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12/15/2017 11:52:10 PM
Posted: 4/20/2001 6:54:29 AM EST
[Last Edit: 4/20/2001 6:55:11 AM EST by jeepboy]
Ok, this is more than a than just a little bit off the usual gun-related issue. I need some help in the NJ area. I am adopted. 14 years ago when I was 18, I found out. Since that time I have been led in circles with no new information coming to light. I paid money for non-identifying information 2 years ago, with the understanding that for another $400 the adoption agency would do a search. Now that I have the extra 4 bills, they say it is not their policy to do searches. I AM SCREWED AGAIN. I would rather pay someone who is not in the adoption machine, than someone who just wants to lead me in circles. If there is anyone out there with connections in the NJ area that could be of help, I AM VERY INTERESTED IN TALKING TO YOU. The records are sealed and cannot be legally opened without a court order. Notice I said "legally". I flew up there 2 years ago with the naive idea that I would come back home with all the answers, but I was soon educated that no one is really there to help. If someone would rather email me, that is cool as well. thanks Brian
Link Posted: 4/20/2001 7:14:19 AM EST
Hey, you need some help kid? Why dint ya call me? I'll go down to that adoption place and bust some fuckin heads open! I got Vito on his way over right now. Email me and we'll work sumtin out. Hey, fuggeda 'bout it!
Link Posted: 4/20/2001 7:25:05 AM EST
Tony, thanks for offering the help, but unless you really want to do that, dont make the offer. I was in the office of the agency 2 years ago, and the agency rep was talking to me and trying to get all the "feelings and reasons" for searching out in the open. I told her what really pisses me off is that in that filing cabinet in the corner is the info I am looking for, but YOU are allowed to see it, and I AM NOT. I thought about doing a nightime "look see" in that cabinet, but didnt have the sack to get past talking about it. Brian
Link Posted: 4/20/2001 4:12:19 PM EST
Jeepboy, you got enough dough, anything can be found out, especially in NJ, but not for no measly 400 bucks. And no, I'm not offering to find out for you if you save up. Have to wonder tho, why you want to know. Not trying to rag on you or disrespect you, but I just don't get it. You're 32 years old. Did the folks who adopted you treat you ok? Yes? Count your blessings. No? Well, keep in mind that the ones who gave you up didn't give a shit about you 32 years ago, and would give even less of a shit now. Wouldn't be any happy family reunion if you were to show up on their door step. Just move on man, put that 400 toward a new AR or something else useful.
Link Posted: 4/20/2001 4:54:15 PM EST
I have go my own reasons. Most adoptees have a "need" to know the truth. I feel the truth in all situations is the best. No family reunion, but if you look at the statistics, most biological parents WANT to find their kids they have given up previously. The answer is similar to the old gun question. "Why do you need so many guns?" "Why do you need to know the truth?" The answer to both is the same. "Why should I NOT know the truth? thanks for the opinion, but I have taken a long time to consider all of the possibilities and come to the same conclusion. It is wrong to withold that kind of information. I didnt want to get into the whole adoption beliefs. I am very thankful for what my bio mother did, and grew up in a loving home. In fact , didnt know I was adopted until I was 18. BTW, my parents (for they will always be my true MOM and DAD no matter of biology) are behind me in this search. Come on guys. Some one has GOT to be connected. Let me know. Brian
Link Posted: 4/20/2001 5:51:38 PM EST
Hey brian, My father split when I was 3 and he is not the greatest father even now. Talk maybe 6 times a year. lives in orlando Fl. I told you this in the e-mail. What I would do before I spent anymore money is to see if you can research any type of organization/agency that specializes in this type of thing. Go have a consultation and see if they can help. I have heard of people who have done what you want to do and are successful. Tell them. One of the main reasons for doing this is cause you want to know about medical history. If there is cancer in the family line and so forth. This seems to be more accepted then I just want the truth. People are very backward today. The truth is not enough they need a good story. That is how the world is. Lougotzz
Link Posted: 4/20/2001 5:52:57 PM EST
Hey, I'm adopted & I have health issues and I don't know my biological family history. There are reasons & every adoptee has his own. I too have hit the brick wall of "rights".
Link Posted: 4/20/2001 7:43:43 PM EST
Jeepboy, I still don't get it, but hey, I have no problem with it. You will not get that information legally unless you get yourself a good lawyer and have a compelling reason, like you have come down with this life threatening disease (certified by a doctor) and need to know the medical history/genetic history of the biological mother (since the biological father is usually unknown except for what "mom" remembers) And even then, it's dicey. Your alternative choices are basically this: hire an ex-leo unethical PI to do the job for you. He/she will either be good enough to crack the adoption agency's database (assuming they are computerized) or find the right lever on the right employee to get the info you want. It will not be cheap. Much more than the $400 you have. Much more. It will mean possible prosecution if you are caught. Question is, how bad do you want to know? Maybe you should ask yourself again, why?
Link Posted: 4/20/2001 8:03:43 PM EST
To those who don't understand........ Aren't you glad you know: Your family medical history? Who your brothers & sisters are (if any)? Your true ethnic background? Adoptees have rights too.
Link Posted: 4/20/2001 8:08:19 PM EST
Usually there is a docket number on your birth certificate, which corresponds with some other court record. Many court records are open to the public and it's just a matter of looking in the right places. Sometimes adoptions are actually listed under divorce records(at least in Massachusetts they are.)There are some web sites also that link up birth parents and adoptees. After entering info they match up the...uh....matches. This only works if your birth parents have visited the same web site. If your into spending the money, most private investigators can do this with ease anyways. It is truly a dicey situation. It may be nothing close to what you hoped for. I'm REALLY speaking from experience. E-mail me, it's a wacky story.
Link Posted: 4/20/2001 8:12:08 PM EST
Hey, dcar, I'd rather not know my family's medical history. True ethnic background? Well, if green eyes, white skin and receeding hairline don't do it, well who cares? If it's that big of a deal, get a DNA analysis. That'll trace your ethnic background for ya. "Rights"? How about the right of yomomma to forget about what she did way back when. Think she wants to be reminded of it by getting your call, or worse, having you show up on her doorstep? Just get on with your life man. Haven't you ever been dumped by a girl? Did you get over it or stalk her?
Link Posted: 4/20/2001 8:41:37 PM EST
I didn't say I was adopted, I just said I understand.
Link Posted: 4/20/2001 9:57:11 PM EST
Originally Posted By oldeschool: Hey, dcar, I'd rather not know my family's medical history. True ethnic background? Well, if green eyes, white skin and receeding hairline don't do it, well who cares? If it's that big of a deal, get a DNA analysis. That'll trace your ethnic background for ya. "Rights"? How about the right of yomomma to forget about what she did way back when. Think she wants to be reminded of it by getting your call, or worse, having you show up on her doorstep? Just get on with your life man. Haven't you ever been dumped by a girl? Did you get over it or stalk her?
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For me to say that you are not adopted so you dont know what the hell you are talking about, would be wrong. No different than anti gunners saying no need to own firearms. The answer is, dont buy a gun. If an adoptee doesnt want to know his/her past, then that is their choice. If however, they want the truth, then that is also their choice. We all have opinions about every subject. The courts can say, get on with your life. But that has nothing to do with the real issue. For me , it is not even medical. Heck, I am 32, what could I do right now even if I found out something in my bio's medical history. It would really make no difference. I dont want a relationship per se. I would like to thank the people involved for making the decisions they did. The truth is out there, and as much as I can try to sympathize/rationalize with the arguements of sealed records, that can never change my core belief on the subject. I felt that way before I found out that I was adopted. To some it is no big deal knowing about their past, to others, it can become a life long goal to know. I dont need to be talked out of what I am trying to do. I have had many years to think about the situation. As much as I have read about the subject, the majority of parents (bio) want the truth disclosed also. It is the adoption system that tries to quash those attempts as well. Putting letters in files is fine, but trusting the agency's involved to put bio parents and children together is not realistic. As I get older, I cant help wondering if my bio mother has passed away already. That would be sad to find out that I may have missed a chance to meet her (if that is what I decide to do with the information) had it not been for the delays and b.s. of the secrecy involved. Sorry, it almost turned into a rant, but I think I stopped myself in time. I was just wondering if anyone knew someone with the "right" friends. That is all. Brian
Link Posted: 4/20/2001 10:17:40 PM EST
Ever think about applying for a job at the building/office in question ??? mailclerk/janitor...get my drift ???
Link Posted: 4/20/2001 10:20:47 PM EST
[Last Edit: 4/20/2001 10:21:01 PM EST by jeepboy]
Originally Posted By dragracerart: Ever think about applying for a job at the building/office in question ??? mailclerk/janitor...get my drift ???
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yes i have, but I am located way down here in Fla, and it is up in Elizabeth, NJ. Besides, they probably run some background check to stop people like me. The info is possibly at the hospital also, but not likely. BTW, I see you are in Pennsylvania. Any thoughts of taking a road trip to NJ in the near future. If so, maybe we should talk.
Link Posted: 4/20/2001 10:57:56 PM EST
Originally Posted By jeepboy:
Originally Posted By dragracerart: Ever think about applying for a job at the building/office in question ??? mailclerk/janitor...get my drift ???
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yes i have, but I am located way down here in Fla, and it is up in Elizabeth, NJ. Besides, they probably run some background check to stop people like me. The info is possibly at the hospital also, but not likely. BTW, I see you are in Pennsylvania. Any thoughts of taking a road trip to NJ in the near future. If so, maybe we should talk.
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I got a brother that is a computer wiz.Part of his job requirements is to try to hack his way into his clients computers.He uses a laptop and has a mega-buck hack program that his employer supplied him with.He is employed by an internationally known company and frequently travels overseas to analyze clients computer weaknesses.He is very good at his work but I am not certain if he could/would do as you wish.
Link Posted: 4/20/2001 11:05:17 PM EST
Hmmm...Tell ya what...Why don't ya send me the 400 bucks awhile and I'll see what I can do................[}:)] Just kidding...I'll drop you an e-mail & you can get back to me...
Link Posted: 4/21/2001 12:56:23 PM EST
For me to say that you are not adopted so you dont know what the hell you are talking about, would be wrong. No different than anti gunners saying no need to own firearms. The answer is, dont buy a gun. If an adoptee doesnt want to know his/her past, then that is their choice. If however, they want the truth, then that is also their choice. We all have opinions about every subject.
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Well, you make a good point here Jeepboy. Good luck in your quest.
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