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Posted: 8/12/2007 11:39:45 AM EDT
Well, I was hoping for my 1000th post to have a bit of good news, but not so far.

As some of you know last July (2006) my daughter reported to us that she had been molested by her mothers boyfriend. We of course reported it to the police and every other agency out there. The prosecutor in Lacey decided not to press charges seeing as there was no physical evidence, only the word of an 8 year old, even though the guy had been charged with the same thing 10 years ago in Arizona. Since that time we've been fighting the ex-wife for everything and she's been using the kids, my son in particular, as weapons.

So far my son (11 years old) has flushed my wifes (current wife) heart medication down the toilet, threatened her with knifes, threatened to hurt her, her unborn baby, me and his sister and swung his CAR-15 around on me one day while shooting (the reason I haven't been out shooting so much). All of this has been done at the urging of his mother. We have had him into counseling, and reported everything to the police and Child Protective Services. Until recently there have been no real investigations done because CPS has just been considering this a "Custody issue".

3 Weeks ago he told my wife that he was planning on killing himself so that he "Didn't have to hurt anyone anymore". He even had a plan on when, where and how to do it. I took him into the hospital and they had him placed into Fairfax Mental Hospital, When his birth mother found out she tried to have him removed, and it took me threatening to get a Judges order and CPS telling her that she couldn't before she'd back off. The Physciatrist says that he doesn't have mental issues so much as enviromental issues (ie his mother- who exploded on me and on the shrink at Fairfax), and another Counselor says that he can't be helped until he is away from his mother.

CPS has finally launched an actuall investigation, and had the children removed from the mother (we found out in a meeting last week that there are 14 complaints against the mother in Washingtons CPS System, and I know of 7 more in Montana). However she is telling everybody that I am planting stuff in the kids's heads so I don't have them either, they are with two of her sisiters (my family is in Montana so they weren't an option). The CPS worker is hoping to have all of this straightened out within 30 to 60 days. We both (the x and me) have been ordered to take psych evals with a parenting emphasis and to go to counsleing until the investigation is complete. CPS has told me to line up counseling for the kids, and I'm taking this as a good sign that they want me in the picture.

To top it all off I'm supposed to be leaving for Drill Sergeant School in October and this will probably be dragging on still. Depending on what happens in the next couple weeks I may be defering that for 120 days, if the Army will let me.

I know that there are a few people out there who work in this kind of field, any advice? Right now we're just holding our breath. We've been fighting this so long we hate to get our hopes up because the kids's mother always seems to have an ace in the hole (did I mention that she has a sister who works in the same CPS office that is doing the investigation? We've{ie my lawyer and me} been assured that the sister will have nothing to do with the investigation).

On a happy note the little unborn scout is a girl, so more pink cammo will be at the LCR's if we ever get this problem fixed!

If anybody has any ideas, let me know. Thanks, Jon
Link Posted: 8/12/2007 11:46:51 AM EDT
[#1]
Link Posted: 8/12/2007 1:33:23 PM EDT
[#2]
Best of luck. As much as I hate the media, keep them in mind if you think you have a legitimate problem with inpartiallity from CPS, they've gotten alot of bad press lately so hopefully they will do there job. just something to bring up w/ the lawyer if it comes to that.
Link Posted: 8/12/2007 3:12:20 PM EDT
[#3]
OK, I have some comments and questions, but it's your fault for baring your soul here.  Please keep in mind that I only have the best intentions in my heart for your children and family.  It sucks that they are the ones to suffer from what would otherwise be an caring adult making good decisions for everyone.


Quoted:
Until recently there have been no real investigations done because CPS has just been considering this a "Custody issue".

They don't want to get caught in a problem they will get sued over.  It's harder to hold them responsible for not acting because it' shard to sue a .gov agency.


The Psychiatrist says that he doesn't have mental issues so much as environmental issues (ie his mother- who exploded on me and on the shrink at Fairfax), and another Counselor says that he can't be helped until he is away from his mother.

No real comment other than I love that part about exploding on the shrink and a counselor.  Oh yeah, that went into someone's notes, for sure!


CPS has finally launched an actuall investigation, and had the children removed from the mother ..... they are with two of her sisiters (my family is in Montana so they weren't an option).

And you're not an option because.....?  (trying to understand why the children weren't placed with their closest relative, their own father.)


To top it all off I'm supposed to be leaving for Drill Sergeant School in October and this will probably be dragging on still. Depending on what happens in the next couple weeks I may be deferring that for 120 days, if the Army will let me.

Can you take your children with you?  I have no idea how long your school is, but if CPS/the court sees your military job and ambitions as something getting in the way of the children getting what they need, that might not look good for you.  Are you so stuck on DI school that you can't change your mind?  Does the .mil have an attorneys service, and hopefully a specialist in these matters you can consult with that is knowledgeable about how a WA court might react to your desire to head off to DI school about the same time you might be able to get custody of your children?  You may need some advice about any choices and/or moves you make in teh next few months.
Link Posted: 8/12/2007 3:59:47 PM EDT
[#4]

Quoted:


CPS has finally launched an actuall investigation, and had the children removed from the mother ..... they are with two of her sisiters (my family is in Montana so they weren't an option).

And you're not an option because.....?   (trying to understand why the children weren't placed with their closest relative, their own father.)

The CPS worker explained to me that the mother has made counter allegations against me, so they are taking the safe road and letting the investigation run its course.


Quoted:


To top it all off I'm supposed to be leaving for Drill Sergeant School in October and this will probably be dragging on still. Depending on what happens in the next couple weeks I may be deferring that for 120 days, if the Army will let me.

Can you take your children with you?  I have no idea how long your school is, but if CPS/the court sees your military job and ambitions as something getting in the way of the children getting what they need, that might not look good for you.  Are you so stuck on DI school that you can't change your mind?  Does the .mil have an attorneys service, and hopefully a specialist in these matters you can consult with that is knowledgeable about how a WA court might react to your desire to head off to DI school about the same time you might be able to get custody of your children?  You may need some advice about any choices and/or moves you make in teh next few months.


The School is two months, followed by me getting stationed in Missouri, I can not take the children with me to the course, but when I finish they can follow me there. I may need to postpone it anyway because my wife is a high risk pregnancy and is due right when I'm suppose to be finishing. The childrens counseling will continue with or without me. The military does have the JAG Corp, but they will only help me if I get charged with anything criminal, not any civil matters. The CPS worker says that I'm not under investigation for anything, but that they do have to take the mothers counter accusations into account because this could just be a custody issue gone to far (according to them). My attorney is retired Army, so he knows how to play those games, too.
Link Posted: 8/12/2007 4:07:52 PM EDT
[#5]
Sorry you have to go through this shit.
Link Posted: 8/12/2007 4:18:49 PM EDT
[#6]
   mpscout69, just when I think I have few problems I read about a guy like you. You are a roll model for guys like me. Your patient's  is much better than mine. I can only think I would already be in jail.

   Best of luck to you and your kids and you soon to be daughter!!!

 
Link Posted: 8/12/2007 5:16:06 PM EDT
[#7]

Quoted:

Quoted:
And you're not an option because.....?   (trying to understand why the children weren't placed with their closest relative, their own father.)

The CPS worker explained to me that the mother has made counter allegations against me, so they are taking the safe road and letting the investigation run its course.

OK, but then you say:

Quoted:
The CPS worker says that I'm not under investigation for anything, but that they do have to take the mothers counter accusations into account because this could just be a custody issue gone to far (according to them).


Is it just me, or does this not make much sense?  If they say you are not under investigation, than why do they have to let the investigation run it's course before you get even temp custody until the problem clears up or there is a court order in this issue?  It just seems to me that putting the children with her sisters is a little too close to the root of the problem (I'm more than happy to be wrong about this).
Link Posted: 8/12/2007 5:18:38 PM EDT
[#8]
As a father who has been through some of this same thing, this is the best followin advice I can give.

Initiate as many psyche tests as you can.  Let it be known that you WANT them. Not just for your ex, but for you as well.  Pull the whole "i'lve got nothing to hide and here I'm gonna prove it." deal. Also have a few sessions of supervised visitation be put on both you and your ex for a month or two. This will make it so that your ex only see's the children with an unbiased third party observer who takes notes.  There are people who specialize in this and even have houses that are used just for this sort of thing.  Do NOT use family members. Find a place that does this for a business.  Get EVERYTHING documented.  I had this forced on me, and at the time I thought it was chickenshit.  Little did I know that it would be one of the better things that happened.  When the ladies who did the supervising of the visitation actually watched me with my kids, they wrote some really good reports that shreded allot of my ex's bullshit lies.  Good stuff.

If you don't already have a Guardian ad litem, GET ONE.  They are basically a court appounted attorney who acts on behalf of the children, not you or the ex.  the GAL will do full background checks, go over all the therapy stuff, counseling stuff, any medical records, talk with the children, etc, etc, etc,etc.  Judges tend to follow GAL's advice pretty strictly.  And make sure you do your homework and find one that isn't anti-male.

As far as time line, well, yer screwed.  Whoever told you to let it take it's course was right.  Not much else you can do. Sorry.   My seperation/divorce took from June 2002 to january 2007.  I fought tooth and nail the whole way too.  I'll be damned if I let my kids down.

And finally, although i'm sure you've been told this a million times, document everything.  Dosn't matter how small.  Everything adds another piece to the puzzle.

I'm very sorry you're going through this, and if you want to get together and just bullshit over a few beers and whatnot, IM meanytime you want and we'll make it happen.

Link Posted: 8/12/2007 5:30:58 PM EDT
[#9]

Quoted:

Is it just me, or does this not make much sense?  If they say you are not under investigation, than why do they have to let the investigation run it's course before you get even temp custody until the problem clears up or there is a court order in this issue?  It just seems to me that putting the children with her sisters is a little too close to the root of the problem (I'm more than happy to be wrong about this).


My thoughts exactley, there hasn't even been a judge involved yet because the mother voluntarily gave the children to her sisters (under threat of a Judge ordering it). I think that there is some issues here because of the sister working for CPS, and other things. They even split the kids up to go to 2 different sisters. As a father it pains me to say this, but if they aren't willing for me to have the kids (and like I said, they have said that I am not under investigation) then they should go to a totally nuetral party, and be kept together. I am thinking that the media needs to get involved, was half-way thinking of calling Bill O Reilly and Oprah. I do have another option, my little brother is an IT guy for Montanas  DSHS, his boss knows Governor Gregwhore and has offered to make a phone call for us. Oh yeah, to top all this shit off, the x-wife called my Sergeant Major last week and told him that I had threatened to kill her and take the kids (all fake acusations, the time she gave I was drawing ammo at the ASP and have half a dozen witnesses to where I was, and the fact that I didn't use my phone near the ammo).
Link Posted: 8/12/2007 5:40:56 PM EDT
[#10]

Quoted:
I am thinking that the media needs to get involved, was half-way thinking of calling Bill O Reilly and Oprah.


In your quest to get intelligent people involved with your case, this may not be a good idea.

Sorry you and the kids have to go through this nightmare. Best of luck getting things handled correctly.
Link Posted: 8/12/2007 5:43:33 PM EDT
[#11]

Quoted:
As a father who has been through some of this same thing, this is the best followin advice I can give.

Initiate as many psyche tests as you can.  Let it be known that you WANT them. Not just for your ex, but for you as well.  Pull the whole "i'lve got nothing to hide and here I'm gonna prove it." deal. Also have a few sessions of supervised visitation be put on both you and your ex for a month or two. This will make it so that your ex only see's the children with an unbiased third party observer who takes notes.  There are people who specialize in this and even have houses that are used just for this sort of thing.  Do NOT use family members. Find a place that does this for a business.  Get EVERYTHING documented.  I had this forced on me, and at the time I thought it was chickenshit.  Little did I know that it would be one of the better things that happened.  When the ladies who did the supervising of the visitation actually watched me with my kids, they wrote some really good reports that shreded allot of my ex's bullshit lies.  Good stuff.

If you don't already have a Guardian ad litem, GET ONE.  They are basically a court appounted attorney who acts on behalf of the children, not you or the ex.  the GAL will do full background checks, go over all the therapy stuff, counseling stuff, any medical records, talk with the children, etc, etc, etc,etc.  Judges tend to follow GAL's advice pretty strictly.  And make sure you do your homework and find one that isn't anti-male.

As far as time line, well, yer screwed.  Whoever told you to let it take it's course was right.  Not much else you can do. Sorry.   My seperation/divorce took from June 2002 to january 2007.  I fought tooth and nail the whole way too.  I'll be damned if I let my kids down.

And finally, although i'm sure you've been told this a million times, document everything.  Dosn't matter how small.  Everything adds another piece to the puzzle.

I'm very sorry you're going through this, and if you want to get together and just bullshit over a few beers and whatnot, IM meanytime you want and we'll make it happen.



I begged CPS for the psych evals, and now they are happening, I have also documented everything (I'm a Military Policeman, I do know how to keep track of stuff). Next week I'll be able to get my sons' full medical record from Fairfax, and a copy is going straight to my Lawyer. We are prepared to subpoena everybody incase CPS drops the ball (my son's shrink made sure that even the nurses documented anything my son said about his mother in his records because she knows CPS fucks up alot). I just want whats best for the kids, and its my opinion, along with the shrinks and counselors, that the kids being away from their Mother is the best thing for them.

We had a guardian ad lidum, who did no investigation and wrote a bull shit report asking for more money to do more. He has since been fired by the court as a GAL for anybody, so hopefully we will get a new one involved who will do an actuall investigation.

And beers would be good, I know we've met, you led me into a pit once, along with Surferboi. Maybe soon we can get together. Lord knows me and MSscout need a break (plus, she's my designated Driver!)
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