure but the relief was INSTANT and well worth the shame involved.

Just go to a clinic man they will fix you up in no time.
Link Posted: 10/28/2006 5:35:32 PM EST
All kidding aside. It will not get better unless you see the doc. Once they lance it it will be all better. I have been severly injured and nothing hurt worse than the PAIN IN THE ASS Get it over with, I think you are stuck with the emergency room now but it will be worth it.
Link Posted: 10/28/2006 6:15:02 PM EST
so the doc is gonna stick a needle in it and release the blood eh? I can do that myself and not go to the doc.

Seriously is that all they do? cause I got needles in my sewing kit.
Link Posted: 10/28/2006 6:32:56 PM EST
That area is quite prone to all kinds of bad bugs. Do what you wish, I wish you would go to the doctor....................
Link Posted: 10/29/2006 7:07:28 AM EST

Originally Posted By Berzerker77:
so the doc is gonna stick a needle in it and release the blood eh? I can do that myself and not go to the doc.

Seriously is that all they do? cause I got needles in my sewing kit.


The Doc put an antibiotic type salve on it and then told me to get Neosporin and use liberaly. Also he didn't lance it with a needle but sliced it open to get the clot out. Apparentl that is what causes them to get worse is that blood pools in the area then clots and after a time it adds up to the point you are at now.

I'd go to the nearest clinic as soon as you can find one. A trip to the ER will cost you big time. I have pretty decent insurance but not knowing your situation the clinics seem to be pretty resonable price wise if you need to work something out with them.

Good luck man.
Link Posted: 10/29/2006 9:34:35 AM EST

Originally Posted By bosifus:

Originally Posted By Berzerker77:
so the doc is gonna stick a needle in it and release the blood eh? I can do that myself and not go to the doc.

Seriously is that all they do? cause I got needles in my sewing kit.


The Doc put an antibiotic type salve on it and then told me my cousin to get Neosporin and use liberaly. Also he didn't lance it with a needle but sliced it open to get the clot out. Apparentl that is what causes them to get worse is that blood pools in the area then clots and after a time it adds up to the point you are at now.

I'dMy cousin would go to the nearest clinic as soon as you can find one. A trip to the ER will cost you big time. I have pretty decent insurance but not knowing your situation the clinics seem to be pretty resonable price wise if you need to work something out with them.

Good luck man.



Fixed that for ya.
Link Posted: 10/30/2006 6:05:11 AM EST
Its called a "Thrombosed External Hemorrhoid" and they hurt like an SOB. I got one after walking about 15 miles pheasant hunting one year in Eastern WA. By day 3 I was in some serious pain. It's pretty embarassing but go see the doc right away.

Remedy includes:
Lying on the table and telling jokes to the female nurse to hide embarassment.
Getting a few shots in the area with a needle that feels hotter than the fires of hades.
Having doc cut you with a scalpel near your sphincter as you howl like a baby.
Wearing your wife's maxi-pads for one or two days while she ridicules you about it for the rest of your life.
Link Posted: 10/30/2006 6:26:31 AM EST

Originally Posted By simple_in_seattle:
Its called a "Thrombosed External Hemorrhoid" and they hurt like an SOB. I got one after walking about 15 miles pheasant hunting one year in Eastern WA. By day 3 I was in some serious pain. It's pretty embarassing but go see the doc right away.

Remedy includes:
Lying on the table and telling jokes to the female nurse to hide embarassment.
Getting a few shots in the area with a needle that feels hotter than the fires of hades.
Having doc cut you with a scalpel near your sphincter as you howl like a baby.
Wearing your wife's maxi-pads for one or two days while she ridicules you about it for the rest of your life.



I hear witch hazel is involved as well....ahh.. the cooling and the burning!
Link Posted: 10/30/2006 12:55:07 PM EST

Originally Posted By simple_in_seattle:
Its called a "Thrombosed External Hemorrhoid" and they hurt like an SOB. I got one after walking about 15 miles pheasant hunting one year in Eastern WA. By day 3 I was in some serious pain. It's pretty embarassing but go see the doc right away.

Remedy includes:
Lying on the table and telling jokes to the female nurse to hide embarassment.
Getting a few shots in the area with a needle that feels hotter than the fires of hades.
Having doc cut you with a scalpel near your sphincter as you howl like a baby.
Wearing your wife's maxi-pads for one or two days while she ridicules you about it for the rest of your life.


I think we have the same doctor.

Cheers,
Chris
Link Posted: 10/30/2006 1:15:41 PM EST
Went to the doc earlier. he gave me drugs and suppositories. I will be posting wierd shit tonight.
Link Posted: 10/30/2006 6:44:50 PM EST

Originally Posted By OdT:
1GR tells me that a banana peeling is the real cure, but his sense of humor has no bounds, and I haven't stopped laughing long enough to google it for myself.


If the old Sweede remedy posted above fails...A sure no-fail cure it to use just a "leetle dab of turpentine".
Link Posted: 10/30/2006 6:48:23 PM EST
Top Top