Posted: 1/26/2007 9:29:00 AM EDT
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Let's start the New Year with a lesson in Sociology Question: What is the truest definition of Globalization? Answer: Princess Diana's death. Question: How come? Answer: An English princess with an Egyptian boyfriend crashes in a French tunnel, driving a German car with a Dutch engine, driven by a Belgian who was drunk on Scottish whisky, followed closely by Italian Paparazzi, on Japanese motorcycles; treated by an American doctor, using Brazilian medicines. This is sent to you by an American, using Bill Gate's technology, and you're probably reading this on your computer, that uses Taiwanese chips, and a Korean monitor, assembled by Bangladeshi workers in a Singapore plant, transported by Indian lorry-drivers, hijacked by Indonesians, unloaded by Sicilian longshoremen, and trucked to you by Mexican illegals. That, my friends, is Globalization.... 
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The Two Miracles One day, there was construction underway in Heaven and St. Peter knew that not everyone would be allowed in, so he decided to only take only the souls with the best stories. So he starts by asking for the reason of how the souls had died on earth. He got a lot of car accidents, cancer and heart attacks, but he finally got the following story. The man said he suspected his wife was having an affair and went home early to see if he could catch her with her lover. He said the smell of sex was so thick you could cut it with a knife. He searched under the bed, in the closet and found no one, so he went into the kitchen. From the kitchen he looked out to the balcony, they lived on the 6th floor of a high rise apartment building, and saw a set of hands hanging on the top pipe of the balcony railing. He ran out shouting you SOB, and attempted to peel the guy’s hands from the railing. However, you can hold on very tightly when hanging from a 6th floor balcony, so her ran in and got a hammer. When he started hitting the man's hands with the hammer, the guy fell to the ground. Our hero thought he had killed the guy, but when he looked over the railing, the guy had landed in a tree and lived. Our hero was livid. He went back into the apartment and picked up the refrigerator and dropped it on the guy. But the strain of carrying the refrigerator and dropping it caused him to have a heart attack and die. That’s why he was there. St. Peter said, “Come on in, that is a great story!” After several more cancers and car accidents, St. Peter got the next story. The guy told him that he was exercising very vigorously and decided to have a drink of iced tea. He took the glass out on the balcony of his apartment and took a long deep drink. The problem was, he got dizzy and fell off the balcony. That was when the first miracle happened. He said that he caught himself on the balcony of the apartment below and thought he was safe, but all of a sudden this wild maniac came running out on the balcony screaming obscenities at him. He said the guy tried to pry his hands off the balcony with his hands, but he managed to hang on. This pissed the guy off, so he went into the apartment and got a hammer. He told St. Peter that try as hard as he could, he just could not hold on. That is when the second miracle happened. He landed in a tree and lived. The idiot from the other apartment looked over the railing and got so pissed at his survival that he picked up his refrigerator and dropped it on him resulting in his death. St. Peter said, “Come on in, this should be interesting!” After some other cancers and normal heart attacks St. Peter asks a rather forlorn looking fellow just what had happened to him. The guy replied, “So you see, I was hiding in this refrigerator!”  |