Not that I want to give "too much information", as the saying goes when a story gets a little graphic...
The other day I came home for lunch and decided a whole can of properly seasoned Van de Kamps pork and beans would be fast, delicious and nutritious. It was.
Upon arriving back home later, the family wants to go out for dinner. The bean lunch was enough for the day, but, as it was kinda late, we went to the Romio's Pizza & Pasta restaurant, aka, "Ristorante Italiano".
The Wife has a sandwich. The kids have a plain cheese pizza, small.
I, on the other hand, have the small "Roasted Garlic; Sun-dried tomato; and Goat Cheese with Italian Sausage on top..."
Add to this the red peppers and "dirty sock cheese", and we've got the makings for one HELL of a Pizza-Van de Kamps cramp monster!!!
Not long afterward---
The chemical reaction starts to take place. I suddenly felt the need for speed, as in getting to my favorite place to smoke and read gun magazines.
It didn't stop there...
After a 2-lb., bowl streakin', 7-wipin' double-flusher, I thought I'd just given birth to a light bulb!!! You know, the kind of dump that stretches your asshole so wide your eyes water and evacuates your bowels so fast your ass slams shut and you feel like your guts fell out?? Yeah, that kind!
WHEW! Then, the next day, everyone is keeping their distance from you because you REEK like the roasted garlic from every pore and have breath to match.
It was nice to have such a lonely day.
Try the above recipe for REAL homemade explosives. I GUAR-ON-TEE it!