[ARCHIVED THREAD] - kl (Page 1 of 3)
Posted: 8/6/2007 4:49:01 AM EDT
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RUN. AWAY. NOW. Please don't be one of the hundreds of ARFCOMers that think their giril will miraculously change for better for THEM. There are millions of women out there that have a MUCH better resume than her. One last thing to remember: The best predictor of future behavior is past behavior. CMOS |
+100! Do not get involved. People that have "hit rock bottom" will bounce off the bottom quite a few times before (possibly) getting a handle on their situation. You're friends with her dad, that's good. You can stay in contact with her through dad and see how she's doing but do not get involved...... Oh hell you're a guy and you'll melt the first time she offers it up and most likely get put through hell for a year before you pull the rip cord and post here telling us how bad you got screwed over. Tag for the up coming crash and burn thread. (or not  )
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+eleventybillion!!1111!1one!eleven |
Well, I've already tapped that ass and I asked straight up if she had any STDs and she said no, but I'm not that trusting so I'm a little worried. I was drunk she is hot and I was horny. 
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I have only read the title. Not a single post in this thread has fell under my gaze. I'm about to give you the best piece of relationship advice you ever get on this here website. READY? DON'T BE DUMB ENOUGH TO ASK FOR RELATIONSHIP ADVICE ON ARFCOM YOU DOLT! My work is done here. 
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You are what is called an enabler. You want to rescue the damsel in distress, of course. It wouldn't matter if she were addicted to cocaine, meth or alcohol. Eventually, you will find someone who is weak and next to whom you will appear to be very strong and a rescuer. So, ignore the advice, get involved, and don't forget to post your imaginary success story on this web site 20 years from now. I could introduce her to my youngest brother. He is about to be between marriages again - just got out of jail for wife beating, certified pcp user, and he needs to go straight at the age of 47 years. They would have a lot in common. 
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| There are rough times in every relationship. She has already demonstrated how she will handle those rough times through her past actions. What kind of hell will your life be when she decides to take that path again in 2-3 years? A wet dick is not worth that kind of aggrevation. |
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You have 2 choices. 1. Take care of yourself: Leave her alone. Stay away. Eventually you'll find a great woman and you'll live happily ever after. 2. Take care of this woman: Spend an unrecoverable amount of time, energy, and money trying to rescue this woman. Queue up the soundtrack from "Pretty Woman." Do you think you're the first guy to ever think he's going to ride in and rescue the fair maiden from the evil dragons? Eventually you'll get tired of her sucking your soul dry and you'll post one of those 'Arfcom, you were right' posts. Then you'll spend several years of your life hating women, re-establishing the friendships you lost defending this woman, and getting things back together. Eventually you'll find a great woman and you'll live happily ever after. So, it's up to you how soon you want to get started on that happily ever after thing. Of course she might eventually get her act together and become that woman who you will live happily ever after, but right now based on what you've said the odds are very against it. |
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I guess inside I knew i should have stayed away but now I'm worried if i leave her that she will fall back to her bad habits, she told me last night this was the happiest she has been since my buddies death. |
She just laid a guilt trip on you! PLEASE tell me you saw this! Just for clarification: Are you prepared to let this woman guilt-trip you to hell and back? THIS WOMAN'S LIFE CHOICES ARE NOT YOUR FAULT! head.gif |
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Stand by her, but not too closely. Rehab is effective less than 50% of the time for most people. She's also not supposed to get into any relationship like this for at least a year. People do come out of rehab and lead fully productive lives, but the odds are against it. |
If there was ever a time for the "It's a trap!" picture it is now. So let me get this straight. This girl says something to you and you are looking at putting your life way out on a limb because you don't want to hurt her feelings? Wow. Guess what, if you ever do get in a relationship that type of behavior will make you one pussy whipped little bitch. Plus don't think you will try to change that behavior down the road because she knows she can control you by threatening to use again or guilting you by saying you are just like everyone else and don't love her. Do you really want to live like that for the rest of your life? Your best bet, besides walking away, is to keep her as a friend, help her stay clean, and help her move on. |
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Speaking from the perspective of someone who watched a good friend go in and out of the ditch for 20 years due to coke use.......had an uncle that struggled with it, a brother, and an ex-wife that used it and managed to hide it from me......you got problems. Cocaine is a hell of a drug. The most important thing to know is that you CANNOT put COCAINE and HONEST in the same sentence. It does NOT happen. I don't know exactly where the line is, but when cocaine is anywhere in the picture, honesty is not. You can take that to the bank. If she was cracking it up with the brothas......and had to be rescued from a crack house....she was fucking them for coke. Like that idea? You cannot ask her or talk to her about this stuff.......she will not be truthful. There are very few women in the world who has the guts to admit that kind of thing. You both need to go get tested for STDs ASAP. It will either give you peace of mind or at least get you started on any treatment you might need and preserve your health. Just bailing out poses an ethical dilemma......you got involved and now you're forming an attachment. To bail would adversely affect her, and you are right to be concerned about that....to a point. It means you care about her, are sympathetic to her situation, and are concerned about her welfare. You need to run a parallel safety line.......get her stepfather involved and in a position to step in and provide support to her if things go south and you need to pull the eject handle. Go very slow, keep everything above board, and remember to do what is best for you....because you need to take care of yourself before you can truly take care of someone else. And finally, realize that SHE is responsible for HER behavior and HER outcome. Finally, realize that no matter how you handle it, 99% chance that it is doomed already. Sure, it's probably great now. But ANY chick with drug use/abortion/sexual abuse or assault issues is damaged goods and will make you very, very unhappy in the long run unless she is being treated not only for her immediate issues (it sounds like she is doing well here) but also actively and openly getting help specifically for the relational issues they cause. |
You're about to choose, poorly.  ETA: Holy shit! You already hit it!!???  With full knowledge that she had been in a crack house! How many guys ran a train on her so she could get her next fix? Are you out of your fucking MIND!? Not only should you eject, but you ought to go in and get checked out. Seriously. Right now, and then again in 60 days. |
You better listen to these posts' don't be the fool that asks for advice then don't listen. I can promise you she will use again and you will not know. She will lie to hide it then you will be hooked and you will spend the rest of your life dealing with it emotionally and financially. Not to mention any guns you have will dissapear to help her habit........ Just remember the wise words of Forest Gump, Stupid is as Stupid does RUN FOREST RUN........ 
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Thats sort of ironic you used Forest Gump because in the movie he ends up sleeping with a Coke ho and having her baby. |
STAY AWAY! Best to let her start over with some poor sap who doesn't know about her past.  Obviously you were thinking with the wrong head. You just gotta be strong. Head strong and cocksure... not the other way around. 
Except she also later got teh AIDZ! |
Here you go. Be a friend, but nothing more, and be a cautious friend. Never let her have a chance to take something from you in a weak moment. TXL |